Chapter Thirty
Enya kept her sights on Aiden, watching as his face broke into a smile at the sight of Iris and then his eyes instantly widened with something close to horror as he registered the predicament.
It would have been hard to voice her biggest fear in that moment, but it was certainly screaming.
She wasn’t sure how she might react or cope if the young women in her kitchen started screaming, because that was what movies and the media told her might happen, that when women who loved the same man came face to face, they might scream, loudly.
And while she feared it, she understood.
It seemed the easiest of ways to stake a claim, to be heard. To be seen.
She blinked away the image of her and Trish, shouting until their throats bled and they were hoarse.
Holly, without a word being spoken, knew instantly who the visitor was and shrank back in her chair.
Her demeanour altered; gone was her sparkle, her energy, as she folded her hands into fists and placed them on her thighs, head down, shoulders hunched, as if trying to disappear altogether.
It broke Enya’s heart to see this visceral display of raw pain.
‘Can I get you a cup of tea, Iris?’ she almost whispered. It felt the right thing to do, how she greeted anyone whenever they walked through the door.
‘No, thank you.’ Iris too kept her voice low, as if aware of the delicate bubble of glass in which they all waited, and that one loud noise, a single jolt, could see the whole thing come crashing down around them.
‘Hi, Aiden.’ Iris lifted her hand in the smallest of waves, and he gave a slow smile of response, closing his eyes briefly.
‘Hi,’ he managed.
And just like that, Enya understood that all was forgiven. The wedding was back on.
It felt like a privilege to witness the very thing he had described to her, a look that was so much more than just a look but was in fact a connection.
She saw it, and she felt it. A look between two people so in love that they almost knew what the other was thinking.
So in tune that they knew how to handle any situation just by looking at the other. In sync. One team...
Witnessing it had a strange effect, helping her understand in that moment that this was not a fleeting thing, was not simply impetuous infatuation, but was real.
Her son was moving on to his next chapter, a complicated chapter, but a new chapter no doubt, and if he could do it, so could she.
It meant not that she was redundant, but rather that she was free.
Enya noted the way Iris had called him Aiden, not AJ, not taunting Holly with their closeness, the use of a nickname. It was mature and kind.
The four stayed still, as if wary of movement, unsure of their next line in a play that was as improvised as it was unpredictable.
‘You must be Holly.’
Iris took a step forward and Holly looked up, as if surprised that she could be seen, suggesting she had been wishing so hard to disappear that she might, just for a second, have believed it possible.
‘Yes.’
The two girls locked eyes, taking the opportunity to unashamedly study each other.
‘Do you mind if I sit down?’ Iris pointed to the seat next to Holly, deliberately, it seemed, choosing not to sit next to the man at the centre of this muddle, understanding that it might be more than Holly, or Aiden for that matter, could cope with, the idea of him watching Holly watching them, while Enya stood by the island and watched them all.
‘This must be as weird for you as it is for me.’ Iris, her tone soft, addressed Aiden’s ex directly and Holly nodded, silently.
‘I want to say congratulations on your baby, but I’m not sure that’s the right thing to say. Truth is, I don’t know what to say, I don’t want to get it wrong.’ Iris swallowed, her voice low, and Enya felt her nerves from the other side of the room.
‘It’s fine to say congratulations. It’s a good thing, a lovely thing.’ Holly almost unconsciously ran her palm over her stomach, where a bump was yet to materialise.
‘In that case, congratulations. Have you had morning sickness?’
‘A bit,’ Holly looked up, ‘but nothing terrible. I think the worst symptom is that I’ve got an odd taste in my mouth. I love baking, but even the thought of cake...’ She stuck out her tongue.
‘I can’t bake. I’m useless at anything like that.’
Enya loved Iris’s words of self-deprecation and stared as Holly unfurled a little, sitting more upright.
‘What’s that?’ Iris pointed at the baby book.
‘I made a... erm...’ Holly swallowed, ‘a binder all about the baby, I’ll update it when they’re born. Milestones, that kind of thing.’
‘What have you got so far?’ Iris placed her arms on the table, as if settling in.
‘I was just talking about names before you arrived.’
Enya noted how Holly had gone from talking about we and us to me and I .
‘What have you settled on?’ Iris smiled, her eyes still on Holly’s face.
‘Not really settled on any, but for a girl I like Eloise, Jemima or Amelia, I think they’re my favourites.’
‘I like Amelia, but they’re all lovely. Don’t you think, Aiden?’
‘Yes,’ he coughed to clear his throat, ‘yes, all nice.’
‘And what about for a boy?’ Iris asked, continuing to engage.
Enya knew she had never seen such a display of confidence, of empathy. If she had harboured the slightest doubt about the girl, to see first hand the strength of her character made her heart bloom with affection for the young woman who would be her daughter-in-law.
‘I was thinking to name him after our dads, so Jonathan Philip, but I’d call him Jonny.’
‘Jonny’s a good name. He could do anything with a name like that.’
‘That’s what my mum said.’ Holly sounded young and sweet.
‘So, you and Aiden were at school together?’ Iris asked, as if unaware.
‘Yes, feels like a hundred years ago.’ Holly gave a small smile in Aiden’s direction.
‘What was he like, when you were at school?’ Iris turned to face Holly, who looked up as if picturing that time in their lives.
‘He was clever, quiet, nice... not trendy or that popular.’
‘Well, thanks, Holly,’ Aiden sighed, and the two girls smiled, almost laughing, but not quite.
Enya slipped into the sitting room, feeling it better that the three sat at the table and built bridges that might help them in the future, help them get to where they all needed to go.
Bridges that might mean the baby who was going to enter their lives could never take a misstep or get lost when it came to navigating its parents’ relationship, as there would always be something solid underfoot.
The kind of bridges whose foundations would be laid by no more than looking at a baby book.
She sat on the sofa, wanting to weep for the three youngsters who found themselves in this uncomfortable, life-altering situation, moving bravely into the unknown, as must she.
How she wished Jonathan were by her side, knowing that he, like her, would be feeling a new surge of optimism because of what was happening around the table.
And also understanding that even in the trickiest of situations, there was always a way forward, if you worked hard enough at it.
Opening her laptop, she looked at the screenshot of Dominic that she’d captured and felt warmth flood her being at no more than the sight of his handsome face.
It was some fifteen minutes later, maybe more, that at the sound of a chair scraping, Enya stood and made her way, as casually as she could manage, back to the kitchen.
It was Holly who now stood, placing her baby book inside her rucksack.
‘I’ve got my first scan next week, bit nervous...’
Her manner was still hesitant, still subdued, but gone was the excruciating folding of her whole being.
‘Oh, well make sure Aiden’s got it in his diary, you know what he’s like, he can meet you there. Is it at Southmead Hospital?’
‘Yes.’ Holly kept her head down but lifted her eyes to look at the father of her baby.
‘I never mind going there, at least I can get a coffee while I wait. It’s exciting, Holly.’
Iris had spoken plainly, her messaging clear; there is a way to build a life, the three of us. I’m not going anywhere, and I understand that neither are you...
‘It is.’
‘It must feel scary.’ Iris stood. ‘I can’t imagine. But it will all work out. We were saying only earlier that when it comes to things like Christmas, we’ll organise ourselves, do whatever’s best, there’ll be a way for us to make it work. To make everything work.’
Holly stared at the girl and jutted her chin, trying in vain to stop her tears, which fell in a thin stream over her cheeks. ‘Be good to him, won’t you.’
Iris watched as Holly put her rucksack on to her shoulder and continued to look at Aiden’s face, as if unable to tear her eyes away.
‘I promise you I will.’ Iris swallowed and spoke softly, as Holly left the room.
Enya reached out and squeezed Holly Hudson’s arm as she made her way towards the front door, opening it quietly and slipping out into the warmth of the summer’s eve. Aiden almost rushed forward, as if it were a need, and took Iris into his arms.
Enya left them to it, knowing they would have a lot to unpick.
Peering out of her bedroom window, she watched Holly disappear inside her parents’ house, and knew she would never forget the quiet, controlled interaction that had occurred in her home.
There had been a shift, not only for Aiden, Holly and Iris, but for her too, a reckoning of sorts, understanding that it was time for her new chapter. She just had to find the courage to open the book.
Pickle was on the bed and looked up, indifferent, it seemed, to her presence.
Enya lay on top of the duvet and waited for sleep. Her phone buzzed, a text from Angela.
I’ve Had A Think About Our Conversation Earlier. I Revisited The Links You Sent And Would Just Like To Confirm That Both Of Those Dresses Are Absolutely Hideous. You Have No Taste. None At All. What Were You Thinking?
It made her laugh out loud, this no doubt her sassy sister’s way of saying that all was forgiven, and confirming her attendance at the wedding, should it go ahead. It was just what she needed at the end of this most extraordinary day.