Eli 25
Eli
Rowan hadn't said anything in a while. He sat with his elbows on his knees, staring down at the floor like he was trying to make sense of it all.
I kept a hand steady against his back, rubbing slow circles near the base of his neck.
I could feel how tightly wound he still was, even as he tried to calm himself down.
The worst of the adrenaline had started to drain out of me, but it left behind a tightness in my chest that I couldn't seem to shake. I did my best to force it down. Rowan didn't need my anger on top of everything else.
He looked drained down to the bones. And the more I watched him, the more the worry set in.
What if Marcus tried this again and I wasn't here?
Today could've gone very differently. I didn't know he'd be outside Rowan's door.
I just happened to be on my way and got the camera alert right before I reached the building.
Next time, it might not go that way.
Rowan was trying to hold himself together, but it was clear his nerves were fraying. And I didn't know what I could do without making it worse.
I hated how helpless I felt. I could handle a hundred versions of Marcus showing up at the door. But watching Rowan shrink back into himself and knowing there was nothing I could say to make it better? I couldn't stand it.
Rowan finally stirred beside me. He sat up slowly and leaned back against the sofa with a tired exhale. For now, at least, he looked calmer, but he might have also passed out from sheer exhaustion if he sat still for too long.
"Thanks for stepping in with Mrs Cavanagh." His voice was quiet, a little rough, but clear.
"You don't have to thank me for that. Of course I did."
He stared up at the ceiling and wouldn't look at me. "I should've done something. I wanted to. I just... I couldn't make my fucking legs work." The frustration in his voice caught me off guard, but it didn't take much to figure out where it came from.
It came from all the times he'd frozen or felt useless. All the weight he thought he was making everyone else carry. It was written in the tight set of his jaw and the way his shoulders tensed again.
"Ro," I said, firm but not sharp, "you don't owe anyone an explanation for that. You were in survival mode. There's no shame in that."
He didn't answer, but his throat worked around a swallow.
And because I could see him shutting down again, I added, "You're not a burden. Not to me. Not ever."
He still didn't speak. Didn't move, either. He just stayed leaning back, eyes on the ceiling and every muscle in his body drawn tight.
But something did shift. I couldn't say what exactly, but there was some small change in the way he held himself. Even though he wouldn't look at me, I could tell his mind was working. Something I said must've gotten through.
The silence dragged on after that. Long enough that it started to feel a little uncomfortable and I needed to focus my attention elsewhere. My fingers twitched with the urge to do something, but I couldn't come up with anything and ended up just sitting there for a few minutes.
Then I heard Rowan draw in a breath like he was about to speak. He held it, then let it out again.
I waited.
Finally, he said, "Hey, Eli... Can I – " He stopped.
I turned my head to look at him. "Yeah?"
But he just shook his head and started to get up. "Never mind."
My hand moved on a reflex. When I reached out to stop him, I only meant to catch his sleeve, but I misjudged the distance. My fingers closed too fast and too firm around his wrist. He lost his balance and stumbled – and the next thing I knew, he landed hard in my lap.
Shit. That was a mistake.
Rowan went completely still. His weight stayed heavy on my legs, but he didn't make a sound. Didn't even look at me.
I stayed perfectly still, too. I didn't want to make it worse. My hand that was still loosely wrapped around his wrist went slack and slid away. I didn't know if I'd just triggered a full-on fight-or-flight response or what, but I definitely didn't want to make him feel trapped.
"Well..." I said carefully, keeping my tone casual. "Not the most graceful landing. But I've seen worse."
That earned a twitch at the corner of his mouth. Not quite a smile, but close. He finally moved a little and started to climb off me, and I could very clearly see the flush starting to creep up his neck. "Sorry, I didn't mean to – "
But then he stopped. He just sat there, frozen halfway through whatever instinct told him to get up.
I watched him, trying to get a read on his expression. He stared at some random spot on the floor, and I couldn't quite tell what was going through his head.
So I took a chance.
I moved carefully so as not to startle him and brought my arm around his back. Just a steadying touch. Enough to make it clear that I wasn't uncomfortable or going to make a thing of it. I just didn't want him to feel like he had to scramble away if he didn’t want to.
That seemed to finally snap him out of it. I felt the stiffness of his posture loosen, and he started to lean in – hesitant, almost testing whether this was okay – until he began to settle against my chest.
I let him come to me. Then I wrapped both arms around him, slow and solid. No pressure. Just to let him know I had him. That if he needed to be still for a minute, he could.
He relaxed a little more with each passing second.
The tension that had locked up his shoulders slowly faded until he was just resting there against me.
Still quiet and guarded, but not nearly as rigid.
I let my eyes close for a second, just breathing with him, and when I felt the last of the fight drain from him, I gently tightened my hold.
"You calmed down a bit now?" I asked quietly.
He gave a small nod against my chest.
We sat there for a bit, neither of us talking. I didn't know how long the silence stretched, but I wasn't in a rush to move. Rowan didn't seem to be, either.
Eventually, I angled my head to look down at him. "So? What were you trying to ask me?" My voice stayed gentle. Not pushing, but giving him the space to say it if he still wanted to.
I expected him to brush it off or pretend he didn't hear me. To my surprise, he didn't. Neither did he answer right away, but I could tell it wasn't fear holding him back this time. More like he was trying to figure out how to say it.
When he finally spoke, the words came out quiet. Careful. "Would... Would you be willing to stay here?"
"I am here."
"No, I mean..." He paused, and I felt the tension return. "Longer than just popping in."
"You mean stay stay here?"
That made him flinch. "Forget it, that's – never mind." He started to pull back, and I heard the edge in his voice. The one that gave him away when he was trying too hard to play something down. "I don't want to add to everything. I know this has been wearing on you, and I – "
I tightened my arms around him before he could slip any further away. He stopped mid-sentence and froze.
I'd picked up on the guilt that threaded through his words. I didn't know when it happened, but at some point, he'd convinced himself that asking for anything meant being a burden. And now it was clear that he thought he'd already taken too much from me.
"Of course," I said gently. "If that's what you need, Ro, I'll stay."
And just like that, his whole body relaxed again. The air went out of him in a quiet exhale, and he let himself sink into me fully this time. His fingers curled into my shirt as he rested his head against my chest. "Thanks."
We didn't move much after that. Rowan stayed tucked close, his weight pressed into me like he'd at last given himself permission to rest. My leg started to tingle with the way I was sitting, but I stayed still. I didn't want to interrupt the peace he'd finally found.
After a while, though, I felt something jabbing into my skin. I glanced down and saw the edge of his glasses was slightly off-kilter and digging into my chest. His head had sunk lower without me noticing, and now he was fully slumped against me.
I let out a quiet, slow breath. Of course he fell asleep.
He was running on fumes, and the adrenaline probably wiped him out.
I didn't try to adjust him and did my best to ignore the pinpoint pressure from his glasses.
If this was the only place he felt safe enough to sleep right now, I wasn't going to interrupt that.
Moving carefully, I slipped my phone out of my pocket with my free hand and pulled up the camera feed. The hall outside his flat was empty. No movement. No shadows. Nothing out of place.
Didn't mean I could relax, though.
The knot in my stomach wouldn't ease up. Marcus didn't try to push past me or shout or throw a punch – but his choice to walk away didn't feel like him giving up. It felt like a strategic move. I didn't trust the silence he left behind. I didn't trust the look he gave me before he left.
I was very glad Rowan asked me to stay. Even more glad he'd let himself ask for help instead of shutting down again.
Because Marcus was up to something. Those kinds of people didn't just disappear. Whatever he was planning next, at least now I could be here to shield Rowan from it.
The edge of his glasses pressed deeper into my chest when he stirred faintly in his sleep.
Just a small twitch of movement, but it sent a sharper jab into my skin.
And now that I'd noticed it, I couldn't unnotice it.
That, paired with the pins and needles crawling up my leg, was getting impossible to ignore.
I tucked my phone away and glanced down again. His expression was soft in a way I hadn't seen in a long time. No tension on his face. No tightness in his posture. He looked peaceful for once. Or at least as close to it as he could get these days.
Very slowly, I reached up and eased the glasses off his face. He let out a quiet breath and sank a little deeper against me, but he didn't really stir.
Okay. So far, so good.