Chapter 31
31
“So…what’s it feel like to die and come back to life?”
I shook my head as I frowned down at the cell phone. “You’ve asked me that question, like, three times already.”
Stacey’s snort echoed through the bathroom. “I’m asking every day I talk to you just to make sure nothing has changed and you’re not going to turn into a zombie. I don’t wanna have to go all Rick Grimes on your ass.”
Rolling my eyes, I twisted the length of my hair in a top bun, and then shoved about a hundred pins in to keep it in place. “That’s not going to happen, and I’d be a walker, not a zombie.”
“Semantics,” she replied. “Am I going to see you today?”
I nodded, and then realized, like an idiot, she couldn’t see me. “Yeah, I think Roth and I were planning to swing by this evening. He mentioned something about picking up cheese fries.”
Stacey and her mom, along with her baby brother, were still staying at her mom’s sister’s house. They hoped to be in a new home by spring, but her aunt’s house was as nice as the McMansion Cayman had acquired.
“Have I told you lately how much I like Roth and all his good ideas?” she said.
Laughing, I picked my sweater up off the counter. “You like him because he brings you food.”
“I’d like him even better if he acted like a real demon and turned my brother into a frog or something,” she muttered.
As I dragged the thick sweater on over my head, Robin darted across my shoulder and ended up stretched out along my lower back. “I don’t think Roth has the capability to do that.”
“He could try,” was her response, and I could practically hear the pout in her voice. Picking up the phone, I turned it off Speaker as I headed into the bedroom. I frowned as I spied one of the kittens curled up in a fuzzy little ball atop the scarf I planned on wearing. It was Thor.
Dammit.
A familiar pang of loss hit me in the chest as I cautiously approached the bed. I missed Bambi. After things had settled down a little, I’d remembered that Roth had mentioned seeing her. We’d reached out to the coven and surprisingly they’d allowed us to visit. Seeing Bambi had healed some of the hurting in my chest. I knew she was happy and she was okay, treated like a princess, but still, even though the apocalypse was averted, she no longer belonged to us.
“So…” Stacey drew the word out. “Are you getting ready to go talk to Zayne?”
I stopped a few feet from the bed, my brows knitting. “What? How do you know I’m doing that?”
“Zayne told me he’d texted you yesterday,” she answered.
Thor lifted its head.
“I didn’t know he told you that,” I murmured absently, distracted by wondering how I was supposed to gain access to my scarf without shedding blood.
“It doesn’t…bother you that Zayne and I talk, does it?”
“What?” I ignored the way the kitten’s ears flattened. “No. It doesn’t bother me. Why would it?”
“I don’t know,” Stacey murmured. “I just wanted to make sure.”
I shook my head even though, again, she couldn’t see it. “I think it’s great that you’re spending time with Zayne.” And I really, truly meant that. Stacey had lost Sam, and Zayne had lost his father…and, in a way, he’d lost me. At least that was how it felt sometimes. “You guys are there for each other, and that’s amazing. I just didn’t know he told you about texting me.”
“Good,” she replied. “I’m happy to hear that, because it’s nice… It’s just good to have him around right now.” There was a pause. “Is Roth going with you?”
I snorted. “Uh, no. If Roth went with me, they would spend the entire time trying to outsnark one another.”
Stacey giggled. “You know, if it wasn’t for you, I think they’d have an epic bromance.”
Zayne and Roth bromancing it out? Doubtful.
“Well, I’ll let you go, but call me when you get done and let me know how everything goes with Zayne. Okay?”
“All right. I’ll talk to you soon.” After saying goodbye to Stacey, I slipped the phone in my back pocket, and then took a deep breath. I may be one badass half demon, half Warden, half something else entirely, but these damn kittens terrified me.
Snapping forward, I grabbed the edge of my scarf and yanked hard as I jumped back from the bed. The little demonic ball of fur flopped onto its back, four paws sticking up at the ceiling. It just lay there, swirling its tail back and forth over the comforter.
“Sorry?” I said, backing away.
Thor turned its head toward me and meowed the most pitiful sound known to man. I almost started toward it, to make sure it was okay, but then I caught myself. “I’m not falling for that. You’re fine.”
The kitten’s ears pinned back as it rolled onto its side. Then it popped onto its little paws and strutted across the bed, and I mean, it strutted , tail swaying and all. What an evil little turd.
Looping the scarf around my neck, I headed downstairs. I could hear Cayman talking in the kitchen, something about basting versus brining, and while I wanted to believe he was talking about a turkey, I wasn’t willing to put money on it. I’d taken one step off the stairs when Roth walked through the entryway.
My heart did a cartwheel. The sight of him alone did that to me, and I doubted that would ever change.
As tall as Roth was, the height and breadth of his shoulders was striking enough, but throw in the work of art that was his face and eyes that shone like topaz jewels, he stole breath and hearts everywhere he went.
He was wearing a long-sleeved dark blue thermal and even with the studded belt, his black jeans hung distractingly low. As he reached up to scrub his fingers through his hair, pushing the choppy lengths off his forehead, the thermal rose and I was greeted with quite the glimpse of golden skin and those two little indents on either side of his hips.
Roth was grinning when I finally dragged my gaze to his. “You keep looking at me like that, Shortie, and you’re not going to be leaving this house anytime soon.”
Heat flooded my cheeks as I toyed with the loop I’d made in my scarf. “I wasn’t looking at you in any particular way.”
“How many times do I have to tell you what a terrible liar you are?”
I wrinkled my nose at him. “Whatever.”
He crossed the distance between us. Catching my hands, he pulled them away from the scarf, and then he started readjusting it himself. “You’re leaving to go talk to Zayne now?”
“Yeppers.” I eyed him cautiously. I knew he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of my heading off to meet up with Zayne, but he knew how much it meant to me, so he was basically—surprisingly—keeping his mouth shut about it.
“Robin’s with you?” Fixing the scarf to his apparent satisfaction, which looked no different than how I’d done it, he then dropped his hands to my shoulders.
I nodded just as the fox’s tail switched along the base of my spine. “On my back.”
He frowned. “I still don’t like that idea of you going out there. I can—”
“Roth,” I said, stretching up and placing my hands on his chest. “I’m going to be okay. You know that. I’m officially pretty badass.”
“I’m not questioning your badassery, but just because the Lilin is gone and the Wardens are playing nice right now, that doesn’t mean everyone is puking rainbows out there.”
Yuck. I could’ve done without the imaginary. “I know.”
He studied me for a moment, and then sighed. “I’m being overprotective.”
“Yeppers peppers.”
His hands slid up my neck, eliciting a shiver from me. He cupped my cheeks. “It’s hard not to be, at least for a little while.”
“Understandable.”
“Text me when you’re done. I’ll meet you.” Guiding my chin down, he kissed my forehead, and I think he also kissed the top of my bun, which was really cute. “Okay?”
“Okeydokey.” I was evidently in a rhyming kind of mood as I started to slip away, but he caught my hand and tugged me back. Badassery went right out the window, because I ended up pressed against his chest. “Roth—”
Circling an arm around my waist, he bent me backward as he lowered his head. Roth kissed me, and he…wow, he kissed me like we’d never done it before, like it was his first time learning the curve of my lips, and he took his time doing so. The kiss was thorough . My pulse raced as I melted into him, wrapping one arm around his neck as I clutched his arm with my other hand.
“Oh for the love of my innocent, virtuous eyes, could you guys not do that where I have to see it?” Cayman’s voice carried from the kitchen doorway.
Roth lifted his head, and as he straightened, I watched in a daze as he grinned slyly at me. “Just want to make sure you don’t forget me.”
Cayman snorted. “I don’t think she’s going to forget that anytime soon.”
So true.
Roth appeared rather pleased with himself. “Say hi to Stony for me.”
I shot him a look, and he appeared completely unrepentant as he winked and then swooped down, kissing me once more before he let go. But there was a part of me that thought Roth wasn’t being a jerk when it came to his request, and that alone was kind of amazing.
* * *
Cold grass crunched under my boots as I crossed the lawn, heading for the bench. The temps had jumped over the past couple of days, melting the snow, and the sun was out, and even though it was still chilly, people were out everywhere on the National Mall.
Sitting down, I immediately winced as the iciness from the wood seeped through my jeans and chilled my bum. I hunkered down in my sweater, squinting at the bright winter sun.
Humans milled about, heading for the museums, some sitting on benches playing chess, others out jogging and being all healthy. Did any of them know how close they’d come to the legit end of the world, like the trumpets blaring and rivers running with blood kind of end of the world?
I really didn’t even have to ask myself that question, because I already knew the answer. Even with the gargoyles awakening and wreaking havoc and even with all those poor people who’d seemingly dropped dead on the streets, mankind seriously had no idea what a near miss they’d had with the apocalypse.
We’d saved the day. I’d saved the day, and they would never know.
Man, it was kind of like being Batman, but without the cool cape.
But if I were Batman would that make Roth, Robin, the Boy Wonder? Ah, no. I couldn’t see him being down for that, but the thought made me grin from ear to ear.
The sound of footsteps drew my attention, and I looked up. Zayne was a few feet away from me, one of his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans and the other holding a square black bag. His shoulders were hunched, his chin dipped low. My stomach did a weird wiggle, not entirely pleasant. My familiar didn’t affect my ability to see auras like Bambi had, but now I almost wished it did. That would be better than having to see how…how dull the glow around Zayne had become. The antique white of his aura was a constant reminder of what I’d done to him.
And it hadn’t been the only thing.
My grin weakened a bit, but I didn’t let it fade away, because despite everything, I was happy to see him.
“Hey,” he said, and he smiled, but it didn’t reach those vibrant eyes. God, I missed that smile, how he did it with his face—his whole being. “You came.”
I gave a little shake of my head. “Of course I came. I told you I would.”
“Yeah, you did.” He sat beside me, placing the bag on the other side, and then shoved both hands in his pockets as he stared straight ahead. Several moments passed. “I just thought maybe you would’ve changed your mind…or something.”
Understanding seeped in. “I wouldn’t change my mind, and Roth would never ask that of me.”
Zayne’s head swung in my direction. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then tried again. “I… I like your hair like that.”
“Oh.” I reached up, gingerly poking at my bun. “I honestly didn’t feel like doing anything with it.”
“It’s different.” He glanced at me and then quickly averted his gaze. “Anyway, I wanted to see you, to tell you that I’m glad that you’re okay. I didn’t get the chance to tell you that when you showed up at the house. All of us were pretty shocked to see you.” The longer he spoke, the more some of the awkwardness fell by the wayside. “When we’d heard that the Lilin was dead, well…we knew what that meant. I knew what that meant.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I realized that I’d been saying that a lot, but I still meant it. I just wished I could say something else.
A quick grin appeared before vanishing. “I know you are. What you did was incredibly brave. Crazy, but brave. I’m not going to lecture you for it. I’m sure… I’m sure Roth has already done that.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “You know, you can’t doubt what you really are, anymore. Inside. You have to know. To make that kind of choice you made, you can no longer doubt your worth. I just… I just wanted you to know that.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a shaky breath. “I… Thank you.” That was all I could say, because he was right. I knew what I was on the inside. Being a demon or a Warden didn’t make me who I was. My decisions and my actions did. And I wasn’t perfect—and I wasn’t evil. I was just me.
A breeze tossed a strand of his blond hair across the chiseled line of his jaw. “Enough about me,” I said, and Zayne chuckled. “What?” I asked.
He slid his hands out of his pockets as he leaned back against the bench, relaxing. “Layla-bug, you died and came back to life. Kind of hard not to focus on that.”
At the sound of my nickname, I got a little giddy inside. “Okay. Good point…” I racked my brain for something to say and found it. “I’m going back to school next week. Roth and Cayman did their thing and the school officials think I’ve been out with mono or something. I can catch up and graduate on time.”
“That’s good.” Sincerity clung to his voice. “What about college?”
I shifted on the bench. “I think I’m going to apply for spring semester—to some of the colleges around here, but once I’m done with school, I kind of want to travel.” Thinking back to the conversation I’d had with Roth about seeing the world, I smiled. “I’ve never been anywhere and I want to see things—the beach, the mountains—a desert. I have time to do that. Lots of time.”
“That’s right. I don’t know how I keep forgetting that you…you’re not going to age or anything.” His jaw tightened. “I think it’s good, though—the whole travel thing. You’ll have fun.”
“Yeah.” It was weird and something I honestly didn’t obsess over, but I was forever going to look like this…unless someone managed to stab me in the heart or chop my head off. I really needed to change the subject again. “But really, enough about me. I want to know how you’re doing with everything.”
He raised one broad shoulder. “Taking it day by day, to be honest. A couple of the nearby clans are coming in, to scope everything out. It’s nothing to worry about,” he added when I tensed. “It’s just procedural crap from what Nicolai and Dez have said.”
“They’ve been a lot of help, haven’t they?”
“Yeah. I’ve got a couple more years before I need to take over, and I know between the two of them, they will do things right. They’re going to bring about some of the change that is needed, especially with how close Nicolai and Danika are getting.”
I grinned, still liking the idea of those two together. “Change is definitely needed. Things have been a bit…archaic.” If Danika had her way, and I couldn’t see her stopping until she did, then the females of the clan would have a heck of a lot more choices in the future. “But aside from your responsibilities to the clan, how are you ?”
His brows knitted together. “It’s hard some days,” he admitted quietly. “Talking to Stacey has been good. She…she understands, you know?” He paused while I nodded. “I know my father and I didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things toward the end, but he was my dad, and I loved him.” He glanced at me. “He loved you. You know that, right? Underneath it all, he did care for you.”
Recalling the conversation Zayne and I had after Abbot died, I nodded. “I know.”
“I miss him.”
I started to reach over to squeeze his arm, but halted halfway. I wasn’t sure if he wanted that kind of comfort from me now.
Zayne must have caught the movement out of the corner of his eyes, because he half turned, picking up the black bag. “I brought you something.”
My brows flew up. “You did?”
He nodded as he reached inside. “I thought you might be missing this.”
Curious, I watched as his arm lifted and a raggedy, furry brown head came into view. I clasped my hands together, my mouth dropping open as Zayne pulled out an old, beat-up teddy bear that had seen better days. “Mr. Snotty,” I breathed, reverently.
Zayne had given me Mr. Snotty the night Abbot had first brought me to the Wardens’ compound. I’d only been seven and terrified of the winged creatures with their hard, stone-like skin and jagged teeth. I’d rushed through the house, found a closet and hid in it until Zayne had coaxed me out of it, offering a once-pristine teddy bear.
I’d loved that thing.
As much as I loved Zayne.
I took the bear, clutching it close as Zayne cleared his throat. “I know you’re not a little girl anymore. Heck, I know if push comes to shove, you could kick my ass now, but I thought…well, you could always use Mr. Snotty. He belongs to you.”
Tears burned my eyes as I buried my face in the top of Mr. Snotty’s head and breathed in deeply. The scent of what used to be my home clung to the little bear, and I almost started sobbing right there. Hugging that bear, I wanted to go back in time just so I could get one more hug out of Abbot, before everything went downhill between us.
Blinking back tears, I lifted my face to Zayne. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
He closed his eyes briefly. “I miss you, Layla.”
My chest squeezed like it was in a vise. “You don’t have to,” I whispered, angling toward him as I held the bear. And here we were, finally at the heart of the reason why we were sitting on the bench. “I’m right here. I miss you, Zayne. I want to be friends.”
“I know. It’s just… I’m not ready for that,” he said, flipping his gaze to the sky. His chest rose with a deep breath. “I like to think that one day I will be. Well, I know I will. One day.”
“I will be waiting,” I told him. “I mean it. I’ll be waiting for that day.”
Some of the weight I carried around my heart eased as Zayne nodded slowly. Then he smiled as he looked over at me, really smiled that full-faced grin that I grew up adoring, and in that moment I knew that there really would be a “one day” to look forward to.