Chapter 25
While Elizabeth slept little, her mother seemed to have rested well enough. She came to her room when it was barely daylight, sitting on the bed and shaking her, until Elizabeth startled and woke up with a cry.
“Mama? What has happened?” she asked with worry, not realising the time.
“Nothing has happened, my dear. I came to speak to you, as I had no time before, and your engagement was so short. Lizzy darling, do you know what is required from you as a wife? On your wedding night, I mean?”
Elizabeth felt her cheeks, neck, and ears instantly burning, while her mother looked at her with a strange expression.
“I know, Mama,” she whispered. “I read books…and I spoke to Aunt Gardiner.”
“Oh, good…good. My dear, you have always been a wild child, and your manners are still not suitable for a young lady. Especially one married to such an illustrious man. You must temper yourself. And keep in mind that a man like Mr Darcy… It is your duty to make him happy in any way he wants, if you understand my meaning.”
Mortification left Elizabeth speechless, and she only nodded. There was nothing she could say in reply, and opening a debate with her mother would be disturbing and pointless.
“Yes, Mama.”
“Keep in mind that you have been fortunate beyond words. I still wonder whether it is true. You must be grateful for your luck and be careful not to lose it.”
“Yes, Mama.”
“Good. Now let us get you up. You need time to make yourself beautiful. Do you have your luggage prepared?”
“Yes, Mama. Mr Darcy wants to leave immediately after the wedding ceremony. He is eager to be in London today.”
“Yes, yes, of course! Do as he says! Now, let me help you. Your hair looks a fright! When you are married, you must wake up before your husband and arrange your appearance, so he does not see you in such a way.”
“Yes, Mama.”
“I mean, I never did that, but one cannot compare your father to Mr Darcy. Jane, you should get up too. Let us help your sister. I cannot wait to see Lady Lucas’s face! I shall be at the church when Charlotte marries Mr Collins — just for comparison.”
“Mama…”
“Wait here, I am going to wake up your sisters too. And sister Gardiner — she must come to help you.”
With the help of Mrs Bennet, the entire house slowly awoke and turned into an uproar that gave Mr Bennet a headache and made him lock himself in the library until the time for their departure came.
As they were preparing to leave, he embraced Elizabeth tightly, which he had rarely done since she was a child.
They were both tearful, as he said, “You will be deeply missed, Lizzy, but I trust that, despite the circumstances, you have found a good husband who will make you happy. A man who, in disposition and talents, will most suit you and who must love you, or else why would he insist on marrying you? I feel, my child, that this union will be to the advantage of you both, as the admiral has said several times. I trust you will do your part, my child.”
“I am confident in this marriage and in Mr Darcy too, Papa. And I shall do my part!”
“Darcy has invited me to visit you any time, so you might see me when you least expect it.”
“I shall depend upon it, Papa.”
They embraced again, then left the house together, as the others were already in the carriages. Minutes later, they arrived in front of the church, which was full of people, brought there by their curiosity.
When she saw Mr Darcy, Elizabeth’s heart pounded, and as she stepped towards him, a sense of utter joy overwhelmed her, dissipating the last trace of worry.
With her family and friends around her, Elizabeth noticed little, as emotions overwhelmed her. She listened to the vicar, but even he and the church — both part of her life since she was born — seemed different.
When the ceremony ended, Mr Darcy led her towards their carriage, the only one leaving for London instead of Longbourn. They were still surrounded by people, all taking their farewells.
Among so many people she loved and knew she would miss, Elizabeth approached the admiral, who smiled at her.
“Congratulations, Mrs Darcy,” he said.
“Thank you, Admiral. I hope you know how grateful I am to you and how deeply I wish to thank you. I cannot find the right words now, but I shall, next time we meet.”
“You may thank me by being happy, Mrs Darcy. I shall be content to watch your happiness, and Darcy’s, from afar.”
“I wish and pray you will be part of it, Admiral. You must promise me that, since you once claimed I saved your life, and you are in my debt.”
The admiral smiled again, and Elizabeth embraced him. She felt he was taken by surprise, but then he closed his arms around her for a moment.
Mr Darcy approached them, and Elizabeth could sense both men were still awkward around each other.
“I was telling the admiral that I hope to see him soon,” Elizabeth said.
“I hope so too,” Mr Darcy added. “As soon as you return to town, we should be happy for you to be our first guest for dinner, Admiral.”
A brief hesitation followed, and then he said, “Thank you. I shall. You should leave now. It is getting dark very early now, and you do not want to travel at night.”
“That is what I intend to do, as soon as Elizabeth has said her farewells to her family.” Half an hour later, when everybody was almost frozen through, the newly married couple finally entered their carriage, leaving their friends and family behind.
For the first time in her life, Elizabeth was alone in a carriage with a man who was not her father. She felt uneasy, even though the man was her husband. He sat opposite her, looking not perfectly comfortable either.
“It is very cold, and you stayed out of doors too long,” Mr Darcy said. “Your clothes and shoes are too thin for this weather.”
“Usually, women’s clothes and shoes are too thin for winter.” She smiled. “Mama said this happens because usually, ladies stay indoors in bad weather. Except for me, of course. I have the very bad habit of wandering through the fields. Mama says that too.”
“I am enchanted by your bad habit, Mrs Darcy. But I must insist you learn to ride too. As soon as we arrive at Pemberley.” He was now smiling at her, and his voice was teasing. She should have felt more at ease, but the dimples that the smile revealed on his cheeks had the opposite effect.
“Insist? Have you already become demanding, Mr Darcy?”
“I have. But in return, you may insist on me doing something I do not truly enjoy.”
She laughed. “That is a fair enough arrangement.”
“How silly of me! You look cold. Let me wrap you in a blanket,” he said. Before she had time to respond, he unfolded a soft, thick blanket and placed it around her. In doing so, he leant against her, his arms embracing her. She shivered even more, though she should have been warmer.
“Thank you,” she whispered. They were silent for a little while, then she continued.
“May I ask, what are your plans for the next few months? Shall we go to Pemberley?”
“Yes, but no sooner than May or June. Unfortunately, we shall be forced to stay in town for the Season. At least for a part of it. I believe it will be expected of Mrs Darcy.”
“Your voice shows little joy. It sounds like something unpleasant or dangerous.”
“It might be both,” he replied, and she laughed loudly.
“Then how does it happen that so many people — both men and women — are exceedingly attached to the Season?”
“I cannot understand that,” he replied so seriously that she laughed again.
“Shall I have the chance to visit my uncle and aunt when they return from Longbourn?”
“Of course! I look forward to seeing them too. I am sorry I spent so little time with them. I truly enjoyed their company.”
Unwittingly, she yawned. “Forgive me, I think I am a little tired. I have barely slept the last few nights.”
“I can imagine. It must have been very difficult for you after everything that happened in the last fortnight. All the torment, the sudden engagement and marriage, leaving your family — something you had not even considered before the ball.”
“That is true, but I am sure it was not easy for you either.”
“And then I insisted on leaving immediately after the wedding. I am afraid this journey is tiresome for you. And you will continue to have a difficult time even after we arrive in London.”
“Why?”
“Our housekeeper, Mrs Clifford, has surely prepared a presentation of the servants to you. If only you can spare a few minutes while she introduces them to the new mistress.”
“Oh…of course…it will be my pleasure.”
“We shall have to spend some time with Georgiana too. I hope she was not too affected by Lady Catherine’s visit.”
“I look forward to meeting Miss Darcy, and I hope to spend a lot of time with her. But what difficult time do you mean?”
“These…the presentation of the servants and…”
“Why would that be difficult? How many people work in the house?”
“Twenty. And Mrs Clifford and the butler.”
“Oh!” She was truly surprised and started to realise the size of his home. “I shall be happy to meet them all.”
“Thank you. You will have to choose a maid. We may hire a new one, who is trained to be a lady’s maid.”
“Hire a new one? I had not even considered it. I am sure I shall find someone in the household to assist me.”
“As you wish…”
There was silence again; she felt uneasy, but curiosity defeated her prudence.
“Mr…Fitzwilliam, forgive me for asking…I know I should not enquire, and I do not mind if you do not answer. I was curious about…have you spoken to the admiral?”
His expression changed, and he rubbed his temples before he replied.
“Yes…I do not mind you asking, and I shall tell if you wish to know. Although I would not reveal the story to anyone…not even to my cousin, the colonel. But I believe you should know since you heard the claims…the accusations. But I must warn you — it is a painful and disturbing tale, not appropriate for a newly wedded young lady.”
“Please tell me. I want to know, since I can see it still troubles you, and it has affected your long friendship with the admiral.”
He looked around a few times, then finally his eyes locked with hers, and his hands rested on his thighs.
Then he started to narrate, words flowing from his mouth.
She did not interrupt him, only watched and listened.
His turmoil was betrayed by his trembling voice, hers by her moistened eyes.
When he had finished, he leant back and closed his eyes.
The sorrow seemed to make it hard for him to breathe, but the weight on his shoulders seemed to have eased, and she knew he had given her part of it.
She wiped her eyes with her handkerchief, and in doing so, the blanket fell from around her.
“I am sorry for burdening you. It was selfish on my part. I warned you it was a distressing story.”
“It was not distressing, only incredibly sad. It is no wonder you were so affected.”
“First, I was angry, and I felt lied to…betrayed by my father and by the admiral. But then I realised it was not about me. My present suffering means little compared to the happy life I was given and to the long-lasting grief of others. My father deceived my mother, and I completely disapprove of such arrangements — I said as much to the admiral. But he asked me what I would do in a similar situation. How can I know?”
“You said that your father deceived your mother, but you also said he was affectionate, respectful, and caring, and he attended to her needs.”
“Yes, that is how I remember him. That is why it is hard for me to condemn him.”
“If you are to condemn your father, what can I say of my father?”
“Your father? Mr Bennet?”
“Yes. I love him dearly — I am ashamed to admit I love him more than I love my mother — but I am not blind to his faults as a husband. He might not have loved other women, but I have hardly heard anything from him other than jokes and mockery. He rarely spends any time with my mother, except for dinner and breakfast. He makes sport of her all the time. He might have affection for her, but he has no respect, no consideration. She has learnt to pay him no attention. Is such a marriage any better than your parents’? ”
She ended with a grieved voice and wiped her eyes again.
“As I see it, Fitzwilliam, your father was loyal to two women his whole life. He loved and respected each of them, and his heart was likely torn all the time. Would I want my husband to have such an arrangement? Certainly not,” she said, averting her eyes, avoiding his gaze.
“But would I want my husband to treat me as my father does my mother? Most certainly not. I cannot say what is best. I cannot say who suffers more.”
∞∞∞
Her words left him confused, his turmoil growing even more. They were still facing each other, then slowly, he moved to sit next to her. She glanced up at him and shyly placed her head on his chest. His left arm embraced her shoulders, while his right hand tried to pull the blanket back over her.
“You should cover us both with the blanket,” she whispered. “I am sure it will be warmer that way.”
He obeyed, and she edged closer to him. The blanket was like a sweet trap, keeping them together, their bodies brushing against each other with the movement of the carriage.
After a while, she put her hands around his waist, first reluctantly, then more daringly. And only then did she sigh with contentment. He smiled to himself and gently tightened his embrace. He felt her shivering and asked, “Are you cold?”
“No. I am warm…perfectly warm. Fitzwilliam, will you tell Georgiana?”
“I am not sure. I know I should, but I do not know how and when. Will you help me?”
“Always.”
“There is also something more I must tell you about Georgiana, but it can wait. It is not urgent, since it is in the past and has no consequences.”
“As you wish. What about…” She paused and glanced up at him again.
“Yes?”
“What about Miss Julia’s daughter? Your father’s daughter?”
“I understand she has a comfortable life. I cannot think about her any more at the moment.”
“You should do what makes you comfortable. What satisfies your heart and honour.”
He said nothing further, only held her tight, and she seemed to find peace in his arms. Soon enough, he felt her breathing steadily, and he understood she had fallen asleep.
He breathed in her scent, his heart filled with love for her, and allowed her to sleep, barely moving until the carriage stopped in front of their townhouse.