21. Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
Laiken
“Coffee?” Ivy shoots me a sympathetic smile as she slides a steaming cup across the kitchen counter.
“Thank you.” My palm wraps around the ceramic. “And thanks for letting me crash.”
Crash. Last night was more than a crash.
It was a natural disaster. I cried the entire drive home.
All the way through my shower, then I cried some more as Ivy, Dakota, and I snuggled up on the couch until I finally fell asleep.
I guess I never really mourned what we had lost. Sure, I’d cried.
Been angry. But this was more. I finally got to face him.
Let him see just how much he hurt me. Which revealed a truth to myself I wasn’t ready to accept.
I still love him. I’m still not over it. Over him.
“You want to talk about it?” she asks as she grabs a banana from the fruit basket.
I sip my coffee as Dakota walks into the kitchen.
“Morning.” She pads to the fridge and pulls out a carton of orange juice. “We’re ready if you are.”
Meaning they are champing at the bit and will not let me leave this cabin until I spill the metaphorical beans on the saga of Laiken and Parker.
Taking a breath, I set my cup on the table.
I’ve never shared what existed between Parker and me.
At the time, he was only here for two months during the summer and sometimes he would visit during the year.
It was new. It was fast, and it was mine.
It was something I looked forward to every year.
To see his smiling face, those delicious jeans, and that tattered cowboy hat.
For two months, we had ultimate bliss. And in the months between, we had our postcards.
We had our promises. Our plans. I held onto something that felt safe.
I felt as if my heart was the only thing that touched it.
Not people. Not the world. I was no stranger to unexpected tragedy.
My father was a prime example. And in those months after his death, I found myself carefully crafting my relationships.
I had already experienced the weight of mourning in front of an entire town when my father passed.
That was hard enough even though most people offered encouragement and prayers.
I learned the hard way. So the second I realized I was head over heels in love with Parker Stillwater, I knew I’d never survive if I lost him in front of the world. It would hurt so much worse.
But I was wrong. Silent suffering was almost unbearable. Then I lost myself.
“Parker and I used to be a thing,” I admit vaguely.
“A thing?” Ivy leans back against the counter in her pink ruffled pajamas.
“Yes. We”—I wave a hand—“would hook up when he would come visit for the summers.”
Ivy’s jaw drops. “Summers? As in plural?”
“I knew you two had some kind of history.” Dakota places the carton back into the fridge. “Makes so much sense now.”
“So was this just a hookup or…?” Ivy trails off.
“No. I don’t know. I thought it was more.” My throat swells with emotion. “He made it clear it wasn’t.” I shrug. “You’ve seen the pictures with her.”
Dakota glances at Ivy. “Tori?”
“Yeah.” Just hearing her name makes my chest ache.
“I don’t think Parker is really with her,” Dakota adds.
I jerk my gaze to her. “Are you serious? He’s been with her for the last seven years. What do you mean he’s not with her?”
My voice rises, and Ivy’s eyes widen.
“Laiken, I think she means something seems off with them. I mean, you would think after this long, he would at least want to marry her or something. I’ve never seen a ring.”
“I know what it looks like.” Dakota reaches for my hand. “But even Cooper thinks there is more to the story. He doesn’t love her, Laiken. It’s plain as day.”
“He doesn’t look at her the way he looks at you,” Ivy adds.
“And how does he look at me?” I hiss. “With pity? Poor Laiken got dumped, then knocked up by the biggest lowlife in town.”
“No.” Dakota settles back in her chair. “He looks at you like he’d rope the moon if you asked him to. If you just said the word, he’d give you anything you ever wanted.”
“I see it too, Laik. Last night.” Ivy shakes her head. “He was devastated. I’ve never seen Parker like that. He always has his shit together. He was helpless watching you cry.”
Frustration roots deep. “If he wanted to give me everything, he wouldn’t have let me see his hard launch with his new girlfriend on live television instead of telling me to my face. He didn’t even end it. He just…left.”
Tears prick my eyes, but I blink them away.
“Maybe you should talk,” Ivy suggests.
“We did. Last night,” I deadpan.
“I wouldn’t consider that talking.” Dakota flinches slightly. “I’m not taking his side. I’m always team Red. But I think if you want to move on, you need closure.”
Closure. Is that what I really want? To close the door completely? If I let go of the anger, what’s left? Nothing. No remnants. No memories.
I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
“I don’t know if I can,” I croak.
A knock sounds on the cabin door. Three raps. The first hard, the following two softer. Somehow, I know it’s him. Even through the sheetrock, insulation, and wooden beams, I can feel him.
Ivy peers over my shoulder before she meets my eyes. “Looks like this is your chance.”