26. Brooks
26
brOOKS
“You’re not seriously going to that thing, are you?” Brooks asked from the couch as Kayla finished helping Audrey put on her pink cowboy boots.
Kayla gave him a sharp look. “Why? It’s a fun fall festival. That below you or something?”
Cormac shifted in his armchair and shoved his cell phone in his pocket. “Hey, Audrey, you want to go see if we can spot some turtles from the dock?”
“You don’t have to do that, Cormac. Logan’s going to be here in a few minutes.” Kayla straightened and pulled on a light jacket.
“But I wanna see tuttles,” Audrey protested, tugging on her mother’s jacket.
“No time like the present,” Cormac said with a wink. He held out a hand for her, and she bounded over to him with a grin.
“Cormac . . .” Kayla gave him an exasperated look.
He grinned, then headed out the back door with Audrey.
“All right, but when Mr. Logan comes, we have to go. I don’t want to hold him up,” Kayla called as the door closed.
Brooks raised a brow at her as he took his feet off the cushion and sat straight. No wonder she’d stuck around even though she’d been mad and barely talking to him. She has a date.
“So you seeing that guy now?”
“Why, is there a problem? I thought you said it was none of your business,” Kayla snapped.
Yikes. He tried to remind himself that her anger was justified and that he needed to stay humble. “It is none of my business. I was just wondering. He’s not exactly local to where you live.”
“It’s an outing to a fall festival, Brooks, not a marriage proposal.” Kayla checked her phone, barely looking at him.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
Kayla arched a brow at him, exaggeratedly. “A little late for that, wouldn’t you say? Besides, I’ve survived a lot worse. I can handle myself.”
He stared at her quietly. How do I fix this? Peter’s and Brian’s words from the day before came to mind. “You’re right,” he admitted. His fingers curled into the palms of his hands. Funny how when his hands held a guitar, he’d always been able to come up with words that people liked so much they’d play them repeatedly.
And now, when he needed to speak, he could think of nothing worth saying.
“For the record, I’m sorrier about what happened the other night than I’ve ever been about anything, Kayla. I don’t know how to make it up to you. I’ve always wanted to keep you from getting hurt, and I failed so massively and hurt you myself.”
She was silent, then blinked rapidly. Swiping her eyes, she sat across from him. “Damn Cormac. I didn’t want to do this right now. Logan’s going to show up, and I’m going to have mascara running down my face.”
Brooks looked around for a box of tissues, found one, then brought it over to her and sat beside her. “I don’t know how to make it better. I just want you and Audrey to be happy. If I could give you every good thing in the world, I would.”
“You already have , you idiot.” Kayla sniffled. “But I don’t need a better house, or clothes, or more money, and Audrey sure as shit doesn’t need more toys. You don’t get it, Brooks. You don’t get why I’m so mad, do you?”
He furrowed his brow. “Because I was drunk?”
“No. It’s that you’re in such an awful state you felt the need to drown your sorrows in alcohol rather than just talk to the people who love you. I need a brother. Audrey needs an uncle. And you’re struggling, Brooks. You think I can’t see that? But my whole life, you have refused to ever tell me about anything that you’re going through. Cormac says you haven’t talked to him about it, either, so who the hell are you talking about it with? No one. Until it breaks you and you pull out a bottle to kill it, right? Why do you think I asked you to give up drinking years ago? You use it as your therapy.”
I’ve just been trying to look after you and my niece.
Was that why he’d drunk? As his therapy?
He blinked, trying to process her words. Why would she want me to give her any of the shit I deal with on the daily?
“I just . . . don’t want to burden you. How can I complain? I have a good life. People would kill to have my life.”
“That’s the absolute most pathetic excuse I have ever heard. So you’re not allowed to have a bad day because you worked your ass off to get to where you are? I saw you working your ass off, you know. I saw the times when things didn’t go your way. But you’re smart and resilient, and yeah, maybe occasionally lucky, but mostly you have grit.”
Brooks sighed, the truth to her words hitting him squarely in the chest. “It’s not a bad day. Bad decade? Maybe. Maybe more. My life hasn’t been a picnic, and I just never wanted you to go through what I went through. Especially after Dad. And Mom.”
“So you shut me out.”
Ouch. He squinted reflexively. “I never intended to shut you out.”
“Well, that’s what you did, though.”
“You were just a kid. What else was I supposed to do? Tell you how hard it was working through college and trying to raise my little sister at the same time? I couldn’t put that on you.” I don’t even like to remember that.
Mom hadn’t left any money or life insurance behind. He’d gotten the only job with benefits he could find, working at a big chain hardware store, taking as many classes as he could online, making special arrangements with his professors. Getting Kayla the things she needed before himself. He’d even worn sneakers with a hole in them while he bought her new shoes for school.
And he’d do it all over again, too.
She didn’t deserve that sort of guilt.
“Maybe not then,” Kayla said in a quiet voice. “But I didn’t stay a kid, Brooks. I’m not one now. And you still don’t come to me when you have bad days.”
She’s right. I don’t.
But then again, he’d never gone to anyone. In fact, he’d talked to Maddie more this week about the shit going on in his life than he’d told anyone—outside a therapist, years ago—ever.
“You really want me to?”
“Yes, you idiot. You’re my brother. I love you. You need somewhere soft to land, just like you’ve given me all these years. And I’m never going to have as much money as you, so for God’s sake, at least let me be your person. Or one of them. You should have more than one, really.”
He pinched her arm gently. “You already are my person, but I’ll try to do a better job talking about what’s going on. I’m sorry I haven’t. I didn’t think about it from your point of view.”
She sighed, then leaned against his shoulder. “Yeah, well, you’re also a guy so you’ve got the emotional IQ of a five-year-old.”
“Thanks?” He chuckled.
Kayla smiled. “You can always count on me to tell you the truth. Even if it’s not my favorite news to deliver.” The phone beside her buzzed, and she glanced at it. “Logan’s here.”
Normally in the middle of a discussion like this, Brooks would have been thrilled by the interruption.
But now . . . he regretted she had to go.
A corner waited to be turned, and he wasn’t quite there yet, but it felt within walking distance.
“Have fun,” he said. “I mean it. I hope it’s a great time for you and Audrey.”
“Cormac’s going, too, you know.” Kayla stood and stretched. “You should come. Logan told me that Maddie Yardley will be there this morning.”
The thought of seeing her filled him with equal parts dread and anticipation. He hated that he’d effectively run away from her. Yes, he knew it was better for her in the long run. But even though he’d only known her for a few days, she’d left a rather large hole in his heart.
Yet . . . she’s been on my mind constantly ever since.
He smirked. “And why should that make a difference?”
“Don’t play it cool with me, buddy. Cormac told me you two already slept together. Maddie tried to deny it, too, don’t worry, but then I heard you two were caught fooling around in some storage room in town.”
“That’s . . . false. Cormac got the wrong idea because of a few incidents.”
“You know, actually, I don’t need the details of your sex life. It’s one of the worst parts of being related to a celebrity—everyone speculating and talking about you in a way that just is super gross to me.”
He couldn’t even imagine what it might be like if the roles were reversed. He’d probably be in jail by now. “Either way, I’m leaving tomorrow. I have to call Ava and figure out a rental car situation because I never made it to the mechanic, but I don’t think my car is fixed yet.”
“That all sounds like a thrilling way to spend a Saturday and like stuff that would take a few minutes. You should still come. It could be fun for us to go out with you—we rarely get the chance.”
Brooks scratched the stubble on his jawline. “You really want me to go?”
“I really do. I want you around all the time, you buffoon. But you keep running away. Skipping holidays with the worst excuses and then acting like a giant delivery of presents is the same thing as your presence. ”
He smirked. “I see what you did there.” But her words hit him deeply.
Have I been doing that?
When did I become okay with allowing my schedule to impede seeing the only people I love?
Kayla blinked prettily at him. “Please come today. For me? And Audrey? You can even wear your sunglasses and baseball cap. Wear a burqa for all I care, but just come and be with us. It’s what family does. ”
A small-town apple festival sounded like one of those functions he’d avoid. But he sighed and stood. “Only if you promise to stop being so mad at me.”
“Only if you promise to try to have fun. No one likes a stick-in-the-mud.”
He got the feeling she was trying to ask for as much as she could out of him right now while she had the upper hand. And he was fine with letting her have it, too.
She deserved that and far more. As always.
“All right, fine. Lead the way.”