Chapter 19
NINETEEN
At the beginning of last year, my father had a talk with me. It was not necessary because Adam and Ezekiel had already given me a more in-depth talk that I was sure my father wouldn’t agree with.
“Through the years, I always wished it would have been me instead of your mother. You boys all need your momma more than you need your dad. A mother’s love is unlike any other.”
It made me sad to hear my father speak of himself in that way. The ache my mom left was still there, but my father was the only parent I knew, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
“Dad,” I said.
He gave me a sad smile.
“I can’t imagine your momma having the talk with you boys. Maybe that’s why God left me instead of her.”
Fuck. He sounded so sad as he spoke. This was a glimpse into the man I remembered when I was little but was too young to even comprehend the pain he was in. The pain he still lived with. It’s been eight years, and my dad hasn’t bothered to look at another woman again.
Needless to say, my dad told me all about sex and respect. That hormones would start to get the best of me if they weren’t already, and he then gave me a look. Was it that obvious that I thought about kissing Astrid?
I had to remind myself that no one could read minds, but the way my dad was looking at me had me thinking otherwise.
“I’m sorry, son, but for that reason, you can’t sleep over at Astrid’s anymore.”
I had thought it absurd, but I knew if my dad had brought it up, it was because Mrs. Hart was too embarrassed to do it herself. The thought of Astrid’s dad calling me made my stomach feel uneasy.
For the last year, I had been sneaking into Astrid’s room. Something about it should have felt wrong, but it was exciting, and it felt right being with her. I told myself as long as our parents didn’t catch us, it would be okay.
Last night was no different than the other nights I had snuck inside.
But why did my stomach feel so uneasy now?
Winter was fast approaching, so Astrid and I were under the covers.
It took me a second to realize the heat I kept feeling wasn’t coming from the blanket but from Astrid’s body being pressed against mine.
Fuck.
One of my arms was wrapped around Astrid’s waist. Without meaning to, I moved my thumb and almost groaned when I felt a sliver of skin that peeked out from her pajama shirt.
Now I understood what my father meant about hormones. This was exactly why our parents didn’t want us sleeping together anymore.
I should leave.
What kind of asshole perved on their best friend? It was one thing wanting to kiss her to see if her lips were as soft as they looked, but another was getting hard over touching the skin on her waist.
Astrid picked that moment to shift, and I silently groaned. She wiggled her way closer toward me, and her ass rubbed against me.
I was hard.
I held on to my best friend and closed my eyes tightly because all I wanted to do at that moment was to pull her closer.
Instead of doing that, I tried to remove my arm from her waist, but Astrid shifted again and turned to lay on her back.
“You can’t sleep?” she mumbled with half-lidded eyes.
She looked adorable, with her hair fanning out all over the pillow. It should have annoyed me the way whenever I slept over I would wake up with hair on my lips, but instead, it only made me smile. Astrid’s hair always smelled amazing. Some floral shit and something that was uniquely her.
“Go back to bed,” I told her.
“Mhmmm,” she mumbled. “Night, Ty.”
She nuzzled her head to my side, and I could feel her smile on my neck. Feeling her lips grazing my neck sent a shiver down my spine.
How the hell was I supposed to fall asleep again after this?
I peeked through Astrid’s window, and it was still pretty dark out.
Not that I was scared of walking at night at this hour.
Nothing bad ever happened in Oakhill Creek.
I didn’t want to leave yet, but I knew this would be the last time I would stay.
Not when I kept feeling things I shouldn’t.
Not when I wanted to act more like a boy and less like a friend.
When dawn started to come, I carefully detangled myself from Astrid’s body. My dick was half hard all night, and maybe now that I was away from her, it would begin to go down.
I looked back at her sleeping peacefully as I put on my shoes.
Astrid had once complained about not being like Sabrina or Samantha. Sure, she didn’t look like they did, but none of those girls compared to Astrid. She was nice and sweet, so full of life. Being next to her was like breathing fresh air even when the days were fucking polluted.
When I left in the mornings, it was usually when Mr. Hart got up and was in the bathroom because that way he wouldn’t hear the window close. My hands shook as I closed the window. I wanted to peek at Astrid once more, but my feelings associated with her were still very conflicting.
Slowly, I made my way toward the front of the house so I could begin to walk home. The front door opened, and even though I knew it would happen, I still felt sick to my stomach.
“Tyler,” Mr. Hart called after me.
“Sir,” I replied, sounding more confident than I felt.
“I know your father talked to you.”
The guilt immediately spread through me as he gave me an accusatory glare.
“It won’t happen again,” I promised.
“You’re a good kid, Tyler. I know you will respect our rules.”
All I could do was nod. This had been the plan all along, right?
Once he turned around, I let out a relieved sigh. I respected Astrid’s parents, and knowing I couldn’t stay there because I would disappoint them took away the temptation. It was the perfect barrier between Astrid, myself, and these new feelings that began to creep between us.
Whatever it was, we would figure it out.
We always did.
I briefly wondered what would happen if I just talked to Astrid about the feelings that kept swirling around my mind. We were best friends, and talking things out shouldn’t have to be this hard.
It was scary to want to do it but liberating at the same time.
The sun was out by the time I reached my house. There was no use sneaking in since I was sure Astrid’s parents would let my dad know about my whereabouts. Opening the door, I was surprised my father wasn’t there waiting for me so he could chew me a new one.
I grimaced at the thought of my punishment. I was about to be on shop duty for a shit ton of shifts—I just knew it.
As I made my way to my room, I was surprised to find Ezekiel on the couch. Next to him was an empty bottle of shitty vodka. That was the first sign that he was trashed. He knew better than to leave glaring evidence like that.
Shit.
That meant Dad was probably not going to be in the best of moods if he had been dealing with EZ’s bullshit already.
Out of all of us, he was the most troublesome, but after Sabby and him became official he had calmed down.
I made my way toward the couch and sat down in the open spot by him.
“What the hell happened?” I asked as I shook him awake.
I was surprised when Ezekiel opened his eyes. Maybe he wasn’t as gone as I thought. Nope, never mind, his eyes were redder than the devil’s dick, so something was definitely going on with him.
“She’s gone,” he groaned, dejected.
“What?”
“She’s not coming back. Just like Mom, I’ve lost someone else I love.”
My mouth parted in shock at what he was saying. He sounded horrible and dejected. Ezekiel never brought up Mom, and for him to do it now, it meant he was feeling sorry for himself.
“Sabby left?” I asked what was already obvious.
I thought he had fallen asleep again because he didn’t reply for a few minutes.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do if she never comes back, Ty.” His admission was a soft blow that I felt bone deep. His words resonated with something I didn’t even want to acknowledge myself.
“It will be okay,” I told him, because what else could I say at a time like this?
He didn’t bother agreeing with me or even telling me to fuck off. I probably could have stayed with him. I think he was still drunk and wouldn’t have cared, but I got shit sleep last night and figured I’d just go to my room and try to sleep before Dad tore me a new one.
“Ty,” Ezekiel called after me.
I turned around to look at him. He looked at me with those bloodshot eyes, and said, “If you don’t want to lose Astrid…don’t go there with her… Relationships…they ruin everything.”
He was the one hungover, but at that moment I was the one who wanted to throw up.
My brother gave me the answer to a question I had refused to ask myself.
Astrid Hart was my best friend, and I needed to get my head together and act like it.
I couldn’t risk telling her. The stakes were too high.
I’d rather have her in my life than deal with the aftermath of us not working out.
Never knowing what her lips tasted like made me want to scream in rage, but losing her would kill me.