Chapter 24 #2
He swiped the back of his wrist across his damp forehead.
“Damn Phil.” The name came out as a growl. “He’s dead and I still loathe everything about him.”
Nadia nodded, listening cautiously, but she didn’t think he noticed. She just let him air his grievances like easing pressure on an overinflated tire.
“Fucking abhor him. I hate my parents for treating him like an outcast. But I hate him more, and will until my dying breath, for bringing the Hidalgos into our lives. I can barely stomach how he died, but maybe there’s some sweet justice in that.”
“You don’t mean that,” she said, shocked at the intensity of his words.
Thomas fixed her with a hard stare. Oh yes, he meant it. She shivered with an icy tremor.
“Phil set out to destroy Donato Enterprises because my dad didn’t make him company president.
He wanted to get his revenge on the family,” he went on, words tumbling out faster now.
“But it wouldn’t have been just us he’d have taken down.
He would have taken down every employee and the families they support.
As president, those people were my responsibility. ” He punched the air.
“What he did to us and our business cut so much deeper than he could ever wrap his massive head around. Do you know what I saw when my dad and the FBI first pulled me in? The bodies. The fucking bodies, Nadia.” A fault line ran through his steady tone.
“Teenagers overdosed in alleys. Parents losing their kids to fentanyl. Entire communities devastated by the poison Phil was helping funnel into this country.”
His haunted eyes burned bright. “Every dollar laundered through our company bought more drugs, paid for more guns, funded more deaths. Kane sent me reports, pictures of what the Hidalgos did to people. They wiped out entire families. I’d go to sleep at night knowing our family business was part of that machine. ”
He shook his head, disgust written all over his face.
“People think about what I’ve done and think me selfish.
They believed I was all about saving the company, about protecting the Donato name.
Wrong! It was about stopping the bleeding—all those lives destroyed because my brother’s ego was bruised.
“I had that to deal with on top of saving James and keeping him alive. Keeping Aimee from finding out the truth about you. The last thing I wanted was for all this to ruin yet another relationship. I used to feel like I had it all under control. But right now—” He ran a hand through his sweat-damp hair and went back to hammering with big downward swings.
Nadia felt each impact reverberate inside her chest. With one final destructive blow, the large screw stripped free of the wood post. The gate, now unhinged, clattered onto the concrete floor, the sound echoing loudly.
They both stared at the fallen gate, its purpose destroyed as it lay useless and broken. Just like their lives.
Thomas rubbed a hand over his head, his arm flopping to his side in a gesture of defeat. “I’m afraid of what they’re doing to her,” he said so low Nadia could barely hear the confession. Her heart broke for him.
She edged closer, reaching out to touch his shoulder. He flinched, leaning away from her. She knew he was deeply troubled, but it was hard not to take the rejection personally, given her conversation with Aimee was probably what set him off.
But this time, unlike what she’d do in the past, she didn’t back off. He wasn’t going to shut her out.
She rested her hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t,” he said.
“Don’t what?”
“I’m not something you need to fix.”
“Don’t insult me. That’s not what I’m doing.”
He met her eyes and what she saw unmoored her.
Gone was his cold control and calculated distance.
Before her was a man who stood in the wreckage of everything he’d built.
She’d seen him angry. She’d witnessed his ruthlessness more times than she cared.
But she’d never seen him look like he didn’t know who he was.
His shoulders dropped. “You shouldn’t have been dragged into this.”
“I wasn’t dragged anywhere. I stayed with you—”
He lifted a single finger, a warning for her to stop. “You stayed because I manipulated you into staying. I didn’t give you a choice. Don’t dress this up.”
“Don’t put words into my mouth,” Nadia fumed. “Do you want me to say you ruined my life… Again? All right!” She tossed up her arms. “You ruined my life. One more thing to punish yourself over. Feel better?”
His jaw tightened.
“Isn’t that what you’re doing out here?” she asked, with sudden realization. “You aren’t ‘fixing a gate.’ You’re beating yourself up because you can’t fix what really matters.”
“Careful,” he warned in a low voice.
“Fuck off.” She stepped closer, close enough to see his pulse hammering in his neck.
“I’ve been careful for a decade and look where it got me.
I lost Aimee. Now I’m going to lose my name, my career, my livelihood.
Everything! And you—” She poked his chest. “You can’t even let me stand next to you without pulling away.
Is that how this works? I lose you next? ”
His expression fractured. “You think I pull away because I don’t want you? Christ, Nadia, you’re the only reason I haven’t—” He stopped, his throat working.
The barn fell silent. Outside, a crow cawed.
“We’re about to become different people. New names, new histories, new… everything.”
“I know what witness protection means.” As much as she hated it.
“Then you know we carry all of this with us. Phil, James, Aimee. My mother. We don’t get to leave them behind just because we get new paperwork. They will haunt us, wherever the government sends us. Whatever we end up doing. They will be with us for the rest of our lives.”
Nadia swallowed roughly, doing her best to keep a grip on her sanity, on what would become her new reality. “I know that too.”
“It’ll just be us. You understand that, right? No Aimee to call when you can’t sleep. No mother to talk to when you need to be consoled. No Kristen to gossip with. Just you and me and every terrible thing we’ve done to the people we love. And we will never—never—be able to make any of it right.”
“Maybe that’s what we deserve.” Nadia was certainly feeling so.
“Maybe.” Thomas nodded slowly, staring at the ground. Then he lifted his head and rolled back his shoulders. “Was there something you wanted?” he asked, rough and dismissive.
You, she almost said. But he was obviously done venting, or whatever this was, and his mask had settled back into place.
“I came out here to check on you,” she said defensively. “And to let you know breakfast is ready.”
He nodded slowly, mouth in a hard, flat line.
“You go,” he said after a few beats. “I’ll be in later. I want to finish this.” He gestured at the gate.
Nadia hesitated. She didn’t want to leave him while he was like this. But what could she do other than let him work out his demons? He’d only pull further away from her if she pushed, and she’d already lost one friend today.
She headed toward the stable door with heavy steps.
“You shouldn’t have to disappear,” Thomas called when she’d reached the door.
She stopped, her back to him. The sunlight outside was warm on her face while the shadows behind her chilled her back. She glanced at him over her shoulder.
“Neither should you.”