Chapter 13 Lorna Is Thirteen
Two years ago, right around christmas, dad married Trish. Thenceforth, according to Mom, every Christmas has been ruined. Between drags off her cigarette, she likes to say he married Trish because he knocked her up.
It doesn’t matter anymore, Lorna thinks, because Mom is right—Christmas is ruined because Mom can’t stop hating Dad.
She was so looking forward to this Christmas morning. She has asked every way she knows how for a portable CD player and the new Bon Jovi CD. She and her best friend, Callie, have created a dance routine to the latest hit, “This Ain’t a Love Song.”
They’ve been practicing for weeks. From her spot on Lorna’s bed, Kristen has lazily directed them, and when Callie goes home, Kristen confirms to Lorna that she is the better dancer. “You could be in music videos,” she says proudly.
Given Lorna’s height and general clumsiness, this praise is a Big Deal. She trusts Kristen’s opinion on pretty much everything except drugs and alcohol.
Christmas morning, she wakes to heavy rain.
She rouses Kristen from her room and they race downstairs.
The scent of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls hits her the moment she is in the grand hallway, and she and Kristen head to the main salon.
Mom is curled up in a chair, smoking, staring out the window at the gray, rainy day.
“Come on, girls,” Nana says. “Come open your presents.” She hands them each a cinnamon roll on a plate as they enter.
Lorna and Kristen put aside the rolls and begin opening the presents while Nana watches with delight. Mom seems to have forgotten what day it is. “They had that baby six months after they married,” she says as Lorna tears the wrapping paper from a gift. “That tells you all you need to know.”
Contrary to what her mother says, that doesn’t tell Lorna anything she needs to know; she still has a lot of questions.
She wants to ask Dad, but he’s been kind of scarce lately.
Kristen tells her not to worry about it, that people break up and move on.
“It happens all the time in high school,” she says as the oracle into a mysterious world Lorna will enter next year.
“And now they’ve got another one on the way,” Mom adds, angrily snuffing out the butt of her cigarette on a saucer.
“Another baby?” Kristen holds up a gold sweater and laughs. “The joke is on Dad, then.”
Lorna opens the gift from her mother. It’s a doll, the Winter Sports Barbie, with skis. She looks at it with dismay. She doesn’t play with dolls. She hasn’t in some time.
“How come he gets to go on with his life and I don’t?” Mom asks of no one in particular.
“Mindy, honey, we’re opening gifts,” Nana reminds her.
“Yeah, that I bought,” Mom says. “What did he get them?” But she stops staring out the window and seems to notice the pile of wrapping paper. “Lolo, do you like the Barbie? It’s so cute.”
Lorna hates that doll, but she says, “Yes.”
“No, she doesn’t,” Kristen says. Now she is holding a gold bracelet up to the light to admire it. “She’s too old for dolls. What are these numbers?” she asks, examining her bracelet. Lorna can see a few small beads.
“It’s a sobriety bracelet,” her mother says proudly. “You count the days you’ve been sober. You turn it every day and watch the days add up. Isn’t that clever?”
Kristen glares at her mother. “Seriously? You’re going to ride my ass on Christmas?”
“Watch your language,” Mom says sharply. “I thought it was a great idea.”
“You make me sound like a loser, Mom. I’m not an addict. I don’t need to count anything. I smoke weed because I like it.” Kristen tosses the bracelet aside and gets up. “You think Dad ruins everything? You ruin everything.” She flounces out of the room.
Lorna’s mother turns her wide eyes on Lorna. She is obviously shocked that Kristen didn’t love the gift. Lorna clutches her stupid doll to her chest. “I love it, Mom.”
“You’re a good kid, Lolo,” she says, and turns her attention to the window again. She has adopted that faraway look, like she has stomped out of the room with Kristen.
Lorna opens another present. This one is from Kristen, and it’s a hit—a Rubik’s Cube. Everyone wants a Rubik’s Cube. She can’t wait to show Callie. She immediately starts to work it.
Mom lights another cigarette. Nana gets up and goes into the kitchen. Lorna can hear her taking the bottle off the top of the fridge.
Lorna searches under the tree. She gives her mother a gift from her—she made it in ceramics class.
It’s an ashtray shaped like a frog. Her mother sets it aside and doesn’t open it.
Lorna finds another gift for herself. It’s from Kristen.
She opens it—and sees the new Bon Jovi CD, These Days .
“I got the CD!” she exclaims as Nana comes back into the room with a coffee tumbler.
Lorna can’t see the booze, but by now she recognizes the scent.
“That’s wonderful!” Nana says dreamily and sits in her recliner.
Lorna searches under the tree for the CD player. It must be here. There is another gift for Kristen from Mom, but nothing for Lorna. She sinks back on her heels in disappointment.
Later, Lorna is in her room, staring out at the rain. She’s already lost interest in the Rubik’s Cube. It’s too hard to figure out. She still can’t believe she didn’t get a portable CD player. Everyone has one but her.
She hears voices and glances toward her door. That’s her mother, shouting again. She gets up and cracks open the door. Mom and Kristen are fighting. They fight all the time now. Every time Lorna hears them, she feels nauseous, like she’s the one who has done something wrong.
“Don’t lie to me!” Mom shouts. “I know what this is, Kristen. It is forbidden in this house! And with your sister just next door.”
“She’s fine,” Kristen shouts back. “Can you just stay out of my room? You have no right to go through my things!”
“That is not your room!” her mother bellows. “You are borrowing it!”
Lorna crawls into bed with the Rubik’s Cube and tries to distract herself from the scene unraveling in the hall. It doesn’t work. Sometime later, she hears the front door slam and knows Kristen is gone.
They haven’t had Christmas dinner yet.
That night, Kristen comes home after everyone has gone to sleep. She sneaks into Lorna’s room and sits on the edge of her bed. She smells like weed and beer. Lorna hates being around Kristen when she’s been drinking; she can be mean. “Hey, let me see the Rubik’s Cube.”
Lorna fell asleep with it in her bed and hands it now to her sister. Kristen tries to solve it a few times, then tosses it aside. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the bracelet. “This is for you.”
Lorna stares at the bracelet. “That’s yours. I can’t take it.”
“Sure you can. It’s mine, and I want you to have it. The Barbie was lame.”
It was lame, all right. Lorna looks at the sobriety bracelet. She suspects a joke, a prank. But Kristen holds it out to her. “Take it. Ignore the numbers. Or count something you want to count. Or better yet, sell the damn thing and get a CD player.”
Lorna puts the bracelet on her wrist and admires it. It’s pretty; gold, with crystal beads between the numbered beads.
Kristen pulls out a joint from her jacket and holds it up. “Want to try?”
“No,” Lorna says instantly.
“Come on, it’s not so bad.” Kristen smiles. “You’re listening to Mom too much. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. It’s harmless. You can’t get addicted to pot.”
“I’m not listening to Mom,” Lorna says defensively. She’s listening to her gut. There is no part of her that wants to try. She associates that cigarette and that smell with trouble.
“Mom makes pot sound like heroin, and they’re not even remotely the same.
This will help you sleep.” She produces a lighter and fires it up, taking a long drag.
She blows the smoke toward the ceiling, then holds the cigarette out to Lorna.
“Just try it. Don’t be such a chicken. When you go to high school, people will think you’re a nerd if you don’t try things. ”
That’s what does it, the threat of being labeled a nerd before she’s even graduated eighth grade. She’s got enough strikes against her—taller than everyone, clumsy, some god-awful hair. She reluctantly takes the cigarette, inhales, and then coughs violently. Her throat burns.
“Keep it down,” Kristen warns. “If Mom hears you, she’ll be in here in a minute.”
Lorna tries again. This time she swallows her cough.
She holds her breath as Kristen instructs her and feels a lightness overcome her.
It’s a weird feeling, like she’s floating, but her body is heavy.
She doesn’t like it. She doesn’t feel like she has control.
She hears a sound outside the window and gasps.
“Calm down,” Kristen warns her. “You’re such a nervous Nellie.” She smokes more of the joint and then lies back on Lorna’s bed.
“I hear something,” Lorna whispers. “Is it the police?”
“The police? Are you crazy? Remind me never to let you smoke weed again,” Kristen says and giggles uncontrollably. “You’re acting so paranoid.”
Lorna never does smoke weed again. But Kristen will smoke enough for them both.
She wakes the next morning to the sound of Mom and Kristen fighting.