Chapter 23
Behind him, Elizabeth and Darcy exchanged some glances, and at that moment, Darcy realised Elizabeth had been at the door long enough to hear the accusation in regard to his father too.
As though she had guessed his thoughts, Elizabeth said apologetically, “Mr Darcy, please forgive our intrusion. We did not know that you had company. We came to talk to you as we planned. Mr Bingley and the colonel are at Longbourn. My aunt and uncle have just arrived. The servant told us you were in the library. I am truly sorry. We should have left immediately, but I heard the argument about the wedding and…I could not walk away.”
Elizabeth spoke hurriedly, her distress apparent; unlike earlier, when she had confronted Lady Catherine, now she looked grieved.
“I am truly sorry you heard those dreadful things,” Darcy said. “I beg you not to take offence at my aunt’s words. She is no better than Wickham in speaking falsehoods. May I ask, did you hear what she said about my father?”
Elizabeth nodded with mortification.
“I am so sorry,” she repeated.
“Perhaps it is for the best. You have the right to know that the family you are marrying into might not be as perfect as I claimed. There is still time until the wedding. You still have time to change your mind,” he said, his heart so heavy that he could barely find the words.
“Mr Darcy, you keep repeating that we may change our minds,” Elizabeth said decidedly. “I must ask, have you changed yours? Would you like to postpone the wedding? Or to cancel it, perhaps?”
Darcy gazed at her, bewildered.
“Why would I change my mind, Miss Bennet? Why would I postpone the wedding?”
“Then why would I, sir? Do I not deserve your trust in my decision?”
The question was harsh and carried a trace of offence, which Darcy did not miss.
“Forgive me. I know I sound foolish. But considering what happened… In truth, the wedding is the only certainty I may count on at this moment,” he admitted.
“You may count on me at this moment, tomorrow, and in the years to come, Mr Darcy. I do not change my mind easily, and certainly not because of some improper intervention.”
“Thank you,” he repeated. At that moment, he felt she was the stronger one, and she could protect him in ways he did not know he needed.
“I never suspected anything other than the deepest affection and respect between my parents,” he confessed. “What Lady Catherine said… I doubt it can be true… This is the first time I have heard…”
“Mr Darcy, I would suggest you not give much credit to a resentful woman who would have done and said anything to make her point. I did not have the pleasure of knowing your parents, but usually, things are not quite as children assume. It is always the same, regardless of wealth and connections. Do not allow some spiteful words to tarnish your memories of your parents.”
“Thank you for your kind advice, sir. I shall keep it in mind, though I doubt I shall be able to follow it easily.”
“Here is my other suggestion. Lizzy and I should leave now. We all have a long day tomorrow, and we have already endured a horrible one today. We can see your torment, and there is no reason to detain you any longer. I believe you should speak to the admiral.”
“That is truly generous of you, Mr Bennet. There is still something that I would like to give Miss Bennet… A set of jewels.”
He fumbled in his pocket, so distressed that he struggled to grasp the box, as large as it was.
“Mr Darcy,” Elizabeth said, gently touching his agitated hand, “I am grateful for your generosity, but I do not need jewels for tomorrow’s wedding. If you wish, we may speak more tonight at dinner. Will you still join us?”
Darcy was surprised by the question, as he had completely forgotten everything else.
“Yes, of course. I look forward to meeting Mr and Mrs Gardiner. And I want to keep this fight secret from anyone else, including Bingley and my cousin.”
“You may trust our secrecy, sir,” Mr Bennet assured him. “I wish you all the strength to settle this matter with as little pain as possible.”
Elizabeth did not say much, but in the hall, she gently touched his arm again.
While gazing after the carriage and gathering the courage to find the admiral, Darcy realised there was someone else who might bear the deepest distress: Georgiana, who Lady Catherine had accused of dishonesty.
He wondered what Lady Catherine would do, and he feared the worst. With increasing worry, he wrote a note in a hurry and had it delivered by express.
He would be home the following day, but it seemed an eternity until then.
∞∞∞
Half an hour later, Darcy was sitting in a chair, watching the admiral pacing the room. He had locked the door and instructed a servant to not allow even Bingley and the colonel to interrupt them.
“Is it true?” Darcy asked coldly.
“In a way…but not in the way Catherine presented it.”
“Can the truth be presented in different ways, Admiral?”
“Yes. Only a day ago you presented the news of your engagement in a particular way, from a particular point of view. Do you remember?”
“Please do not twist my words, sir, when everything I knew about my life is about to be shattered. A day prior to my wedding, instead of looking forward to the future, I have discovered that my past has been a lie, that I have lived a deception, and everything I thought I knew was false. My entire life, I heartily believed that my parents loved and respected each other. That I was a child born from an exemplary marriage.”
“Everything you knew and you lived was true, Darcy. There was no lie and no deception that affected you. You were loved by your parents, two of the most excellent people I had the honour of meeting in my life. And they shared a life of mutual respect and understanding. Of the many marriages I knew, theirs was one of the best.”
“Please do not repeat that, Admiral. I shall ask directly — is it true that my father kept a mistress? Yes, I know many men do. I am neither na?ve nor a saint myself. It surely sounds ridiculous that at my age I am appalled by such a notion. But I never expected him to disrespect and disregard my mother’s illness and keep a woman for his amusement. ”
“No, no, no!” the admiral shouted, so loud that Darcy was startled.
“This is a complete falsehood, and I shall not allow you to tarnish your father’s memory for even a moment with such suspicions.”
Darcy stood up and paced the room together with his companion.
“Then tell me what is true, so I know which of Lady Catherine’s statements was false. If she knew, it must have been public knowledge.”
“No, no!” the admiral repeated. “Very well, I shall tell you. Perhaps you should have been told a long time ago, but George insisted he would tell you at the right time. His death was so sudden that many things remained unsaid, and I did not have the strength to decide when and if I should tell you.”
“Apparently, fate has intervened again and left you with no choice, Admiral. Tell me now.”
“Your father and I were friends since we were at school, and we had known each other from infancy. Our families were connected, and we all were well acquainted with the Fitzwilliams too. George had always been as responsible as he was generous and kind. At that time, Pemberley was not as successful as you remember it, so George worked diligently to improve the Darcys’ situation. ”
“All this I know, Admiral.”
“Your grandfather had a niece who was also his pupil. Her name was Elinor, and she sadly died when she was ten. A sweet child who had been ill her entire life. Elinor had a governess, Miss Julia. That is what we all called her. She was the illegitimate daughter of a Colonel Morton, born in India.”
“I have never heard of him.”
“I imagined as much. The girl was brought to England when her mother died. The colonel provided her with a good education and a modest income, but he never officially recognised her as his daughter. When he died, Miss Julia was left alone, with an impeccable education, flawless manners, and perfect beauty, but no name and no connections. Through her father’s friends, she found employment as a governess. That is how she came to Pemberley.”
Darcy felt a tightness in his chest as the story unfolded. He felt like he was intruding into his father’s secrets, and curiosity mixed with grief.
“Needless to say, George fell in love with Miss Julia, and it was no wonder. She was one of the most accomplished women I have ever met. She loved him too, which was still no wonder, as everybody loved him. They were both aware that such a relationship could only progress in one way, so when little Elinor died, Miss Julia left Pemberley and moved to Ramsgate. She loved the sea, George said. He rented a cottage for her as well as a house in London.”
“So, their relationship continued?”
“Yes.”
“But my father married my mother.”
“Yes, as it was expected. Thirty years ago, their families decided that he should marry Lady Anne Fitzwilliam, the daughter of an earl who came with a substantial dowry that would be of great help in improving Pemberley’s income. And it did, due to George’s efforts over the years.”
“So…my father loved one woman but agreed to marry another?”
“Come now, Darcy. Most men would have done the same. Let us be honest with each other. George and Anne were already friends, and the union was readily agreed upon. Everybody at the time declared it was a marriage that was to the advantage of both,” the admiral concluded, and Darcy felt a sharp blade cutting his heart.
Those words had been used by the admiral when he had spoken of Darcy’s marriage to Elizabeth too.
“George always treated Anne with the utmost consideration and affection. He would have done anything for her comfort, and he actually did. He never refused her anything, and when she fell ill, he found the best doctors. As for Georgiana…it was your mother’s great wish to have another child.
George feared that it might worsen her health, and she lamented that decision for many years. ”
“That is why he was always restrained with Georgiana?”
“Probably. He loved her, though. I hope you know that.”
“So…my father kept this woman all those years? I assume she was a good distraction while my mother was ill,” Darcy said with a bitterness he then regretted.
“Miss Julia died a few years before Lady Anne,” the admiral whispered.
“Catherine speaks only nonsense. She always has. She saw George with Miss Julia one day in London. They avoided the places where they could be recognised, but it was an unfortunate accident. She recognised Miss Julia and confronted George.”
“Do you think she told my mother?”
“I am not sure. But even if she did…I know I might sound cynical, and you might despise me, but you know too well such arrangements are rather common. Even you might have ended up in one, if you had married Anne de Bourgh.”
“That is precisely why I did not marry Anne,” Darcy replied coldly.
“I admire your strength, Darcy, but the circumstances are different. Your father had not as much liberty of choice as you have now. And Miss Elizabeth’s situation cannot compare to Miss Julia’s.”
“I did not even compare the two situations, Admiral.”
“I did not imply you did. To conclude, that was a situation agreeable to all parties. No woman I know would mind her husband having such an arrangement, as long as he showed prudence and treated her properly so she could be happy within her marriage. George treated Anne more than properly. He truly tried to provide her with everything she needed.”
“Except for loyalty and true love,” Darcy said.
“You are being unfair, Darcy,” the admiral said severely, and Darcy laughed bitterly.
“Forgive me, sir, are we speaking of fairness? Really?”
“I do not appreciate your tone, Darcy. Neither I nor your father deserves it.”
“And…did my father have any children with that woman?”
“Yes.” The answer came hesitantly. “A daughter. Born before George married Anne.”
“A daughter? Older than me?”
“Yes.”
“Is she alive? What happened to her?”
“She is very much alive. She is a widow with two small children. Her husband was one of my men. He died in battle two years ago. An exceptional officer and a gentleman, truly.”
“So….you have maintained an acquaintance with her all these years?”
“Yes. George asked me to.”
“And…where is she now?”
“She kept the two houses. George purchased them for Julia at some point.”
“And…what is her name?”
“Laura Morton. After her husband.”
“I see…”
“Try not to judge your father too harshly, Darcy. I know this has all happened so suddenly, and you are hurt and angry with him and with me.”
“I am mostly hurt on behalf of my mother, Admiral. You keep saying she was happy and content and accepted the situation. How can you know that? You were my father’s friend, and your loyalty was to him.
You wish to believe she was happy, so you can palliate your conscience and diminish my father’s guilt. ”
He spoke with bitterness but could not control his tone, his words, or his feelings.
The admiral paused his pacing and stared at him for a long moment.
He looked hesitant, turned his back to him, paced again, and finally said, “I know because I watched over her. And because, before she died, she gave me her diary and revealed her soul to me. It was the most valuable gift I have ever received.”
Darcy’s astonishment increased, while the admiral seemed overwhelmed, his voice trembling and his countenance altered as if he was on the verge of tears. A desolate image of grief that Darcy had never seen before.
“You see, Darcy, Anne Fitzwilliam was the love of my life. I loved her so deeply that it hurt my soul forever. We were very young, and as a second son, I had neither the means nor the strength to fight for my love. When I gathered my courage to confess my feelings to her, I heard the news of her engagement to George. You cannot understand the pain of a broken heart until you really feel it, Darcy. When she married my best friend, I joined the navy and went to sea.”
He paused, struggling to keep speaking, and his voice became lower and weaker.
“When she gave me her diary, two days before she died, I discovered she had also loved me all her life.”
Frozen in shock, Darcy stood still in the middle of the library, while the admiral left and shut the door behind him.