Chapter 11 Bound #2
“You should have seen Elgar!” Ryder chuckled and stared up at the ceiling with an amazed look on his face.
“He was terrifying. I remember him from the past, but he seemed so diminished here that I couldn’t put the two people together in my mind.
But he’s not diminished.” Ryder looked at him then.
“I think he’s stronger. Broken apart and put back together a little badly, but still. Though using his powers on them–”
“Wait! He used his powers on Roan and Legion? But what about the structures? They could have–”
“Dani checked them when we brought them back. She’s outside by the way. She’s been here since Fiona and Christian had to leave.”
“Why did they have to leave? I thought–no, it doesn’t matter–”
“It was the only way to save us really. But you weren’t left alone. They would never have done that–”
“No, I know. I’m not worried about me.”
“Which is the problem. One of them, Grayson,” Ryder said with a look that spoke so much more than his words did.
Grayson found himself squirming uncomfortably. “Yes, well, so Dani stayed with me until you came back and now she’s outside?”
“Unwillingly outside.” Ryder snorted. “Staring at the door, arms crossed–I can see the shadow of your boots, Dani!”
A voice slightly muffled by the door answered back, “I’m not trying to hide from you, Ryder. My presence is to remind you to not get any funny ideas!”
“Oh, I have loads of funny ideas!” Ryder laughed.
“He needs to rest!” Dani called back. “Do you hear that, Grayson? You need to rest!”
Grayson met Ryder’s gaze and both rolled their eyes.
But Grayson did feel a wave of tiredness come over him and he laid his head down on Ryder’s chest. That heart beat was in his ear again and his eyes half shut.
Interest in what had happened and the desire to make sure Ryder was okay after facing Legion kept his eyes open.
The lure of “funny business” was there too.
But maybe after their talk and another nap?
Not that he didn’t crave Ryder’s touch. Ryder was stroking one hand up and down his spine. It felt so good and comforting.
“Anyways, she checked Legion and Shaela. No structures,” Ryder said.
Grayson felt a wave of relief and confusion, but that soon cleared up as his mind clicked the pieces together. “There was no need for the three of them to have structures. They weren’t pretending to be loyal members of the school, students or Vampires.”
Ryder nodded. “I have a feeling that whatever it takes to get those structures in there is likely not pleasant. Legion wouldn’t allow anyone to monkey with their mind. They’re very particular about it despite it being a snake’s nest of horrors.”
Grayson nodded. “How was it… seeing them again? I’m surprised you didn’t…”
“Give them their Second Death? Oh, I thought about it. I keep thinking about it,” Ryder admitted.
His hand stilled at the base of Grayson’s spine.
He reached past it and pulled a blanket up to cover Grayson who was a little cold without his fur blanket.
“I’m still thinking about it every second. And I will until it’s done.”
“But you didn’t,” Grayson pointed out.
“I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because it wasn’t the time. Literally, there wasn’t time to do it,” Ryder said. “Not as I’d want to have it done. If–or when–I do it, I will make it count for all the crimes that Legion has committed. It cannot be quick. Not for either of us.”
“You think to punish yourself, too?” Grayson tightened his hands on Ryder’s skin.
“Yes, I deserve it more than even they do. Legion was a monster when I made them. I made them because they were a monster,” Ryder said with clarity and conviction that wasn’t tainted with what others thought.
It was what he thought alone. “Bringing them into our world threatened our very existence with humans. I cannot know how many they have killed. I suppose Balthazar could tell me. Or Caemorn. He would know.”
“You don’t sound angry at either of them, but you hated both Kaly and Eyros so much after my death. I know that,” Grayson said, not sure if he had heard it, felt it or actually had seen it as a spirit.
He doubted he would have left Weryn’s side during that time. He would have wanted to stay close. He would have known that to be reborn as a human and make his way to Weryn would have taken too long. So he would have stayed nearby and tried to reach him.
But he wasn’t a Kaly and he would never have trusted one.
“No, I am not angry with them. Not at all. I see who they are now and I… they are my friends. Our friends. It was the pain of their betrayal that destroyed me as much as what they did during the War. For what are us Immortals if not the ultimate pack and Daemon as our Alpha?” Ryder asked.
That was a very good way of putting it. They hadn’t seemed like that at the end though.
When he and Weryn had paired off, it had seemed there were vast gulfs between them and the others that hadn’t been there.
It wasn’t their decision to become lovers that had forced the distance.
It was merely what made them see it in comparison.
How long had it been since they had acknowledged all that water under the bridge between them all?
They’d stopped talking about it, because it had seemed petty in comparison to the greatest loss among them.
“I’ve been thinking about that. Remembering.
Daemon’s grief affected us far more than we realized, I think,” Grayson said slowly.
“All those centuries, millennia, ages where he couldn’t make a fledgling of his own while he watched us bring scores into existence.
All that power and yet powerless to do the one thing he wanted more than anything.
That bone-deep grief changed us all whether we knew it or not. ”
“And not for the better,” Ryder agreed.
The pop and crack of the fire along with Ryder’s heartbeat and their breathing were the only sounds in the room.
Grayson had not felt so peaceful for a long time.
He had no desire to do anything even though they had Legion and this Shaela person in custody.
He wanted to interrogate them. But not now.
“Elgar made Roan stick his own soul in a soul gem,” Ryder said.
“What?!”
That had him lifting his head from Ryder’s chest, but Ryder eased him down again.
“I told you. Elgar was terrifying. He even left his beloved skull behind for the battle though he was quick to ask for it back as soon as we returned. Last I saw, he was rocking it in his arms,” Ryder mused.
“And Demos was with him. He’d shifted and was simply sitting beside him.
A big black cat. Elgar didn’t look at him.
But he reached over with one hand and petted Demos’ head. ”
“Petting? It must be serious!” Grayson laughed.
“I don’t really understand their friendship.
There can’t be two more different people in the world.
At least how Elgar is now. And I’m not quite sure how he would fit into pack life, not that he wouldn’t be welcome, because of course he would.
But too many people distress him,” Ryder admitted.
“And the Weryn are not known for quiet contemplation.”
“But he means something to Demos. Whether a friend or lover. So you’ll find a way,” Grayson said with conviction. “You’ll find a way to make Elgar feel safe and cared for. You must remember that part of yourself now, Ryder. You were never just the Soldier.”
Ryder’s hands carded through Grayson’s hair. “I know. I remember. And I want to focus on that again. If we can with everything happening.”
“There will always be an enemy. There will always be danger,” Grayson said. “But if we lose parts of ourselves or try to shelve those parts because of it, we’ve already lost something invaluable.”
Ryder’s hands paused in their carding. “Like the Grayson part of you?”
Grayson considered this. “You know when I thought I was dreaming here just a little while ago, I realized something. Grayson was used to being alone. He didn’t need anyone.
He could survive anything. Ashyr? Ashyr cannot do that.
Ashyr knows what it is like to have a family in the Immortals, to have a Bloodline of precious Vampires and to have… you. Ashyr is far weaker than Grayson.”
Grayson licked his suddenly dry lips. He felt so exposed even though it was Ryder he was telling this to. But it felt like he was ripping off a mask or something.
“None of these things make you weak.”
“No, they don’t. They just make it hard,” Grayson admitted. “When I thought I was alone, I had no responsibility for anyone but myself. I could simply walk away. But not anymore. Now I am bound to everyone.”
“And we are bound to you. This makes us strong. This is why we will succeed against all our enemies. We will be victorious.”
Ryder kissed the top of his head. Grayson laid on Ryder’s slowly rising and falling chest. The beat of his heart in Grayson’s ear.
His eyelids were definitely shutting. The fire’s sounds didn’t even disturb him any longer or Mairead’s raised voice as she spoke to someone in the hall then laughed.
He smiled as sleep claimed him once more.
There were many questions that still needed answering.
There were many things he wanted to say to Ryder.
But this moment was precious and he would not lose it for the world.