Chapter 19 Haunted
HAUNTED
“I’m haunted?” Grayson actually looked around him as if he would see the ghost or ghosts clinging to him. But there was no one there. No spirits anyways.
“The ghosts that non-Kaly can see require a great deal of power to manifest. Often taking it from the person that they are haunting. You are very armored against them probably from being who you are, but also because… Well, you expect enemies,” Christian explained. “But trust me that they are there.”
“I trust you. But they?!” Grayson’s heart sped up. “How many do I have following me?”
Christian’s gaze swung around them. “Many, but there are three that are nearer than the others.”
Many?
Were they those he had killed as Ashyr? He’d been responsible for the destruction of countless worlds.
He liked to think that they had never started the wars.
They’d just finished them. But war was brutal.
It made monsters of most people by the end of it.
Yet that they would still be haunting him in this short life was surprising to him on many levels.
It must have been frustrating when I didn’t even know who I was, let alone remember what I did to them!
“I don’t understand. Who would be haunting me now? I…” But the words dried up on his lips as Christian gave him a look before quickly turning away. “Christian, what?”
Christian rubbed his hands on the fronts of his thighs, but then stopped himself as if irritated. “Do you know how I figured out how to first use my power as Speaker to the Dead against Kaly?”
“Ah, you were trapped in a soul gem, but were able to convince the spirits from a well to break you out?” Grayson summarized.
He’d heard the story and was incredibly impressed by it. Christian hadn’t even been a Vampire a month by that time, but he was using gifts that most Vampires couldn’t access after a thousand years. He and Julian were truly extraordinary in more ways than one.
“Yes, in part, but the soul who specifically helped me, who used everything he had to do as I asked, was a man named David,” Christian’s voice dipped and he flexed his hands as he said the man’s name.
There was something in Christian’s stiff posture and haunted eyes that Grayson did not like. He would have let the matter be under other circumstances, it being clear that discussing it was distressing to Christian. But Christian had brought it up so he must want to tell Grayson about it.
“Who was he?” Grayson asked, keeping his voice low, too, as they walked up the path.
“He was someone I dated.” Christian grimaced and rubbed his forehead. “No. No. That’s not accurate. He abused me when I was a teenager.”
“Oh, God, Christian, I’m sorry!” Grayson nearly touched Christian’s shoulder, but stopped himself as he felt the young man might not welcome being touched at that moment.
The fact that Christian had contradicted–or corrected–himself told Grayson that Christian was still working through his trauma with this person.
Christian was a beautiful, brilliant young man.
He was not surprised that he had been targeted by a predator.
Like Hue’s sister, it seemed as if there was never an end to those that would blight other’s lives given half a chance.
“Thank you, but it’s all right. I have dealt with most of the fallout from that.
Just calling him an abuser rather than my first lover is a step in the right direction.
Or, at least, Balthazar and Julian would say that.
And they’re right,” Christian quickly added.
“I have felt a great deal of guilt for what happened.”
“Why should you feel guilt? He abused you–”
“I didn’t see it that way for a long time.
I thought that even though I was a teenager and twenty years separated us that I still chose to be with him,” Christian explained.
“Even though I was still a boy in every way that counted. But he was my father’s best friend.
I knew my parents would be horrified by our relationship.
He was married, too, and not an open marriage.
But I still choose to accept his advances. I welcomed them.”
Grayson’s jaw tightened. A twenty year age gap in humans was the equivalent of lifetimes for Vampires, especially between a teenager and an adult.
Teenagers were made to think themselves immortal and ignore risks.
Young men especially were told that they were invincible.
Their psyches were not fully formed yet, not by a long shot.
“Beyond the age gap, you put the blame on yourself that he was married, but you were not married. You did not make that commitment,” Grayson reminded him.
“And he was your father’s best friend. He knew that your parents would be horrified.
That didn’t stop him. Both of those relationships didn’t stop him. He pursued you.”
“I thought my choice in being with him was equal to his choice of pursuing me,” Christian admitted. “Part of me still thinks that. Because I did think of those things. His marriage. My parents. I knew it was wrong. I just… wanted him.”
“Would you have ever pursued him if he had not expressed interest in you first?” Grayson asked.
“No.”
“And, by the way, even if you did, teenagers are not fully formed people. Their minds aren’t all there yet. Hormones are driving them like a bucking bronco all the time,” Grayson reminded him.
“Yes, that’s true. But I was not without some choice in the matter.”
“Our judgment is fucked up at that age. We truly aren’t ready to make those types of decisions,” Grayson pushed back.
“You think not?” Christian glanced over at him.
“I’m positive. We need the adults in our lives to do the right thing. He needed to stay the fuck away from you, never do what he did,” Grayson said with a slice of his arm through the air. “You’re not responsible for this.”
“I see. You are very certain.”
“I’ve lived a long time. I’ve seen this over and over again. Children are not adults. They are learning. Evolving. Growing. Not only are their bodies and minds not fully formed, their experiences are limited,” Grayson stated emphatically.
“So your own experience makes you certain?”
“Yes. I have no doubts.”
“Good,” Christian said quietly, which had Grayson frowning a little.
He felt like maybe he had walked into some kind of trap here, but what trap could there be? There was no doubt in his mind that Christian had been abused and he wasn’t at fault for it. Any other reading of this was just false.
Christian met his gaze steadily. “I agree with you intellectually. But I still find it hard to fully relinquish the responsibility I feel.”
“That’s understandable. From my experiences with you, you seem like a highly moral person with a very well thought out code of honor,” Grayson said.
“People like yourself take responsibility for themselves to always act ethically, even when they could not be expected to under the circumstances. You needed to be protected from this man. You were not. He is at fault and those that should have been protecting you are at fault. But not you.”
“You are very understanding,” Christian murmured.
“Again, my experience has shown me this is true,” Grayson admitted. Once more, he felt like he had walked into something here. Yet it made no sense. What point could Christian be making if he was making one? He set it aside. “But you were telling me about how you discovered how to use your gift.”
Another nod. “It was only when I accepted that David had been my abuser and released at least some of my guilt that I was able to send him away.”
“So you used him to free yourself from Kaly and then you were able to banish him?” Grayson asked.
“Send him onto his eventual rebirth or to whatever is beyond,” Christian corrected.
“I see.”
“Though I was unaware of him until I became a Vampire, David was constantly with me. And I believe he had an effect on me that whole time,” Christian explained.
“Good grief. He was victimizing you for years?”
“Over a decade,” Christian said. “And without my powers, he would have likely stayed until my own death.”
Grayson’s stomach churned. “How horrible.”
“Yes, so now I believe it is part of my duty to free others from their ghosts,” Christian said. “Caemorn is helping me with this task.”
Grayson let out a soft huff of laughter. “Truly things have changed when a Kaly Vampire cares about the hauntings of others unless they wish to imprison those souls and use them for power.”
“If they remain, even if imprisoned, they still have an effect on the person they are haunting. So no, they cannot be kept and I would not choose to do so in any event,” Christian said.
“No, no, of course not. It’s just–”
“I know. A Kaly’s whole gift revolves around capturing souls.
Caemorn is going to be showing some of the powers that those souls have to the reporters and the students.
Then the students will have their own personal interactions with the dead,” Christian said.
“So you mustn’t worry that any of this would be public. ”
“Am I the only one who is haunted?” Grayson asked.
“No, the majority of the people here are haunted. That’s part of why they were chosen to join the school. Haunted people have been through some things. They bring those experiences with them. Those sharp edges. But yours is a special case that I felt I could truly help with,” Christian told him.
They had made it to the center of the Memory Garden.
There was a raised triangular platform where Caemorn and half a dozen Kaly stood in a V-shape, with Caemorn standing at the point of the V.
The students were clustered all around the edge of the circle.
He and Christian took their places there, too.
A platform had been erected for cameras to record this part of the demonstration.
Caemorn said nothing, he did not even move, but the crowd went from murmuring and shifting to quiet and still in an instant.