Chapter 14 Harper
Harper
“Where were you last night?” I crossed my arms, watching Mom blearily pour herself a cup of coffee from the pot that I’d made. My face was stony. Impassive. But inside my chest, my heart was pounding like a drum. I didn’t smell booze, but I’d been here before.
This is how it starts.
“Jesus, Harper, who is the mother and who is the teenager?” She laughed half-heartedly but wouldn’t look at me as I took a seat at the counter. She was still in her pajamas—sweatpants and a T-shirt. Blond-gray hair tied in a messy ponytail.
“Well?” I asked as Dash thumped upstairs, getting ready for school. “You don’t have work?”
“Because we worked late, I don’t have to come in until ten,” she said. “Is that okay with you? Does that satisfy the Inquisition?”
“What could you have possibly been doing at a dentist office until nearly eleven p.m. last night? Or do I even want to know?”
“We were filing old patient records, Ms. Nosy,” Mom said. “Dr. Hensley’s cabinets are a mess, and he decided it was time to upgrade and digitize. I’ll probably go back tonight too, which is why I came down this morning. So we can coordinate schedules.”
I narrowed my eyes, studying her. She might be telling the truth, but when you grew up on red alert all your life, you learned to trust your instincts. And my gut was twisted into a thousand knots of suspicion.
“Sure,” I said. “That makes perfect sense. I just hope the good doctor remembers to pay you overtime for all those extra hours and late nights you’re putting in.”
Mom set her coffee mug down and fixed me with a wide, fiery stare. “Do you have something you want to say to me, Harper Renée?”
“Yes,” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. “My car broke down yesterday. It won’t be fixed until this afternoon, so you need to drive Dash and me to school.”
Her head jerked. “It what…? Okay. How much to fix it?”
I shouldered my backpack. “Don’t worry about it. I got it covered.”
“Harper—”
Without taking my eyes off her, I craned to call up the stairs. “Dash, let’s go!”
My mother set her coffee mug down and slid off the stool to get her key and slippers.
“What a morning,” she said with a light laugh. “You’re upset for no reason. Now tell me about the car.”
“Later,” I said as Dash flew downstairs. “We’ll talk later.”
She sighed. “Honestly, Harper…”
But she didn’t finish her sentence. Dash grappled with his shoes, and she helped him tug his jacket on before we headed out the door. All smiles. But the queasy feeling in my stomach wouldn’t quit.
Not again, I thought on the drive out. Please God, not again.
***
In chemistry, Langford was taking his sweet time to arrive, and the seat beside me remained empty too. I had hoped Orion would be early so I could give him the check in my bag before class started without a scene. But when my lab partner showed up, it was like a thundercloud rolling in.
Orion tossed the expensive leather bag that served as his backpack on the table with a slam and took his seat.
“Greetings and salutations, Bennett,” he said, his smile tight. Stiff.
I frowned. “Um, hi. You okay?”
“Oh, brilliant.” He rubbed his eyes. “Another day in paradise.”
I tucked a curl behind my ear. “Right. So listen, I appreciate it a lot, but you didn’t have to do that.”
“Do what?
“You know what.” I lowered my voice. “You paid for my car.”
“Well,” Orion said matter-of-factly. “You shouldn’t have said yes to going to the Halloween festival with Xander Ford.”
My heart stopped, then took off at a gallop.
“What?” I breathed.
“You heard me.”
“You… You wanted to go to the festival with me?”
“Indeed.”
“But you didn’t ask me.”
“I was going to ask you, but you’d made your declaration that we could only be lab partners. Which I honored, until I decided it was bullshit. By then it was too late.”
“So…to get me back, you paid for my car.”
“Yes.”
I blinked. “Your timeline doesn’t even make sense.”
Orion shrugged again. “Neither do you and Xander, but here we are.”
I stared. Every word coming out of his mouth stole my breath, and I went hot and cold all over. It was too much to process. I didn’t know what to do with it all, and Langford was going to walk in the door any second.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “They bully me. They torment me for even talking to you—”
“And if it happens again, I’ll make them pay for that too.”
“You’ll what?”
Orion swiveled to face me, his eyes hard. “Don’t you get it, Harper? You’re the one who doesn’t want to be seen together. Not me. I don’t care. I never cared. You just didn’t believe me. You never gave me—us—a chance.”
I sat back in my tall chair, his words whacking me in the heart and sinking in, creating a storm of euphoria and confusion.
“That…that isn’t fair,” I whispered.
“No?”
“No. I didn’t know there was an us. Since when is there an us?”
“There isn’t. Not since you drew a line and forbade me to cross it.”
I stared, taking in Orion’s face as if seeing him for the first time. His rich eyes, broad mouth, perfect skin… And everything about him that wasn’t physical—the whole of him—that I couldn’t keep out of my mind, and now he was telling me…
We could’ve been together? For real?
I shook my head, a warmth of possibilities flooding me and then burning away in the next instant.
“Was that before or after Elowen Blake threw herself at you? What am I saying? This is ridiculous. And impossible. You can’t just blindside me… Forget it.” I started to reach in my bag. “I’m paying you back.”
“No, you aren’t,” Orion said. “No chance.”
“Yes,” I said, rummaging. “I can’t—”
“Harper,” he said through clenched teeth, “if you pull money out of that bag, I’m going to scream.”
I tensed, every muscle tightening, tears pricking my eyes.
“You can’t do that,” I whispered. “You can’t just say nothing. For weeks. And then expect me to guess that you have…feelings because we had one moment at the bonfire. It doesn’t work that way.”
Orion swiveled to look at me, his eyes boring into mine. “I screwed up,” he said. “I admit it. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. But are you honestly telling me you never felt anything? That you don’t feel something right now?”
My jaw worked soundlessly, and my mouth went dry, but before I could formulate a coherent thought, Langford breezed in.
“Sorry, sorry. NoSci meeting ran late.” He dumped his portfolio on his desk and beamed at Orion. “Speaking of, so glad you joined us, Mr. Mercer! As the deadline approached, I’d begun to worry you were going to skip out.”
Orion hunched his shoulders. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
“That’s the spirit. We expect great things from you.” Langford’s smile on Orion was like a spotlight on the star performer before he moved on to explain today’s lab.
“I thought you were going to skip it,” I whispered.
“That was the plan,” Orion whispered back, not looking at me. “Then a surprise visit from Father changed the plan.”
So that was his mystery phone call. The tension—that snake that coiled in my guts, sending its adrenaline poison coursing through my veins—–struck again.
He’s going to win. He’s going to win just because of his name…
Screw that. I’d just have to work harder. Later late nights. Weekends…
“No one is going to fuck with you again,” Orion whispered suddenly, picking up his bag. “I’ve seen to that. And I’m sorry for everything that happened already. They’re all pricks.” He shook his head, the exhaustion falling over him again. “Maybe I am too.”
And without another word, he strode out of the classroom.
“Orion?” Langford turned to me. “Something happen, Harper?”
“I…think he’s not feeling well.”
“Ah. It happens to the best of us. Can you handle the lab alone?”
“Sure.”
“Excellent.” Langford beamed at me, then bent to speak in a low voice only I could hear. “I’m very much looking forward to the two of you going toe to toe for the NoSci. I have a feeling it’s going to be a tight race.”
He shot me a wink and started his lecture.
I shivered and tried to ignore the itchy feeling I always got around Langford and eyed the door.
I wanted to follow Orion, to talk this out properly, but I was pretty sure if I bolted from class, I’d get a summons to the VP office to explain why.
And the last thing I needed was a mark on my exemplary record.
I couldn’t afford one mistake.
Orion didn’t return to chem and was absent in history and piano too. I could hardly concentrate. The events of the last two days were boiling in my mind like some weird stew of good and bad, horrible and wonderful. My busted car and Dash’s laughter. My mother’s behavior and then chemistry.
Us.
There might’ve been and now there wasn’t.
Because it’s impossible, I thought, calling an Uber to take me to Ralph’s Repair to pick up my car.
I’d go get Dash, because my mother couldn’t.
Because she was working into the night at a dentist’s office whose normal business hours ended at five.
Because I had a contest to win and a 4.0 to maintain. Because a storm was coming.
I could feel it.
Mom was going to fall off the wagon, if she hadn’t already. Or she was having an affair with Hensley, and that was going to crash and burn, and I’d have to pick up the pieces. Another round of her chaos, and it was going to take everything I had to survive it.
Everything.
***
That night, Mom came home at nine p.m. I was waiting for her on the couch, my oversized coat on, bag on my shoulder.
“Where are you off to so late?” she asked, her smile weak. Nervous. “I see you got the car back. What happened—”
“Are you drinking again?”
“Jesus, Harper, let me get in the door. It’s been a long day—”
“Are you?”
My mother took off her coat and hung it on the hook by the door. She wore her “nice” dress, heels, lipstick…or what was left of it.
“Okay, look,” she began.
Oh God…
Something inside me died. Again.
She came toward me, and I stood up and moved away, my arms crossed tightly. I looked harsh and unbending, but really, I was barely holding myself together.
“Dr. Hensley—Alan—and I are dating. I didn’t want to tell you because it wasn’t serious, but it looks like it might be getting serious—”
“Are. You. Drinking?” I demanded, enunciating each word and trying not to shout; Dash was upstairs sleeping.
“I was getting to that,” Mom snapped, flouncing on the couch and taking off her heels. “I lied. I haven’t been working late.”
“No shit.”
“He’s been taking me to dinner after work. To nice restaurants,” she said, ignoring my sarcasm. “Not like the crappy places the losers I used to date would take me to.”
Nice restaurants. While I tried my best to cook something healthy for Dash but wound up resorting to frozen dinners most nights, either because I was short on time or we were short on money. Usually the latter.
“He’s a nice guy, Harper. He’s makes good money—”
“Isn’t he married?”
Mom looked away, and I clenched my jaw so hard I thought my back teeth would shatter.
“It’s complicated. He and his wife have been having issues for years, and he’s going to file for divorce.”
“Sure he will,” I said. “Any minute now.”
“My God, you’re snotty,” Mom said. “You can’t let me have one nice thing.”
I thought my eyes were going to explode out of my head, and it was all I could do to keep from throwing the little vase of flowers on the coffee table at the wall.
For Dash. Be cool for Dash.
“So?” My foot was tapping, and my hands were claws on my arms. “Drinking? Yes or no?”
“So that’s the thing. Alan thinks it’s weird that I don’t have wine with dinner. So that’s all it is,” she added quickly. “Wine with dinner. One glass. Maybe two. No more than that, and I’m fine, Harper. I swear. I can handle it.”
I shook my head, waiting for the tears to come, but they didn’t. Not yet. I could feel the lump of dread in the center of me, pulling all the stress and fear and pain and betrayal tighter and tighter.
“There is no third door for addicts,” I managed through stiff lips. “Remember AA? There is sober and there is relapsed. That’s it.”
“Not for everyone,” Mom said. “Doesn’t have to be.”
“Right. You’re the exception,” I said. “In all of human existence, you’re the one exception.”
“Harper—”
“I have to go,” I said. “I can’t do this right now, but we’re not done talking about this.”
I have to clean things up and close the door on a beautiful boy because it’s too messy and we’re all full up on messy over here, thanks.
I shouldered my bag and stopped at the door. “Not in the house. If I see any booze in the house, I’m going to lose my shit, I swear to God.”
“Of course not,” Mom said. “It’s not that big of a deal. I promise.”
“Promise.” I shook my head. “You know, if you repeat a word enough times, it loses all meaning.”
And then I went out.