Chapter 6 Kelcie
Kelcie
Sitting at the table outside, I try to focus on the food I’m eating, but I still don’t have an appetite. Eventually, I give up and drink some of the sweet tea.
My eyes wander to Levi, and I watch how he holds the plate with his right hand, his body seemingly relaxed. When he takes a bite, I feel a strong pull of attraction, finding it hot how his jaw moves.
The man is next-level handsome, but I’m more surprised by how nice he’s been to me since we started talking. After hearing how grumpy and rude he’s been to people in town, it was unexpected, to say the least.
If someone told me this morning I’d be spending my evening with Levi, I would’ve told them they’re crazy.
But here we are.
He actually makes me feel comfortable and isn’t pushy in any way. Unlike the rest of the town, he hasn’t bombarded me with questions or condolences. There’s no pity in his eyes when he looks at me.
I had a panic attack in front of him, and he didn’t make me feel weird about it at all. Instead, he was supportive, as if he’s done it a million times before.
Earlier, when he approached me, he seemed troubled, but with time, he’s relaxed. I wonder if he has always been like this. So quiet and withdrawn. Or did something bad happen to make him this way?
Levi’s gaze lifts and connects with mine, and when he catches me staring at him, he asks, “What?”
I shake my head and turn my attention to the trees lining the back of our properties.
“You can ask me questions.”
I hesitate before I reply, “That means you’ll ask me questions in turn. I’d rather pass.”
“I won’t.”
I glance at Levi again, and as the sun begins to set, it strikes me once more how attractive he is. The dark stubble on his face gives him a rugged look. I think he’s in his early or mid-thirties.
He has hazel eyes. The green lines around his irises are so dark that they make the brown appear golden.
At first glimpse, the permanent frown on his forehead and dip of his eyebrows give the impression he’s grumpy, but the longer I look at him, the more I see the expression for what it is.
This man has suffered.
With my gaze still glued to his, I whisper, “Why don’t you touch people?”
He clenches his jaw and looks down at where Lick is sleeping like the dead. “Bad childhood.”
My heart squeezes with empathy. Whatever happened in Levi’s childhood must’ve been traumatizing for him to hate touching people.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my tone soft and filled with compassion.
When he inhales a deep breath, his chest strains against the fabric of his shirt to the point that I can make out his muscles. The sight has my stomach buzzing with a nervous energy I haven’t felt before.
Lick wakes up from her nap and goes to get her ball. She drops it near my chair and stares obsessively at it.
“She wants you to throw it for her,” Levi says, the tension gone from his voice.
I lean over, and picking up the ball, I throw it as hard as I can. Lick sets off at a crazy speed, then jumps into the air and catches the ball.
For the next hour, I play catch with Lick, a comfortable silence falling between Levi and me. The dog has an endless supply of energy, and I begin to work up a sweat.
Besides the times people pop in to check on me and Jill comes over to visit, I’ve tried to avoid everyone in town as much as possible. That’s not the case with Levi. I assume it’s because he’s so quiet, and I love playing with his dog, so I don’t read too much into it.
Finally, Lick calls it quits and lies on the grass, panting so hard, her tongue is hanging out the side of her mouth.
I look at Levi again, and when I see the relaxed smile on his face, I’m hit with an intense wave of attraction.
No, Kelcie. Stop it. You’re too broken. Don’t go getting a crush on him.
Clearing my throat, I ask, “I’m not sure what the time is, but would you like some tea or coffee?”
“I’d love coffee.”
We gather our dishes and walk back to the house. While I get everything ready for our beverages, Levi clears our plates and places them in the dishwasher.
My phone rings, and I suppress a sigh as I walk to the couch where I left the device.
When I see Colby’s name, the sigh escapes before I answer, “Hi.”
“Is that man still there?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t like this one bit, Kelcie. He looks like trouble. I’m coming over.”
“No, you’re not.” I move a little farther away from Levi. “I’m actually having a nice evening.”
“You couldn’t have a nice evening with me?”
Instantly, I feel tired, as if the meager energy I’ve managed to scrape together just ups and vanishes.
When I remain quiet, Colby says, “I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I just wish it were with me and not some stranger who only moved to town two months ago.”
“I have to go.” I glance over my shoulder and see that Levi is busy pouring water into my teacup and his mug. “We’ll talk another time.”
“Be careful and call if you need me.”
“Good night.”
I end the call and notice there are many missed calls. Checking them, it shows they’re all from Colby, and I shake my head.
I really appreciate his friendship, but I know he’s only hanging around in the hopes of having a romantic relationship with me.
“Everything okay?” Levi asks.
I force a smile to my face as I turn around. “Yes.” Setting the phone down on the couch again, I notice the time showing on the screen.
Crap. It’s already ten p.m.
My gaze darts to Levi. “I didn’t realize how late it is.”
He picks up the mug and takes a sip of the coffee before he asks, “Do you want me to go?”
“No.” My honest answer catches me completely by surprise, and I feel my cheeks flush with heat.
He gestures at my tea. “I didn’t know if you wanted sugar or milk.”
“Neither.” I pick up the cup and take a sip. “It’s perfect.”
We stand in silence for a few seconds, then I glance at the sparsely decorated living room. “Do you want to sit inside or outside?”
“Outside.”
I follow him back out into the yard and place my cup on the table as I take a seat.
I tug my bottom lip between my teeth, then say, “You’re probably wondering why people dropped off food here today.”
He shakes his head. “I know what happened to you and your family. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
I look down at my hands and twist my fingers together. “That’s the bad thing about living in a small town. Everyone knows your business.”
We’re quiet for a little while, then I lift my head and force a smile to my face. “What do you do for a living that allows you to stay at home all day?”
His features grow tense. “I’m a writer.”
The memory of Mom lost in a book flashes through my mind, and it sends a crippling wave of pain through me.
I inhale deeply before letting the air out slowly, taking a moment so the grief will lessen.
Wanting to keep the topic on him, I say, “I’ve never met an author before. What kind of books do you write?”
“Fiction. Mostly action and thrillers.”
There’s a pause in the conversation before I ask, “Do you love it?”
Levi lets out a heavy breath, his eyebrows drawing together. “I used to.”
I tilt my head. “Why past tense?”
His gaze lifts to mine, and I feel a zap through my stomach and abdomen from the intense look in his eyes.
“I had a book that got picked up for film. It was a huge success, and when the movie aired, all my books featured in the top hundred of all the bestseller lists.”
“Oh wow. So you’re famous?” As soon as the words leave me, I feel awkward for saying them.
“Only by name.” Levi shakes his head and glances over the dark backyard. “Few people know what I look like.” His thumb brushes along the handle of the empty mug in his hands. “Since the instant success, I don’t know what to do with myself, and I have writer’s block.”
“Can’t you take a break?”
His eyes find mine again. “I signed a contract with a publisher, and they already gave me an extension. I’ll just have to power through.”
“I’d offer my help, but I know nothing about writing a book.”
He stares at me until it feels as if we’re being enclosed in our own private bubble, then he murmurs, “Talking to you helps. In a way, I’m letting go of some of the stress.”
“Yeah?”
Levi nods. “Sometimes you just have to find the right person to talk to. Someone who will listen and not tell you to heal and move on.”
My eyes begin to burn with unshed tears because his words hit me hard.
“Everyone just wants me to heal,” I whisper. “They don’t realize they’re asking for the impossible.”
Levi tilts his head, his face filled with understanding. “You can’t heal something that’s destroyed.”
My chin quivers, and I lower my head. “What do you do when you’re destroyed?”
“You have to create a new version of yourself. A version you can live with.” I’m surprised when he reaches over and his hand covers both of mine. “And that will take time. Don’t let anyone rush you, Kelcie.”
I take in the veins snaking beneath his skin, thinking his hand looks really strong.
“I miss the old version of me,” I admit softly. “I was so happy.” My vision blurs, and I close my eyes to ease the sting from not being able to cry. “My life was perfect.”
Levi’s fingers tighten around mine, and Lick comes to rest her head on my thigh.
Sitting in the dark, I get more comfort from a dog and this man I hardly know than I’ve gotten from anyone else since the attack. Everyone’s tried to be supportive, but they’re always uncomfortable around me. They don’t know how to deal with my grief and trauma and eventually give up.
Because Jordan’s been able to deal with the loss he suffered, he expects me to do the same. Only, he wasn’t there. He didn’t hear their screams. He didn’t see the violence.
Suddenly, I’m hit with the memory of Sage’s pale face, Dad being stabbed, and Mom clutching her neck.
The next breath I try to take slams into my throat and refuses to fill my lungs.
Knowing it’s going to be a severe panic attack, I jump up and run to the kitchen. Horrible sounds come from me as I begin to hyperventilate, and I yank open the cupboard where I keep my medicine.
When I take hold of the box, it slips from my hands and falls by my feet.
Levi appears and quickly picks it up. He reads the label, then takes a pill from the foil before pushing it past my lips. He grabs water from the fridge, and placing one of his hands behind my head, he brings the bottle to my mouth so I can drink some and get the pill down.
I’m trembling something fierce and still struggling to breathe. Desperately needing comfort, I slam into Levi’s chest and tightly hold on to him.
He curls one hand around the back of my neck while his other grips my bicep. He’s not caging me in his arms but is trying to offer me comfort.
“Just breathe,” he says with a gentle tone that gets through to me. “You’re safe.”
Why does it feel like this man knows exactly what I’m going through?
The pill begins to take effect, and my breathing slows down until I become aware that my cheek is pressed against his muscled chest and my hands are gripping his shirt.
Usually, I’d pull back as quickly as possible, but instead, I take a deep breath of his scent, which smells like cedarwood and citrus. It reminds me of my workshop.
God, I miss the smell of wood as I carved it into any shape I wanted.
“Better?” Levi asks.
“Yeah.” Pulling back, I lift my head and lock eyes with him. “Thank you.” I gesture at his chest. “Sorry for touching you.”
“Don’t apologize.” He tilts his head slightly. “I’m okay with you touching me.” He glances at the box. “Do you need to take them often?”
“I’m trying not to depend on them too much.” I put the medicine back in the cupboard, then say, “We should call it a night.”
“Okay.” Levi’s eyes drift slowly over my face. “Try to get some rest, Kelcie.”
I nod, and once he leaves, I retrieve the mug and teacup from outside and load them into the dishwasher before switching on the machine.
After I shut the back door and make sure to lock it, I head to the couch and drop down with a huff. I pull up my legs and wrap my arms around them, resting my chin on my knees.
Today turned out to be much better than I expected. Besides the panic attacks, I actually had a pleasant evening with Levi. It feels like we’re similar, and I don’t have to pretend around him.
Curious about Levi, I pick up my phone and google his name.
When I see the title of the book that was made into a movie, my eyes go wide as saucers.
The Elimination Project. Oh my God! Easton Rowe acted in that movie.
Levi even has a Wikipedia page and hundreds of articles about his books. He was named as one of the hundred most influential people by a popular magazine.
Holy crap, the man is much more famous than he lets on.
He uses a logo for his brand, and I can’t find any photos of him online. There’s also no personal information about him.
Wanting to see what Levi’s book was about, I switch on the TV and purchase the movie.
I pull my blanket over me and lie down, snuggling into my pillow.
Not even ten minutes into the movie, I’m so engrossed with what’s happening that a bomb could drop beside me and I wouldn’t notice.