10. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Porter
I got to the shop early this morning. Ronnie is coming back today, and I want to make sure everything is done and organized. I want him to see that I’m capable of carrying on his hard work.
Plus, I haven’t slept since I left Addy’s house last night. The look on her face when I walked out her door and she tried to get me to stay was nearly my undoing.
She might think we have a second chance, but I know we don’t. I can’t be selfish with her anymore. I’ve been up all night trying to convince myself to stay just her friend. But it is really fucking hard, especially when she touches me like she did last night.
“Hey, boy. I’m back from Florida. You ready to make this your own?” Ronnie walks through the open bay I’m sweeping out. “Damn, look at this place. I never knew you had a problem with my housekeeping skills,” he laughs.
“What? No. I wanted the place to look good for you. I wanted you to see that I can take care of the place and you’re leaving it in good hands,” I stutter out.
“I’m leaving it to you because you’re a damn good mechanic who has ties to this town. Not because you know how to sweep out a bay.” He looks at me incredulously. “When you gonna see yourself for what you are?” His eyes bore into me. He’s always seen through my bullshit.
“I always see myself for what I am, Ronnie. It’s why I stayed away. It’s why I should still stay away. I’m honestly shocked I haven’t seen Andrew Harper here threatening me.” I prop the broom against the wall.
“That why you left that girl behind here pinin’ for you all these years?” He takes a seat on my stool next to my toolbox.
I guess he wants to have this conversation now. “Yea Ronnie, it is. She deserves so much more than my drug addicted family. Her daddy chased me out of town to keep us away from her and I don’t blame him. He’s right, Ronnie.”
“Andrew Harper passed five years ago.” He looks down at the floor. “Ain’t no one told you that?”
My jaw falls almost to the floor, “What? How am I just now finding out about this? What happened?”
“Mrs. Smith and Darlene are slackin’. They must be too concerned about Kayla whenever you’re near. The Harpers were hit by a drunk driver on the highway bout six years ago. Lorelei was beat up pretty good, but Andrew didn’t make it.”
“Shit, Ronnie. How did no one tell me? ”
“Don’t know, boy. Thought you knew. Maybe everyone else does too. It’s the one thing this town can seem to keep their mouths closed about though.”
“Well, now more than ever I should heed his wishes for Adelaide. I’ll never get his blessing even if I thought I earned it.” I sit on the stool next to him.
“Are you doin’ drugs, boy?” he asks.
“Of course not! How could you ask me that?”
“Well. Way I see it is this, you got yourself out of that drug addicted family. You became something, you’re a damn good mechanic. You know how many calls I got while I was gone asking if we were the shop that has Porter Jackson for restorations? Which, by the way, we need to switch this shop number to you, ol’ lady wasn’t too happy about the phone calls, neither were the customers.” He laughs and I can hear Patricia nagging him about shutting off his phone.
“Listen, just because I’m a good mechanic doesn’t mean I’m a good man for her. I –”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Ronnie interrupts me. “But I won’t sit here and try to force you to see it, you gotta see it for yourself. But that girl there, she sees you for exactly the man you are. Always has. Plus, she’s a pretty little thing. You’d do best to figure out your shit and make that girl your ol’ lady.” With his final word on this topic he gets up and grabs his jacket off my toolbox. “Let’s go sign these papers, boy. I’m due back in Florida next week and I’m not risking a pissed off wife because you can’t get your head outta your ass.” He walks up the stairs to the office and I follow. Silently.
Since my conversation with Ronnie this morning, I can’t stop thinking about what he said. I want him to be right. I want to be worthy of Addy. But I’m just a mechanic, who is taking care of his niece because his family can’t get their shit together long enough to stop being addicts and burning bridges in this town.
At least I finally got Kayla out of that hell hole park. I am trying my best, but Addy deserves the best. Someone who can show her the world.
As I climb in my car, I send her a text, once again asking her to come back into my bullshit life.
Me: Think you can help me this afternoon again? I need to tell Kayla about Maura and you have the closest relationship with her.
Addy: Sure thing. What time?
Me: Dinner? I’ll cook .
Addy: Um, I don’t think so. How about I cook and you guys come over about 6?
Me: Better idea. See you soon.
I’m a nervous wreck waiting for Kayla to get home.
She is out with that Eric kid. Again. Part of me is glad she’s finally happy and hanging out with friends even if it’s a kid who thinks it’s ok to kiss my niece on my couch. Addy says that she has really opened up at school. But I’m not prepared for the protectiveness I feel over her dating so soon after I’ve come back. She’s still just a little girl to me.
I hear footsteps on the front step and I’m up out of my seat before Kayla can open the door.
“Oh, hey Uncle Porter! What’s going on? Did I forget about plans?” she asks, looking around the house trying to figure out what she’s missing.
“No, not at all. Addy wants to make us dinner tonight and she said to be there around six. She’s making your favorite,” I say with a smile.
“Ooooh, I love Addy’s chicken parm. Is that what she’s making?” Kayla licks her lips in anticipation of Addy’s cooking. I don’t blame her, Addy is an amazing cook, it's almost too hard to pick a favorite.
“Yup!” I’m trying to be happier so she doesn’t pick up on my nervousness.
“You know, Uncle Porter, you should just tell her how you feel. Then you wouldn’t be so nervous to go over for dinner. She likes you. A lot. I know.” Kayla bounces off up the stairs, leaving me with my own thoughts.
After talking to the Sheriff and to Ronnie, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about my relationship with Addy.
Could I be good enough for her? Am I good enough for her?
I won’t have the chance to get her father’s blessing.
He was an asshole to me for sure, but with all these insecure feelings I have, it would be nice to have a conversation with him. Closure, or his blessing? I’m not sure which I’d be looking for.
Kayla and I walk over to Addy’s house just before 6:00. I bring over a bottle of wine that I know she loves.
Kayla starts to just walk into Addy’s house, “Kayla! You need to knock! You can’t just walk into someone’s house.”
She pauses with the door open a crack. “What? She’s expecting us, no?”
Addy pulls open the door, laughing. “I am expecting you, but you should always knock.” She smiles at us. Addy is perfect at having both our backs. Who am I kidding, she’s just perfect .
Once we help Addy set the table and get dinner out, I am nervous about starting the conversation with Kayla. My hands fidget the whole meal, and I make too much small talk. My only solace is that Kayla thinks I’m acting like a bumbling idiot because I’m nervous about Addy.
Our dinner is almost over when Addy catches my eye and I shrug nervously. She discreetly points to herself, and I nod, knowing what she is asking.
She nods back. “Kayla, there is something that Porter and I need to tell you.”
Kayla places her fork down slowly and looks to me. “You found her didn’t you?”
“Well, I didn’t. The Sheriff called me yesterday and told me that he knows she is back in the park, trying to figure out how to get into the trailer.” I sigh. “Addy and I talked about you driving home with her after school for your safety.”
“You think she’s going to hurt me?” She looks nervously between Addy and I.
“No, no sweetheart, we don’t think she’ll hurt you. But we do think she might come by the school to try to find you. We wouldn’t want you to be confronted by her alone. We don’t know the state she’ll be in.” Addy again saves me.
“Oh. I don’t want to see her at all. I don’t want her to get me again. I don’t want to leave you, Uncle Porter. Can I please stay with you?” She pleads with me in a panic.
“I’m trying sweetie, I am. Ms. Stacey and I have put in the official paperwork. If it were up to me you’d stay with me.” I pull her in for a hug, awkwardly because we’re both still seated at the table.
“Am I still allowed to hang out with Eric tonight?” Kayla asks.
I smile, “Of course. What are you guys doing?”
Once upon a time, when something bad happened, Addy was the first person I ran to. It would seem not much has changed.
“He is coming over to watch our show, if that’s okay?” she questions.
“Of course, you can go, I’ll help Addy clean up,” I say, almost immediately regretting my choice to be alone with Addy.
After Kayla leaves, Addy is at the sink washing dishes, and I’m clearing the table when she finally speaks to me.
“I think that went well. I’m glad you chose to not put up a fight about Eric.” She chuckles to herself. “I know how you feel about him.”
“I realize that I did the same thing with you.” I shrug.
“You did.” She shuts off the water and turns to face me while leaning on the counter.
I step in a little bit closer. “You were always there for me, baby. You still are. I -” pausing, because I don’t want to say what I’m about to, “- really appreciate everything.”
I can see the hurt flash across her face.
She moves in closer to me, her hands rest on my biceps. I could just reach out and take everything I’ve wanted for the last ten years. But I won’t. Instead, I back away from her. Hurting her more by not giving in to my true feelings.
“I can’t, baby. I can’t keep you in this mess forever.” I say, turning and walking out the door.
“One day, Porter Jackson, you’ll see yourself as I do,” she says sadly after me as I close the door.
That soft click of the door hurts more than anything I’ve ever done.