Chapter 18 Lorna Now #3
“Yeah, I’m getting that now,” Callie said. “But at the time, I thought the worst.” She picked up the knife and shrugged. “Well, it’s water under the bridge now, right? It’s okay, Lorna. Whatever I thought, I got over it a long time ago.” She carried on with the icing.
Of all the things Lorna had expected, this scenario never entered her mind.
Because Callie, and whatever she might have been dealing with, had never entered her mind.
She couldn’t remember ever considering how hard it must have been for Callie to come out at that age.
She could never see past her own despair.
Lorna never wanted to be that girl again, the one who was so locked in her own misery she failed to see what was happening to people she cared about.
Except she was still that girl in many respects.
“Wow. This is really... not what I expected,” she said.
“I’m so sorry, Callie. I really had no idea.
All this time I thought it was because I tried to insert myself into your family without even telling you.
I was too wrapped up in my own drama to think of how hard things must have been for you. I hope you can forgive me.”
Callie smiled and waved the knife in the air. “Don’t sweat it. I already have. Don’t look so sad—it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”
It matters. To me, to my life, to my ability to crawl out of this damn bomb shelter. “I wish I could make it up to you.”
“How? I’m out and I’m proud, as the saying goes.” She suddenly laughed. “I really did hate you for the longest time,” she said, giggling.
Lorna nodded. Her self-loathing was still zipping along at a clip, but she didn’t feel like she was carrying the weight of that lost friendship exactly.
She felt... she felt... lighter? All was not lost, and in that place where the weight had been, hope was now released in her; she could feel it churning, and before she even knew what was happening, she burst into tears.
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, swiping at the sudden deluge of tears.
“Lorna!” Callie grabbed some tissues from a box and came hurrying around the kitchen bar. “Why are you crying? I don’t hate you now. What is this?”
“What, you mean this?” She gestured lamely at her tears. “Just something that keeps happening to me. Don’t mind me.” She slid down onto her haunches, burying her face in several tissues. “I suddenly have all these emotions bubbling up.”
“It’s kind of hard not to mind you.” Callie squatted next to her. “Are you okay? Should I call someone?”
“No, no. I’m fine.” As if her mortification could run any deeper, Callie thought she was having a nervous breakdown.
“Hey!” Another woman was suddenly on the floor beside her. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“I think we’re okay,” Callie said. “She’s just having a moment.”
Lorna forced herself to her feet and, in doing so, accidentally pushed Callie and the other woman trying to help her.
“Sorry.” She managed to stop crying and attempted a smile as she dabbed at her face with the tissues.
“So sorry.” She risked a look at the other woman.
She was tall and slender and had a long, sleek, blond ponytail.
She looked like she’d just come from the gym.
The woman’s gaze darted between Callie and Lorna. “Wow. I guess you’re the famous Lorna Lott I’ve heard so much about. I’m Kate—Callie’s wife.”
Lorna stuck out her hand. “That’s me, Lorna Lott. The worst friend ever.”
Kate laughed. “Callie has talked so much about you. Are you okay? Would you like some water?”
“No, thank you,” Lorna said. “I’m really okay.”
“I’m going to get you some water,” Kate said, and went to the other side of the kitchen bar. “Let me ask you something, Lorna,” she said as she filled a glass. “Did you really jump off the patio roof onto a trampoline?”
A sparkly memory suddenly erupted in Lorna’s head. They’d all gathered around, Callie and her brothers, a couple of neighborhood kids. She couldn’t help her smile. “I had to. Her stupid brothers dared me. I almost died because of them.”
Callie laughed. “You almost died because of my dad, who was going to kill you. You’re so lucky you didn’t break your fool neck.”
Kate smiled fondly at Callie and came around the kitchen bar. She handed the glass of water to Lorna, then slipped her arm around Callie’s waist and kissed her. They looked happy. They looked so happy that an ache sprouted in Lorna’s chest all over again. “Where are the kids?” Kate asked.
“Playroom.”
“I’ll be back,” Kate said. “You two can finish doing whatever this is,” she said, making a swirling motion with one finger.
Lorna watched her go, then looked back to see Callie eyeing her curiously. “What?”
“Not sure. I don’t know what’s going on with you, although it looks like it might require medication, if I’m being honest. For the record, you were not the worst friend ever.
You were the best friend ever, Lorna. We had a misunderstanding, like all thirteen-year-old girls throughout history.
I’m just sorry we didn’t get to do high school together. ”
“Me too,” Lorna said. “I’ve been agonizing about it for years. Literally, years. I’m in a wellness program now, trying to stop agonizing about things that happened in the past. That’s kind of why I’m here.”
Callie nodded. A corner of her mouth tipped up. She went back to the cake, got a different knife, and cut a slice. “Did Mom really call CPS?”
“I’m positive it was her. I didn’t confide in anyone else. And they came the day after I talked to your mom. You could ask her.”
“Can’t. She has Alzheimer’s.”
“Oh, wow. I’m so sorry, Callie. I loved your mom as much as my own mother. Sometimes more.”
“I know. Don’t say more, because then we’ll both be crying. What about your mom?”
“Dead. Cancer got her.”
“Sorry,” Callie said softly. “And Kristen? Is she, like... alive? Still using? Living in a crack house?”
Lorna took no offense at the question, but a knot formed in her belly.
She glanced at the window. “She’s alive.
Living in Florida now, very near my dad.
Not using, presumably.” She shifted her gaze back to Callie.
“So part of this wellness thing is that I... Well, it’s hard to explain,” she said, and rubbed her forehead.
She hardly understood it herself. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?”
Before Callie could answer, Kate returned with the whole crew, all of them chanting, “Cake! Cake! Cake!”
“Can we have cake?” one of the girls asked.
“Before dinner?” Callie asked, pretending to be shocked.
“Yes, before dinner,” Kate said, raising her fist and encouraging the kids to do the same.
Bean gasped and turned to Lorna. “Can I?” Lorna glanced at Callie.
“Are you kidding?” Callie asked. “Of course.”
“Okay,” Lorna said to Bean.
“My field notes are in the car!” Bean sprinted out of the kitchen, slamming the front door on his way to Lorna’s car. Kate and Callie didn’t even seem to notice.
“What does he mean?” Kate asked curiously.
“He’s conducting a completely scientific study in search of the best dessert with the hope of baking it for a badge.”
“Ice cream,” one of the kids said, ignoring the baking part.
“No, cupcakes,” another argued.
A full-blown debate had erupted by the time Bean returned with his Driskill Workflow Solutions notebook.
Later, Callie walked Lorna to her car. Bean was already in the passenger seat, his head bent over his notes. He’d had two pieces of cake. “Cute kid,” Callie said. “A little odd, like you.” She smiled.
Lorna could feel her affection for that odd little kid blossom in her chest.
“And until you figure out what to do with your hair, you probably always will be.” Callie smiled.
Lorna put her hand to her head, felt the unruliness of it. “What are you saying? The high-dollar smoothing cream I bought isn’t working?”
Callie laughed.
Lorna glanced at Callie’s short hair. “Why did you go black? I always loved your brilliant red hair.”
“You were the only one. I got sick of my brothers calling me Pippi Longstocking.”
Lorna surprised herself with a bark of laughter. “They weren’t wrong.”
Callie gasped, then laughed roundly. “It’s good to see you, Lolo.”
“You too, Callie. You have no idea.”
Callie reached out and touched Lorna’s cheek, then dropped her hand.
“Okay, so listen. I don’t know if I have the time or patience for your wellness program.
I mean, between Mom and the kids... it’s a lot.
And we’re going to be gone for a couple of weeks.
But maybe we can get together when we get back and catch up.
” She leaned forward and hugged Lorna tightly.
Lorna wanted to cry. Two hugs in a week.
She’d had no idea how badly she needed them.
Especially from Callie. She’d never dreamed this would happen—never considered that Callie was still the same girl who had meant so much to her, with a heart as big as the sun.
She felt foolish for having spent so much time convinced Callie hated her for something she never even knew about.
Callie let go and said, “I’m really glad you came. You’re the same old Lorna, but now with panic attacks.” She grinned and, with a wink, turned back and walked into her house.
Lorna watched until the door shut behind her.
She felt giddy and relieved and like a two-ton weight had been lifted from her.
Callie might not be all in, and even if she was, they might not recapture the friendship they’d had.
But Lorna had made her apology, and now she was filled with hope they might find those two teen girls again. Micah would be beside himself.
You were right, Mom. You must love to hear me say that. Too bad you’re not here to say “I told you so.” I know you would enjoy that.
· · ·
Bean was asleep in his seat when Lorna turned on the street where she had lived with her mother and sister in a garage apartment.
It was getting late, but the lights were still on in Peggy’s house.
Lorna walked up the path to the door, giving the rooster a happy slap to the side of its head on her way. She knocked on the door.
Peggy answered, dressed in a robe and pajamas. “Lolo!” she said delightedly. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I’m sorry for showing up so late.” What time was it?
Eight or so? She’d lost track. “I need to give you something.” She took a friendship bracelet from her purse.
One cold winter day, she and Callie had made dozens of them in Lorna’s room, sifting through the beads, hoping to give them to people they wanted to be friends with.
Mostly people who would never be friends with them.
They’d made a best friend version for each other. Lorna had kept the one Callie made for her. The string was yellowed, and a couple of beads had somehow gone missing. She handed the bracelet to Peggy, pressing it into her palm.
“What’s this?”
“It’s my proof that I took care of my first item on the list. I apologized to my best friend.” Just saying those words out loud, she could feel herself smile. Really smile.
And it felt amazing.
Hey K, guess who I saw today? Callie Kleberg.
She looks great. You always said she would be really pretty if she tried.
I don’t know if she is trying, but she is really pretty.
She thought I was a flight attendant because of the way I was dressed.
Still hitting it out of the sartorial park over here.
Get this—she doesn’t hate me. Not anymore, anyway.
But the most interesting thing is that the end of our friendship was not your fault.
Can you believe it? Me either. Turns out, the reason she never spoke to me again was because I was a shitty friend.
That’s it. I didn’t hear her. It wasn’t because you were making my life miserable or because I tried to become a Kleberg.
It was because I wasn’t listening. But don’t get it twisted—I wasn’t listening because you were making my life miserable then.
This was before your first go in treatment. Remember how impossible you were?
I remember that treatment didn’t last long.
I remember you showed up at my concert so stoned or high or drunk or whatever with that stupid, gross guy.
What was his name? It doesn’t matter. That was the most humiliating moment of my entire life in a long list of humiliating moments.
I always wondered, did a switch go off in your head?
I’m just trying to understand how you were clean for so long and then one day— poof —it was all gone.
I always tried to understand, Kristen. Well, except in the end.
Speaking of the end, I’m so sorry about that. You have no idea. I can’t even talk about it right now.