11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Brad
The girls stand across from us, taunting us after a few missed tosses while theirs sunk right in. It’s only a little embarrassing to have missed four shots while each girl has gotten at least two and the rest are on the board.
“Shall we make a little wager, boys?” Vivian slurs.
Right as she asks, I sink my first bag through the hole.
“I don’t know about that, Viv. Brad seems to work well under pressure.” Lauren smirks at me across the sandy area.
“I’ll make a wager with you, babe.” Ethan starts to saunter over to her.
I grab him by the back of his shirt and pull him back to me. “Focus, dumbass. When we win you can make any bet you want, but now you need to focus on winning. Don’t let her pull you in.”
“But she looks so good in that damn bikini.” He practically drools over his future wife.
“Ignore it. Stay strong.”
I shouldn’t have said that because once we start playing again, Lauren uses that damn bikini to every advantage she has. When I stepped up to throw she hooked her thumbs in each side of the strings adorning her hips, pulling them up higher. Which only led to her bending over to pick up her bags giving me the perfect view of her ass in that cheeky bottom that was now cheekier from being pulled up high.
No doubt I look like an idiot, just like Ethan. I should have let him make a wager for us.
Despite all their efforts, we do end up winning the game, and thankfully, Vivian has had a few too many mimosas and calls it a day for all of us.
Lauren and I walk down the beach, strolling hand in hand like a real couple. And every step we take has my bravado slipping and the guilt creeping back in. It’s been a good day, probably a little too good. Abigail will never stroll down a beach hand in hand with her husband. The familiar lump forms in my throat when I think about all she’s lost.
“I can’t wait to get back and shower. I feel slimy with all this sunscreen on and gritty with all the sand.” Lauren breaks my thoughts.
“A shower sounds good.” I toss a wink at her. Trying to keep up my good time facade.
We turn around to make it back to the hotel in time to shower and get ready for dinner tonight.
Lauren goes into the bathroom first, I should follow her, but I need a minute to decompress from all the happy pretending we did today in front of everyone. Not that much of it felt like pretending, but fighting the guilt creeping up inside me was exhausting.
All day long I thought of Abigail, sitting at home in her wheelchair or in the hospital right after the accident trying to come to terms with what happened to her. All the days she spent in therapy trying to regain even a fraction of the function in her legs.
I sit on the end of the bed, scrubbing my face with my hands and stare at myself in the mirror across from me.
What are you doing, Brad? You should just tell her. Tell her everything and let it all go.
Dad told me over lunch before we left that telling Lauren was the key to easing this guilt. But how can I? How will she look at me when I tell her? She’ll think less of me for not having control and she might take on some of that blame. I can’t live with it.
I need to shoulder it all, shielding her and protecting her from the guilt I feel. I know she will take the fight I had with Abigail about her to heart. And even though it was so long ago, she’ll blame herself the same way I blame myself.
I hear the water turn on and know that Lauren is stepping naked under the spray.
My thoughts flip. Maybe telling her wouldn’t be as bad as I think it will be. Maybe she’ll help me work through the guilt and be patient with me as I do it instead of me pulling away anytime I feel like it’s too much.
If the right time presents itself.
Resolute with my decisions, I stand from the bed, feeling lighter and heavier at the same time.
What makes the time right to burden someone with your darkest secret?
Shaking my head, I head to the closet to find something suitable to wear before heading in to join Lauren and slipping back into my happy boyfriend mode.