Chapter Sixteen #2
Enya felt torn; her instinct was to say, Oh, God, no!
Aware as she was that if this news had come only a few weeks ago, they would be celebrating, rejoicing, delighted!
She and Jenny, best friends, grannies together, before Aiden had hopped on a plane and diverted the path along which they had all been travelling for the longest time.
Before he had fallen for Iris and broken Holly’s heart. Pregnant Holly’s heart.
Pregnant? It was a disaster. An unmitigated, complicated disaster, like flicking a match into a gas-filled room, like giving hungry foxes access to the henhouse, or throwing a lit firework into the fireworks storeroom.
Enya did her best to contain these thoughts, keeping it together until she could go home and scream.
If she had thought the whole state of affairs was complicated before, this was on a whole other level.
How would Holly cope, how would Aiden? Would Iris stick around if there was a baby on the scene? A baby!
‘Wow! Darling! I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, Holly.’ Her voice, she was aware, sounded shaky.
‘I was going to tell him the night he came home. I’d written a card, saying how our new bedroom was themed on a ship, going on a voyage into the unknown, as that’s what we were about to undertake.’
Enya felt guilty for having internally mocked the theme and could now see it was as sweet as it was tragic.
‘And is this...’ how to broach the very delicate subject without being overt or suggestive, but the fact was that, at this juncture, Holly still had options, ‘this is what you want? To have a baby?’
‘Yes, it’s what I want.’ She watched as the girl who had spoken so definitively placed her hand on her stomach.
Jenny stiffened in her seat and at no more than the sight of her friend’s straight back, Enya felt her hopes for reconciliation shatter and land like tiny shards on the carpet around their feet.
‘It will all be okay.’ With some of the strength returned to her legs, she walked to Holly and dropped down in front of her. ‘We are all here for you.’
‘Not quite.’ Holly blinked away more tears.
Enya took the young woman’s hand into her own; she smiled up at her, a baby! It felt surreal. She mentally tried to figure out how to make it wonderful, how to smother the doubt, the fear, the bloody nightmare scenario they all now faced.
‘You’re not all here for me, Aiden’s not here for me.’ It seemed the sound of his name was almost too much, and again she started to cry in earnest.
‘He doesn’t, doesn’t know?’ She spoke with hesitation, understanding that if he did know then it not only changed the manner of his infidelity, but also, more than that, it changed what she perceived to be the nature of the man himself, his integrity, his moral compass.
It was already hard for her to justify the fact he had cheated on Holly, let her down, made rash decisions that had impacted her greatly.
Holly shook her head. ‘He doesn’t know.’
Enya felt the flood of relief.
‘How far are you, darling?’ It felt surreal, a grandchild .
.. To think this was the very thing she had often dreamed of.
She and Jonathan had discussed it, of course, but never could she have imagined the mess in which they now found themselves, nor envisaged a scenario where the news of her first grandchild would be met with such a complex mixture of emotions topped with sorrow.
‘Ten weeks.’ Holly looked at her mum, who smiled back. It was undeniably wonderful, no matter how terrible. ‘I found out when Aiden was away, didn’t want to tell him on the phone, I wanted to see his, his face.’ She hiccupped.
‘You have to tell him.’ She kept her eyes on Jenny, who gave a subtle nod, lips thin, eyes blazing, another indicator of how far their friendship had fallen. It broke Enya’s heart a little more.
‘Can you do it for me?’ Holly whispered.
‘Me?’ She gasped.
‘Yes, please, Enya, I can’t do it.’
‘I can, but, but you two need to talk. This changes things, maybe not the outcome or decisions made,’ she trod carefully, ‘but it means that you two have much more to talk about than the divvying up of the flat.’
‘That’s what I said.’
It was good to hear Jenny showing at the very least that they were on the same page for this, if nothing else.
‘Can you tell him, and then ask him to come and see me so we can talk. I know we need to, but I want him to know the situation when he arrives, I don’t want to have to break it to him.
I think it’s better he has a chance to get his head straight first, easier for us both.
He doesn’t want me, I accept that now. I’d hate to think he might feel obligated to be with me.
’ Holly shook her head. ‘I couldn’t stand that. ’
It felt like compromise and Enya could only imagine what this young girl was going through.
‘I can do that. Of course I can.’ She squeezed Holly’s hand and stood. ‘I’ll tell him.’
‘Phil’s going apeshit.’ Her friend looked skyward.
‘Well, Phil going apeshit isn’t going to help anyone.’ She spoke with a confidence she didn’t feel, but knew she had to protect Aiden if Phil’s rant in her hallway the other evening was anything to go by.
‘Easy for you to say.’ Jenny sighed and it was Enya’s turn to look away, understanding that this was, after all, a mess of her son’s making.
‘I’ll tell Aiden tonight. And will you be at the flat, love? Should I tell him to come and see you straight after?’
Holly nodded and there was the smallest smile on her mouth, as there always was at the prospect of seeing the boy she so loved. It was a terrible reminder of how Holly was still grieving the loss of her great love and, Enya suspected, the hope that it might all in fact blow over.
She raced home, pacing the kitchen, waiting for Aiden to come back while trying to make sense of Holly’s news.
The person she wanted to talk to was Jenny, the only other person on the planet who might just understand what she was going through.
Without the desire to see another text message read and ignored, Enya decided to take stronger action.
They were in this situation together and there had to be a way forward, there absolutely had to be.
She loved her best friend, loved her so much.
With the notepad open in front of her, she sat at the kitchen table and took her time, letting the pen dance across the page with such sincerity, it was all she could do to keep her hand from trembling.
Jenny,
I’m still trying to process everything, as I imagine are you. My heart breaks for Holly, but I know she’ll be fine, because she has you, has us and she is loved. My heart also breaks for me and you.
Truth is I miss you. I miss you so much. I guess I would have allowed doubt to creep in over whether Holly and Aiden would be together for life, only because of their age and lack of experience, which you and I have chatted about. But you and I...
She paused and took a moment to gather herself.
I would have bet my house that you and I could have survived anything. Our friendship is something I have always prized, never more so than when we lost Jonathan and there wasn’t a day or night you weren’t there for me. Something for which I will be forever grateful.
Our plans for the florist’s, our cups of tea, the laughs, your three a.m. need for chocolate, all of it is what has sustained me.
To lose you feels... almost unbearable, it makes my stomach hurt, sends me dizzy.
I can’t sleep. The fact is the kids are having a baby and I think, no matter how we got here, it’s a chance for you and I to find a way back to each other, because honestly?
The thought of doing any of this without you – Jen, I just can’t stand it.
I love you, that’s it.
Enya X
With the letter inside an envelope and doing her best to ignore the quake in her limbs, Enya trod the path to the Hudsons’ front door and popped the note through the letterbox.
Her fingers grazed the handle, which she had touched a thousand times, walking into the place where she knew she would always receive the warmest of welcomes.
‘Here she is! Hide the rosé!’
Movie nights, dinner parties, summer BBQs and birthday celebrations, even drinks on Christmas morning. This house almost as much a part of her life in Mablethorpe Road as her own.
She walked slowly home, knowing all she could do now was wait for a reply.