Chapter 3
“So, what did you think of Blaze?” Mom asked me, sipping her coffee as I stepped onto the front porch, a grocery list in my hands.
“I think he’s just another cowboy,” I quipped, shaking my head, though my eyes drifted out to the corral where the ranch manager was loping one of the colts. If I was seventeen again, I might’ve been drooling over the way he made it look so easy—but I wasn’t that girl anymore. Cowboys were trouble, especially when they lived in this town.
Regardless, I felt a pang of longing as I watch him fall in rhythm with the young, sorrel gelding. I had once watched my brother and father do the exact thing, in the same place. Part of me wanted to go out to the barn and saddle up myself, and tear through the woods as fast as the horse’s legs could carry me. I was no hand, and I learned a long time ago that riding horses would never come natural to me. But I still enjoyed it once upon a time.
A long, long time ago .
I turned back to the paper in my hand, clearing my head as I read through the black bolded letters. “This is a really hefty list. I mean, there’s still a whole fridge full of casseroles.”
Mom shrugged, her eyes still on Blaze. “I’m tired of eating casserole.”
“The funeral was yesterday .”
“I know, but I just don’t like casserole.” Her eyes came back to meet mine, rimmed with a somberness that could gut punch even the hardest of us.
I gave her a hug around her shoulders, squeezing her. “We can throw them all out if you want. I don’t care.”
She laughed, wiping a rogue tear from her cheek. “That’s okay. We’ll just keep feeding them to the ranch hands. I know Blaze has a couple of guys that are coming out to help him since your dad isn’t here anymore. You might have to give them some guidance—you were always out there helping him, even more so than Sam.”
Sam.
The lump in my throat doubled in size at the mention of his name, never mind the memories that came with it. “Yeah, I’ll help out if I need to. Just let me know if anyone needs me.”
“I’ll tell Blaze.”
“Great,” I breathed out, adjusting the navy blue ball cap on my head. I was having a bad hair day to say the least, and since I was no longer working at a firm—or going to work at all for that matter, a hat was an actual solution. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Thank you for running errands for me, Beth.” She gave me a smile and tiny wave, before turning her attention back to the corrals, where another couple of guys had appeared to watch the show as well, hooting and hollering as he loped a large circle .
I shook my head at the sight and headed down the steps toward my dad’s late eighties old blue truck, parked at the end of the gravel drive by the barn. It felt wrong to drive it, but I swallowed the feeling. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been through grief before. The moments of suffocation would fade to a dull throb, and while it never went away completely, it was survivable. So, it was better to drive the truck while it still smelled like his aftershave, than it was to get in it after the scent had faded to the stench of dirt and manure.
Popping the door open, I slid in and scooted the seat forward, fighting the urge not to climb right back out as the pain slammed into my chest.
It’s just a truck, Beth. It’s just a truck.
Wiping my moist eyes, I fired it off and roared backward, spinning tires and throwing gravel. I glanced in the rearview mirror, relieved no one noticed my overdramatic departure. They were still all eyes on the Blaze Show.
Navigating the long gravel drive, I made it to the old highway. I took a left and traveled toward town. This stretch of highway into Rustdale ran through mostly farm and ranch land, dotted with houses and cattle. It was a strikingly refreshing sight, better than urban life I had been living—not that it changed how I felt about being here. I fidgeted with the radio, not surprised that it didn’t work as static filled the truck. The thing had been broken longer than I had been alive.
The seven-mile drive went by in a blip, and I pulled into the empty spot outside of the BNR Grocery store, bouncing the truck over the cracked pavement. My stomach knotted up as I grabbed the list and my purse once parked, already feeling anxious about seeing familiar faces. I glanced up in the rearview mirror, pulling my hat down a little further .
Maybe no one will recognize me.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and slid out. I pulled at the bottom of my old gray T-shirt, covering the waistband of my faded bootcut jeans. There was no doubt that I fit the bill of a small town woman in the moment. No one would probably guess that my normal attire for the last year had been pantsuits and heels.
And I don’t miss that.
I nearly laughed, heading into the grocery store. I grabbed a shopping cart and tossed my purse in, determined to make quick work of the tiny place. I could be in and out in twenty minutes...
I hope.
Mom had a lengthy list, and I found myself grumbling as I headed to the produce section. You’d have thought she was feeding a full house. I reached for a bag of potatoes...
And then I heard my name—not even five minutes into the shopping trip.
“Oh my gosh! Beth Young ? Is that you?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Shoot. I spun around, immediately recognizing Sarah Armitage, an old friend—well, more like an acquaintance, but yeah. “Hi Sarah, it’s been a long time.” I gave her a smile as I carefully sat the potatoes into the cart.
“Oh, it has been forever !” she squealed so loud it nearly made me jump. “How have you been? I heard about your dad, I’m so sorry.” She pulled me into an awkward, stiff hug that more than likely was only weird because of me. “I was gonna come to the funeral, but I just had so much going on. You know how life can be—so busy. My niece, Lauren, competed for rodeo princess yesterday over in Gale, and I did her hair. You know I always did those rodeo queen pageants. But anyway, sorry about your dad.” She rested her hand on my shoulder, batting her thick, fake eyelashes. “Really.”
“Of course, thanks,” I said with a nod. Sarah was the epitome of a small-town princess. She was the homecoming queen, prom queen, rodeo queen—queen of anything that could be queened. “I really need to?—”
“Girl, you look good .” Sarah made a swooping motion, like a car salesman as she cut me off. “City life did you great—lots of walking to stay slim. I could use that kind of life. You still have that natural look about you though. I love it.”
“Thanks, Sarah.” I forced myself to be pleasant. “You look great yourself.” I meant it, too. I mean, sure, the tanning bed made her age a little faster, but overall, she looked as pretty as ever, her blonde hair spilling over her thin shoulder in waves. “I’m glad you’re doing so well.”
“I am doing so good. How about you? Are you good? As good as you can be, I guess, considering your dad. Gosh, I’m just so sorry—I heard it was from a spider bite?” She tilted her head, her styled brows furrowed with sympathy. I couldn’t quite understand why she was talking to me, since we didn’t really know each other, but I sucked it up. For Mom.
“Um... It was a wasp sting. He’s allergic, but I’m doing okay. I’m just in town helping my mom get everything settled. I probably won’t be staying much longer than just what it takes.”
“Oh, you’re not staying around?” She frowned, her hand landing lightly on my forearm. “I figured since your mom was gonna be all alone now, it was just like a sign for you to move back home. My grammy Lin said that your mom’s been prayin’ for you to come back to town and stay.”
I hesitated, shifting to my heels as my stomach furled. “Well, I’ll be here to ensure that everything is settled and she’s comfortable...”
Sarah nodded, as if she actually understood. “That’s nice of you to do that. I haven’t talked with her in a long time, but I thought I might stop by and say hello sometime.”
“Yeah, you should do that,” I said, eyeing my grocery list—the one I hadn’t even managed to mark a single item off. “Mom always really liked you,” I added, which was the truth. She did like Sarah. Everyone liked Sarah. Sarah just never wanted to waste her popular time on me. I only got invited to her parties because of Sam and… Garrett.
“Your mom is so sweet,” she beamed, clasping her hands together. My eyes flickered to her left hand, noticing that it was missing a ring.
Huh. That’s weird. I guess she and Lucas...
“We got divorced about a year ago,” Sarah answered my question, and I ripped my gaze away from her ring finger, embarrassed I’d been so obvious.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, feeling more awkward than ever. “I thought that, um, I just—wow, I’m so sorry.”
She giggled, waving it off. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I think the whole town had been talking about it well before Lucas and I ever split. It was hard to ruin that whole, high school sweetheart kind of romance, but it happens. What about you? Last I heard, you were with that hot shot lawyer with the firm up in Chicago—but then you deleted your Facebook, and I don’t see a ring on that finger.” She raised an eyebrow, motioning to my own bare ring finger.
“Jared and I’s divorce was finalized a couple of months ago. We’ve been separated for quite some time though.” I was careful not to spill much more than that, holding back about his twenty-four-year-old intern that was now his girlfriend. The last thing I needed was to give the town something to talk about. Sarah had always been the kind of woman that was friends with everyone.
And I still got that same vibe from her.
“Oh, wow, divorces are tough, but girl, I can already tell that you’ve got that post-breakup glow up goin’ on.” Sarah waved her hand over me, motioning to a figure that I was certain had only gotten worse since the divorce.
But whatever. I’d take it.
“Thank you. It’s been really great talking with you,” I said to her, holding up my list. “But Mom’s waiting on me to get back with all the groceries—I don’t want to keep her waiting too long.”
“Oh my goodness,” she gasped, dramatically. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to eat up so much of your time.” Sarah smoothed out her black tank top, tucked carefully in the front of denim shorts. “It was just so nice catchin’ up. We should meet for drinks tonight, over at Outlaws. They’ve got great deals for ladies on Monday nights, and…” Her lips pinched before she continued.
“And?” I furrowed my brow as she stood there, looking suddenly unsure.
Her smile returned, as did her certainty. “I’d just really love it if you’d meet me for drinks. We weren’t close in school, but we’re here now, and we’re both freshly divorced.”
I stayed silent for a few beats, adjusting my hat. “I really don’t know… My mom…”
“Oh, come on, Beth,” she pleaded, squeezing my arm. “You have to come out. We can meet there at eight, and I guarantee you’ll be home before ten. I don’t like to stay out late anymore. I swear. Just come to Outlaws.”
I let out a heavy sigh, giving in. “Okay. I’ll meet you there around eight.”
“Yay!” Sarah clapped her hands together like a little kid. “This is so great. I can’t wait to catch up. It’ll be perfect. I promise . ”