9. Nine #2
I knew she truly loved me the first time she saw my chest. I’m not easy to look at. I’m rough and deformed, a patchwork pieced together. But Lena had nothing but love in her eyes. Still does.
She’ll never fully understand what that meant to me. What it still means to me. To feel loved and accepted in one look.
In unaware affirmation, she grins sweetly as her hand circles my shoulders. “Wish I had two hands for this.”
I tug her closer by the hips. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”
“We take care of each other. I trust you. If you say the relationship doesn’t matter, it doesn’t.”
Still, disappointment creases her brow as if she knows I’m holding back.
“Just… Is there anything else I should know about her or your past? Anything… I don’t know… significant?”
Answers ping in my head like ricocheting bullets. “No. Nothing.”
She accepts my answer with relief. “I’m here for you. Maybe it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but say the word, and I’ll stop everything. I’ll stop the world for you, Ben. Nothing’s more important to me than you and Ruthie. If there’s anything we need to talk about—”
“There’s nothing.”
It’s been a tough day. The focus should be on Lena’s recovery— not Lauren Riley or my bullshit.
But, yes, there are things I need to say.
My hearing has worsened, pushing me toward surgery I don’t want.
My days on the police force are numbered because I no longer feel I can do the job to my standards and have lost motivation.
The offer is timely and the best I’ll get, but complicated. I don’t know what to do—a rare and unsettling situation that makes my chest tight with pressure.
And Lauren Riley dredges up unwanted feelings.
I don’t want to think about it anymore tonight.
Lena sighs, scooting closer and awkwardly holding her injured hand above the water. She moves the washcloth under the surface, running it along my stomach and over my legs. “Okay. But we should talk more about the offer. It’s worth considering.”
My hand drifts up her leg under the water. Her smile returns like the sun peeking through dark clouds.
“Later.”
Her lips coil into a coy grin. “I just want what’s best for you.”
I reclaim the washcloth and gently pull her into my lap. She straddles me, nestling like she’s made to fit there. With her wounded arm secure on my shoulder, she slips the other around me. Her fingertips feel like flower petals over my old scars.
Lena has always loved me just as I am.
“You’re best for me,” I say, studying her. I love looking at Lena. Her damp hair messily frames her oval face, highlighting her expressive eyes. I imagine millions of thoughts circulating behind them like stars in an expansive universe. “I almost lost you today.”
Her forehead falls against mine. “I’m sorry.”
“Promise me, you’ll drive the speed limit from now on. Please. I don’t mean it as a judgment, just a request. I see too many accidents, Lena.”
“Yes, okay. Promise.” She tucks her bottom lip under her teeth, practically forcing me to kiss it free.
My lips drag over her determined chin and that place on her neck that makes her breath hitch every time. Her body melts against mine the more I kiss and touch her. Relaxed Lena—it’s been too long.
“Pain level?” I whisper between us.
“I’ll hurt tomorrow,” she says breathlessly before easing me inside her. “Promise me… no more lies.”
A low rumble rises through me at how good she feels. She could’ve asked me anything, and I would’ve said yes. I only hope she never asks the wrong questions. “Yes, I promise.”
Water sloshes between us as she rides me, her leg muscles squeezing me into her. She cries out when I grab her ass and bring myself deeper.
Sex with Lena isn’t just a highlight, but a need that five years together hasn’t stifled. The closer we are, the longer we’re together, the better it gets.
But our closeness proves elusive most days. It’s a fluid thing that slips through our fingers and evaporates with every missed opportunity. The more times we ignore it, the fewer times it appears.
It’s here now, though, and not to be wasted. Tonight’s about her healing and ours.
My fingers graze her stomach and then go lower, touching her exactly the way she likes. Her back arcs, her eyes roll before they close, and she nibbles her bottom lip—I love turning her on. Watching her, feeling her, delighting in her little trembles, I can tell she’s as starved as I am.
Our distance lately isn’t that she doesn’t want me.
It’s never that. Just like my secrecy isn’t because I don’t love her—it’s the opposite, really.
Her breathless smile and her dilated eyes, bright blue and seeking, prove her devotion.
She looks almost giddy, laughing over the rough waves of the tub water and taking me like a rediscovered treasure.
Lena loves me. Almost securing the thought in place so I won’t forget it, she leans over me, kissing the scar on my forehead, my cheek, my lips, and slides her good hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer.
She keeps her eyes on mine, smiling, with her climax like it’s a journey she wants to take me on. I soon follow, deep and full.
Later, in bed, holding her to my chest, I know I have to trust her with everything. She’s the heart of me, and she deserves the truth.
Tomorrow.