Chapter Eleven
Enya had spent half the night agitated, awake and wishing she could talk to Jenny. With things unsettled between them, it was akin to pulling a loose thread on her life that allowed everything to unravel.
She held her phone and pondered the blank text, wondering what to send to her best friend that could possibly convey the overwhelming sense of panic and loss that whirled in her thoughts at the prospect of their friendship being damaged.
The word sorry felt a little contrived and smacked of guilt that she was unsure she wanted to convey.
Missing you , too trite, they’d only spoken yesterday when everything was fine, and any suggestion to meet up might imply that Enya saw her own need as greater than Holly’s.
She settled on a single red heart, instantly regretting that too – what did it even mean?
The read notification appeared, showing that Jenny had seen the message, but there was no reply. It felt like a punch in the throat.
She stared at her bedroom ceiling, worrying about Holly and picturing Phil, who had been so angry he’d looked quite different to the man she and Jonathan knew and loved. She dreaded seeing him again, knowing it was inevitable.
Aiden had arrived home last night as darkness cloaked the street, no doubt with the intention of slipping under Phil’s radar.
‘How are you feeling, love?’ she’d whispered.
Her son had shrugged and leaned against the wall, unwilling to chat; and with a look of abject sorrow, stumbling with fatigue, he had gone straight to bed. She had then heard him moving around on the landing in the early hours and hoped that he might get some rest this morning.
Enya sat up in the bed, still with her phone in her hand. It was time for her Sunday morning call with her sister.
‘So, let me get this straight.’ Angela took a breath and Enya could picture her wearing her tropical sarong over her swimming costume, taking the call from the comfort of her sun lounger while Frank bobbed in the communal pool on his lilo. ‘He’s marrying this girl he’s only known five minutes?’
It was typical of Angela to exaggerate.
‘Three weeks, he’s known her for three weeks, which I know is still very quick, but...’ She felt the need to justify Aiden’s actions, to defend him. Always. Even if she more than understood what Angela was driving at.
‘What does she look like?’
‘I don’t know. Aiden said she’s beautiful, but I don’t have any more details.’
‘And she works?’
‘Yes, in marketing, not sure what that means, exactly.’
‘Clever then. And did she have a fella that she had to dump?’ Angela fired questions with her usual lack of tact.
‘I don’t know.’ It hadn’t occurred to Enya to ask.
‘And what did Holly say, the poor love?’
‘She’s heartbroken, as you’d expect. Not that I’ve seen her.’
She felt the rise of sorrow in her chest at the thought of how Holly would be feeling, picturing her arriving here only yesterday with her tray of blondies and a spring in her step. A lifetime ago.
‘And what about Jen? Have you spoken to her? She must be gutted!’
‘No, I haven’t.’ This not an easy admission, cringing over her generic text that her friend had snubbed. ‘I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I sent a heart emoji.’
‘I see.’ Angela’s lack of reassurance spoke volumes. ‘So, is he getting his stuff out of the flat?’
‘I suppose so, it’s still all very raw and new, but they’ll have to discuss the practicalities at some point.’ She dreaded the process in advance.
‘And Aiden paid the deposit, didn’t he? Make sure he gets that back.’
‘Honestly, I think that’s the last thing on his mind.’ She rolled her eyes.
‘I suppose we’ll have to start booking flights to get Mum and Dad over for the wedding, is it a secret or can I tell them? She’ll have to get a hair appointment and find a dress...’
‘Oh, God!’ Enya honestly couldn’t stand the thought of it all.
‘Well, you can’t spring it on them, they’re old!
You can’t spring it on any of us, come to think of it, we have lives and things like this take a bit of organising.
Unless it’s going to be one of those awful dos where they nip up the registry office and we all shove fifty quid behind the bar of a grotty pub with a sticky carpet. ’
‘It’s been sprung on me too, Angela! Don’t forget I only found out yesterday, so don’t start blaming me for any lack of notice, I have a life too!’
‘You do?’
Enya heard the teasing in her sister’s tone but wasn’t in the mood for any discussion about her Arctic fox life today.
‘It’s a lot to get my head around. And I have no idea what kind of wedding,’ she pinched the bridge of her nose, ‘but Aiden said they would probably do it in her parents’ garden among the fruit trees.’
‘Oh, God no! That’ll mean wasps.’ Her sister sighed. ‘Frank’s allergic.’
‘You can’t have it both ways. You can either have your registry office affair with the sticky carpet to follow, or wasps, take your pick!’ She hadn’t meant to raise her voice.
‘All right, no need to take it out on me!’
Angela was right, of course. Enya took a deep breath.
‘It’s all bloody awful! I’m trying to be happy for Aiden, of course I am, but I can’t imagine what Holly is going through and Jen’s ignoring me, I think. It’s... bloody awful!’ She could think of nothing more apt to describe the situation.
‘Don’t get your knickers in a twist, it’s all going to happen or not and you getting wound up won’t help or change a thing.’
Enya bit her lip, deciding not to point out that it was her sister’s line of questioning and less than positive reaction that had caused her knickers to twist in the first place.
‘Anyway, we’ll be back on Tuesday, and we can discuss it all properly then. Right, got to go, I said I’d help Mum whitewash her veranda. Don’t worry, I’ll give Jen a ring.’
The fact that her sister and best friend were going to be in contact filled Enya with a sense of exclusion that felt like a stab in her chest, picturing the two women chatting, talking about her and Aiden and the whole sorry state of affairs, no doubt. It bothered her.
She didn’t have an extensive network of friends, instead she was part of this close-knit trio, and to be on the outside was painful. Her old friend anxiety pawed at her, and she took a deep breath. ‘Okay, say hi to everyone for me.’
‘I will. Love you.’ Angela ended their call in the way that was customary.
‘Love you.’ Enya looked up to see Aiden standing in the doorway, no time to give in to the panic that threatened her. ‘Hello, love, how did you sleep?’
‘Do you really think it’s all bloody awful?’ he asked with such desolation that she felt like the very worst parent in the world.
‘I... I do a bit, yes.’ She watched him walk into the bedroom and collapse on the end of her bed. ‘Not the fact that you’ve fallen for Iris, although I admit, I don’t understand it, Aiden.’
‘You doubt how we feel about each other?’ He looked crestfallen.
‘Yes,’ she levelled, ‘not because you’re being deceitful, but because I think it’s more likely infatuation that can’t help but wane.
And I don’t want you to get hurt or to hurt anyone, any more than you have to, and getting married quickly feels a little.
..’ Foolish was the word she wanted to say. ‘Risky.’ Felt safer.
‘It’s real. I love her.’
‘How can you know?’ she asked softly.
‘How can any of us ever know? Who can be one hundred per cent certain?’ he countered.
‘You can’t, love, and that’s why going gently is advisable.’
‘Holly and I were going gently, and I wasn’t happy. Well, I thought I was, but what Iris and I have is off the charts!’ His tone was almost imploring.
‘I guess I wanted you and Holly to go the distance because you would know each other inside and out, like it was for me and your dad. That shared history. Together for so long, so in love that we almost knew what the other was thinking. So in tune that we knew how to handle any situation just by looking at the other one. In sync. One team.’
The fact that she and Jonathan had gone the distance felt like a badge of honour, an achievement, and for her son to be throwing in the towel before he and Holly had even made it out of their twenties felt a lot like giving up on something solid for something new and shiny.
She just didn’t want him to make a mistake, although he was right, of course, there were never any guarantees.
‘Iris and I are in sync.’
Enya could see this was an argument that she was in no position to win because her son was in no mood to listen.
‘Yep.’ She nodded.
‘You don’t believe me, that’s why you said to Auntie Angela that you thought it was bloody awful.’
‘I did say that, because Holly is hurt and it’s your fault, your actions that have hurt her. You’ve cheated on her and that’s, it’s a lot.’
His head hung forward, in the way that it did whenever he was being admonished, reminding her so powerfully of him as a little boy that it was hard to continue.
‘I also think that it feels like a pressure, this super-fast wedding, having to organise something that quickly. And, yes, risky.’ She figured that if they were addressing the elephant in the room then she may as well discuss the entire herd.
‘I can’t imagine how Holly will feel when she finds out, and I just don’t think three weeks is long enough to get to know someone, to have them figured out.
Three weeks in a beautiful place like Italy, enjoying the sunrises and sunsets of Rome, is not real life.
It’s a holiday. To truly know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you need to spend a wet weekend with them walking around Woolworths.
You need to bicker, run out of money and steam, you need to nurse them when they’ve a cold and be disgusted by how they dunk biscuits in tea until they’re mush and then eat them.
’ She looked across to the window where Jonathan now stood, smiling in recognition of his very unattractive habit.
‘You should be with them long enough to feel exasperated by them, but also to build a connection that is strong, unshakeable, and I don’t honestly think you can do that in three weeks. ’
Her son took his time in responding. She worried she had gone too far, fearing him packing a bag and leaving her alone almost as much as she did the prospect of this rather rushed match.
‘If you think this is easy for me, Mum, you’re wrong.
I’ll never forget Holly’s face when I told her that we were over.
And I don’t expect you to understand, I don’t even need you to give us your approval, although I’d like it, we both would.
But love doesn’t need approval or permission, it just arrives, and we all have to make space for it.
We are going to get married on August the eighteenth and we are going to be happy.
I will spend my whole life doing my very best to make her happy.
Or I’ll die trying. It really is that simple. ’
Enya felt his verbal elbowing, pushing her off the throne on which she had sat for most of his life, even when he was with Holly.
He spoke resolutely and his meaning was clear: he had picked her, picked Iris Sutherland, who he had only known for three weeks, because he loved her, loved her so much he would die trying to make her happy.
And for the first time since he had made mention of his plans and this new woman in his life, she felt a conflicting surge of optimism, knowing if they were going to succeed as a couple it was exactly this kind of grit, determination and strength of feeling that was key to making a marriage work.
‘Well, all right then.’ She sat up straight. ‘I will try, Aiden. I love you, and I will try to support you in the way that you need.’ She offered a small smile. ‘I guess what I want to know is, when can I meet this girl?’
He looked at his watch and then back to her.
‘She and her parents will be here by three o’clock.’
‘Are you . . . is this a joke?’
She felt the first wave of panic, worried in tandem that Jenny, Phil and – God forbid – Holly might see them all arrive, while calculating that she had approximately four hours to shower, vacuum the house, plump the cushions, make cakes, and find some mascara that wasn’t baked dry.
‘Relax, they’re not coming to see if you have dusty surfaces, they’re coming to meet me in person and so that you can meet her.’
‘Oh my God!’ Her heart stuttered as she mentally located the Febreze and decided to iron her floral cotton dress with the beadwork at the yoke and the big sleeves; it was quite bohemian yet informal, cool, yet flattering.
This was her son’s fiancée who was coming to meet her, and she had no choice but to go with it.
‘Are you saying I’ve got dusty surfaces?’