3. Chapter Three
Chapter Three
Adelaide
It’s been a few days since Porter got into town. Thankfully I haven’t seen him yet, but that little bubble of bliss is going to pop today. Stacey called yesterday and said we are going to have a meeting with Porter and Kayla. She wants all of the teachers to be on the same page as to what is going on since Maura still hasn’t been found.
Unfortunately, that means Porter will finally figure out that I’m Kayla’s homeroom and English teacher if she hasn’t already told him. She was too young when I was with Porter in high school, only a toddler, and he never let me around his family. Or Stacey may have told him but knowing our history she may not have wanted to add drama to the already dramatic situation.
Stacey pops her head in my classroom, “Hey, you ready? Porter and Kayla are here in the conference room.”
I sigh and rub my palms down the front of my dress. “I suppose I'm as ready as I’ll ever be.”
Stacey knows a little about our past, obviously not our whole past, but she knows enough. She knows that I don’t date much, and if I do it doesn’t really go that far to be considered serious. No one compares to Porter Jackson. Makes it hard for any man to make it through a few dates when I’m constantly comparing them to a ghost of my past.
I walk in the conference room behind Stacey, which gives me a moment to appreciate the man Porter has become. He has a short beard and keeps his hair a little shaggy on top with his brown hair side swept and styled to one side. In high school he had long hair but this shorter cut looks good on him. His whole body is muscles and tattoos. He looks even better than he does in my dreams.
Walking in behind Stacey also affords me to witness the moment he sees me, and realizes I am one of Kayla’s teachers. His eyes grow wide and his jaw just about hits the floor. He starts to say something but immediately snaps his mouth shut. I swear I hear him sigh as he rubs his jawline.
“Ms. Harper!” Kayla runs up to me and gives me a tight hug. She whispers, “I missed you the last couple days. Porter thinks taking some time off to be with him is supposed to make me feel better and help us bond.” Her eye roll is one to rival all teens.
“I’ve missed you too, sweetheart. I can’t wait to have you back in class.” I look over at Porter who seems to have just put two and two together, that I’m the teacher Kayla spends her evenings with. His eyes are glued to me as I move around the large table, and I can feel his stare roaming over my body. This is going to be one long meeting.
“Porter, this is my homeroom teacher Ms. Harper. She’s amazing,” Kayla says beaming.
“We’ve met before.” He turns to face me, “It’s nice to see you again Ade- Ms. Harper.” He catches himself before calling me by my first name.
Stacey calls the meeting to a start and begins going over the current situation for the teachers, asking what we can do to assist Kayla in this time. The whole meeting goes by and every time I glance at Porter I can see he’s looking at me. Still.
His gaze has been on me since the moment I walked into the room. He alternates between a look of disbelief that I’m sitting in the same room as him, and a look that makes me think he might just jump over this table and kiss me. I know that look all too well, and I used to love being on the receiving end of it.
“Well, Mr. Jackson, it seems like the teachers are more than willing to accommodate for Kayla during this transition. Do you have any questions?” Stacey asks.
He shakes his head, his gaze finally breaking free from me. “I’m sorry, uh, yes. All of it seems great. I’ve left my business cards with Stacey so please grab one and call me if there is anything I can do.”
All the staff stands to shake his hand. I’m at the end of the line and decide to slip out prior to actually having to touch Porter. After having his eyes on my body again, I couldn’t handle actually touching him. Even if it's in a professional gesture.
I head back to my classroom to pack up, eager to get home on this Friday night and try to get myself under control after seeing Porter again for the first time in ten years.
My body hasn’t forgotten one single moment with him. Time has done his body a lot of favors. It leads me to wonder if he has a wife, a girlfriend, his own kids? The only gossip around town about Porter was about the court cases so I’m left completely in the dark about his life.
With any luck, I won’t have to spend too much time around him. I don’t know if I could keep my distance, physically or emotionally.
I twirl his business card in my fingers. It looks like he runs his own business out of an auto shop where he restores old cars. The irony of what he and my Dad have in common isn’t lost on me. My Dad spent years completely restoring an old Mustang, something that he and Porter could have found common ground on.
It takes a lot of convincing myself that I shouldn’t play the what if game, or imagine what our life could have been.
I’m still working on that as I leave the school and go out to my car, so ready for a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine.
As I approach my car, I hear yelling.
“No, Uncle Porter! I’m not doing it. I’m not going back to that house. You can’t make me.” Kayla is swinging her arms wildly, gesturing, as she yells. I didn’t miss the emphasis she put on the word uncle, like he objected to being referred to simply as Porter.
“Kayla, please. I don’t know what to do here. I’m just trying my best,” Porter says softly as his head hangs in defeat.
I step toward Porter’s truck, which happens to be parked next to my car. Of course. “Hey, is there anything I can do to help here?”
“Ms. Harper! Please let me come stay with you? Please? I don’t want to go back to my house.” Tears are falling down her face.
“Why don’t you give your uncle and I a moment to talk?” I hand her my keys. “Go listen to whatever you like.”
She takes my keys, giving me a silent nod. Her shoulders slump forward, a clear sign she’s stressed out and feeling defeated.
Once I hear the door open and shut, and the engine turn on, I step further forward, toward Porter.
“Porter.”
His head whips back up to look at me. “Adelaide. I’m so lost here” His eyes are dimmed and sad.
God, it’s like a gut punch to see this look on him. I remember so many nights we’d meet at the lake and he’d appear with this exact look before burying himself into me.
“What is going on? Why is she so upset all of a sudden?” I ask, trying to ignore the need to pull him in my arms and comfort him as I did all those years ago after a fight with his parents.
“I don’t know, baby. I really don’t. I’m out of my depth here. I’m trying so hard but nothing I do seems to be right for her. She is refusing to get in the truck and go home, but she won’t tell me why.” He looks so defeated, so tired. I can't imagine she's made the last week easy on him.
I choose to ignore the fact he called me baby, a nickname I’d loved so much coming from him.
“Why don’t you let me take her for a burger, and I’ll bring her home later. She usually opens up to me, but not with other people around. She’s really embarrassed about how she’s grown up, and she’s really angry with you thinking that you gave up on her after you lost the court cases. I’m sorry to say that, but I think it’s part of the problem. She doesn’t trust you yet.”
“Right. Of course she would think that.” He balls his fists and spins around like he’s going to punch his truck before thinking better of it. “Fucking Maura. She probably filled her head with all kinds of shit. I tried so hard. I called all the time, I sent gifts, cards, money. I bet Maura took it all and tossed it except the money.”
“I’m so sorry, Porter. Let me help you by taking her now. Give her some space and I’ll try to get to the bottom of it. Give me your phone and I’ll enter my number so you can call me if you need her back.” This is such a mistake to insert myself with him again. My heart won’t survive when he leaves again.
He looks like he’s trying to figure out if he should give in so easily. I can almost see the war playing out in his eyes. He’s struggling with what to do.
“I still have it,” he states simply.
“Oh.” I give him a soft smile, but I don’t know how to take that. He’s kept my number all these years, but he’s never used it.
We stare at each other, standing in silence at the back of his truck while the music softly thumps from my car. The tension in the air is palpable. The need to reach out and touch him is so strong.
It appears he feels the same when he wraps his free arm around my waist and pulls me to him. Our lips are only an inch apart, but he’s not moving any closer. Waiting for me to make the final distance. “Porter, I - I can’t.” I place my palms against his chest and push back lightly.
He releases me and rubs his hand over his face. “I’m so sorry. I don’t -I shouldn’t have done that. God, your husband, or boyfriend would probably be ready to kick my ass for that. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t have a husband. Or a boyfriend,” I whisper quietly. I’m not sure why I felt the need to clarify that for him. I sure as hell shouldn’t be feeling like I want him to fill the role.
“You’re- you’re single?” he stutters.
“Yeah, Porter, for ten damn years.” I say as I turn back toward my car and Kayla. Leaving Porter standing behind his truck. The anger taking over, trying to protect myself from getting hurt again.
I take Kayla to the diner on Main Street. Darlene has owned this diner since I was a kid. Her son is taking over some of the cooking and introducing new recipes, they’re usually amazing. But he also puts a spin on the classic comfort foods making them even better.
Tonight he has a special of Shepherd's Pie with a mushroom gravy. My mouth waters at the thought, but this situation calls for pure comfort food. A burger and fries.
Darlene comes over to the table, no notepad needed for her since she’s been serving this town so long she can probably tell what we’re going to order before we order it.
“What can I get you two gals tonight?” She beams at Kayla. One thing I really appreciate about this town is their need to take care of their own, especially when the rumors aren’t great.
We order burgers and milkshakes. Darlene walks away, looking at me with sad eyes from behind Kayla. Being the eyes and ears of this town she is the first to know anything that happens, next to Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the general store owners, so obviously she knows about Kayla’s situation .
“Ok, spill it girl.” I say facing Kayla, who has successfully avoided answering any questions by starting a car concert up to this point.
“Ms. Harper, I - it’s nothing. I just don’t like being there. Plus, what? I’m just supposed to like trust him?” She fidgets with the straw wrapper.
“Nope. Not buying it. I know how you feel, but I want to know why. From what Stacey says, your uncle has tried to clean up the place, and make it a real home for you.” I stare at her, raising my eyebrows so she knows I’m not giving up.
“Yeah, how do you know Uncle Porter anyways?” She smiles, thinking she’s avoiding the question.
“Not till you answer my question, then I’ll answer you. We can do a question for a question.” And I will. I'll tell her whatever she wants to know because she knows I won’t sugarcoat things or lie to her. And her curiosity is going to help me figure out what’s going on.
“Fine. But only because I want to know why he couldn’t stop looking at you today.” She raises an eyebrow at me, and I know in that moment, she’s going to be ruthless in her questions.
“I don’t want to go back because Mom’s buddies keep showing up demanding to know where she is. Uncle Porter just started working at Mr. Ronnie’s shop while he’s here so he’s been leaving after dinner to finish up a project. He likes to be home for lunch and dinner with me, but sometimes he goes back to the shop after dinner. He always invites me but I don’t want to go. But, that’s when they show up. After dinner, looking for their fix or their money. Mom must have been dealing.” She won’t make eye contact with me. I know this is so hard for her. She’s been dealt a really crappy hand in life.
“Oh Kayla. Why didn’t you call me, or tell your uncle? I’m sure Porter would be understanding and fix the situation. He could call the police.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we said question for question?” She smirks.
“Ugh. Fine. You drive a hard bargain. I know your uncle because we went to school together. We’re the same age.” I breeze over our actual past.
“Hmm. Okay, I didn’t tell him because he’s working, and if I tell him he won’t go to work when I’m home and honestly I like having food in the house, and someone to cook for me instead of me being inventive with what we have. I don’t want to trust him, but he is a better parent than my actual parent. Now, you’re leaving something out. What is it?” She nails me with a stare, telling me she’s determined for the real answer.
This poor girl. She should never have to worry about this stuff. She’s way too grown up for her age.
“You’re right. I am. We dated in high school. Now, back to this situation at your house, are you going to tell him?” I am cringing inside because this is about to be a 20/20 investigation into my dating history with Porter, and I am not ready to open that wound again .
“Judging by your judgy face, I guess I’m going to have to tell him or you will. You have that face when you’re asking me a question and there’s really only one way to answer.”
I laugh, she is right.
“How long did you two date? Was it serious?”
“That, my darling girl, is two questions. I only asked one. We dated for two years. Would you like me to be there with you when you tell him? We could tell him tonight when I bring you back home.”
“Really? You’ll tell him with me?” Her face lit up.
“Of course I will. I’ll shoot him a text and let him know we want to talk about something when we’re done.” I pull out my phone and start to text Porter.
“Okay, that was an answer, so now you answer my other one. Were you two serious?” She looks at me expectantly.
“Technically it was an offer, not a question. But yes, we were,” I answer quietly.
“What happened?” she asks.
“Well, would you look at that, I have no more questions, which means no more answers!” I exclaim, a little too excited I’ve found a way to get out of answering questions about Porter and me.
“What? You can’t do this to me. You dated my uncle!” Her high pitched squeals were causing more than a couple of other patrons to look at us.
“You were serious. You could have been in my life all these years, maybe you could have saved me,” she says, looking down at the table .
It breaks my heart that she thinks I could have done that. She doesn’t know that I wanted to run away with him and disappear so he didn’t have to deal with anyone from this town again. I had no intention of saving his poor five year old niece from his own personal hell. Not that I had no intention, but I was only eighteen, I wanted to save the love of my life, and I wasn’t thinking about much else.
“Oh, Kayla. You have to know he tried. He tried so hard.” I shake my head.
“He did?” She looks at me with brows furrowed. Obviously this is news to her.
“He did. It’s not my story to tell so you should ask him about it, but don’t hold it over him. He wanted you and your mom to be safe with him so badly.”
“You really won’t tell me?”
“Sorry sweet girl. You’ll have to ask him.” I wink at her. She knows I won’t tell another’s story.
After we finish our milkshakes I head to the counter to pay the bill. Only, I find out that Darlene is refusing to let me pay. She says that anyone willing to show that girl love and kindness gets free burgers in her eyes. She’s such a loving person, always taking care of the people of Lupine Valley.
The drive to Kayla’s house, or Porter’s house now, took less than 5 minutes. Much sooner than I am ready we are parked in the driveway. She’s wringing her hands in her lap as she has been the whole ride. Only now that we’re parked she won’t look at me and continues to stare out the window .
Porter comes to the door, and stands in the doorway. Giving us the space to come to him.
“I guess he’s waiting on me huh?”
“He is. But he’ll keep waiting.” I place my hand on her shoulder.
She turns in the seat to face me, “What if this scares him away? What if he demands I go to New York?”
Tears sit in the corners of her eyes, refusing to fall, just as stubborn and strong as she is.
“Then we talk about it, but I can almost promise you that you aren’t going to scare him away. He grew up just like you.” I remind her.
“Yea and he left,” she says flatly. Now I see the underlying issue of being honest about her living situation. She’s afraid that he’ll leave her like he left his family.
“You won’t know until you talk to him, sweetie.”
We sit in silence for a few more minutes, Porter never leaving the doorway, and never making the move to come to us.
Kayla finally makes the choice to get out of the car and heads inside, looking back to make sure I’m behind her.
We take our seats at the table in the dingy dining room. The fluorescent yellow lighting casting a soft glow in the room.
Porter sits across from Kayla and I, looking nervously between us. “Okay, please tell me what is going on? I’ve been going crazy the last couple hours. ”
I look at Kayla and nod letting her know it’s okay, that I’ll be here for her. She reaches out to me and I give her hand a little squeeze. “Uncle Porter, I think Mom is dealing drugs.”
“What? Why do you think that?” I can see his fists ball up at his sides under the table. He’s still the same Porter, and I can read his body language like my favorite book.
“Well, when you’re, -um-, when you’re at Mr. Ronnie's, people come by. Looking for their drugs or their money,” she stammers.
“What!” He half-rises from his seat.
I reach across the table, placing my hand on his arm, trying to ignore the electricity running through my fingertips. “Porter. Kayla is okay, but she’s scared and trying to tell you about something that is bothering her.”
At my touch he seems to calm and sits back down. “You’re right. You’re right. Kayla, why didn’t you tell me? I would have called the cops, I would make sure I’m home.”
“It’s because of that reason right there why I didn’t tell you. I want you to work, Uncle Porter. When you work, we have money. When we have money, there’s food in the house, you cook for me, and we have money for laundry detergent.” She sighs, but continues, “and if you call the cops, that’s a target on me. I’m the snitch. You know how it goes for snitches in the neighborhood.”
He nods, conveying that he does know. “Well it isn’t safe here. I don’t want you around that. And don’t ever worry about me working. I have money that if you need me home for a day, I can be home for the day, and still feed you. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.” He gets up from his seat and walks around to pull her in for a hug. “I’ll start looking for rentals. We can move out of here tomorrow if that makes you feel safe.”
“Out of here? You want to take me away from Lupine Valley?” She begins to panic, her voice rising.
“No, no honey. I won’t take you from here, but I am taking you from the park. We’re going to find a nice, quiet, family neighborhood.”
I let go of a breath that I had been holding for her. I’m so happy he is understanding of her situation, not that he hasn’t lived it himself.
“Oh! I have the perfect person to help you. Do you remember Lauren Sullivan?” I ask Porter.
“Uh yea, she was Lacey’s friend right?” He probably didn’t know her too well since they’re a little older than us. I wonder if he’s kept in touch with anyone else.
“Yeah! Well she’s a realtor now, she helped Lace buy the salon. I can give you her number so you can start looking. She’s great, and obviously knows the town well enough to find you the perfect area.” I jump up to go get my phone for him.
“I’d really appreciate that Ba- Adelaide.” I glare at him when starts to use my nickname.
Ugh. He needs to stop with the baby thing. I can’t even handle him being here, but him calling me baby, that makes me think things I should not be thinking. Not unless I know he’s back for good.
I get him Lauren’s number and send her a text for him; to let her know that I gave her number out and to expect his call.
When it’s time to leave I find myself not wanting to. I don’t want to leave Kayla in a place she doesn’t feel safe, and part of me wants a moment alone with Porter even though I know I shouldn’t.
“I’ll walk you out,” Porter says, coming over toward the door.
“Oh, thanks I appreciate it.” And I do, I was a little nervous to walk to my car knowing what Kayla said. She is so much braver than I could ever be.
I place my purse in the car and turn to face Porter, but I find him much too close and in my space. I can only stare at him, my mind doesn’t work when he’s this close and still smells the same as he always has. That cedar scent reminds me of a person who is home. I place my hands on his biceps to steady myself from the turn.
“Baby, I’m so sorry you’re dragged into my mess again.” He almost whispers, lazily rapping his knuckles on my hips.
I rest my forehead on his hard chest for the briefest moment, “Why didn’t you come back for me, Porter?”
Before he can answer, Kayla opens the front door. He jumps back so fast I almost fall over, realizing how much I was leaning on him. How much I really have missed his presence .
“Oops. Sorry, I’ll let you two uh, get back together, I mean back to talking.” She smiles as she turns back into the house.
I get in my car quickly, before Porter can turn back to me. “I’m so sorry, Porter.” I say, and shut my car door, leaving him there in his driveway.
Get yourself together Adelaide Harper. He’s back. He’s going through a hard time. You need to let him focus on his niece, and get everything settled. Maybe once he’s settled I can let myself go there with him again. But now isn't that time.
I look in my rearview mirror on my way out. I see Porter standing in the same spot with his hands on top of his head, and worry lacing his face.
As I lay in bed later that night, trying to fall asleep, I can still feel his hands on my body.
It felt like home. Porter still feels like home.
I spent so many years hoping he would come back for me. Now, he’s back. He’s here, and I don’t know what to do about my heart until I know he’s staying for good.