Rowan 26
Rowan
The door clicked shut behind Eli, and I locked it out of habit. Deadbolt first. Then the chain. I checked both again, even though I knew they were secure.
This was ridiculous. I shouldn't be this nervous to be alone in my own flat. He'd be back in an hour. Two at most. He just had a few things to do.
Still, my hand stayed on the locks.
I hadn't heard anything from Marcus in a couple of weeks. No texts or knocks at the door. It should've been a relief, but the silence put me just as on edge as the noise did.
Marcus wasn't the kind to give up. He'd made it clear that he might step away for a while, but only long enough to make me think I was in the clear. A brief confrontation with Eli in the hall wouldn't be enough to scare him off.
I stepped back from the door and tried to shake it off. But the nerves had already started to crawl up the back of my neck.
I walked back to the sofa and sank into the cushions, pulling my legs up and wrapping my arms tight around my knees. I hadn't sat in this position in years. Childish, maybe, but it made me feel smaller in a way that was easier to manage.
I tried to think of something to do. Anything. I considered putting on some crap telly just for the background noise, but my hand didn't move toward the remote.
Instead, my mind started to drift. Not even anywhere specific – just that aimless spiral that starts small and builds without much warning.
I thought about the camera feed. Whether I should check it.
Whether not checking it meant I was letting my guard down.
Whether checking it meant I was feeding the fear.
I hated that this was my default now. I couldn't be alone for twenty bloody minutes without feeling like everything would fall apart. I leaned my forehead against my knees and closed my eyes, hoping the quiet might calm me down.
A sharp knock made me jerk so hard my teeth clicked together. My heart stuttered, then took off like it was trying to outrun something. The sound wasn't loud, but it was intentional. I sat up straighter and strained to listen.
Nothing. No voice. No movement on the other side of the door. No second knock.
Maybe Eli forgot something? He could've –
Another knock. Louder. I flinched before I could stop myself.
It wasn't Eli. He always called out to let me know it was him.
My stomach turned, and I suddenly felt far too visible where I was sitting.
I slid down into the sofa, curling in as I lowered myself until I couldn't see the front door.
My hands clenched as I tried to breathe around the sudden tightness in my chest. The flat went silent again, but that only made it worse.
My gaze darted to the kitchen table. I'd left my phone out there. Typical. Of course I hadn't brought it with me, but I didn't dare get up to grab it. If Marcus was out there listening, I didn't want to make any noise. I didn't want him to know I was home.
Any doubts I might have had vanished when his voice cut through the silence, muffled by the door but no less threatening. "You're acting like a child, Rowan. Hiding in there won’t fix anything."
My hands started to shake again. Useless, jittery tremors I couldn't stop. I curled in tighter and pressed myself deeper into the cushions, trying to get myself under control. Every breath felt more shallow than the last as I fought the rising panic.
"He's not going to stay, ya know. He'll get tired of you eventually. They always do."
My fingers dug into the cushion. I didn't want to listen. I tried to block him out, but he knew exactly where to aim.
"He feels sorry for you. That's all it is. He's got a whole life in London. He's not going to give all that up to play nursemaid for the rest of his life."
That one hit too close. I shook my head like it might physically throw the words out of my brain.
He went quiet for a minute, but I could hear him moving around outside the door. The camera would catch him. Eli would see this. I just had to wait him out.
"I'm not the bad guy here, Rowan. I just want to talk. You can't shut me out forever."
That's exactly what I planned to do. It was the only thing I could do right now. I didn't have the strength to open that door and listen to whatever manipulative nonsense he planned to throw at me this time.
And he'd already tried to kill me once. He'd absolutely do it again.
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me. Open the door."
There was that tone again. The same one I heard the night I thought I was going to die.
Somehow, I managed to shrink even further into the sofa.
I pulled my knees tight to my chest and tried to disappear, even though I knew he couldn't see me.
I could feel the shakes ramping back up, small at first, then spreading until they rattled through my chest. My hands went cold. My stomach churned itself into knots.
The silence pressed on for what felt like hours, but it couldn't have been more than a minute or two. Then, finally, his voice came through one last time. Calm again. Too calm. "Fine. But I'm not done with you, Rowan."
I didn't move. Not when I heard him walk away. Not when his footsteps trailed off down the hall. Not when the silence lasted so long I knew he had to be gone.
My body didn't trust the quiet. If I so much as twitched, I was sure I'd hear his fist slam into the door again. But several minutes passed. Long ones. I counted my breaths, focused on the texture of the cushions under my fingers. Anything that would anchor me back down.
Eventually, I pried myself upright and made my way to the kitchen on legs that didn't feel like they belonged to me. I fumbled for the phone and nearly dropped it as I unlocked the screen. My thumb trembled against the app icon for the camera feed, and it took two tries before it loaded.
The image steadied, and I scanned the view. The hall was empty. All I saw was the dim, uneven light and scuffed hardwood floor. Right now, it was the most welcome sight in the world.
I exhaled hard – so hard it startled me – and my knees buckled. I dropped into the nearest chair with a rough thud and buried my face in my hands.
I couldn't move for a long time. My body turned to stone the second I hit the chair. Every muscle locked up, and I felt too numb to try to move. I didn't know how long I sat there, but it was more than enough time for Marcus's words to weasel their way back in.
He's not going to stay.
It wasn't just a jab. I had wondered about it countless times over the past couple of months. I'd often asked myself how long this would last. How long before Eli realised what he'd signed up for and decided it was too much.
Because it was too much. I was too much. I couldn't even spend an hour alone without falling apart.
He feels sorry for you.
God. That was exactly what I thought this was at first. I didn't want to believe it was true, though.
Eli never treated me like I was broken. But he'd stepped into something ugly that he didn't ask for.
He dropped his career, his life, everything he had back in London just to come sit in my silence.
How could that not wear on him eventually? How could he –
No.
No, I knew what Marcus was doing. That voice was the same one he used every time he wanted to make me doubt myself. He wasn't just throwing his words around. He was aiming at my worst insecurities. He didn't know how to win clean, so he was trying to tear me apart from the inside.
I sucked in a shaky breath and forced my thoughts to slow down. Eli chose to be here. He wasn't stuck. He had every chance to leave, and he didn't. I had to trust that more than I trusted the poison Marcus tried to pour down my throat.
But as soon as I got my footing back, a different fear settled in.
Marcus knew Eli wasn't here. He came exactly when I was alone. He had to be watching us.
That realisation made my skin go ice-cold.
That's why he'd been silent for so long. He was biding his time. Studying our routine. Waiting for a window where I'd be vulnerable again.
I felt sick. Like there were eyes on the flat even now, just out of my view. Like if I so much as moved the curtain, I'd see him somehow hovering in front of my window on the first floor. I wrapped my arms around myself and sat back in the chair, trying to calm the surge before it overwhelmed me.
I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep letting him stalk me from a distance and wait for me to crack. I couldn't spend every waking second wondering if today was the day he'd get through that door. I'd hoped staying quiet would keep him from escalating, but now I knew that wasn't true.
He decided when the escalation happened. Not me.
A sharp knock hit the door. I nearly fell out of the chair.
My heart stopped, then kicked back to life so fast it made my chest hurt. For one horrible second, I thought he'd come back. That Marcus hadn't left at all and only circled the building as he waited for me to relax before trying again.
I couldn't breathe. My whole body was frozen in place by the thought of that voice coming through the door again.
"It's me, Ro."
Oh, thank God. It's Eli.
The chair scraped against the floor as I bolted to my feet. My legs nearly gave out from the sudden movement. I fumbled with the chain and deadbolt with shaking fingers, and the second the door was open, I grabbed his jacket and pulled him inside with more force than I meant to.
Eli stumbled a step and caught himself. "Whoa – hey – "
I slammed the door shut behind him and locked it before I turned to face him. "Marcus was here again."
His eyes hardened, and I could see the cold fury behind them. "I know. I got the alert."
I tried to keep my voice steady, but it cracked, anyway. "He kept trying to get me to let him in. I – I didn't, but – " I couldn't finish. The words backed up in my throat and wouldn't go any further.
He stepped in close and rested his hands on my arms. "You didn't open the door," he said quietly. "That's what matters. You did exactly the right thing."
I tried to nod, but my head was spinning. "I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend I'm okay when I break every time I hear a fucking knock."
Eli didn't hesitate. He pulled me in, his arms wrapping protectively around me – and I leaned into it without thinking. I needed the contact.
His voice was low and certain in my ear. "You don't have to pretend, Ro. Not with me."
I didn't mean to fall apart, but something in me just cracked open. My hands wouldn't stop shaking, and my thoughts moved too fast to grab hold of any of them.
"I don't know what to do," I said, barely above a whisper. "I don't know how to make this stop."
He didn't say anything, but I felt his grip tighten around me.
"I'm scared, Eli. If I do anything, he'll come after me harder. He'll come after you. That's what he does – he escalates. He always escalates." My voice cracked again, and I couldn't hold back the tremble in it this time. "I don't want to make it worse."
He slowly eased back to look at me. "He's not going to stop on his own."
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
"We've been playing defence this whole time.
I know you're scared of what happens if we push back, but we can't just wait around and hope he gives up.
" His expression changed. Still calm, but serious in a way that made it clear he wasn't trying to soften the truth for me.
"I can't stand here and keep watching him do this to you. "
That hit something deep in my chest. I didn't want to break down again, but I came dangerously close.
His voice stayed quiet. Even. But I could hear the weight behind it. "I just want you safe, Ro. That's all. I don't want him to hurt you anymore."
My throat tightened, and the sting hit the back of my eyes before I could stop it. I blinked hard and kept my gaze locked somewhere off to the side. I couldn't let this break me again.
Because I could tell he meant it. Every word. Eli wasn't trying to push me or trap me into anything. He was trying, really trying, to protect me. To give me a way out of this nightmare.
But I was too damn scared to take it.
He let out a breath. "I'm not going to make you do anything you're not ready for. But we can't keep waiting for him to do something. We need a plan."
All I could do was nod. I didn't trust my voice not to crack again.
He wrapped his arms around me again, holding firm but careful. He seemed to know I was one wrong word from slipping back into the panic.
I pressed my face into his shoulder and tried to breathe. I didn't know how much strength I had left... But I hoped like hell I could find enough of it to deal with this before it was too late.