23. 23
Hayes
Now
W ith a gulp, Annabelle nods.
I brush her hair over her shoulder and lower my mouth to her skin, kissing the spot under her ear.
“Hayes,” she whispers, her body shuddering under my mouth. Her lips hover so close to mine that I can smell the sugary sweetness on her breath from her latte. When my gaze meets hers, I read the heat and yearning in her eyes.
Whenever I’m around Annabelle, she drives me absolutely fucking crazy.
I’m constantly battling against remembering the memories of our night at Tank’s because the second they hit me, I’m hard and desperate to make new memories.
I’ve jacked off and taken more cold showers in the past few weeks than I have in my entire adult life.
She said she wanted to take it slow, and I've respected her wishes.
But when Annabelle twists her head so that her mouth meets mine, my restraint evaporates like steam on a hot summer day.
My hands grip her face, sliding from her cheeks into her hair. My lips crash into hers, and my body tingles with so much pent-up sexual desire. I pour everything I have into this kiss with Annabelle—all the longing, all the attraction, all the love.
Holy shit. Love?
Have I fallen in love with Annabelle?
Aside from Jane and a few short-term girlfriends in high school and college, I haven’t had any serious relationships and certainly none that culminated in love. While I was with Jane, she pushed and prodded, hoping one day I'd return her feelings. But I never did.
But maybe that’s the thing about love. It isn’t planned, and it can’t be cajoled or coerced. Maybe it just… happens when you least expect it.
Annabelle lets out a soft, sensual whimper as her arms wind around my neck, pulling me closer. Her kiss starts out gentle, but it quickly deepens, growing more urgent. My tongue sweeps into her mouth, teasing, and I nip at her plush lower lip, moaning at the flood of sensations coursing through me.
She pushes me backward until my ass hits the edge of the marble counter.
Fuck, it’s hot watching her close the distance, step by step, until she’s standing between my legs.
My erection presses into her stomach as her hands slip under my shirt, fingertips tracing the lines of my abs.
I close my eyes, muscles clenching and twitching as she explores me with slow, deliberate touches in an exquisite torture.
When her fingers reach the soft trail of hair starting at my belly button and disappearing beneath my sweatpants, I shudder, breath catching in anticipation. She lingers there, her fingers flirting with the waistband.
But then I hear something odd. Pulling back an inch, I ask, “Is that… are those frogs croaking?”
Annabelle springs out of my arms. “Oh, shit! That’s my alarm. I have a work meeting starting in thirty minutes. Damn, I’ve gotta go, Hayes!”
Dazed, all I say is, “Blue balls.”
With a laugh, Annabelle pats my cheek. “I’ll make it up to you later,” she says before she kisses me again. “Promise.”
“I’m holding you to that, Yankee!” I holler after her as she runs out of the bathroom, leaving me to drown in my confounding emotions.
Is it really love? Or just pent-up lust?
And if it is love, why does it freak me out?
Ever since our one-night stand, all I wanted was to be reunited with her, so now that I have her, why am I so nervous?
I swipe my truck keys off the kitchen counter and take the elevator down to the parking garage. Then I drive over to Rowdy’s house because I need to talk to someone who understands what it feels like to want someone like I want Annabelle.
When I pull up to the home he shares with Bailey, I see it through fresh eyes.
The first time he showed it to me, I thought he was out of his mind.
The house itself is stunning… but it’s not a fun, flashy bachelor pad.
It’s a family home. Rowdy and Bailey had only been dating a few months when he bought this place, but now I get it.
He must’ve already seen the writing on the wall.
Set in an exclusive neighborhood with top-rated schools and nearby parks, the house sits on a gated lot and boasts five bedrooms, a playroom, and a sprawling backyard. Rowdy didn’t just buy a house; he built a foundation for his future with Bailey .
As I sit in my truck in Rowdy’s circular driveway, I rub my sternum. Something warm yet uncomfortable lodges in my chest.
I think I’m falling in love.
Fuck that. I think I started falling in love with her the night we met. But now… I’m one hundred percent head over heels in love with Annabelle.
The fact that her happiness will be forever tied to mine from this moment on scares the hell out of me.
I’ve lived a selfish life until now, answering to no one but myself.
It feels like I’m on a speeding train with no brakes, careening toward a future I always craved but didn’t expect.
There’s no escape, no way to veer off the tracks.
Whether I’m ready for it, whether I’m terrified or uncomfortable, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s happening.
Adding to my worries is the fact that I was raised by a single mom who rarely dated. I didn't grow up witnessing romantic love. I don't know how to love someone properly.
What if I fuck this up? I can’t let Annabelle down. I can’t disappoint her.
Despite the chilly mid-morning temperatures, I break out into a light sweat.
A knock on my truck’s driver’s side window interrupts my thoughts. Startling in my seat, I look up to see Rowdy. He’s holding onto a steaming coffee mug and has one eyebrow raised, looking at me like I’m crazy. Unlatching my seat belt, I push open the door and hop out of the truck.
“Wasn’t sure if you planned on sitting out here all day or if you wanted to come inside,” Rowdy says. “You look a little dazed and confused, Hayes. You okay?”
I nod.
“Does this have anything to do with Annabelle? ”
“You know it,” I confirm with a heavy sigh.
“I figured. Let’s head inside to talk because Bailey will want to hear everything too. You came at a good time. She’s been craving sweets this week, so she made a batch of chocolate chip cookies. They just came out of the oven, so we can eat while you spill your guts.”
“Hayes!” Bailey squeals when I follow Rowdy into their gigantic kitchen. She stops transferring warm cookies from their baking tray onto a wire rack just long enough to let me give her a hug. “It’s my third favorite member of Outlaw,” she teases.
“Third? Who do I need to kill to move into second place?” I feign outrage at her comment.
Rowdy crosses his arms and leans his butt against the kitchen counter. “James got Bailey a gift certificate for a prenatal massage at some bougie spa.”
“Why?” I ask.
Bailey swats me with a hot pad. “Some people don’t think you have to have a reason to buy a gift for a friend.”
“He barfed out the window of Bailey’s car last week when she was our designated driver,” Rowdy supplies with a grin. “You know how James is. A man of few words, but a man of many drinks.”
“Wait. So, Dumb barfed,” I pause for dramatic effect, “in your car, and he’s still in the second spot? What the hell, Bailey? Shouldn’t I get a reward for not being a drunk tool who can’t handle his liquor?”
“It was out of my car, not in my car. Big difference.” Bailey cocks an eyebrow and asks, “Anyway, how are things with Annabelle going? I’m assuming that’s why you’re here, right?”
My playful teasing vanishes as my nerves resurface. “They’re good. We’re good. Good, yeah, good. Pretty good,” I say, bopping my head .
She laughs and points her spatula at me while looking at her husband. “Are you sure he’s the wordsmith behind most of your hit songs?”
Half of Rowdy’s mouth lifts, and he shoots a conspiratorial glance at his wife. “Hayes, are you trying to convince yourself or us that everything’s going well between you and Annabelle?”
My mouth becomes as dry as the Sahara Desert.
The words catch in my throat, choked by fear.
Sure, I love my friends and tell them on occasion, but I’ve never uttered the words I love you in the romantic sense before.
To admit that I’m falling in love with Annabelle gives her the power to blow up my world.
Just the thought of her breaking up with me sends waves of fear and terror through my body.
Shit, and we aren’t even really together yet. We haven’t made anything official. I wonder if that should be my next move.
I mean, she admitted to “catching up on her reading,” and we kissed. But we didn’t discuss any specifics. I think I need specifics. I’m a man. I need things spelled out for me. I live in the black and white, not the shades of gray.
Though I wouldn’t mind exploring 50 Shades of Grey with Annabelle.
Fuck, focus!
I shift from foot to foot as I gather my thoughts.
Bailey takes pity on me and shoves a warm cookie into my hand.
I chew it, barely even tasting it, but grateful for the additional time to stall.
Swallowing it proves difficult, given how dry my mouth is, so I cough and sputter.
Rowdy whacks me on the back, harder than necessary, and I glare at him.
“He’s in love with Annabelle, and it’s screwing with his mind,” Bailey volunteers, correctly interpreting my thoughts and speaking for me. She leans over to pinch my cheek and adds sarcastically, “My baby boy is growing up.”
Jerking my face out from under her hand, I say, “I am. I think… I love her, and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it.”
Rowdy hums the melody of Queen’s song Another One Bites the Dust and slaps me on my back again. Reaching around me to grab another cookie, he says, “Welcome to the club, brother. It ain’t easy, but it’s worth it.”
I stand, waiting for more from my best friend, but he offers nothing else, so I shift my attention to Bailey. “Well?” I ask.
“Well, what?” She replies, nonplussed. “You want some coffee to go with your cookies? Rowdy, get Hayes a mug. Cream, no sugar, right?”
“Why the hell are we talking about how I take my coffee? I need advice because I don’t know what to do now.
I’ve never done this before!” I pace the length of their kitchen.
“She wants to take it slowly. Do I tell her I’m in love with her now, or do I wait?
I should tell her now, right? Lock her down before I lose her. ”
“I don’t think he needs any more caffeine, babe. He seems keyed up enough as it is,” Rowdy murmurs to Bailey. “I guess we could put on a pot of decaf for him, though.”
“No need for a whole pot. Just brew him a cup.”
“Can we stop discussing coffee?” I bark. “What do I do to make this work between Annabelle and me?”
Removing the oven mitt from her hand, Bailey circles the large kitchen island and tugs on my arm, forcing me to stop my frantic pacing. “Hayes, calm down. Rowdy and I make it work, and you and Annabelle can, too.”
Can I though? What if Annabelle is right? What if our two worlds are too different ?
“Look at me,” Bailey commands. When I comply, she continues, “I can tell you’re panicking.”
I nod. There’s no point in denying the obvious. “What if we’re too different? How do I make this work with her?”
“The saying opposites attract exists for a reason, Hayes,” Bailey chides.
“Brother, what matters is that you choose Annabelle. Every single fucking day.” Looking uncharacteristically serious, Rowdy’s eyes travel to Bailey before refocusing on me again.
“It doesn’t matter if Annabelle likes high-class French wine and you drink your shitty-ass Lone Star beer or if she cheers for the New York Jets and you’re a Titans fan.
That shit doesn’t matter, Hayes. What matters is that you love Annabelle enough to prioritize her and her children. All day, every day.”
“I do and I will.” Fuck, I’d walk away from music if that’s what I had to do to be with Annabelle.
Rowdy grins. “I know, brother. You’ve always been loyal, but you’re more loyal and protective of her than you ever were with Jane. You’re different since you've been with Annabelle.”
Ain’t that the fucking truth? This woman has turned me inside-out, rearranging the strands of my DNA and interweaving them with hers.
“Then the rest of it doesn’t matter, Hayes. It’s just details that need to be discussed and worked out.”
Rowdy’s reassuring words buoy my spirits.
My nerves are still palpable, but he’s thrown me a lifeline.
Given me hope. After all, he grew up in a home similar to mine.
Raised by blue-collar grandparents who were too busy and too tired to offer a blueprint for healthy relationships. Yet, he and Bailey make it work .
“Don’t worry about locking her down. Annabelle’s not dating anyone else, and there’s no rulebook to follow.
Take some time to get comfortable with the idea that you’re falling in love before telling her.
” Bailey says, wagging her finger in my general direction.
“Lord, right now you look like you’re about to vomit.
You need to get that under control before you talk to her. ”
“Yeah, you look like you just received a terminal diagnosis. If you wear that face while telling Annabelle you’re in love with her, she’ll be offended.
I backhand Rowdy’s chest. “Thanks, asshole. You’re a big help.”
Spotting the time on the oven clock, I say, “Ah, shit. I’ve got to head out. Thanks for listening.” I kiss Bailey on the cheek. “Can I take a few of these cookies to go?”
“Sure.” Bailey wraps several cookies in a paper towel and places them in a plastic container. “Where are you running off to?”
“I need to pick Annabelle’s girls up. They have a half-day since it’s the last day of school before their winter break starts. The cookies will make a good after-school snack. I’ve figured out that if I feed the gremlins, they’re more docile.”
I don’t miss the smirks that Rowdy and Bailey exchange.
Yep, I’m a changed man.