Eli 23
Eli
My arms held firm around Rowan as he clung to me, his weight slumped against my chest as every last bit of energy drained out of him. Though he wasn't shaking as badly anymore, I could still feel a few tremors. His breathing hadn't fully settled, but at least he was coming down from the panic.
My mind kept circling back to the call. I hadn't even gotten a full sentence out before he blurted out, "He's back." I couldn't make out what he said after that, but I didn't need to. Only one person could unravel him that fast.
I didn't know what had actually happened, though. Did Marcus call? Did he show up? Did Rowan see him outside? The second I heard that name, I was grateful I was already on my way to his flat.
Because when I got here and found him on the floor, pale and gasping, it took everything in me not to lose it. The breathing exercises were as much for me as they were for him.
Now, with him pressed against me, I could feel him coming back to himself a little bit at a time. I kept quiet and let the silence do its work to help him settle.
But beneath the calm I was trying to keep, my chest was tight with unease. Because something had changed. Rowan had made so much progress, and something just yanked the rug out from under him.
I gave him a few more minutes to catch his breath before I eased him back to get a proper look at him. His eyes were still unfocused, but the wild panic from earlier had mostly faded. Not quite gone, but under control.
My hands found his face again. "You good?"
His gaze drifted elsewhere as he nodded.
"Can you get up?"
This time, he shook his head.
I moved closer and slid one arm under his knees, the other around his back. He didn't object. In fact, he leaned into me like he didn't have the strength to do anything else.
I gathered him carefully into my arms and stood with some effort, adjusting my grip so he didn't have to brace himself. As I turned, I reached back with my foot to nudge the door closed behind us. The latch clicked softly, and the flat went quiet again.
He didn't say a word as I carried him over to the sofa. His face stayed tucked against my collar, close enough that I could feel his shallow but steady breaths against my neck. I eased him carefully down to the cushions, keeping a hand on his back until he was settled.
Then I crouched in front of him and took hold of his hand. "What happened, Ro?"
He didn't answer, but I felt the tension return in his fingers – just a subtle tightening where mine held his.
His jaw ticked, and then his gaze drifted.
Not to me, but to the space on the sofa next to him.
His phone sat there looking like it was dropped mid-panic.
The screen was dark but tilted enough to catch a sliver of light from the window.
I squeezed his hand gently. "Can I look?"
He gave a short nod.
I reached over to grab the phone and tapped the screen to wake it up. Three lines stared back at me.
Still alive, eh? You're a tough little cockroach.
So you did block me. That's alright. No hard feelings, Ro.
Thought for sure I finished the job. Guess your little friend found you in time?
Jesus Christ.
My hand clenched around the device before I even registered the motion. I had to force my fingers to relax, and it took everything to keep my expression calm before I looked back up at Rowan.
I wanted to march out and find the fucker myself. I wanted to throw every charge in the book at him until he was guaranteed to rot in prison. But that wasn't something I could do. Rowan had to be willing to do it himself.
I kept my voice steady and low. "Ro... I think it's time for a restraining order. At least if he tries anything else, then we can bring the police in."
His whole body tensed. His shoulders locked, and he drew in a sharp breath through his nose. "It'll just set him off again. I don't want to make things worse."
I hated how much fear Marcus had instilled in him.
Even the thought of taking a step toward protecting himself made Rowan hesitate.
But at the same time, I could empathise with him.
He barely survived his last encounter with Marcus, and he was still convinced that pushing back would only bring down more hell.
And if I was being honest... Marcus struck me as the type to ignore a court order. If Rowan pushed, Marcus would push back harder. I didn't blame Rowan for being scared of that.
Still, I didn't want to let that prick just worm his way back into Rowan's head. So I set the phone aside and took hold of his hands again to get his attention. "I know you're worried about what he might do. But we can't just let him hang over you like this. We need to do something to protect you."
He finally looked up at me, and for a second, I saw the conflict in his eyes. Part of him wanted to fight back. But the other part that had been worn down was still terrified – and that part was winning.
His gaze drifted away again. "I'm not ready for that," he admitted in a small voice.
I really had to fight to hide the frustration that was bubbling beneath the surface. Not at him, but at the situation. At Marcus. With as fast as Rowan slipped back into the fear, I couldn't guarantee he wouldn't take it the wrong way if he saw me angry.
So I tried a different approach. "Okay. I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. But I'm not just going to sit by and do nothing, either."
He frowned. "What's that mean?"
"I want to set up a camera outside your door."
That made him tense again. I felt it in his hands before I even saw it on his face. "Eli – "
"It's just a precaution," I said before he could shut it down entirely. "In case he escalates. If he shows up, we need a record. He'll be none the wiser. I promise."
Rowan looked away with his jaw clenched. I could see the resistance building all over again. But I didn't want him to be paranoid. I wanted him to be prepared. If Marcus had his eye on Rowan again, I at least needed to keep mine on the door.
"You'll be able to see who's in the hall anytime you want," I added. "It's just to put a barrier between you and him."
He fidgeted, and for a second, I thought he was going to shoot it down, anyway. Then, finally, he gave a small nod. "Okay. But only if it's hidden. I don't want him to know it's there."
Relief flickered in my chest. This didn't fix anything, but it meant he was willing to take a small step in the right direction. After weeks of watching him claw his way back from bracing against every shadow, the fact that he agreed at all felt like progress.
But he still looked straight-up spent, tense in ways I hadn't seen in a while. His shoulders sagged under a weight he couldn't seem to shake, and he kept his gaze fixed somewhere off to the side. Avoiding me. Holding it all in.
I reached up and gently brushed a bit of hair out of his face. "Hey... You remember what I said?"
His eyes flicked back to mine, tired and wary.
My hand drifted to rest against his cheek. He flinched slightly at the contact, then went still. I expected him to pull away, but he didn't. If anything, he leaned into it. Just a little.
"I promised I wasn't going to let him get to you again. I meant it. Whatever it takes, Ro, we'll get through this."
He didn't answer. He just watched me, his expression drawn tight with a hint of something unreadable in his eyes.
My thumb brushed lightly along his cheekbone. Then, without thinking, I leaned in and touched my nose gently to his. "You know you're safe with me, right?"
His breath caught, and his lips parted. He hesitated, then leaned in just enough that I could feel his warmth. His gaze dropped to my lips and lingered there, and I thought he might finally let it happen.
But then I saw that flicker of doubt, the subtle pullback. The moment passed, and instead of acting on it, he brought his hand up to rest against mine as his gaze drifted elsewhere again.
"Yeah..." he whispered at last. "I know."
Of course he didn't go through with it. I'd be lying if I said the hesitation didn't sting a little, but I couldn't be mad at him.
Not when every step forward still came with the weight of what Marcus did to him.
I didn't let my disappointment show, though.
I just held still and let his hand stay against mine as he pulled himself together.
Deep down, I knew he wasn't ready. And that was okay. If it took a hundred quiet moments like this to get him there, I'd meet every one of them with the same patience. I just wanted him to feel safe enough to reach for what he wanted.
And when he did, I'd be waiting for him.
* * *
The next afternoon, I stood outside Rowan's flat, balancing on a step ladder as I fitted the small square camera into the upper corner of the hallway wall.
It was wireless, black, barely bigger than a matchbox.
Easy to miss even if you were looking for it.
Here at the end of the corridor, the overhead lights didn't quite reach and made it easy to hide it in the shadowy corners near the ceiling.
It was the best spot I could've asked for.
I gripped the camera and gave it a tug to make sure it was secure, then opened the app on my phone.
As I angled the lens toward Rowan's door, my mind drifted to the look he gave me when I arrived with the small box.
He didn't argue, but there was hesitation in his eyes that he didn't bother trying to hide.
He may have agreed to this, but I could tell he didn't like the idea.
I didn't push the matter. I just told him I'd take care of it, and he nodded once before disappearing into the spare bedroom and closing the door.
Maybe it wasn't the camera that got to him. He retreated almost as soon as I got there today, like the rest of the world was too loud for him to tolerate. I knew what he was doing. He was pulling back again, just like he did after the beating.
Once the camera was adjusted, I sat on the ladder and stared aimlessly at the livestream on my phone. Rowan had come so far these past few weeks. He was talking more. Letting me in again. And now we were all the way back at square one.
What the hell was I supposed to do with that? How was I supposed to help him climb out of this if a text was enough to send him spiralling again?
I didn't blame him. None of this was his fault. But it scared me to see how fast everything could slip. I'd started to think he might be okay again, and now he acted like he didn't even trust the air in his own flat.
My attention snapped elsewhere when I heard footsteps climbing the stairs at the far end of the hall. It set me on edge before I could stop myself. Stupid, probably. But after last night, it didn't take much to kick my own nerves on high alert anymore.
I relaxed as soon as Mrs Cavanagh came into view. She carried a couple of shopping bags, and her cheeks were a little pink from the nippy wind outside. When she spotted me on the ladder, a look of amused suspicion appeared on her face. Equal parts curiosity and concern.
"Well, now," she called out, adjusting one of the bags. "What kind of trouble are you stirring up this time, young man?"
I gave her a faint smile, but that was all I could manage. "Just adding a bit of security."
She tilted her head, then looked up to where I pointed at the dark corner. She squinted and adjusted her glasses before her expression changed. "Oh. Didn't even see it."
Good. Then Marcus wouldn't, either.
Her amusement faded quickly after that. She stepped a little closer, shifting both bags to one hand as she pulled out her keys. "Did something happen?"
"He got some texts from Marcus last night. New number. Caught him off guard."
"Oh, no."
"Yeah. Sent him into a full-blown panic attack. He's not in a great place right now."
She looked up at the camera again and let out a heavy sigh. "So he's not gone, after all." Her voice dropped. "Bloody coward. I ought to string him up by his – " She stopped herself, but just barely.
The corner of my mouth twitched at the thought of this little old lady going off on Marcus.
It was comforting to know that Rowan had someone else to watch out for him when I couldn't be there.
Mrs Cavanagh had a fire in her that I admired, and I wondered if he understood how fiercely protective of him she was.
She adjusted her bags again as she turned toward her door. "You remind Rowan that if he needs anything, all he's got to do is knock. Or shout. I don't care which."
"I will. Thanks."
I assumed that to be the end of it as she unlocked her door. But before she stepped inside, she turned to me again with a serious look. "That boy's been through enough. You take care of him, Elias. Don't let that snake get his hooks back into him."
The venom in her voice surprised me. For a second, I wondered if she really could handle Marcus if they ever crossed paths, and I made a mental note to stay off her bad side.
I straightened where I sat. "He won't. Not while I'm here."
She gave a satisfied nod before disappearing behind her door. After I heard her lock click, I gathered the empty box, tools, and the step ladder and let myself back into Rowan's flat.
I didn't see him anywhere. The kitchen was empty, the sitting room undisturbed. I figured he must still be in the spare room. If he needed quiet, I didn't want to bother him, so I let it be and occupied myself with putting everything away.
Afterwards, I headed to the bathroom sink and flicked on the light. The glare of the mirror was harsher than I expected as I leaned down to turn on the tap and splash some cold water on my face. The shock of it helped shake off the weight pressing behind my eyes, but not for long.
When I looked up, I caught sight of myself in the mirror.
Christ. I looked tired. Not "I slept like shit" tired. Worn-thin tired. There was a tightness to my face I hadn't noticed before, and I saw a shadow of stubble along my jaw from not bothering with a razor for a couple of days.
I let out a slow breath and braced both hands on the edge of the sink. Rowan was the one falling apart, but if I wasn't careful, I'd unravel right along with him.