Everything Lost Returns

Everything Lost Returns

By The Cincinnati Inquisitor

CI: Describe your experience with Earthshine Soap.

CI: Would you say the soap changed your life in any way?

As I got older, I started to have … urges.

I’d think unclean thoughts. And whenever that happened, I bathed in Earthshine Soap, just like the Earthshine Girl does in that one commercial, the one where her dog jumps in the tub.

I began to feel such emptiness, such melancholy.

I was proud of my apartment, of the way I kept it.

But I felt … I believed the only way to feel better was to hurt myself. And so I would [hurt myself].

CI: And what would you do?

JANE DOE NO. 4: [Silence]

CI: How do you know it was the soap?

JANE DOE NO. 4: What else could it be?