Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
Sex changed relationships.
This was the second time my relationship with Ty had been changed by sex—and the first time, he didn’t even sleep with me.
Him having sex caused a domino effect on our friendship.
Now, I knew firsthand what it felt like to have sex with him—and it was out of this world.
It was the best sex I had ever had, bar none.
And I couldn’t help but think of every single moment we spent together and wonder how the hell we ended up like this.
At this point I felt like a broken record who couldn’t even function anymore.
I didn’t lose my virginity until college. How could I when I was pining for my best friend all through high school? Guys never asked me out while I had been in Willow Grove High. Why would they when Ty and his brothers were always with me? I wasn’t the type of girl who was worth the effort.
It wasn’t until Ty started to date Samantha that the strain in our relationship became more obvious.
When he had gone out with Liz it had been okay.
It was his first girlfriend, so I gave him space, especially because I knew no girl wanted their third wheel to be a guy’s best girl friend.
Tyler did not like this. He managed to make time for both his friendship and his new girlfriend.
But between that and work, things with him and Liz quickly fizzled out.
After that, our friendship went back to normal, or as normal as it could be with me pining after him.
Despite the fact that Tyler’s relationship was short-lived, it did send a message to other girls that he was open to dating and that I was clearly in the friend zone.
I don’t know what was more pathetic, watching countless girls throw themselves at him at parties and at school or the fact that I was jealous because I could never be one of the girls vying for his attention.
I had his attention, just not in the way I wanted it.
Then Samantha came into the picture. She was everything I could never be.
She was the girl all the guys wanted. She was sensual, dressed in a way my mother wouldn’t allow me to dress, and made everything she said seem flirty.
If any of that wasn’t intimidating enough, I knew she had experience with sex.
Tyler having his first girlfriend hurt, but after a while, I got used to the sting of the pain, and I was okay.
With dating came kissing and holding hands, doing all those things couples do—things he would never do with me.
I thought I had a grasp on things, but one day I saw them kissing.
In all honesty, I should have been ready for it.
They had been together for a few weeks, and I guess I had deluded myself that they barely did it, but once I came down from class in a different hallway I caught them making out.
All my mental preparation was for naught because I felt like someone had kicked me in the gut.
My eyes started to water, and there was a sudden ache in my heart.
Knowing they would do that was one thing, but seeing it was another.
It cemented the fact that he was having all these intimate experiences with someone who wasn’t me—he didn’t want them with me.
Sam made her thoughts of me clear from the beginning. She would shoot sly little jabs at my expense. She started to go visit him at work, and there was no way I would try to insert myself into their relationship. Little by little, I started to feel less like a friend and more like a pest.
I had a new role in Tyler’s life, and I needed to learn to accept it or risk losing him forever.
By that point, I was content to have him in my life at any capacity I could get him.
Shortly after homecoming, I got the news that he and Sam had done it.
I mean, I should have expected it to happen and not let myself be taken by surprise.
Sam made sure to tell her posse when she knew I was in hearing distance. She wanted me to know.
The pain from the information was wrapped in layers that even sounded silly to my own ears.
Sam was his first. She would be someone he would always remember, despite time passing and people moving on.
I was his first in a lot of childhood memories.
Trivial things that you lost over time, but sex was huge, and it was a first he would never have with me.
The pain of falling for your best friend was such a double-edged sword because a part of me was also upset that he didn’t tell me this of his own accord.
What was the point of being best friends if there was no honesty? I was glad he didn’t tell me, or I might have cried in front of him, but I was upset by it, too.
Now, here I was years later, having sex with him. I wasn’t his first, not his second, or even his last. I was just another girl who had given in to the charms of one of the Kane brothers, and I didn’t like how that made me feel.
I didn’t want to say I felt cheap because it probably wasn’t the right word for it, but it was the only one that came to mind.
I had wanted Tyler Kane for so long that now I had gotten a part of him, I wasn’t sure if it was the one I wanted.
I wanted his heart, and instead, I got his body.
“Don’t you get tired of running?
Tyler’s words kept haunting me. They came at me at all times, just reminding me of every interaction we had since I came back to town. Fucker . Pulling up my big girl panties, I texted a number I had programmed into my new phone but never dared to look at.
Me: I know you think all I do is run away, and maybe you’re right, but right now, I just need some space to go over some things on my mind. Please don’t come over and push me when I’m not ready to talk.
Tilemaker: If you try to run, know that I will be running after you this time.
And I know you don’t want me to talk about it, but I’m sorry, Astrid.
I’m so sorry that I hurt you that night.
I was stupid and immature. I took you for granted because you had always been there, and I thought you would continue to be there.
I don’t blame you for not telling me you were leaving.
I don’t blame you for cutting me out, even though at times I felt like the pain didn’t let me breathe.
What was I even supposed to say to that? I couldn’t find words, so I didn’t. That didn’t stop Tyler from sending another message. My heart skipped a beat at his words.
Tilemaker: When you left, you took a part of me. It wasn’t until you came back that I realized I felt whole again.
What did he mean by that?
Now he wanted me?
What was it about me now that he liked?
Was it the way I dressed? Was it the way my body changed? Why was this new version of me the one he found appealing but not the one that he had?
They were all questions only he had the answers to, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear them yet. So, instead of trying to figure him out, I took the weekend to just let myself feel.
By the time Monday morning came again, I processed the fact that Tyler and I had slept together.
On Tuesday, I kept replaying it over and over again, and a part of me wanted to do it again—soon.
I told myself it was because a good sex partner was hard to come by, and you had to keep him on the roster, even if it meant only seeing him one day of the week so he could scratch that itch.
Only, I knew too well that Tyler was one itch I would never get tired of scratching.
It had been amazing sex. The kind of sex a girl kept going back for more so I didn’t judge myself too hard for having those thoughts.
Now, here I was on a Wednesday, wondering where we would go from here. The only plus side I had was that I was close to finishing my piece on Delicia’s . I just needed to have a one-on-one with Lupe and Luna, and it would be ready to go.
“Astrid,” Orianna called my name.
When I turned toward her, she was already facing me and began to hand me a white envelope.
“Clark and I eloped.”
“What!” I shirked.
“Shhhhh.” Ori looked around, making sure the others didn’t notice us.
“But what about your wedding?”
“We are having a small backyard shindig. We know his mom will lose it when she finds out.” She let out a sigh.
“The wedding stuff was getting out of hand; my sister and I aren’t speaking, and my dad isn’t in my life.
I didn’t feel the need for a traditional wedding.
That’s not me. So, Clark whisked us away this weekend, and it was perfect. It was just us.”
“I’m so happy for you,” I told her, meaning it.
“I’m sure my mother-in-law will go all out for this, so you better come.”
“Can’t wait,” I told her.
Naturally, I opened the invitation, not worried that anyone else could see me since they were facing the opposite way, and I googled the address.
“Dude,” I said. “How did you get that location?”
There was a small strip behind Zeke’s bar that had access to the lake, but the majority of the access was near Sunny Pines. A few years back, developers bought the land and made some kick-ass houses.
Orianna just giggled.
“My husband’s best friend lives there.”
“Niceee,” I told her.
“Oh, a wedding,” said Ronnie behind me.
Orianna and I turned to see him there. Ori looked a bit flustered, and her eyes were somewhat bewildered.
“Yeah, a friend invited me to a small gathering,” I said as I closed the invitation so he couldn’t read who it belonged to.
“I love weddings,” he told us. “You have a hot date?”
“No,” I said right away. “I like going to weddings alone and meeting new people.”
His smile faded a bit, and then I realized that it sounded as if I liked going alone so I could pick up guys.
“I’ll probably tell my friend to come with me,” I added right away.
“The mechanic guy?” Ronnie inquired.
“Maybe,” I said, wanting this conversation to end.
“Well, if you find yourself in need of a date, I could always go with you. We can meet new people together.”
“Thanks, Ronnie,” I mumbled.
Once he left, I hid the envelope in my purse, and Orianna leaned into me and thanked me for not saying a thing.
“It’s not a huge thing. Mostly family and a few close friends.”
I nodded, totally getting it.
“That was a little odd, right?” I asked lightheartedly, hoping someone finally told me it wasn’t all in my head.
“Ronnie is a little odd,” she said. “He was a bit weird when I started to work here, but after a while it was okay. I think he misses social cues and tries hard for all of us to like him.”
I took her word for it and didn’t mention Ronnie anymore. My mind once again went to Tyler. He didn’t say anything about giving me space, so I knew sooner or later he would come looking for me.
When I pulled into my driveway, I noticed a strange man milling around Rachel’s house with a bouquet of flowers.
I knew Rachel was not home despite knowing she had taken a few days to work from home.
Instead of getting off to greet the man, I checked my backpack to make sure I had my iPad there.
If I were going out, I might as well stop by and see Lupe, so I could get to work on the piece I wanted to write about her shop.
I drove through the town square, and there was no sign of Rachel’s car anywhere.
In this town, there were only two places she could be found, so I made my way to the outskirts toward Zeke’s bar.
Her fancy car was there, along with Adam’s white truck.
When I saw Adam’s car there, I didn’t think much of it—it was just Adam. It wasn’t like I had a tattoo on my forehead that said I fucked Tyler Kane .
There is no way Tyler told him, right?
Once I stepped inside, I instantly spotted Rachel sitting on the bar next to Adam, who was hovering over her. I immediately made my way over to them without checking to see who was on her other side. The moment I noticed Tyler, I almost turned back around, but Zeke had already spotted me.
He would tattle on me, I just knew it.
This is what running away from your problems got you. You met them head-on when you least expected them.
At this point, I needed to buy stock in big girl panties, because I was not getting any breaks here.