Chapter 25 Harper
Harper
On the last day before winter break, Dean, Xander, and I left the Math the club had asked him to host the Christmas party, and he’d been touched by everyone’s eagerness to meet his physicist father, who was falling further into dementia.
“So, how are things with Emery?” I asked eventually, as we crossed the parking lot. “She gives me a stellar report about you. You’re really nailing the whole boyfriend thing.”
That coaxed a smile from Xander. “Good to know.”
“And?” Dean said, wagging his eyebrows. “How goes it on your end? I haven’t had a chance to have some manly man talk with my best bro in a while.”
I rolled my eyes, but secretly I was glad to see Dean acting a little bit more like himself today, and not nervous and twitchy, or with his nose buried in his phone.
“Things are fine,” Xander said. “Perfect, actually, except—”
“Except you can’t tell anyone or go anywhere where people will see you,” I finished. I knew the drill, and kept my right hand securely in my pocket, away from Xander’s observant eyes.
“Yes, that,” he said.
“Her dad is a piece of work,” Dean said. “But hey, in a few short months, she’ll be eighteen and can tell him to fuck off forever.”
Xander shot me a silent plea to keep his secret.
He hadn’t told anyone—not even his best friend—that he’d promised to marry Emery to help her escape her family if it came down to it, while Dean knew about Orion, and I knew about Sierra.
I wondered, not for the first time, how many secret relationships were floating around this institution.
A goddamn smorgasbord of Romeo and Juliets.
“What about Christmas gifts?” Dean asked. “Last year, we did a white elephant for the club. That was a hit, even if I ended up with a wall hanging of a singing fish.”
“Sounds good. And speaking of gifts, I need to pick out something for Emery. I have an hour to kill before she comes over.”
“Want some help picking out a gift?” I asked. “I have an hour to kill before I become Emery’s alibi for coming over to your house.”
Dean laughed. “Such a tangled web of deceit. I’d be happy to help, but alas, I have plans.” He chucked Xander on the shoulder. “We’ll have to save our man talk over brewskies for another time.”
“Can’t wait.” Xander hugged Dean goodbye, then turned to me. “Shall we? Do you have shopping to do?”
“Nope,” I said, smiling to myself. “I’m done.”
Xander drove us to the little village of Castle Hill that looked like a scene out of a Hallmark Christmas movie.
Six months ago, I would’ve rolled my eyes, but now…
I recalled the look on Orion’s face when he opened my gifts to him.
I’d worried they hadn’t been enough; my constant worry was that I wasn’t enough for someone who could have anything—and anyone—he wanted.
But his smile had been unlike any I’d seen him wear. So genuine and…
Happy. He looked happy.
That brought to mind Dean’s face at the Halloween festival when he’d spied Sierra, and my worry came swooping back.
“Dean’s acting weird,” I said as Xander pulled into a parking space behind a Christmas tree lot.
“How so?”
“He’s been jumpy lately. Manic, even. You haven’t noticed?”
Xander frowned and shut off the engine. “No. But like he said, I haven’t seen much of him lately.”
“There’s that too,” I said. “He always has ‘other plans’ and spends a lot of time on his phone. He used to hardly touch it, now it’s in his hand constantly.”
“I’ve been so wrapped up with Emery, I haven’t been paying attention. Maybe he’s stressed about finals?”
“Maybe,” I said. “I have a bad feeling.”
“Now I do too. He’s so private,” Xander said. “He’s one of my best friends, and yet I’ve never been to his house. He’s never mentioned his parents or anything about his home life at all.”
“Me neither. But I have the feeling he’s under a lot of pressure.”
“Really? But he’s…”
“A Bender?” I retorted. “So are you. So am I. You don’t feel the pressure this school—this entire fucking town—puts on you to be something worthy of walking its hallowed halls?”
“I see your point,” he said. “You and he aren’t…?”
“No, just friends,” I said, and nearly told him the truth.
But that would derail the convo that needed to be about Dean, not me.
“And he’s the same mix of open and completely closed off with me as he is with you.
” I turned to face Xander in my seat. “I know you have enough on your plate with your dad, but can you talk to him? Have that ‘manly chat’ but for real?”
“Of course,” he said. “I’d turn the car around and do it now if I could.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll make it happen, I promise.”
***
After helping Xander pick out a beautiful locket for Emery, he drove me back to the Academy so I could grab my car and head to Castle Hill Elementary to pick up Dash.
Mrs. Andolina was waiting with him, just as she’d agreed, so I could tell her everything that was happening at home.
Not just to ask her help so I could take this trip, but to ask for help.
Because I knew she’d understand and wouldn’t make me feel embarrassed or ashamed.
“Oh, honey,” she said, after I’d spilled my guts.
She took my hands in hers as Dash bashed a tetherball around a pole.
“You’re not the first family to deal with this around here.
Wealth doesn’t inoculate anyone from addiction.
Rich or poor, it can strike any household.
I’m sorry it’s come to yours. Has it been this way a long time? ”
“Ever since I can remember.”
“I’m so sorry, Harper.”
“I wanted to ask a favor, and this is going to sound like emotional blackmail after my sob story.”
“It’s not a sob story, dear. It’s real life, and I already told you, I’m happy to help any way I can.”
I told her about Orion’s offer to visit his family after Christmas. “It would only be for a few days. Mom’s okay right now. No steady job, but cleaning Airbnbs regularly and not drinking. But I’m scared to leave.”
“Would you like me to check in on Dash while you’re away? Or if she has to work, I can babysit. He can play with that mutt of mine all the livelong day.”
“Would you? I know it’s a lot—”
“It’s not a lot. You’re five minutes away, and it sounds like you could use a break.” She patted my hand. “And because I know you’re a tough girl with a lot of pride, consider it my Christmas gift to you, if that helps.”
I blinked hard. “That helps a lot.”
***
At home, I told Mom the plan.
“December 29th to January 3rd,” I said. “Mrs. Andolina will help out with Dash.”
My mother frowned over a cup of coffee in the kitchen. It was four in the afternoon, but she’d been drinking black coffee by the gallon since she started AA meetings again.
“Are you telling me or asking me?” she said. “Because it sounds like you’re telling me you’re flying clear across the Atlantic to be with your boyfriend I’ve met one time, to stay with his parents I’ve met zero times, and that you’ll be gone for five days.”
“Yes, that’s what I’m telling you,” I said, facing her from the living room, arms crossed, as Dash watched, wide-eyed from his LEGO set at the coffee table.
“I’ve been busting my ass, working late on my NoSci project every night, while trying to maintain my 4.
0 GPA, and I’d like to have this. This one thing that—”
“Really? Because it seems to me like you’re going out to fancy dinners and coming back wearing expensive jewelry,” Mom sniped, gesturing at my hand.
In the dim light of our living room, the ring glittering on my right hand was like a beacon. I stuffed my hand in my sweater pocket.
“I went to a fancy dinner one time, and the ring is none of your business.”
“None of my business?” Mom snapped. “You’re my daughter. Who you’re dating—who you’re fucking—is absolutely my business.”
My entire body stiffened, and Dash’s little gasp was loud in the sudden silence.
“Go upstairs, okay, buddy?” I told him in my lightest tone. “Please?”
He nodded, eyes shiny.
Goddamn her. Goddamn her to hell.
When he was upstairs, I whirled on her and seethed in a stage whisper, “What in the actual hell are you thinking?”
“What am I thinking?” she spat back. “You think you can come and go as you please? That what I say doesn’t matter anymore?”
“Will you lower your voice?” I hissed. “Think of Dash for one goddamned second. Think of literally anyone but yourself—”
“Me? You’re the selfish one, leaving us to live it up in some castle with your billionaire boyfriend.” She snorted. “Oh, he’s such a charmer, isn’t he? Such an English gentleman.”
I went cold all over. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
She smacked her mug down with a thud, sloshing coffee over her wrist. “If he was really such a great guy, he’d do more than buy you jewelry. I mean, doesn’t he know what a mess we’re in? I’ll be lucky to clean enough houses to make mortgage.”
“That is not his problem,” I said stonily. “That is our problem.”
“Our problem,” she said snidely. “I’m sure you’ll be thinking of our problem while flying off to his mansion on his private jet.
” She stormed from the kitchen to the couch and snatched up the remote.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I gave you the bedroom, so I don’t have a place to be alone.
Would you please get the hell out of my face for a few hours? ”
She turned on the TV—volume up—to one of her afternoon talk shows, while I stood trembling with rage even as my heart felt like it was going to shatter. Without a word, I stomped upstairs to find Dash waiting for me.
“Harper?” he said tearfully. “Are you leaving?”
“It’s okay, buddy.” I gathered him in my arms. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I can’t take the chance. Not anymore. Another trip, ruined.
But that same night, Mom was apologetic and almost cheerful. She’d changed her tune and told me she was excited for me to go.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she said. “When you told me you were leaving, something ugly came out of me. It’s what Angela, my sponsor, calls, ‘self-will run riot.’ I was focusing only on what I wanted, and I tried to control the situation in the worst way. Do you forgive me?”
I stiffened, wary. “You’re okay with me going? Just like that?”
She nodded and came into the kitchen where I was making spaghetti for dinner.
“What I said was completely out of line. You’ve been working so hard. You deserve this trip.” She took my hand in both of hers and admired my ring. “That is just beautiful. Orion has great taste.”
Later that night, I went upstairs and Googled self-will run riot.
It was a real thing, and common in the AA world.
Maybe she was telling the truth. I remained on high alert for the next few days, but Mom seemed okay.
Sober. Working, and insistent I have a great time in England.
Orion had already flown back to the UK for Christmas when I texted him.
I can come.
The reply was nearly instant. Brilliant! Sending flight details now. <3
I smiled, excited. A stamp in my passport. And even though a tiny voice in the back of my mind whispered something wasn’t quite right, it was drowned out by another voice that told me it was okay to have this one thing for myself.
So I took it.