Chapter 20 Lorna Now #2
“What? Am I?” She put her fingers to her face.
“Oh my God,” she said, horrified by the notion that tears could just fling themselves out of her eyes without her noticing.
Her cheeks heated with shame. She wiped away the tears.
“I really need to see someone about that. I’m fine, I really am.
I’m just sorry for you. I know about loss.
My mom died about four years ago, and my sister.
.. well, we don’t speak anymore. I realize that’s not the same as losing a spouse, but I know what it’s like to want so desperately for someone to be safe.
That’s all I meant.” She had to look away in case more tears fell.
She felt so sorry for Seth and Bean and hated that either of them had to feel anything close to the loss she’d felt. Probably even worse.
“I’m sorry you have experienced this kind of loss,” Seth said.
He stood up, went to an end table, and brought back a box of tissues for her, then took a seat next to her on the couch.
So close that their legs touched. It was oddly comforting.
“How did your mother die? And please don’t tell me she was hit by a bus, too, because that would be such a coincidence I would have to laugh. ” He smiled.
Amazingly, Lorna did too, but she shook her head. “She had cancer. It was slow and long.”
“Ah.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Yep, I think I prefer quick and shocking to long and painful. I’m sorry. That must have been tough.”
He really didn’t know the many ways, up and down and all around, that it had been tough for her.
But he knew something similar, and that was a connection she hadn’t expected.
Sometimes Lorna would marvel that she’d managed to come out of that period of her life still a sort of functioning human.
She’d lost her family in short order—Nana, Mom, Kristen.
He drummed his fingers on the beer bottle. “Are you alone too? I mean, without a partner?”
The question surprised her, and she must have looked it, because he held up a hand. “Sorry. That was bad form. I just haven’t seen anyone come and go, and I wondered.”
“There’s no one,” she said. “It’s not in the cards right now.” Or probably ever, given that she was not particularly attractive as a mate, either literally or figuratively.
“What do you do for a living?” he asked.
“I sell workflow software. We help determine how a company’s work flows best, then design a system around it. Boring. Which is why I like it, I think. Nothing to get too worked up about.” She considered what she’d just shared. “I don’t... You must think I’m so weird.”
He gave her a funny frown. “I think you’re interesting. You said you’re on sabbatical?”
“Yes.” She looked away again, unwilling to explain her sabbatical to him because she feared how it would look.
Even weirder than she was, and she really didn’t want Seth to think she was weird.
Of all the people in this house, she didn’t want him to think it.
Like, Martin could think it all day if he was so inclined, but Seth?
She really cared about his opinion of her.
He was sitting so close that she could feel his energy wrap around her, and she wanted to bore into that energy.
That strength. Just crawl up his shirt and build a nest.
She looked off before she gave herself away, and her gaze landed on the Precious Moments figurine again.
“By the way, thank you for that,” he said, having noticed where her attention was focused. “It reminds Bean of his mother.”
Of course. She hadn’t given it to Bean, but she didn’t mind that he’d taken it. She didn’t have to worry about him seeing a promise in that figurine that didn’t really exist. The poor kid was light-years ahead of her—he already knew the Precious Moments were lying to him.
She drank one long glug from her beer and decided it wasn’t half bad. “Umm... do you still need help with Bean after school? Because I like having him around. He’s such a great kid. He’s... he’s been helping me on my little apology tour.”
“Your what?”
“That’s what I’m calling it. I’m working to let some things go from my past. Things I feel bad about, things I wish I had done differently.”
Seth’s gaze moved over her face, settling on her eyes. His eyes looked so blue in this light, and the way they were locked on her made her heart skip around in her chest.
“Not for murder or anything,” she quickly added.
“Damn, Lorna, I should hope not.”
“I mean, nothing illegal or bad. Just, you know... things that I wish I’d handled differently.
” Part of her wanted to tell him, to admit what had happened, why she had this time, why it was important to address these regrets.
But she feared it would make her sound slightly nutty, and she did not want to talk so much that she somehow confessed her plans to buy this house.
Or worse, gave him any reason to think Bean shouldn’t hang out with her.
“It’s called self-actualization,” she added.
Micah had said that just today when he sent her off to make a vision board.
Seth nodded, like he knew what that meant.
“Anyway, Bean is helping me, and he does love Aggie, and Aggie loves him.”
“Yeah,” Seth said. “If it’s okay with you, it’s okay with me. He’s going to miss that dog more than anything when we move.”
Her heart stopped at the mention of it. She didn’t want Bean—or Seth—to move.
“Mr. Contreras told me he has a buyer,” he added. “Maybe even two.”
“Oh.” Lorna resisted the urge to squirm. “Well... maybe you can get Bean a dog if you move.”
“I don’t think so,” Seth said. “I can hardly take care of him right now, much less a dog. Between you and me, it’s a whole lot easier if he can just borrow one.” He grinned and nudged her with his elbow. “I hope you don’t mind that I am totally using you and Aggie.”
“Interestingly, I don’t.” She sort of liked that Aggie was needed, and by association so was she.
She took another sip of the beer and set it aside. This was nice. It was so nice it made her nervous. What would happen if she revealed too much of herself? Micah would have a field day with that fear. She abruptly stood.
Seth seemed surprised and awkwardly came to his feet. “You’re going?”
“Yes. I need to, ah... do some things.” Like order a blue Ranger Explorer vest.
“Oh. Okay. I was enjoying the chat.”
Lorna swallowed. “Me too.”
He looked slightly confused and put down his beer. “I’ll get your dog.”
“Bring her back in the morning. She can sleep with Bean if it’s all right with you.”
“Ah... sure,” Seth said, frowning. He glanced toward Bean’s bedroom. “Are you sure?”
She wasn’t sure at all. Aggie was a huge comfort to her too. They hadn’t been separated since she picked her up as a young pup at the shelter. But she said she was fine with it and walked to the apartment door before she changed her mind.
Seth opened the door for her, but he didn’t move out of the way. He stood so close that Lorna had to look up at him. “Thanks, Lorna. You have been a tremendous help to me and Bean these last few days. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
She could feel herself blushing, and worse, she could feel tears building. “No problem,” she said, and skirted out, her heart beating wildly.
Hey K. Tonight I went across the hall and hung out with Bean’s dad.
You don’t know him, and I’m glad you don’t, because you would probably try to hit him up for something.
You used to make me so nervous around my friends.
Anyway, their apartment is where Nana’s bedroom and the den were.
Remember when you’d sneak in there and find bottles under her bed?
You thought it was so hilarious that she was a drunk.
Why was addiction always so funny to you?
Well, I guess you’re not laughing so much now.
The last time I was in those rooms, I cried like a giant baby because we were packing up the house.
Mom yelled at me to stop, like I wasn’t allowed to have those feelings.
I wonder if you have any idea how hard it was for me to leave.
You were so selfish, Kristen. I know I’m not supposed to say that, because addiction is not your fault and yada yada. But you were.
Still, I take no comfort in the fact that you are having to put up with Dad now. Sorry about that.