9. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
Willow
I’m finally getting the hang of being behind the bar. I’ve been working with Bennett the last few days that have been slower than the weekend. I can pour beer and make the basic, more popular drinks. It helps that Bennett is actually nice to me, unlike Madeline.
My first night here I learned quickly that Madeline only turns on the charm for our illustrious boss. The only saving grace for him, is that he seems oblivious to her attempts at flirting with her boss.
I’ve also been able to build a rapport with most of the regulars who come in everyday.
An older man, Albert, is my favorite regular. He’s a recent widower, and comes in early every night for dinner and a drink, a gin and tonic, just one. I even came in on my night off last night to eat dinner with him.
But tonight we are back to a busy Friday night with live music. I’ll take the patio tables, Bennett inside at the bar, Gunnar running tables inside, and Mack in the kitchen.
I never thought Mack would come to like me after that first night, but I think I’m finally cracking her. Tonight she made my favorite dessert that I had mentioned in passing to Bennett yesterday. I take that as a sign I’m wearing her down. The thought makes me smile.
Mack likes to put off a tough as nails attitude but I know it’s not true. She’s really a big old teddy bear under that gruff exterior.
When I come back from returning some dirty dishes to the kitchen, I see my sisters all sitting at one of the patio tables. The three of them are sitting in the corner by the heaters, all laughing at something that someone said. The pang in my chest at missing out hurts a little more right now. And I have no one to blame but myself.
I run over and give each one a hug, genuinely happy to see them.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask excitedly.
“We had to come check out the beautiful new singer that Gunnar hired.” Scarlett holds out her phone and shows me a video of me when I sang on the bar during the fight.
“What, where is this?” I usually get tagged but the person who posted this doesn’t seem to know who I am, meaning a local who prides themselves on not using social media, or one who understands privacy. The video is dark and even I'm having trouble making out that it's my features on the video.
I click on the comments and see all the guesses on who it might be, some flatter me with the names my voice is being compared to. Some diehard fans that I’ve gotten to know around town, know it’s me.
“Gunnar, look at this, our girl here is putting you on the map,” Lacey calls.
He takes the phone from my hand, and I can see the smile he’s fighting to let come across his face.
Something between us changed the night he was teaching me to pour a beer. He’s been keeping his physical distance since, even though I’ve tried to get his attention all week in the apartment. My skimpiest shorts, getting close to him, nothing is working. I’m firmly in the friend zone to my dismay.
“Looks like you’ll have to sing again tonight, I want to see my baby sister sing!” Adelaide demands.
At the mention of being her baby sister, I see a wince cross Gunnar’s face. And it hits me, maybe he’s holding back because he’s good friends with the guys. Or maybe because it’s a reminder how young I am compared to him.
“We’ll see. I’m not singing much these days,” I say sadly. I miss it.
“Yea, we know. We’ve seen the hashtag #WheresWillow on social media. Why did you stop?” Scarlett asks.
Only Adelaide knows part of my story. And I’ve been avoiding my sisters for this exact reason. I’m not ready to talk about it. I thought being at work would prevent them from digging. Clearly, I was wrong.
“Oh sorry! I have to go grab an order.” I run back into the kitchen leaving my sisters and Gunnar on the patio.
In a quiet spot by the walk-in freezer, I take a deep breath, squatting down on the ground, and dropping my head in my hands, trying to keep the tears at bay.
“Little Red, what are you doin’?” Mack stands over me, arms over her chest.
“Uh, sorry. I’ll get out of your way.” I stand up quickly and dust off the front of my pants, willing the tears back into my eyes.
“I wasn’t saying you’re in my way. I was asking what you’re doing,” she says in a gruff voice.
“I just - I don’t know. I needed a minute. My sisters asked me why I stopped singing,” I answer honestly for some reason.
“Well, why did ya?” She goes back to cooking but doesn’t end the conversation.
“It’s complicated.”
“You like singing?” she asks.
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do but in Nashville -”
“You ain’t in Nashville anymore, Little Red. You’re here with us. You sing if you wanna sing. Anyone complains and I’ll take care of ‘em.”
This is Mack ending the conversation. This is Mack accepting me. She makes it seem so simple .
“Yes, ma’am.” I risk a hug to her side, she doesn’t stop what she’s doing but the corners of her lips tick up just enough for me to notice.
I go back out to the patio feeling lighter than I have in a while. Who knew I just needed Mack's approval that it was okay to sing here at The Bar, that she and this patio are my safe space. After I take care of some of my other tables I go back to my sisters’ table.
I’m happy to see them, but I feel like they have ulterior motives for coming to see me. They want to know the full story of what happened in Nashville but I’m still not ready. I lost so much; my career, my friends, my passion. All bought by Jake and left me high and dry. Including the girls who were going to come forward in the lawsuit with me.
“Are you singing tonight, sweetheart?” Johnny, the lead singer of the band asks.
They were here last time I sang for the girls who made a request. The time that I fell off the stage because I kept getting shots from them.
“I don’t know.”
I don’t know if I want to get up there to sing without some liquid courage. Singing to break up the fight was different. I sang out of necessity. I saw it once in a movie, so I gave it a go. It looked like Mack and Gunnar needed help. And after the mess I created with the drinks, I kind of owed them.
“Oh, come on, get up here. You’re a better singer than he is anyway.” His drummer juts his thumb toward Johnny .
I peek through the window into the kitchen and see Mack’s encouraging look.
“How about a duet?” I counter.
“You got it, sweetheart.” He smirks at me.
“Let me just do one more round around the patio then I’ll be ready, if it’s ok with Gunnar.”
He yells over to Gunnar to get permission and Gunnar sends a thumbs up back in his direction. The only one with a frown seems to be Madeline. She can’t stand that I’m getting more attention than her.
Lucky for her, she doesn’t know the bullshit that comes with the attention.
I make one more round to check on my tables, making my sisters’ table the last stop.
“I’m about to go sing a song with the band, do you guys need anything before I do that?”
“No! Just to see you do what you love,” Addy answers for all three of them. She claps her hands in front of her in excitement.
Guilt slams into my chest. All my sisters want is for me to open up to them so they can help. And all I’ve done is push them all away.
I head back to the stage. Johnny extends his hand for me to be pulled up onto the stage.
“What do you think about ‘I Walk the Line’?”
Such a classic duet choice. My voice has always been best with a simple guitar. I hated when Jake wanted me to use auto tuning, or have loud bandmates .
“Are you asking to be the Johnny to my June?” I joke with him, but catch the scowl on Gunnar’s face that is directed in Johnny’s direction.
He just winks back at me in response before grabbing his own mic.
He introduces me and the song to the crowd. Surprisingly, more people come out to the patio from inside the bar. The patio is packed now, and my nerves are heightened. The tingle in my palms is growing. I did gigs before, but these are the people I grew up with, and the people who don’t know of my epic failure in Nashville.
Once the band starts playing, I lose myself in the song. Singing on stage is like slipping on my favorite pair of worn leggings. The ones I like to wear with Gunnar’s tee, that I stole from the laundry, at the end of the night before cuddling into my favorite spot on the couch. Something I’ve started to relish at the end of a busy night.
As the song ends the crowd erupts into cheers. I notice a lot of cell phones pointed at us, no doubt recording. I make a mental note to check social media later. I’ve tried to stay off social media lately unless I’m quickly posting an old video. The hashtag my sisters mentioned earlier is in fact trending but not all the users are friendly. Some are downright nasty. And if I go down the rabbit hole of nasty comments it really messes with me, hence the drinking.
In my new vow of sobriety, I also promised myself I wouldn’t read comments anymore.
I hop off the stage and go back to serving the patio tables. As I start to walk around I’m met by some to tell me how much they love my voice, and ask when I’m releasing something of my own for streaming.
I never have, because Jake always told me not to. Something I will have to remedy. A little fuck you to him when I succeed.
“Oh. Em. Gee! Willow! You’re amazing! You’re such a natural up there!” Addy jumps out of her seat to hug me.
“I got the best video and I just put it on social media! You’re so beautiful when you smile, I can see this is truly your calling.” Lacey beams.
Scarlett just hugs me, unshed tears in her eyes. She’s always been my quiet sister, knowing when not to push me, and when words aren’t needed. I hug her back, grateful that she still possesses that skill after all these years apart.
As the crowd picks up, I get less and less time with my sisters. Eventually they head out, all going home to their families.
I am more than happy when the bar closes. Tonight was slammed, and I was called up on stage a few more times to sing with the band. They even asked me if I wanted to make it a permanent gig.
I replied that I needed more time to think about it. I’m not sure if I’m ready to enter the music world again, and this band is pretty well known in New England, so it would require some traveling, mostly on the weekend. I don’t know how Gunnar would feel about that since I’m new and he was willing to give me a chance.
Per usual, Gunnar takes my order and makes me dinner to eat upstairs. Eating together after work has become our ritual. I’ve learned a lot about him over the nights we spend together. And I really like who I’m getting to know.
I head upstairs first, to shower off the night, and then Gunnar showers after me while I set the island for us to eat.
I drift off into the third bedroom where I keep my guitar. I must have started to daydream, lost in this room dreaming of what I will release one day. I run my fingers gently over the top of the guitar, holding it in my lap.
“Do you think you’ll play again? I’ve never heard you play.” Gunnar’s voice breaks my daydream and brings me back to reality.
“Maybe one day,” I answer honestly because I just don’t know.
“I play too. We could play together one night,” he offers.
“You do?” I never would have guessed that about this gruff ex-military man.
“Yup. Needed something to keep me out of trouble in high school in a small town. My brother used to get mad because I was always cooler with a guitar. He tried to learn but my parents quickly redirected him to football.” He laughs at the memory .
“I’d really like that.” I get up and place my guitar back on the stand. “But right now, I’d really like my pasta. I’m starving. I didn’t get to snack tonight.”
“Tonight was insane. We never slowed down.”
He places his hand on the small of my back and directs me down the hall to the kitchen. He’s started finding small ways to touch me, and it’s driving me nuts.
I want him to touch me more. But whenever I make a move like the night he taught me how to pour a beer, he pulls away. He’s either king of mixed signals, or he doesn’t even realize he’s touching me.
I wonder idly if he’s just a touchy guy. Although, he certainly doesn’t strike me as one.
We fall into the same small talk as we do everynight. Me asking about his family, him asking about my past until I evade all questions I don’t want to answer. Or don’t have the answers for quite yet.
“Want to play twenty questions?” I ask between bites.
He furrows his brow, staring at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Do I look like the type of guy that plays twenty questions?” he counters.
“No but we’re working on being friends, right?”
“Fine. I’ll play your game, little firecracker,” he sighs in defeat.
I start easy with him. “Favorite color?”
“Green,” his answer is followed by silence .
“You’re supposed to ask me a question back.” I roll my eyes at him.
“I already know your favorite color. It’s yellow.”
“A question, Gunnar. Not a statement!” I toss one of my croutons at him, hitting him in the forehead.
He scowls, but proceeds. “Why did you pick Nashville to start your music career?”
This was supposed to be easy. He clearly doesn’t understand the point of this game.
I stare at him, but he just stares back, giving me the space to decide what I want to share.
“I had to get away after Dad died. I blame myself for his death and he always told me he could see my voice being huge in Nashville. My first gig was at his favorite bar there. So I guess I chose it to feel close to him.”
So far, Mack is the only one I’ve been remotely honest with about my feelings on singing and my music. Which is ironic, because looking at her no one would say she’s the one they feel safe to open up to with their darkest secrets.
He nods, accepting my answer. “You’re supposed to ask a question.”
I shake my head at him and ask my next question.
We clean up our dishes and head back to our bedrooms.
He pauses at his door. “I forgot to tell you, tomorrow I’m going to head to my parents for the weekend. Mack is in charge. I’m leaving early so I’ll probably be gone before you wake up.”
“Oh, um, okay.” Damn, why does it make my chest hurt that he’s leaving? “Is everything okay?”
“Oh yea, Hunter just called and asked if I could help them do some stuff around the inn. I guess this last winter was rough on the cabins and they need some extra muscle.”
At the mention of his muscle, my eyes roam over his chest covered in a tight tee that shows off his eight pack, and the sleeves straining to cover his chorded arms.
I realize that I’ve spent a little too long ogling him when he clears his throat to bring my eyes back to his. “Right. Mack is in charge. Goodnight.”
I give him a small wave and shut my door. Fanning my face, I slouch against the back of my door. I need to get my body under control around him. He’s my roommate and boss.
Gunnar has been gone for two days. I feel lost without him around to talk to all the time. We were together all day every day for a bit there. Is it crazy to miss him?
Mack sent me home tonight because it’s slow for a Sunday. I’m definitely not complaining about the night off. But I don’t want to just sit here alone watching TV .
I text Addy to see if she wants to come over for dinner. She answers right away.
Addy: I’ll be there in ten! Porter and the girls are off doing something at the garage and I’m bored out of my mind.
I throw the pizza in the oven that I ordered before leaving work so it’s warm when Addy gets here.
My mouth is watering as soon as I pull it from the oven. Mack made a buffalo chicken pizza with her house made bleu cheese drizzled on top. I’m about to sneak a piece when there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in!” I yell.
Addy runs over to hug me, or squeeze me might be more accurate. “Hi! I’ve missed you!”
“You just saw me two nights ago!” I whisper through her crushing my ribcage.
“I know, but not really. I’ve only seen you while you’re working since you’ve been home. I’ve tried to not push you to see us, I know you’re struggling, but I’m really happy you invited me over.” She releases me and places her bag down on the dining room table that Gunnar and I rarely use.
“I still don’t want to talk about it.” I set the boundary for tonight with her.
“That’s fine, I’m fine talking about Gunnar,” she winks. “And eating this pizza. Mmm, it smells so good.”
She leans over the pizza and inhales the heavenly, spicy scent.
“I almost snuck a piece before you got here,” I laugh.
“I don’t blame you!” She turns around to grab a plate off the counter. And piles it with pieces of pizza.
I do the same and we head over to the couch after grabbing a soda from the fridge for both of us.
A relaxing night with my sister is just what I wanted when I text her. I grab the remote and turn on the TV, finding a rerun of a cooking show that we both like to watch.
We eat a few bites in silence before she starts with me. “So, Gunnar.” She waggles her eyebrows.
I roll my eyes. “There is nothing going on between Gunnar and I.”
“Yea, okay. I might have believed you if I didn’t see the way he watches you while you’re at work. If a guy gets too close, so does he.” She raises her brows.
“He has made it clear he doesn’t want me. He has made it clear that he is doing me a favor. We might be working on friends, but he has placed me firmly in the ‘Baby Harper’ category. I don’t think I’ll ever get out of that.” I shrug.
“But you want to be?” She pushes me on it.
“Um, yea, have you seen him?” We both laugh. Every female in a hundred mile radius has seen him. I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason The Bar hosts so many girls’ nights is so they can ogle him while they drink.
“He’s a really good guy too. He does a lot for the teens in this town. He started that teen night after he heard a bunch of the teachers complaining that the kids just find a field to drink in instead of doing something productive. And he donates all the food and sodas out of his own pocket so the kids don’t have to worry about paying for anything. He doesn’t want anyone excluded.”
“Really? I can see that. He acts tough, but I don’t think he really is.”
Addy tells me a little more about his work for the teens, and how he started hosting live music for the kids who have bands, or like to sing. He gives them an outlet, something I wish I had when I was younger. I’ll have to ask him when he gets back if that’s something that I can help with. It might make me want to get back into the music world again if I’m surrounded by raw, unjaded passion for it.
We finish our pizza, and she leaves a few hours later after the new cooking show champion is crowned.
I’m thankful for the quiet night with my sister. And that she respected my boundary. Something I don’t think my other sisters would have been able to do if they were all here. They believe that there is power in numbers. Maybe one on ones is the way to go .
As I lay on the couch my mind is spinning with ways to help Gunnar on the teen nights. Maybe I could help branch off that and start a new mentorship program for the girls. I type all my ideas into the notes app on my phone until I can't fight how heavy my eyelids are getting.