Chapter 42 Alex #2
Despite his bravado, he seemed to be struggling to find the words.
“The game…a year ago…that was my one shot. Scouts were there from all the big schools, and I had to look good, or all the years I’d put into basketball wouldn’t mean shit.
Even my father came. It was the one fucking time he showed up. The one time…and…I choked.”
Ellis’s gray eyes were cold and hollow—he was pacing again, up and down, always within reach of them, just in case.
“At halftime, I was done. I didn’t know what to do.
I panicked. It felt like everything was slipping away.
I went out for some air and sat in my car.
I thought about leaving. Just driving away, making up some excuse later.
But they’d know that I lost it and ran away.
That would be a deal breaker. A lousy player and mentally weak—no one would ever sign me.
I didn’t know what to do. But then…I saw Karl.
He was upset about some girl. He wanted to buy one of Caden’s pink pills, but he was out of money.
It just felt like karma or something… He needed money and I needed a way out… ”
“Ellis, what did you do?”
“I did what I had to do.” Ellis sniffed; his strong profile turned to them—his bravado was faltering. His next words were almost a whisper. “I paid Hunt twenty dollars to start the fire.”
Alex felt the air leave him. He could barely stand it—the thought of Ellis slipping a twenty-dollar bill to Karl, telling him to set fire to the school gym. How could Ellis have done that? Over a lousy basketball game?
“You paid Karl to do it?” Ana looked equally shocked. “You paid him twenty dollars? How could you, Ellis?”
“I didn’t…I didn’t mean for any of this to happen…
I thought, a small fire, the alarms would go off, sprinklers…
there would be no way we could keep playing after that…
When I saw what was happening, I tried to stop it.
I tried…but the fire…” Ellis rubbed his hand over his shoulder, touching the rough skin, the burn scars.
Ellis the hero, rushing into the flames to try and save people.
Now it all made sense. He was trying to fix his mistake before it was too late.
“Jesus…” Ana dropped her head.
There it was—the final piece of truth. All of this, all the grief and pain, all the death, the loss, Danny…it all came down to a twenty-dollar bill. Karl hadn’t meant to kill himself or anyone else. It wasn’t suicide or murder, it was an accident, a stupid, thoughtless, unnecessary accident.
There was a long silence. The wind had picked up and was whistling across the plains. The rusty windmill was spinning wildly, clacking loudly. Clouds were massing over the distant mountains. This day was done.
“Does anyone else know what you did?” Ana asked at last.
“Only my father and his legal assistant. After…in the hospital, I called and told him everything. I didn’t know what to do.
I thought I should tell someone what really happened—what I did.
But he said to tell no one; that he would take care of everything.
” Ellis kept his eyes down throughout his speech—on his shoes, on the ground, anywhere but on them.
“My father didn’t visit me in the hospital, you know.
Not once. His legal assistant came—several times, just to make sure I had my story straight.
But not my father. We never spoke about it again after that first call.
In fact, since that day he hasn’t…he hasn’t looked me in the eyes.
What happened…what I did…I disgust him.” Ellis rubbed his eyes.
“I sometimes wonder…I wonder if he wished I’d died in the fire that day…
so he wouldn’t have to live with the disappointment. ”
Alex caught Ana’s eye. Her expression was hard to read. Ellis’s confession was coming so late in the day, after everything they had been through. Everything that had been done. Was there a place for pity?
Ana straightened up.
“Look at me.” Her voice was unnervingly calm. Ellis kept his eyes downturned, fixed on the ground.
“I said, look at me!” Ana pulled herself forward. Reluctantly Ellis looked up. They locked eyes—adversaries at the final showdown. The air between them crackled with danger, anger—grief. In that second, they were connected by something wider, something deeper than them.
“You did what you did. It happened. Now it’s time to move on.”
Surprised, Alex glanced at Ana. She was calmer than anyone had a right to be as they faced their own death. She knew what she was saying and meant it.
“Ellis, I forgive you.” Her last words were barely above a whisper.
Ellis stared at her, his expression written over with confusion and pain. He hadn’t expected this and didn’t know what to do with it. Ana held his gaze.
“I forgive you.”
Slowly Ellis started to fold in on himself. He started to cry. The tears that he had been holding back released in a flood. Shaky, ragged breaths racked through him as he stood fixed on the spot.
“Fuck you, Ana. Fuck you!”
Angrily he pushed away at his tears, at his emotions, with the back of his hand. He fought with himself, battling for control.
“If you think that changes anything, you’re fucking wrong,” he shouted, taking several threatening steps towards her.
Alex instinctively pulled Ana closer.
“GO! Or I will fucking kill you!” He held his fists in the air; his outpouring of emotion suppressed under a newfound fury. He was livid. He was dangerous.
This was it. Alex’s heart sank as it finally hit him that Ana’s plan, whatever it was, must have failed.
There was nothing for it. Nothing they could do—not with his leg. Alex knew he’d rather get shot by some random stranger a hundred times over than let Ellis strangle them both with his bare hands.
His head dropped; he was slipping a little, the pain was overwhelming him. He buried his face in Ana’s hair for a moment, closing his eyes and breathing in.
“NOW!” Ellis stepped towards them, his voice, his movements laced with rage.
“Together, okay? We go together. Our way,” Ana whispered to him.
Alex’s heart was beating wildly. He didn’t want to die. Every fiber of his body wanted to pull away, to run, to live. There were so many things he’d never do, places he’d never see, songs he’d never hear. So much of life ahead, now gone.
Ana turned her face to him, tears running down her cheek. She smiled sadly, and in that moment, it was just the two of them, alone in the world. This was the only way now, their path. Their end.
“I’m scared,” he whispered.
“Do you trust me?” she asked.
“Always.” He gently leaned forward, his lips touched hers, soft at first, then with passion and fire, pulling them close, enveloping them in something powerful and deep.
Something eternal, that couldn’t be stolen by death.
They would die with grace. They would die with love. They would die together.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Ellis moved closer, fists held out threateningly.
This was it. Their finale. Together, they turned their backs on Ellis, the Motel Loba, and the Balloon Game for the last time.
“It’s time to let go,” Ana whispered, as though to herself. Her words were lost in the sage-scented air. Alex nodded. At last, after everything, it was time.
Half-carrying him, Ana stepped over the line.
The first step, then the next. It felt easy, like nothing—after all the fear.
She kept them both moving along, heading towards the highest peak in the distance.
Alex focused his eyes on it. The view from there must be beautiful.
You’d be able to see for miles. The motel would look so small, like a kid’s toy. A game.
Crack.
Ana fell; her full weight instantly filled his arms, pulling them both down. Alex wished he’d gone first. Gently he laid her on the ground. Her eyes were already closed—too soon. Gone so easily, so quickly. Just like that.
His fingers brushed her cheek and gently pushed her dark hair back. He leaned forward and tenderly kissed her lips one last time.
He was ready. He wanted to go now. He wanted to be with her again—for this all to end. Slowly he straightened up, his hand still holding Ana’s. He sat back; inviting, waiting, ready—and closed his eyes.