Chapter 23 Lorna Now
It was seth’s idea to meet at central market, where they could get gelato and sit on the deck while Bean played on the massive playscape or chased ducks.
Lorna met them there, and when she arrived, Bean was well into a cup of gelato, making field notes in his ever-present Driskill notebook.
When he’d finished with his cup, he announced the gelato was a “twelve out of ten!” and then skipped off to the massive playscape.
“I don’t know if he has figured out you can’t really bake ice cream,” Lorna remarked.
“We’ve gone well past the baking badge. He’s so proud of his field notebook, he’s making notes about everything,” Seth said.
He collected Bean’s empty cup as Lorna dug into the chocolate gelato Seth had purchased for her.
He’d insisted, said as she’d provided the entertainment, it was only fair that he provide the ice cream.
“I don’t know,” Lorna had said. “We’re not really friends like that.”
“Nonsense,” Seth said easily. “We are friends exactly like that. And for real, Lorna, are you always so hard on everyone?”
“You know what? I think I am.”
He laughed. “Okay, well, maybe try not to be so hard on me? Just accept that we are friends. Got it?”
“Got it.” She was ridiculously pleased with this banter. It made her feel like a living, breathing woman. Not a King Kong.
When they were seated on the deck under the tree canopy, Seth said, “So Mr. Sanders was a teacher? The musical was good.”
Lorna snorted with a mouthful of ice cream and said thickly, “No, it wasn’t.”
Seth grinned. “Yeah, I can’t lie. It was subpar, and you were sort of terrible.”
“Terrible!” she agreed. “Thank you for not trying to gaslight me.”
“Oh, I don’t think I could,” Seth said. “Too many witnesses.”
She laughed. She was amazed by it, this hearty laugh coming from her chest. She’d been crying for so long—this felt good.
“I am curious, however,” Seth said. “What is this all about? I mean, really.”
For a moment, Lorna was confused and thought he meant her reluctance to join the fight to save the house. “I just think it’s really a house and not four shitty apartments.”
“Not that,” Seth said. “While I agree they are indeed four shitty apartments, I’m talking about the apology tour. I don’t get it. And honestly, I guess I’m asking about your friendship with my son.”
Lorna froze. The pleasure she’d just been feeling began to fade away. This was exactly what she’d feared, so why was she surprised he would find something wrong with her?
“Don’t get me wrong,” Seth said quickly. “I’m grateful for it. Bean misses his mother and he’s lonely. He considers you and Aggie his friends. But it’s different when you think of a grown woman hanging out with a kid she’s not related to.”
Lorna felt her soul curling into a ball.
She put down her ice cream. Here is where he would tell her that it was too odd, that she couldn’t hang out with Bean, that it just didn’t make sense.
She thought of the blue vest she’d ordered that had arrived today.
Would he at least allow her to sew on the badges?
Seth’s face crinkled into a frown. “I think I’m making a mess of this. I’m curious, that’s all.”
“No, no, I get it,” Lorna said. “You’re getting an ick vibe.”
“No, that’s not—”
“But Bean is the first friend I’ve had in a very long time.” There, she said it.
“Oh.” He looked even more alarmed now.
“I didn’t mean that to sound like I’m sure it does. I just mean that Bean accepts me as I am. It’s nice.”
Seth’s gaze shifted to the playground, and to Bean, who was organizing a small army of younger children. “I don’t think there’s anything strange going on, if that’s what you think,” he said. “I know my kid is pretty remarkable.”
“He really is,” Lorna said quietly. She wished she had words to explain that no one had been able to crack open her bomb shelter for years, but Bean had managed to do it without even trying.
“As to what this is?” She thought of herself in the float tank and wondered if she ought to make herself more vulnerable.
She didn’t want to do anything that would cause her to lose Seth as a friend, and she didn’t think she could bear to lose Bean as one.
“I had some trauma early on in my life.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“My sister was an addict. Like, a serious addict. You know, the kind you see on documentaries about drug use in America.”
“Wow,” Seth said, clearly startled.
“Don’t worry, she’s in Florida and therefore unable to be a poor influence on anyone around here.”
“I see.” He relaxed a little. “Still, that sounds pretty heavy.”
“It is. Or was. Most of my life, friends were not easy to come by. Or relationships, for that matter. I’d find someone who sort of got me, but then my family drama would creep in and make it unworkable.
And then my mom got sick, and I had to take care of her and my sister, and, you know, life can be too much sometimes.
” Stop talking. He’ll think you’re one big pity party if he doesn’t already.
No one wants to hear your tale of woe. No one wants to be friends with someone who has that kind of drama lurking in the background.
“Anyhoo!” She slapped her hands on her knees like she’d just said she was thinking of buying a car, or she had some work to do when she got home. No biggie.
But Seth’s expression made her feel like he was seeing a lot more than she’d intended, and ever the one to close the door before anyone could see too much of her, she said, “In other words, a lot of stuff happened and now I’m kind of a loner, but I’m working on it.
Like, working on getting out of my shell.
Or in my case, a bomb shelter.” Ha ha ha, you’re so funny, Lorna!
For heaven’s sake, shut UP. But her mouth wouldn’t stop.
“Inside joke,” she said. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have some unresolved issues. ”
“Right,” Seth said. “The apology tour.”
“Yes! And Bean has been my friend and helper. But I would never, you know, expose him to anything, like... bad .” She smiled, but she could tell it wasn’t a real smile.
It was a smile of worry, of fear. She couldn’t peel her eyes from Seth, silently willing him not to take her friend.
Silently begging him to still like her, to want to be her friend.
“I don’t know,” Seth said, wincing. “What about the musical?”
Lorna blinked. And then she laughed. She really laughed . “Correction—nothing as bad as that.”
He leaned forward and put his hand on the table between them, almost as if he was reaching for her. “I can understand, in a way,” he said. “Not like what you’re talking about, but how addiction can affect a family.”
“Really?” she asked.
“My wife, Jill, was addicted to exercise. Or maybe that’s OCD, I’m not sure. But it was a problem.”
Lorna didn’t know what to say.
“I’m not trying to equate my wife to your sister. I’m just saying I understand what it’s like to live in the shadow of someone else’s obsession. It can take over everything. Especially everything that was good.”
Hello. She had the insane urge to hug him right now.
“Exactly,” she said quietly. She’d never met anyone who knew the hell it was to live with an addict.
She wasn’t sure Seth truly knew either, but what mattered was that he understood her.
Or was trying to. He was relating to her experience. And she liked that feeling.
She liked it so much.
“So can Bean still be my friend?” Lorna asked.
Seth frowned. “Are you kidding? He needs your friendship, Lorna. It’s not like kids are lining up around the block to be his friend. I have to insist on it.”
A warm, fizzy feeling shot through her. Her face cracked with what she could tell was one of those crazy, too-too-much smiles. But hearing him say Bean needed her had just blown out a few more windows in her internal bomb shelter, and sunlight was streaming in.
The talk turned to whatever it was Bean had organized the kids to do. Which turned out to be a choreographed show of sliding skills. A half hour later, Seth said it was time to go.
“Thanks for this,” Lorna said.
Seth smiled and put his hand on her arm. “You’re welcome. Bean and I are just happy to be a part of your tour.” He moved his hand down to her elbow and gave it a soft squeeze before letting go.
She waved to them and got into her car. And then she headed in a different direction than her apartment.
When she arrived at Peggy’s house, she could see the blue glow of the TV through the windows. She slapped the metal rooster on her way to the door... but it was a friendly slap, a Pleased to see you slap. The rooster didn’t make her angry anymore.
Peggy opened the door in a robe and with curlers in her hair under an old-fashioned net. “I knew it was you,” she said with much cheer.
“I’m sorry to come so late,” Lorna said.
“Oh, that’s all right, Lolo. I’m always happy to see you. Come in!”
Lorna stepped through the door and handed Peggy the crumpled church musical program.
Peggy frowned as she perused it. “You went to church?”
“Sort of. I was in Mr. Sanders’s play. He was my choir teacher. You know, the choir concert—”
Peggy gasped with delight. “Of course I remember! From the list.”
Lorna nodded. “My name isn’t on the program because it was sort of last minute. But the point is, I apologized. And I made it up to him.”
“Wonderful!” Peggy turned and went to her recliner. On the end table next to it was a notebook, which she picked up, opened, and made a mark in. “That’s two. Only three to go!”
“Three?” Lorna frowned, trying to remember.
Peggy looked at her notes. “I have the boyfriend, Mrs. Tracy, and Mr. Cho.”
The boyfriend. She’d forgotten about Brett Miller. She’d forgotten she’d told her mother about Brett.
“And then you’re done!” Peggy chirped. “I can release the trust to you.”
“Yes.” Lorna tucked her hair behind her ear. Funny, she did not feel excited by the prospect of having the money she needed to buy Nana’s house. She felt a bit ambivalent about it. That trust... something felt very wonky about it.
Maybe it was because there was an unanswered call sitting on her phone from Mr. Contreras.
He’d phoned yesterday, but she and Bean had been practicing her fall, and she hadn’t called him back.
She had a good idea what he wanted—he struck her as the kind of guy who, once he had some sort of deal, was relentless.
She didn’t understand why she felt so reluctant to call him.
Maybe it was because she didn’t want to hurt Seth and Bean, and she could feel that coming.