Chapter 4 #2
“Of course.” Grayson smiled up at him. “The sea had become like acid.”
“Just checking that you didn’t linger.” Ryder lifted an eyebrow at him.
“I did. Just a little. But I went deeper. A whole lot deeper and slept. But still even with swimming all night, it took many days and nights to reach the land. I had already been eating lightly for quite a few weeks beforehand so when I got there I was beside myself with hunger,” Grayson explained.
He remembered how his belly had burned with hunger. He’d caught fish, even sharks, and drained what little blood they had. He’d taken large bites of their flesh just to get something in his stomach to fill it. But it hadn’t worked. He needed humans and then he’d caught the scent of one on the wind.
It was almost dawn. He should have been seeking the deep or somewhere on the land that could hide him from the sun’s rays. But the smell of human blood–so rich and enticing–had drawn him like a hungry wolf.
“Kaito was out before the sun getting his boat ready to take out for the morning catch.” Grayson paused by the fountain and dipped his hands into the water, which drew up yet more memories.
“I rose up from the water, not hiding anything about me, and he gaped with astonishment,” Grayson remembered.
“My silver eyes were like flames. My skin glowed, too. Silvered by the water and whatever we are. I put all my Seduction in my smile. My parted lips showed my fangs. But he did not care. Saito smiled at me and opened his arms.”
“You remember it all?” It was phrased as a question, but also a whispered statement.
“I do. I can even remember how his blood tasted. The salt of the sea. The umami of seaweed and mushrooms. And yet he was sweet as candy, too,” Grayson answered and rubbed his hands up and down his arms.
Grayson leaned his hip against the fountain’s edge and stared down at his reflection. He did not remember what he looked like. Not really. Only in parts. Fangs. Silver eyes. Parted lips. And the flame within him to wield armies as easily as a swordmaster did a blade.
“Do you miss him? Do you want me to get Kaito?” Ryder asked softly.
“I want him and Nero and Dani. I want to hold them to me. To feed them from me. I want…” Grayson gritted his teeth.
Dani had just left them not an hour ago and he missed her desperately. Suddenly, he missed his whole Bloodline.
Ryder took both of Grayson’s hands in his own. “You will have all you want. But tell me to go and I will bring you whatever you desire. Whether it is people, planets, flowers… whatever you want.”
Grayson kissed Ryder until he could not breathe. He kissed him until he did not know where he ended and Ryder began. His lips were numb and swollen when they broke apart. Both were still panting. Both were still wanting.
“Balthazar has both gifts,” Grayson whispered.
“Yes,” Ryder answered and became very still.
“Do you remember when we flew together?” Grayson asked.
“I do.”
“What if I could fly wingtip to wingtip with you?” Grayson asked. “For real?”
Ryder rested his forehead against Grayson’s and rocked their bodies together. “I would love that. But…”
“But?” Grayson’s eyes flickered upwards.
Ryder was looking at him so lovingly, but seriously too. “But I understand if I cannot be your choice as Master.”
“Ryder, I–”
“No, Grayson, I must say this. I must.” Ryder closed his eyes tightly. “I want to turn you back to yourself. I do not say to be your Master or to have you as my fledgling. Because that will not be our relationship.”
Grayson gazed upon him.
“You are the heart in my body,” Ryder said and when he smiled his eyes were filled with tears for a moment.
“Ryder,” Grayson breathed.
“It is just the truth I speak,” Ryder said. “But, though you are my heart, I know that I am your arm. Your sword arm.”
“You make that sound small, and you are more than that to me–”
“You are the General. I am your Soldier. We are more than that to each other, but I know, you will always be the General,” Ryder said, but he was smiling, not upset by this. “And that means, you will do what you must do to protect us and our king.”
“Ryder, what I want–”
“I know.” Ryder held him close. “And if it is the right thing, we will do it. I will bring you across and it will be amazing. But if it needs to be someone else that changes nothing between us.”
Grayson closed his eyes. No, it doesn’t. Because I love you and only you.
“It is they that would be the one that would be shortchanged,” Grayson said.
“I am not going to be a Childe. Not even like Balthazar is to Caemorn. Though, by the gods, that is a beautiful and strange thing!” Grayson couldn’t help but smile.
“You said that you are my sword arm, but you are my everything. The one person who could pull me from my single focus. From my cold precision. From the ruthlessness that I feel inside of me sometimes. Isn’t that Caemorn warned you of in regards to me?
We all thought he was cold. But that is not true.
He is warmth itself when let in. But I…”
“Grayson, you are–”
“I can lose myself in the strategy. In the plans. I sometimes forget the human equation unless it is because I wish to use it to my advantage,” Grayson admitted.
“Maybe you were once like this, but you are so different now,” Ryder said.
“I don’t know. Without you, I’m not sure… and the Sect is such a potentially powerful enemy that I fear I cannot be soft,” Grayson admitted. “In truth, the humans might be the greater enemy in the end.”
“Grayson.” Ryder caressed his face. “I know you want to put this life behind you. To become just Ashyr again. But maybe the value in this life is that softness, is that human equation.”
“But can we afford it? Should I just shelve it? Take it out when we’re alone and certain that we can be each other’s sole focus?” Grayson asked.
“You think that’s what Daemon wants of you?”
“I don’t know and I don’t think he will say.
Maybe to preserve our happiness. Or maybe because king, he feels he should not have to.
But ever since I came back to myself and realized what happened before…
” Grayson grimaced. “How can I be careless? How can I not focus utterly on this problem? How can I worry about anything else?”
Ryder nodded. “I understand. I keep waiting for him to exile me or worse. The War… Kaly may have started it, but I took it to another level. The War Children are my fault. But then another part of me thinks that though this is all well and true, perhaps Daemon sees the potential in what I did, too. He has ruthlessness and coldness to spare, Grayson. It is only the bright side of him that he has let us see in a long time. And Julian makes him seem soft, too. But like you, there is another side.”
“Yes, there is. It’s strange, but his silence is more punishment than if he said anything.” Grayson shook his head.
“It is. It truly is. If he were to rage and scream at us then it would surely be better. But he doesn’t,” Ryder laughed.
They both stared into the fountain for long moments in companionable silence.
Grayson’s mind offered him many pathways to pursue.
Were there other Sect members in the Ever Dark?
Just because he didn’t find structures in human minds did that mean they weren’t Sect members?
Or were there other ways to get them through the Eyros process and leave no mark?
Or a different mark? Why had Legion’s scent been upon them?
He needed to know who that Mirryr Vampire was and where he had been.
Caemorn would discover it all. And then they would go after the Siryn.
None would find her in the Kaly catacombs.
But though all of these topics beckoned. Even though they were important. And Ryder could give him great insight into all of them. Despite all of this, he didn’t want to think of them.
All he wanted was to think of Ryder.