Chapter 28 Ana #2
She forced herself to turn away too, no way she wanted Alex to see her expression.
Questions raced through her mind, formed on her tongue, then fell away.
Was she wrong? Was Raya wrong? Had Alex unceremoniously tried to let her know he didn’t feel the same way about her?
Frustration and mortification rose in equal parts.
She shoved a box hard. It fell back, opening a pathway into a dark corner behind a bookshelf. Stepping over, she moved into the shadows, grateful for an excuse to hide her face from Alex.
From her hidden spot, she dared to sneak a peek at Alex. He had stopped digging again and was sitting on an upended box. His face seemed tight, racked with thought. She didn’t get him. What was he trying to do here? Let her down gently, or tell her he loved her? It was one of the two.
“Ana, I need to tell you something, and I really need you to just listen.”
Here we go again.
“Sure.” She kept her voice neutral, but the mental barriers were dropping into place. Her moment of weakness had passed, and she needed to protect herself and move on. Keep digging. Keep busy.
“Do you remember the night Danny died, at the hospital?”
Ana remembered every painful detail, whether she wanted to or not.
The red plastic row of chairs, the green walls.
The waiting families. Maia’s parents in matching NASA hoodies, huddled together in the corner, waiting in terrified silence.
Karl’s dad standing by the window—apart from the others, hands deep in his sweatpants pockets, shoulders hunched.
Disinfectant. Masks. Announcements as people bustled past, crinkling in their blue gowns.
Slamming through the swing doors into surgery, out of surgery. Gurneys. Police. Noise.
“You know, that was the last time we really talked, until this trip,” Alex said.
“The next day, I came to find you. I knocked on your door, but you didn’t answer.
It was okay, I understood. But then the days went by and became weeks.
I’d walk into the hall, and you’d hide. At the bus stop, you’d walk half a mile to catch a different bus.
You dropped the one class we were in together.
I get it. It’s not your fault. You didn’t want anything to do with me. ”
The barriers were firmly in place and locked down in Ana’s head now. She kept moving, shifting boxes, one after another, mindlessly working so the words wouldn’t get inside, wouldn’t break through.
“The thing is, Ana, I understand. I know it was my fault that Hunt did what he did. My song killed Danny. My song broke us. I know you can never forgive me. I don’t blame you, Ana. I’ll never forgive myself. Not as long as I live.”
Ana was surprised to feel tears on her cheeks.
Somehow, she had stopped moving, a box still in her arms, frozen in place.
His words were pushing her. A jumble of images merged and danced in her head.
The beep of the heart monitor. Alex knocking softly on the front door.
Her mother sobbing at the yellow kitchen table while food burned on the stovetop.
It hurt. It hurt. It never went away.
Alex stood up and moved behind the bookshelf. He was behind her, the darkness swallowing them both, hiding their pain.
His voice was so soft she barely heard his next words.
“Raya had it right, about me anyway. I do like you, Ana. A lot. I think I always have. But I totally understand if you don’t feel the same. I don’t blame you. What I did to you and your family can never be forgiven. I’m so sorry…”
Ana turned. The walls fell away. How could he blame himself? How could he think she blamed him? She was the one. She was the guilty one. Never him. Never Alex.
“Alex. What happened wasn’t your fault. I have never blamed you.
Ever. How could I? I…” She looked up at him.
They were so close now, she could feel his breath on her skin, the warmth of his body.
She felt herself move towards him, leaning in, the back of her hand brushing his fingers, her knee touching his leg.
She came up to his chin, to the neck of his T-shirt, his skin smooth and dark, damp with sweat.
“Raya was right about both of us.” A whisper was all she could manage. It was enough.
Alex looked down at her. His face so close. His brown eyes, warm with love. His soft, sweet lips smiling.
She wanted him so badly. She wanted to pull him down to her and kiss him. She wanted to fold into his arms and never leave.
It was the moment. The moment—right up until she saw it.
Ana gasped. Stepping away, her arms dropped to her sides.
Alex seemed momentarily surprised and disappointed, but then seeing her expression, he turned and followed her gaze.
There it was, in the dark—the faintest white glow catching the corner of a large crate. Blink and you’d miss it.
Was this it? Was this weak light the thing they’d been searching so hard for? Or was it another false hope? Ana walked over to the crate and shoved it hard, pushing it aside, revealing the source of the light.
A large metal box frame was bolted to the floor, topped with a hatch door. There was a handle on one side next to a glowing rectangular keypad, the white letters standing out starkly in the darkness, its bright light illuminating the walls and boxes strewn about it.
Ana kneeled down; her fingers touched the metal hatch. So, this was it. It was real. She had been right all along.
Bates had been here all this time, hiding behind the hatch. And they’d finally found him.