Chapter 18 Kelcie
Kelcie
I quickly came home to shower before I go back to Levi’s place.
At this rate, I might as well move in with him.
While I hurry through my routine, I think about earlier. It was so difficult to tell Levi what happened to my family, but I managed. Even though I started having a panic attack, it wasn’t too severe.
Now that I’ve finally spoken about it, I have to admit, I feel a little better. By taking one step at a time, I’m moving forward.
Levi once told me I had to create a new version of myself, and that’s what I’m trying to do. A version who can be happy with him, and even though the grief might never fade, I hope to learn to live with it.
I’ve taken two giant steps today, and I need to process them before I can even think of what to deal with next.
Once I’m done at my place, I rush out the back door and quickly walk across the stretch of lawn before letting myself into Levi’s house. When I see the lit candles on the table, I shut the door so the wind doesn’t blow them out.
Levi comes in from the other doorway, and seeing me, he says, “That was fast.”
“Candles?” I ask.
“I wanted to do something special for you, and it’s the best I could come up with on such short notice.” He walks to a cupboard and takes two plates out, setting them down on the table. “I’m making us turkey sandwiches. I hope you’re okay with that?”
“Of course.”
When I move in the direction of the fridge so I can help, Levi shakes his head and points at the chair nearest to me.
“Sit down. I’ll take care of everything.”
I take a seat and track his every movement as he prepares our sandwiches.
I notice Lick watching Levi anxiously, and getting up, I steal a piece of white meat and break it in two before feeding her. She takes it gently from me, bringing a smile to my face, and I say, “We should get another puppy so Lick isn’t alone.”
“Yeah?”
I crouch down and scratch behind her ears, giving her attention, until Levi murmurs, “Come eat, my muse.”
Climbing to my feet, I go to the sink and wash my hands before I sit down at the table. “Thank you for making dinner for us.”
“You did most of the work yesterday. I just had to slap sandwiches together.”
“Levi.” When his eyes flick to mine, I repeat myself. “Thank you.”
A slight smile tugs at his mouth. “You’re welcome.”
I pick up one half of my sandwich, sinking my teeth into it. Once I’ve swallowed, I say, “You owe me a memory.”
Levi glances at me and swallows before he says, “I’ll have to make it a happy one.”
Nodding, I grin.
“Lick was in the backyard doing her thing when my beautiful neighbor came outside.”
I let out a burst of laughter. “It sounds vaguely familiar, but go on.”
“You sat down at the table, and Lick did me a favor by going over to you and getting your attention. It opened a door for me to talk to you, even though I was awkward as fuck.”
“We were both awkward,” I mention.
Levi tilts his head. “You blushed that day. Why?”
“It was the first time I got to see you up close.” When Levi frowns, I say, “You have to know how attractive you are.” He begins to look uncomfortable. “Is it hard for you to accept compliments?”
He nods. “It’s not something I got growing up, so I’m not used to it.”
“Well, brace yourself, because I like giving compliments. You’re easily the most attractive man I’ve ever seen. That’s why I blushed. The attraction hit me so hard, and when I looked into your eyes, I think I knew right then it would only be a matter of time before I fell in love with you.”
“It was the same for me,” Levi murmurs.
Once we’re done with our meal, we clear the table before moving to the living room. We get comfortable on a couch while Lick jumps up on the other one.
“It’s your turn to pick a movie,” I remind him.
“Would you think it’s weird if we watched The Elimination Project? I haven’t seen it.”
My eyes widen. “Why?”
Levi shrugs. “I was too overwhelmed by everything that happened, and I was scared it would suck.”
“It’s sooooo good.” I grab the remote, and switching on the TV, I quickly find the movie and press play. “By the way, it’s one of my favorites.”
“Yeah?”
“I might sob my little heart out at the scene where Easton cries,” I warn Levi.
I snuggle into his side, and when he places his arm around my shoulders, I let out a happy sigh.
While the movie plays, I keep stealing glances at Levi. Emotions flash over his face as he watches his hard work come to life.
When we get to the sad part and Easton lets out a heartbroken cry before breaking down, my throat strains. I wait until the credits run before I say, “I read Easton was really crying. He lost his sister to cancer a few weeks before they shot that scene.”
“Yeah. I was told they might postpone filming, but somehow they still got the movie done on time.” Levi lets out a sigh, then looks at me. “That was . . .”
“Incredible?” He nods, and I add, “The best thing ever?”
A proud smile spreads over his face, and he even looks a little emotional.
“You wrote a damn good book, Levi. You should be very proud of yourself.”
“Thank you.”
I switch off the TV, and turning my body toward his, I ask, “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life, and I don’t want to waste a single second I get to spend with you.”
I grin at him. “Hopefully, we’ll live long and happy lives together.”
“Hopefully.”
There’s something in his voice that tells me he doesn’t believe we’ll make it, and it has worry creeping into my heart.
“You don’t sound so sure,” I mention.
He turns his head toward me. “Oh, I’m sure.”
“But?”
“You might change your mind about us at some point.”
I climb onto his lap and rest my hands on his shoulders. “Once I make up my mind about something, I see it through.” I lean forward and press a soft kiss to his lips. “And I’ve made up my mind about you, Levi. I want a future with you.”
Gripping me by the back of my neck, he pulls me closer and seals his mouth to mine.
This time, the kiss feels different. It’s as if Levi is savoring every swipe of our tongues. I can feel his love for me as his lips massage mine.
By the time he pulls back, I’m a little emotional, and I can see by the expression tightening his features, he feels the same.
“The things you make me feel. The emotions you bring out in me,” Levi murmurs, staring at me with so much wonder in his gaze, there’s no doubt in my mind that he loves me. “I want to build a future with you, Kelcie.”
Not wanting to disrupt our intimate bubble, I whisper, “I want that too.”
When I hear Jordan’s car pull up, I shoot to my feet and hurry to open the front door.
There’s a happy smile on my face, and as my brother climbs out of his car, his eyes lock on me. He stops moving and just stares at me, an emotional expression tightening his features.
“Why are you standing out there? It’s freezing,” I say. “Come inside!”
Jordan begins to move again, and I quickly step aside. The instant I shut the door behind us, blocking out the icy wind, he grabs me into a tight hug.
“God, Kelcie. You look so much better,” he murmurs near my ear. “I’m so relieved.”
Even though I know the answer, I jokingly ask, “Was I such a big mess?”
Jordan pulls back so he can look me over from head to toe. “I was worried. I didn’t think you’d be able to pull yourself out of your grief.”
My smile fades a little because it’s still difficult to talk about our grief and family.
“I didn’t. It’s all Levi.”
My brother glances at the sparsely decorated living room and kitchen. “Where is he?”
“Next door. I wanted ten minutes alone with you.” I gesture at the couch. “Have a seat while I make us some hot chocolate.”
Jordan sits down and asks, “Did you talk to Levi about spending the holidays with me?”
“Yes, and he agreed, but we’re bringing his dog. She’s really well trained.”
My brother lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m just glad you’re coming.”
I carry our steaming mugs of chocolaty goodness to the living room and hand one to Jordan.
Sitting down, I turn slightly to face him before I say, “Levi isn’t very social, but it doesn’t mean he’s rude, so please don’t be offended if his replies are short.
” I give my brother a pleading look. “It’s very important to me that the two of you get along. ”
Jordan tilts his head, and his gaze searches mine before he asks, “Do you love him, Kelcie?”
I’m overcome with everything I feel for Levi as I nod. “With all my heart.”
“Is he good to you?”
“Yes. He’s so patient and understanding. God, Jordan, Levi is the most incredible man I’ve ever met.” My brother scowls at me, and I quickly add, “Obviously, that doesn’t include you.”
His scowl morphs into a playful expression. “Just kidding. I know what you mean.”
I drink some of my hot chocolate, then say, “There’s one more thing.”
Jordan’s right eyebrow lifts. “What?”
“I want you to know so you don’t find out and make Levi uncomfortable. Remember The Elimination Project that Easton Rowe starred in?”
“Oh yeah. One of my fav . . .” Jordan’s voice trails away, and his eyes go wide as saucers. “Holy shit!” he gasps. “Is he the same Levi Graye who wrote the book?”
When I nod, Jordan stands up, too excited to remain seated. “I thought he just had the same name as the author. I’ve read the book. Wow. Do you think he’ll sign a copy for me?”
“Jordan.” I pat the couch. “This is why I’m telling you now, so you don’t get excited in front of Levi. It will have him running for the hills.”
My brother reins in his excitement and sits down again. “Okay. I can act calm around him.”
Reaching out, I rub his shoulder. “Thank you. And don’t worry, I’ll ask him to sign a book for you.”
While we finish our hot chocolate, I ask, “How are Natalie and Brady?”
“They’re good. Natalie found a new job, so she’s currently working her notice period. She’ll be closer to home, and it pays more.”
“Oh my gosh! That’s such good news. I’ll send her a text to congratulate her.”
An apprehensive expression ghosts over my brother’s face, and I already know what he’s going to ask.
“Just give me a little more time,” I answer his unspoken question. “Levi’s been taking care of the garden, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
“I’m not worried about the garden. It’s been over a year, and you seem to be doing so much better. We need to talk about selling the house.”
My heartbeat speeds up, and my palms grow sweaty. Even though my anxiety spikes, it doesn’t spiral out of control and into a full-blown panic attack.
Surprise ripples over Jordan’s face. “You’re actually okay to talk about it.”
I shrug while I breathe through the anxiety. “Yes, but I’m not ready to sell. Can you give me six months? I want to prepare myself emotionally before I go to the house.”
Jordan nods as he leans in to hug me. “I can wait six months.”
Pulling away, I climb to my feet. “Let’s go next door.”
He darts up and hurries to the kitchen to place his mug in the sink. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”
A chuckle escapes me, and as we step out into the cold, Jordan places his arm around my shoulders. “I’m happy for you, Kelcie.”
“Thank you for being patient with me over the past fifteen months.”
“It feels like I should’ve done more for you, but I didn’t know how to help.”
“I know. Don’t forget that you were dealing with your own grief as well. We both did the best we could.”
He presses a quick kiss to the side of my head as we reach Levi’s back door. I knock once before opening it, and I gesture for Jordan to follow me inside.
Suddenly, Lick starts barking, and the sound of nails slipping on the floor sounds up. The instant she barrels into the kitchen, I hold up my hand to show her to stay.
She stops running, her eyes on Jordan.
“Just hold your palm out so she can sniff you,” I tell my brother.
He leans down and does as I say. Lick takes one sniff, then her tongue darts out and she slobbers all over Jordan’s hand.
“And that’s the reason her name is Lick,” I mention, laughter tumbling past my lips.
“Hi, Jordan.” Levi’s tone is much quieter than it usually is when he talks to me.
My head snaps to where he’s standing in the doorway, and noticing his discomfort at having Jordan in his personal space, I walk to him and link my arm through his.
“Hi,” Jordan chuckles while glancing between his spit-covered hand and Levi. “I’d shake your hand, but your dog just went to town on mine.”
I point at the sink. “You can wash your hands there, and Levi doesn’t touch people.”
“Oh, right. I forgot.”
While Jordan washes his hands, I go to the paper towel roll and rip two off for him.
Smiling, he takes them from me, then turns his attention to Levi and says, “Kelcie tells me the two of you are dating.”
Levi nods. “We are.” He gestures at the coffee machine. “Would you like something to drink?”
“I’m good. We just had hot chocolate,” my brother replies.
Before things can get too awkward, I suggest, “Let’s sit in the living room.”
We move to the other room, and once we’re sitting on the couches, Jordan’s gaze lands on the shelf. He gets up again and moves closer, looking at the books and awards with admiration.
He gestures at one of the toy cars I got Levi for his pretend birthday. “I loved playing with these as a kid.” My brother takes a deep breath, then glances at Levi. “Kelcie told me not to make a big deal of it, but I have to say I love your books. I own every single one.”
I look at Levi, seeing the discomfort ghosting over his face, but the corner of his mouth lifts. “Thanks.”
“Are you still writing?” Jordan asks as he goes to sit on the other couch again.
“Yeah. I struggled with writer’s block until Kelcie came into my life. That’s why there’s been such a long break between books.”
Jordan grins at me. “So all his fans should be thanking you.”
I shrug, a wide smile on my face as I joke, “Oh, definitely.”
I begin to relax because it’s going much better than I thought it would.
Jordan changes the subject, asking, “Have you replaced the battery in your car yet?”
I shake my head while letting out a sigh. “I’ll call Malakai and Asher this week and have one of them come out.”
My brother glances at Levi. “You need to keep an eye on her car, or she’ll let it fall apart in the garage. It needs a service.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Levi assures him, lifting his arm to wrap it around my shoulders.
The conversation flows, and we talk about what we did for Thanksgiving and even discuss things we could do while we’re visiting Jordan over the holidays.
I take in how relaxed my brother is and that there are no worry lines on his face. It’s the first time we’ve been able to get together without my grief dragging him down, and it’s all because of the change Levi has made in my life.