Chapter 14 #3
“Sam, you’re really freaking me out,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. The beer was making my head fuzzy. “What’s going on?”
He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I got accepted into this intensive workshop for premed students.”
“A workshop?” I parroted. “You didn’t tell me you had applied.”
“I know. It was a long shot. They only accept twelve first-years. I really didn’t think I’d get in.”
“Well, that’s great,” I said, my words slurring. “I’m proud of you, Sam.”
“The thing is, Percy,” he hesitated, shifting on his feet. “It starts early. I have to leave in three weeks.” Battery acid dripped down my spine.
“Three weeks?” I repeated. Three weeks was no time at all. When would I see Sam after that? Thanksgiving? I shut my eyes—everything was starting to spin. “I’m going to be sick,” I groaned.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I should have, but I knew how much you were looking forward to spending the summer together,” he said, taking my hand.
“I thought you were, too,” I murmured. Then I threw up all over his new dress shoes.
Charlie took one look at me when I climbed into the truck, cheeks stained with mascara tears, and said to Sam, “Finally told her, huh?” Sam shot him a dark look, and no one spoke for the rest of the drive.
Three weeks went by as if they were seconds, and my dread formed roots in my feet and grew branches that spread to my shoulders and arms. Sam spent much of our time together with his nose in various textbooks, as if he was cramming for a major exam.
He refused to break our annual lake-crossing tradition, and insisted I do the swim on his last day before heading to school.
It was a gorgeous sunny morning, and I went through the motions of stretching and warming up.
Since I started competitive swimming, paddling across the lake wasn’t a challenge for me like it used to be.
I felt almost numb when I made it to the far shore, pulling my knees up to my chest and gulping down the water Sam had packed for me.
“Your fastest time yet,” he said happily when I was done, throwing an arm around me and pulling me against his side. “I thought I might not be able to keep up.” I let out a bitter laugh.
“That’s funny,” I said, hating how resentful I sounded. “I feel like I’m the one being left behind.”
“You don’t really think that, do you?” I wouldn’t look at him but could hear the worry in his voice.
“What am I supposed to think, Sam? You didn’t tell me that you applied to this course.
You didn’t tell me when you were accepted.
” I swallowed back tears. “I understand why you want to go. It’s amazing that you got in.
And I one hundred percent think it’s going to be great for you.
But you keeping all this from me until the very last minute hurts.
A lot. It makes me feel like this is a one-sided thing we’ve got going on. ”
“It’s not!” he said, his voice cracking.
He pulled me onto his lap so I was facing him and took my head between his hands so I couldn’t look away.
“God, of course it’s not. You’re my best friend.
My favorite person.” He kissed me and pulled me against his bare chest. It was warm with sweat and he smelled so much like summer, so much like Sam, that I wanted to curl up inside him.
“We’ll talk all the time.”
“It feels like I’m never going to see you again,” I admitted, and then he smiled at me with pity, like I was being truly ridiculous.
“It’s just university,” he said, kissing the top of my wet head. “One day, you won’t be able to get rid of me. I promise.”
SUE AND SAM left early the next morning while Charlie and I waved from the porch, tears streaming down my face.
“C’mon,” he said after the car had driven out of sight, throwing his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go for a boat ride.”
It turned out that Charlie was a lot less of a jerk without Sam around to harass. Much to my parents’ confusion, I decided to pick up extra shifts at the Tavern. Even when Charlie wasn’t working, he would give me a ride. Most days, he’d swim over when I was down at the lake to see how I was doing.
I was not doing well. More than a week had gone by without me hearing from Sam, even though he had finally got a cell phone before he left for Kingston.
I knew he wouldn’t be big on texting, but I couldn’t fathom why he hadn’t responded to any of my HOW R U, I MISS U, and CAN U TALK?
?? messages. And when I called his dorm landline, he didn’t answer.
Charlie kept giving me questioning looks whenever I came into the kitchen to pick up an order. On the way home one night, he cut the motor in the middle of the lake and turned to face me.
“Spill it,” he ordered.
“Spill what?”
“I don’t know, Pers. You tell me. I know you’re bummed that Sam’s gone, but you’ve been moping around like Miss Havisham.”
“You know who Miss Havisham is?” I grumbled.
“Fuck off.”
I sighed. “I still haven’t heard from him. Not an email. No phone call.”
Charlie rubbed his face. “I don’t think he’s got his internet set up yet. And Mom told you he called home. He’s fine.”
“But why didn’t he call me?” I whined, and Charlie laughed.
“You know how expensive those long-distance calls are, Pers.”
“Or text?”
Charlie sighed, then hesitated. “Okay, you want to know what I think?”
“I don’t know, do I?” I narrowed my eyes. You never knew what you were going to get with Charlie.
“Honestly, I think my brother was a coward to keep the course a secret.” He paused. “And if it were me, I would have called you as soon as I got to Kingston.”
“Thanks,” I said, my face hot.
“Sam has it in his head that you belong to him. Not in a creepy possessive way, but it’s more like he has this belief that everything is meant to work out between you two in the end. And I think that’s pretty much bullshit.”
I blanched. “You don’t think it’s meant to work out?” I whispered.
“I don’t think anything is meant to be,” he said flatly. “He already screwed things up when you got that hockey player boyfriend. I hope he fights harder this time,” he said, starting the engine. “Or someone else will.”