37. 37
Hayes
Now
Annabelle
Call me when you get a chance. I’ve got another funny/not funny Grace story for you.
Me
What has the little firecracker done now?!
I'll call you when I get back inside after I finish my ranch chores.
Annabelle
Okay, talk soon, Gunslinger!
Me
Gunslinger?
Annabelle
Yeah, you know, because you're an… outlaw. Get it?
Me
Keep trying, Yankee.
Annabelle
I thought you'd be glad that I've abandoned Kitten and Bambi.
Me
Oh, I am. I definitely am.
I thought you'd settled on Steamroller.
Annabelle
It's a contender, but I'm still trying out some others.
Me
Okay, love you, baby.
Annabelle
Love you too!
W hen I get back from mucking out the horse stalls with Pete, I pull out my phone to call Annabelle.
When she answers, she doesn’t even say hello. She immediately launches into her story, which makes me chuckle. “So, I got a call today from Grace’s teacher at school. You know, Mrs. Headley?”
“Yeah, I remember meeting her at school." I sit on the bench by the backdoor and pull off my muddy boots.
“Well, anyway. They’re winding down their projects on the states that they’ve been working on.”
“I bought Grace postcards for that project.”
“Right,” Annabelle says, stretching out the word. “About that, Hayes. Turns out that Grace only used one of your postcards in her project.”
“What happened to the other five I gave her?” I interrupt.
Annabelle giggles. “You know how she asked you to have the whole band sign the postcards? Well, she’s been selling those to her classmates. You’ll be happy to know they’re fetching twenty bucks per postcard.”
I let loose a loud laugh. “That kid. Tell her I want a cut of the money she’s earned.”
“I made her put it all in the swear jar.” Annabelle sighs. “I know I should be mad at her, but…”
“She’s a little entrepreneur, that’s for sure.”
“That’s one way of putting it.”
Me
Gertie.
Grace
Mom told you?
Me
Yes, she did. I’m disappointed in you.
Grace
I know, I know. I abused your trust, and now I need to work hard to earn it back. Mom already laid into me.
Me
That too, but… only $20 per postcard? Next time, put them on eBay, and I guarantee you can make a lot more than that.
Grace
Good to know.
You’re not mad at me?
Me
I’m a little disappointed, but no, I'm not mad. But don't do something like that again, Gertie.
Grace
I won't, Hayes.
Me
I miss you. Be good to your mama, okay? Give her an extra-tight hug from me. Give one to Claire too.
Me
What are you wearing?
Annabelle
This is where I feel like I should lie and tell you I'm wearing something sexy…
Me
But you're not going to do that, are you?
Annabelle
I mean, I could, but honesty is paramount in a relationship.
The truth is that I’m wearing an old plaid flannel nightgown that my grandma gave me for Christmas over a decade ago. I have a pink hydrating mask on my face and foam rollers in my hair.
There was a reason why I didn't answer your FaceTime call.
Me
Well, that took a turn. No need to jack off now.
Annabelle
LOL. Sorry, not sorry.
The bubbles hop and hop before they disappear. Then, they start hopping again. I grin, wondering what she's texting.
Do you ever think of me when you jack off?
My grin grows. I love my naughty girl.
Me
Every damn time.
I'd ask if you think of me when you masturbate, but I already know that answer since I walked in on you after we filmed the music video.
Annabelle
Maybe I wasn't thinking about you, smartass. Maybe I was fantasizing about someone else.
Me
Nice try, Yankee. When I walked into the room, you were moaning my name, and when I slipped my fingers into your panties, you were practically dripping.
Annabelle
HAYES!
I can picture how red Annabelle's face is right now. I love riling her up.
You said you'd forget about that!
Me
I did no such thing. That was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen, and it lives rent-free in my head.
In fact, I'd love to reenact it sometime.
Annabelle
Can we move onto a new topic now?
Me
You're the one who brought it up, baby.
Annabelle
Jeez, I am not allowed to text you after I’ve had two glasses of wine again. Please delete this text thread.
Me
No can do.
Annabelle
Please, Hayes.
Me
I like it when you beg.
I'll be thinking about it when I fist my cock tonight.
Annabelle
I’m going to have one more glass of wine so I can forget this conversation ever took place. Goodnight, Hayes.
Me
Text me after you finish that third glass of wine. I bet that’s when the fun really begins.
“Hey, Hayes,” Annabelle’s groggy voice greets me quietly.
“Shit, I didn’t mean to wake you up, baby. I was just going to leave you a message. Go back to sleep.” I meant to call her over an hour ago, but I got caught up writing some new music and lost track of time.
“No, I purposely left my ringer on. I wanted to talk to you and hear your voice.” The rustling of bedsheets filters through the phone’s speaker, and I imagine her sitting up in my bed as she slowly wakes from her slumber. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too, but I’ll be back in town for the album release party tomorrow.”
“We’re all looking forward to your visit. The girls even made you a welcome home sign. Act surprised when you see it.”
“I will. That’s sweet of them. I can’t wait to see it. And them. And you. I wish y’all were here with me.”
Even though she and the girls have only been to the ranch once, it feels like they’ve embedded themselves in this place.
When I walk into the ranch house, I expect to find Annabelle cooking up a storm in the kitchen and to hear the high-pitched sounds of little voices ringing out.
When I look out at the pond, I can picture the girls with their Barbie fishing poles shrieking in excitement when they feel something nibbling their lines.
And when I walk into the bedroom after a long day, I want nothing more than to find Annabelle lying in the bed waiting for me.
But maybe the truth isn’t that Annabelle, Grace, and Claire have embedded themselves into this place. Maybe it’s that they’ve embedded themselves into my heart and now I can’t imagine a life without them in it.
“Us, too. We all miss you.”
“Think they’d be comfortable with me staying at the condo for an extra day or two after the party so we could all hang out?”
“I think they’d love that, but Hayes, I’ll be at work,” she gently reminds me, though I’m not sure why.
“Yeah, so? We can spend Sunday together, and then come Monday, I can be on chauffeur duty, carting the kids to and from school, so you don’t have to worry about it." When she doesn't respond, I ask, "You don’t trust me to watch them?”
“No, that’s not it at all.” Annabelle hesitates. “I just… I don’t know. I figured you’d want time to relax after the album launches, not take care of two kids.”
“Annabelle, I miss those girls almost as much as I miss you. I want to spend time with them."
“Really?” She sounds so shocked that it makes me smile.
“Yes, really. Why are you so surprised?”
She pauses, and I sit with the silence until she explains, “Kyle played the part of the doting father in public, but… he didn’t actually spend much time with the girls.
So, when you want to spend your free time with them…
it’s unexpected. It’s wonderful, but I’m still getting used to it, that’s all. ”
Growing up without a dad is a burden I know well, and it's one I don’t want Grace and Claire to bear.
I want to be there for them, to shower them with the fatherly love and attention I would have loved to have received as a child, to make those memories with them, and to be their biggest champion.
I want to show up on the sidelines of their sporting events and sit in the first row of their dance recitals.
I want to pick them up when they fall and wipe away their tears when they get their hearts broken for the first time.
I want to celebrate every success they achieve and provide encouragement when they fail.
I want to be there to sing them happy birthday and watch them open Christmas presents. I want it all .
So, hearing that Kyle had those opportunities but chose not to take advantage of them… it riles me up and makes my dedication to Grace and Claire even fiercer.
Though I didn’t know him well, Kyle presented himself as a devoted family man.
He proudly displayed photos of his wife and kids around his office, and he often talked about them like they were his whole world.
But the more I learn about him from Annabelle, the more it seems like that was just a carefully crafted persona, a mask he wore so people would think well of him.
In truth, I think he was a selfish, arrogant man who cared more about his image than the people who loved him. I know I should be more forgiving because he was clearly battling demons and dealing with his inner turmoil. But it makes me so damn angry that he abandoned Annabelle and the girls.
“Babe, you know the saying blood is thicker than water ?”
“Yes.”
“Well, the proverb that it’s based on actually says the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb .
Meaning the ties we choose can be stronger than the ones we inherit.
Kyle might’ve given them his DNA, but there isn’t a bone in my body that doesn’t love those girls as if they were mine. ”
“I’m home! Where’s my welcome party?” I yell as I stroll off the elevator into the foyer of my condo.
Just as Annabelle said, the girls have hung up a homemade welcome banner across the ceiling of the foyer. A lot of fans have made signs for me before, but this one is by far my favorite .
Dropping my bags, I head off in search of my girls. All three of them.
“You goof!” Annabelle says as she strides out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “We’re coming. We were just finishing up something in the kitchen.” Grace and Claire pop out from behind their mother, wearing matching smiles.
“It’s a cake! We made you a cake!” Claire hollers.
Grace mutters, “It was supposed to be a surprise,” and casts a disapproving glance at her sister.
“It may sound silly, but I love the idea of coming home to you and the girls,” I murmur when I reach Annabelle.
Cupping her cheek with my hand, I slide my other arm around her lower back, pulling her into me.
All I want to do is kiss her senseless, but I don’t, since we have an audience.
So, I settle for dropping a quick kiss onto her forehead.
Turning my attention from Annabelle to Grace, I see her standing with a wide smile on her impish face, watching me.
I open my arms, and Annabelle steps back, making room for Grace.
I sweep her up into my arms and twirl her around as she laughs.
She’s got such a big personality in such a little body.
The more time I've spent with her, the more open she is at accepting my affection, which makes me happy.
As soon as I set Grace down, I hear a banshee shriek and feel a heavy thud as Claire slams into my back, almost knocking me over. Her little hands wrap around my neck, choking me. But despite the lack of oxygen, I close my eyes and revel in the feeling of love that courses through my body.
When I open them a moment later, Annabelle’s gaze is on me, watching us through teary eyes. Keeping one arm around Grace, I wrap my other arm behind me to hold Claire to my back as I stand up. Motioning to Annabelle with my chin, I say, “Group hug. ”
She wraps her arms around the three of us, and we just take a moment.
As a kid, I drifted from one friend’s house to another while my mom worked double shifts and multiple jobs.
Our tiny apartment was technically ours, but it never felt like home when I was there alone, which was almost always.
Some friends’ families would invite me for dinner or let me stay the night, but I could feel the strain.
None of them could afford another mouth to feed, and I never wanted to be a burden.
Most of the time, I was alone, untethered, and completely unaware of what it felt like to truly belong.
But standing here now, arms wrapped around these girls, feeling Annabelle’s arms around me… it hits me in my chest. For the first time in my life, I understand what family feels like. Warm. Safe.
Whole.