Chapter 11 #2
“Enough, Tom. Don’t push me on this. The reason behind his transfer is classified.
” He shifted his weight toward the door.
“As for you two, I can’t urge you enough to stay put.
Everyone connected to Ruiz’s capture and trial—and by extension their loved ones—should lay low.
” He opened the front door and looked back at them.
“Don’t get any ideas about leaving. I’ll reach out when I know more about your mother.
Sorry, Tom, Nadia. Wish I had better news. ”
The door closed and Thomas turned the lock.
He took a breath, forcing himself to calm down before facing Nadia when a low, keening wail reached him.
He turned around. Nadia stood rooted to the spot, quivering like a leaf.
Her breath came in short, sharp gasps as she slowly shook her head back and forth.
“Nadia?” He reached for her.
“No!” Her hands flew up, palms facing him. “This can’t be happening,” she said, backing up.
“Nadia.” He cautiously approached, matching her step for step. Her breathing sped up and a fine sheen dampened her pallid skin.
“They killed Phil. They have your mom. And my mom—what if they go after her? Or Aimee and Ian? They have kids, Tom!”
“I know.” He tried to gather her in his arms and she shoved him away.
“Don’t touch me! They’re going to kill us. They’re going to kill everyone.” Her eyes, cloudy and unfocused, bounced erratically around the room. Thomas recognized the telltale signs of a panic attack. He’d experienced his share over the years.
“Nadia, please. Breathe. Focus on me.” He put his face in front of hers.
She yanked her burner phone from her back pocket. “We need to warn them.”
“We will, just not yet.” He snatched the phone from her.
She was so lost to her intrusive thoughts that she didn’t fight him.
Thomas pocketed the phone. They needed to talk, and they needed a plan first. Neither of them would make outgoing calls until they agreed who’d they call and what they’d say.
If anyone other than Kane knew where they were hiding, it was one person too many for Thomas’s comfort.
“I can’t breathe. I can’t—” Nadia sucked in a shallow breath. Then another. “Tom—”
“Bend over,” he urged, pressing her back.
Her knees buckled, and he eased to the floor with her.
She leaned forward, pressing her forehead into his chest. He rested his hands on her back, measuring her breaths.
Her whole body quaked with the effort to inhale air and he hurt for her.
He knew her mind would be clouded with wicked imaginings, playing over the gory, graphic details Kane had shared.
The sheer hopelessness she must be feeling, the walls closing in and impending doom.
He was feeling it himself. But he’d survived worse, endured worse.
Although, witnessing her fracture in his arms gutted him in a whole different way than what the Hidalgos had done to Phil.
Nothing could ever wreck him the way her shaking was right now.
“Take it slow,” he gently coaxed. She shook her head against his chest, but he was, if anything, persistent. “Breathe with me,” he whispered. “In… out… in… out.” He pushed out a long stream of air. By his fourth exhale, she was matching him, and some of the tension in his chest dissipated.
Her breath shook on the next inhale and he closed his eyes, aching for her still.
She didn’t like crying in front of people, and he wasn’t going to call attention to it.
So he did the only thing he could. “I’m sorry,” he whispered over and over, stroking her back, her hair.
“I never meant for you to be involved. I never meant to put your life in danger.”
Nadia clung to his shirt. He felt the dampness of her tears through the material.
“I need you to stay with me. It’s the only way I know you’re safe, and it would kill me if something happened to you.”
Soon, her sobs quieted and she pulled back. She looked left, then right, dabbing her eyes and wiping her nose, until she finally made eye contact with him. Her eyes had never looked so green.
“What was that?” she asked, looking dazed.
He frowned, momentarily confused. “That… was a panic attack.” She just stared at him. “Have you ever had one?”
She shook her head. “You?”
He nodded. “It’s an unfortunate side effect with what I’ve had to deal with.”
Her mouth parted and closed. She nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“I’ll stay. But you have to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Promise me you won’t do something stupid just to keep me safe. Bait? Jesus, Thomas.” She pressed a hand over her heart.
A vise clamped around his chest. “Nadia—”
“Promise me, Tom.”
He cupped her face, his thumbs wiping away the dampness on her cheek.
He’d never desired her so strongly as he did in this moment.
He wanted to kiss her, pour his strength and experience into her, but she’d believe he was taking advantage of her while she was vulnerable.
Instead, he promised her the only thing he could.
“I promise I will do everything in my power to keep us both safe. You have my word.”
A slight frown marred her brow. He knew it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear. She grasped the wrist of the hand cradling her cheek. “You and your words. Always spinning.”
A sad smile twitched his mouth just as Nadia’s expression turned stricken. “What is it?” A knot of worry coiled at his solar plexus.
“Your family. I’m so sorry.”
Thomas closed his eyes and shook his head. He couldn’t process the loss right now. His priority was locating Claire, getting her to safety, and preventing the same thing from happening to Nadia and James and his family. That was a cost Thomas could not fathom.
He was putting a lot of trust in Kane by sticking around here and doing nothing.
“What is it?” Nadia asked and he realized he’d been frowning, thinking of his handshake with Kane. Something seemed off, but he couldn’t pinpoint what.
Thomas stared at the floor. “Nothing.” He pushed the thought aside, blaming it on the state of his mind. He wasn’t feeling like himself, not after hearing about Phil’s murder and that his mother was missing.
He stood up, helping Nadia to her feet with a hand on her elbow.
He needed to call James and give him the news.
Hopefully now his brother would understand the danger they were in.
He felt helpless being so far away from him.
He also felt helpless here with Nadia, and he detested that feeling.
So he always did what was in his power to protect the people who mattered, like that time he’d been home from Stanford over winter break.
He’d driven to Joe’s Diner at midnight, unable to sleep, only to find Nadia there, homework spread across the table but her head down on her arms.
He’d slid into the booth across from her and she jerked awake, mascara smudged under her eyes.
“Diner’s closing soon,” he said softly.
“I know.” She started gathering her books, her face heavy with sleep, her movements sluggish. “I just… I don’t want to go home yet.”
“Your mom?”
“I love her but… she has a visitor.” Her face heated with the admission. “I can hear them through the walls.”
Something shifted inside Thomas’s chest. He couldn’t let her stay here alone until closing.
He pulled out his phone.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Calling Aimee’s mom for you. Ask her if you can stay there.”
“No.” Nadia reached for his phone. “It’s late, and…” Her voice trailed. He could tell that she was too embarrassed to explain to Mrs. Tierney why she needed a place to sleep.
“I’d invite you back to my house, but you know my parents. They—”
“Don’t like female guests spending the night.”
He pressed his lips flat and nodded. “Come, I have an idea.”
He stood up and offered his hand. She followed him outside to the bike rack, and after she unlocked the chain, he maneuvered the bike into his trunk.
“Where are you taking me?” she asked, settling into the front seat beside him.
“Your place.”
Her eyes grew very round. “I told you I wasn’t ready to go home.”
“I heard you. Trust me.”
“Thomas—”
He ignored her the whole way to her house where he parked in front. Leaving the motor running, he cranked up the heat and grabbed his jacket from the back seat. “Put your seat down,” he said.
She didn’t move. “Why?”
“You’ll be more comfortable.” To show her, he released his own seatback as far as it would go down.
“What are you doing?”
“Sleeping. And so are you.” He tossed his winter jacket to her, crossed his arms over his chest, and closed his eyes. He was exhausted from finals week and could easily crash anywhere.
Nadia continued to sit still. He opened one eye and peered at her. “Sleep here until your mom’s boyfriend leaves. Then you can go inside.”
“Okay,” she agreed after a moment. She released her seatback and the tightness in Thomas’s chest eased. Turning onto her side to face him, she pulled his jacket to her shoulder and closed her eyes.
Thomas closed his eyes and felt himself relax into the seat.
“Thank you,” he heard her whisper just before he drifted off.
He fell asleep that night with an understanding that keeping Nadia safe, as it would with anyone he deeply cared for, would always feel like the most important thing in his world.