Everything Lost Returns
By The Cincinnati Inquisitor
CI: When did you first start using Earthshine Soap?
After we got married, my husband expected more of me, different things than before.
I found myself not wanting to be … touched in that way.
I thought it was just me. I thought maybe the Earthshine Girl was on to something.
I bought the soap, and I washed our bedsheets in it.
I loved the smell of it. Lavender. I polished our silverware we’d gotten as a wedding gift.
I scrubbed coffee stains out of my husband’s favorite mug.
I soaked the yellowed pits of his undershirts in it until they were white again.
Earthshine worked wonders. I even bathed in it, because it was gentle enough for that—it said so right on the canister. It said it was “The Soap for Women.”
CI: How did your life change after using Earthshine?
JANE DOE NO. 33: Our apartment was spotless.
At first my marriage improved. We were …
very friendly with each other for a while in the bedroom.
But after a while, I was doubling over in pain each month.
It was like a cactus was growing inside me.
The period flu. Three days became four, then five, then sometimes half the month, menses so heavy my doctor suggested a diet of red meat for the iron loss.
A year in, our family asked: What, no grandchildren?
The worst part was the staining. Our sheets, my undergarments.
I had to use towels on the couch. I could no longer leave my apartment for more than a few hours, or if I did I had to bring a change of clothes.
I’ll never forget my husband’s look one day I came home from the grocery store with red saturated through the fabric of my skirt.
I felt like Carrie from that movie. My husband looked at me as though I were some horrifying aberration.
[Pause.] There’s nothing like Earthshine for stains.
CI: So you continued to use it?
JANE DOE NO. 33: No, I stopped buying it. I lived with the bloodstains. Everywhere I sat. Everywhere I lay. My clothes. My couch. My car. My marriage lasted two more years. My doctor told me I’d never have a child.