14. Rosie
14
ROSIE
B ella squeals at me while we chat over coffee for her and tea for me at Foxy Rox. I love fall, and the October colors outside with crunchy leaves are everything the Blisswoods enjoy during pumpkin season.
“I’m going to grill Carter. You don’t want to know, but I do,” she reminds me.
It’s been a week since we had my appointment, and so far, Carter hasn’t let it slip if it’s a boy or girl inside me. I can’t even read him to get a hint. I still don’t want to know, but I’m also happy he has something for himself. I have the whole pregnancy while he watches on.
My sister is like a little penguin with her arms flapping. “I guess you’re going to do grays and light green or yellows in the baby room.”
I laugh nervously to myself while my hand rests on my belly. “Throwing me the reminder that I’m setting up a nursery in Carter’s house, eh?”
“Well, you two are kind of together again, right?”
I nod and grab a piece of the giant chocolate chip cookie on my plate. “We’re going slow. Jumping right in and saying we’ll drive off into the sunset is maybe a stretch. After all, I hurt him.”
That’s the whole issue. I can’t seem to get past the block in my head that I shouldn’t have forgiveness or if I screw up that he’ll easily let me go again. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve been trying to give myself compassion on that front. I should admit to him clearly what I have now come to realize, and it’s that this baby is helping me clear my thoughts even more.
“I think you two will be fine. The way you look at one another is… special.” She seems fond of my happiness. One day, she’ll have it, too. I’ll be the one on the other end of the table offering advice that I should probably be listening to myself right now.
“Anyhow, we’re going to start to look at things for the baby. Apparently, furniture might have quite a delivery time. Plus, if I have to hear the moms beg me for a gift list one more time, I might lose it. I’m positive if this kid can hear that he or she has already learned to stop listening when it involves their grandmothers.”
Bella chuckles and pulls her hair into a ponytail. “As much as it really would be great at Olive Owl, at Hailey and Oliver’s is fine too.” Her sentence abruptly ends, and she offers a welcoming smile to someone over my shoulder.
I glance to my side as my second cousin, Gracie, arrives with an ear-to-ear smile and dressed in a stylish skirt and coat.
“Hey, ladies, fancy seeing you here.” Bella scoots over, and Gracie has a seat on the booth bench.
“You would see me more if you actually slept at your apartment here,” I tease her. She has a great loft above one of the stores on Main Street. We meet for the occasional coffee, but she’s busy.
She shrugs. “Sorry. My mom has kept me occupied at the boutique, and I’m working on some designs.” Her family has a lingerie boutique and label over in Lake Spark. Her dad was a professional football coach and is also the dad of my aunt’s husband.
“Do you have any samples in your car? Family perks and all,” Bella tries her luck.
Gracie flashes her brows at me. “Not today, but we do have a great maternity line back at the store.”
I pause for a second to consider if it might be needed, considering I’m sleeping with my ex again. “Thanks,” I answer simply.
“So what are you ladies talking about?” she wonders.
Bella snorts a laugh. “Rosie doesn’t want to have her baby shower at Olive Owl.”
Gracie’s mouth opens as her entire face tightens from her amused shock. “Your dad won’t like that at all. But kudos for being brave enough to deny the Blisswoods a family event.”
I shrug. “I mean, it will be winter, so we’d only be inside anyway. It’s still a while away. I was thinking that we could do Blessingway since we will be all women. It’s a tradition, and it will be great. We’ll make a bracelet from beads that I can wear during labor, and we can all light a candle.” Already, I’m smiling in excitement.
Bella stares at me blankly. “Is that the ceremony you dragged me to once where you spread cacao paste on your face and go around a circle to share your inner thoughts?”
“No. This won’t be a cacao ceremony, and you loved that, by the way. It cleared your skin for days.”
Gracie nods. “Yeah, that was a miracle,” she comments seriously.
“I don’t care what we do, as long it gives me some good juju to find a guy.” Bella drinks from her coffee.
I narrow my eyes at her. “You’re still young. You have time.”
“I guess.”
I glance at my phone screen to see the time, and I have to get on with my day since I have a few errands. “I’m going to have to head out.”
“No worries. I’ll catch up with Gracie then head back home before Mom flips out that I’m late for dinner. It’s like I’m forever ten or something.”
Gathering my purse, I recall the feeling. “Leave her alone. She was always meant to be a mom. Always puts us first. It’s probably why I remember so many things from when I was little, all the way back to when I was three and carried around a unicorn named Jelly everywhere.”
My sister reaches out and touches my hand. “You’re also meant to be a mom and are putting the baby first. That’s why you seem to struggle a little with your emotions and it isn’t hormonal. You just want it all to be right.”
Gracie watches us with affection.
We stand and give hugs goodbye. “Sister, oh so wise you might have become.”
Or just a speaker of the truth, but I’m not going to highlight that.
* * *
A week later, I notice that there are a few questions etched on people’s faces as Carter and I stroll side by side in the baby store a few towns over. It’s probably because I’m next to a guy in a uniform, and if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m visibly pregnant then one might assume I’m in trouble for shoplifting.
I shoot the little scanning gun at the box of diapers on the shelf.
“We’ve walked around the entire place once and you’ve only scanned a box of diapers. You know, we might need a little more than that,” he teases me.
I read the screen on the scanner and notice how empty the list is. “Sorry. I want to have fun with this, but I can’t help feeling guilty that people want to buy us gifts.”
He snorts a laugh. “Because they want to. They’re all still battling it out who will throw a baby shower that is way over the top, too.”
Shrugging, I glance at the baby wipes. “I know, but when I was traveling, I saw so many mothers who all they had was their baby, worn-out clothes, and maybe a wrap to hold them. They had nothing, and here I am about to scan away.”
Maybe it’s because I just reminded us that I disappeared across the world which causes Carter to halt and draw in a breath, but his gleeful attitude for today seems to vanish. He touches my elbows, his eyes clouded with insistence.
“Rosie, you have a good heart. You didn’t need to travel the world to figure that out.”
It cuts through me because it means I didn’t need to leave at all. My lip begins to tremble because it’s yet another blow to being aware of my mistakes.
Carter realizes that his words were a little harsh, even though his tone is anything but. “Forget I said that.” He glances away.
I sniffle. “No. It’s okay. You meant it and are probably right.”
“I am right.” His finger catches my chin to guide me back to his warm eyes. “You have a good heart is what I mean. I already know that whatever we get that you don’t need, you will donate somewhere. You don’t need to feel guilty or selfish. You’re allowed to enjoy this. I want to enjoy this… with you.”
I’m beginning to find tranquility again, and his smile calms me. He seems to have the power to chisel away a little worry inside of me.
“Stop feeling like everything you do is wrong. You’re going to be a great mom and need to worry less.”
“Bella said the same.” I press my lips together.
Carter steps forward and brushes a soft kiss on my forehead. “It’s because sometimes it’s others who see it before we do.”
He plants another kiss on the tip of my nose, and my body now feels fully relaxed. Also, because I brush away my own self-doubt that one day our past will come back to bite us.
“That’s it.” He yanks the scanner out of my hand and tugs my arm to keep us moving. “What kind of crib are we searching for?” Carter is getting us back on track.
“I’m not sure. My uncles mentioned they might build one. Will we need pink or blue blankets?” I slip that in to test him.
He smirks at me. “I’m not sure.” He thwarted my attempt to break him.
Something else flickers inside me, and I can’t keep it in. Another strike of silence falls upon us when I pull on his arm to stop him on his quest. “Carter…” He stares at me and waits. “What you said earlier about not needing to travel the world to figure out that I’m a good person… I think I realized that the world is big and I’m just a tiny speck on the map, but…” I inhale a sharp breath. “I only want to be that small speck on a map with you.”
He steps forward and combs his hands through my hair to cradle my head with that familiar glint in his eyes. “I’m happy you realized.” He kisses the top of my head. It’s a little while of us standing in an embrace in the middle of the store before he breaks our sentimental moment and moves me forward. “Now, let’s continue with what we were supposed to do today. Go around this store as parents to our kid.”
I pinch his arm as we turn down the aisle. When I see a basket of the cream and shampoo that I want, I point for him to scan. Then there is the bouncy seat I see up ahead, and there are blankets in the distance. The next hour is fun, and I needed to laugh, it’s cleansing for the soul.
Walking between the hanging clothes, I can tell Carter is toying with me. With his coy smile, we walked around the girl section which causes my brows to rise, only for him to then walk us through the boy section. Finally, he settles on the clothes that can be for either and scans away. Mostly, white onesies. He’s not going to falter.
* * *
By the time we’re finished and have picked up lunch from the drive-thru on the way home, I concede that I’m in a good mood.
Walking into the house, I stop at the bottom of the staircase and decide that I need to change. Clothes are fitting a little differently these days.
“I’m going to steal one of your button-up shirts from your closet. I’m running out of clothing options while the kid morphs inside my body. I’m going to order a few things online later,” I say, and I’m already on the first step before Carter can answer.
He pats my ass. “Stealing might get you put in jail, Rosie.” His voice is full of sweltering innuendo.
“I might be on board with that.”
Carter follows me because he needs to get out of his uniform, and we’ll just have an easy night in.
When I’m halfway inside the walk-in closet, I’m already peeling off my long-sleeve shirt to leave me in my black bra. I can hear Carter opening a drawer in the other room. My eyes search for a shirt. Buttons allow me to loosen where needed, plus the smell of Carter getting soaked into my skin isn’t a bad thing either.
I spot a light blue one and pull it off the hanger, only to notice a shoebox with a lid ajar on the shelf behind. It draws my attention a little longer because it seems to be empty except for a few things.
The feeling of arms snaking around my middle and over my bump surprises me. “No you don’t.” Carter nuzzles his mouth into my neck. He is down to his white undershirt that always highlights his arm muscles.
I smile. “Why not?”
“Did you find a shirt?”
He’s brushing past my question. “Uh, yeah.”
“Good. We should go find a movie to watch.”
I twirl around in his arms, smiling because now I’m even more intrigued. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Nothing.”
I squint and study his eyes that seem nervous.
Ignoring him, I turn and reach for the box and pick it up to check inside. Suddenly, I know why he didn’t want me to find it.
My fingers wrap around the circular rings in the bottom of the box, and I slowly hold them up, letting the shoebox fall.
A giant wave of emotion takes over my body. My throat runs dry as my eyes drill into my palm that’s holding two rings. One that was his and the one I gave back, even though I wanted to keep it to remember our chapter, but I didn’t, because it made it easier for me to leave.
I can hear Carter sigh behind me while I get entranced at the view.
“You kept our wedding rings?” I gasp softly. I shift to face him, and his lips are rolled in as he’s pinching the bridge of his nose.
“What was I supposed to do? Throw them into the river?”
“I-I…” Have no words.
He snatches the rings from my hand only to curl his fingers over them as if he can still hide what’s already been undone.
“We both have hidden things that we’ve kept. Mine is just a little more profound than a scary-looking troll from Norway.”
“Which will not be finding a shelf in the baby’s room,” I say blankly.
The line of his mouth tugs. “We’ve both been scorned by one another, but we kept little parts so we wouldn’t forget the good moments.”
“They were not just good but perfect,” I correct him sadly.
I lift my hand to set it on his chest, and his free palm covers my own near his heart. “We’re on the right path, Rosie.”
“I’m slowly beginning to see that. Healing can’t always be fast.”
A pounding nudge hits the wall of my stomach, and I flinch, instantly bringing both hands to cradle my belly. It breaks our moment.
“Are you okay?” Alarm is in his voice.
But I just let out a laugh with my beaming smile. “Very.” I giggle. “Our baby has a thing for interrupting us during crucial conversations, it seems.” I capture Carter’s hand and place it on the side of my stomach. “I’m positive that you’ll feel this finally.”
His hand stills, and his face quickly spreads into the brightest smile I’ve seen as he feels the baby kick. “That’s the baby?’
“No, it’s a dinosaur,” I deadpan before smiling brightly. “Yep, it’s the baby.” My gaze drops down to see our hands together. “Our baby who has a thing for timing when their mom is in a bra and their dad is holding our old wedding rings.”
Carter grins. “Clearly he or she is an agreement of something or simply wants to lighten the mood.”
Our eyes meet, and it’s the best warm and fuzzy feeling of the day. The baby has timing for sure.
From the moment he or she was conceived, actually. A pure mission to bring together two people, and today they are just reminding us of their scheme.
Another sharp kick flutters against the wall of my stomach. “Or perhaps… just reminding us that there are better moments ahead.”
He kisses my forehead again. “I put this baby inside of you, and they’re strong.”
“Tell me about it. The other night, I woke and its tiny feet were shuffling inside of me. But it’s the best pitter-patter.”
“Rosie…”
I lean my head forward to rest against his chin, aware of the question he wants to ask. He doesn’t need to, I answer anyway. “We’re not anywhere near rings, but… they don’t need to go anywhere. Just don’t pressure me about it. But you don’t need to hide the rings anymore.”
“Deal.”
We crack a smile at each other before another jab causes our attention to shoot down.
“Seriously, this kid added to a touching moment, but now it just kind of hurts,” I complain.
Carter begins to rub circles on my belly. “Give the baby a moment and I’m sure they will get the hint to calm it down.”
And the baby does get the clue because the kicks fade away. Carter takes the box and places it in the top of his dresser while I button the shirt.
His speed to undress to his boxer briefs impresses even me. His hunting eyes trap me, and a few swaggering saunters is all it takes before he is on his knees in front of me. The shirt on me doesn’t deter him, and his hands are already climbing up my legs as he plants a firm kiss against my belly.
“You’re so incredibly beautiful.”
“You’ve mentioned once or twice,” I relay.
He bypasses my humor, and he hooks his fingers under my panties and pulls them down my legs. His eyes rocket up to my face, and the lust in his eyes is overbearing. I feel it between my legs.
His hands sneak under the shirt, with his palms facing up above my waistline, but his mouth hovers lower, sending a ripple from my clit up my body to my sensitive nipples. The wide-open kiss over my pussy only multiplies the sensation.
When Carter stands, his fingers play with my pussy while he kisses my mouth slowly to ensure I taste myself.
I moan from the pure sensuality of it all.
He leads our direction because I’m unable to see. His mouth is a force on my lips demanding I kiss him back, and I want to.
He needs to be inside me because this man consumes me in every way.
The back of my knees bumps where the ends of the duvet and mattress meet, and as much as he would push me until I’m on my back, I’ve heard it suggested I should be on my side, on top of him, or on all fours. It’s better for the baby they say, and I’m not going to argue as long as I get to continue to have Carter inside of me.
He decides our position of choice, and I straddle him while he sits up in the middle of the bed, and I loop my arms around his neck. We don’t need to say anything because the last few minutes have said it all. There are rings in the room, and a child that is ours.
Reality has set in that we’re moving along our road.
I plunge down on top of his hard cock and coo from his length pistoling straight up inside of me. He keeps my face firmly in his hands, caging me in while our mouths fuse together and I rock on top of him.
When we’re not connected by our lips, our eyes are staking one another in agreement that this is where we are.
Together.