Chapter Twenty-Eight
FRANK - JOHNSTON, NY
The feeling of finally telling Teresa the truth was hard to describe. It was like he’d reverted back to some essential version of himself—one he’d put aside years before when he fell in love with Teresa and thought marrying her would be enough and would somehow fix him.
But he refused to look at their marriage, their life together, and the children they’d created as a mistake.
Who else would have stood by him so fiercely?
Teresa loved him despite his flaws—had committed her life to him.
She was way better than he deserved. She was the best thing in his life, the glue that held them together.
And now he felt that glue pulling away from him like it had lost its stickiness.
Frank thought back to when he and Teresa honeymooned in Quebec City.
He remembered the night they went ice skating at the rink overlooking the St. Lawrence River, twirling in circles, giggling like kids, stopping to hug and kiss.
Then they went back to the hotel and slept together for the first time.
And afterward, he was satisfied knowing he would only be with her, a woman, for the rest of his life.
The innocent young woman he’d met and fallen in love with all those years ago was gone.
He’d underestimated her and, at times, seen her as an obstacle to be navigated.
But she was far from that. She was his lifeline, his confidante, and his friend.
The best friend he’d ever had. And he really did love her.
Damn it all. You’re the love of my life, Teresa. You’re just the wrong gender.
Frank walked into Lena's room and sat on the edge of her bed. Lena looked up at him and then right back down at the book she was reading. Frank gently placed his hand on the book and waited until she met his eyes.
“Lena, I need to talk to you. I'm going to talk to your brother, also, but I wanted to talk to you first.” He hesitated, running his hands through his hair. “I know you have some questions... that you’re confused.” He’d been dreading this conversation but knew his children had to hear this from him directly.
Lena nodded and didn't say a word but kept her gaze on him. Frank realized his daughter wanted the truth. She deserved it.
“There's something I need to tell you. Um... part of the reason your mom and I have been fighting so much lately...” Frank swallowed hard.
“Lena, I'm different from many other men.
I like... other men the way most men like women.
I've kept it hidden from you and Anthony because.
.. because I didn't want you to know that about me.
I really didn't want you to know that about me. But you have to know. You deserve to know.”
“I already know,” she whispered. “I’ve known for a while now, Dad.” She bit her bottom lip.
He took a deep breath and blew out the air slowly to steady himself.
So it’s true. Teresa had confided in him that Lena had suspected for years.
Henry had worried that Lena had caught them in an intimate moment on the boat a few summers earlier.
Frank could only imagine how confused she must have felt.
Frank could see Lena's eyes filling with tears, hurt and pain etched on her face.
He could also see a stiffness in her jaw, a lift of her head—anger and defiance.
He had put all of it there. Frank's eyes filled up with tears as well.
He gently touched Lena's cheek. “I'm sorry, Cricket.
I never meant to hurt you or disappoint you.
Or your mother or brother. I can't help it.
It's just who I am. I fought it for a long time, but I can't anymore.
And I can't ask your mother to keep such a big secret anymore.
It isn't fair to her. I have to be honest with you all. You deserve it.”
Lena reached out suddenly and hugged Frank hard, throwing her arms around him and burrowing her head in his neck and crying. They sat there for a long time, entwined. Frank held onto Lena tightly, his arms wrapped around her and his hands pressed against her back.
“I love you,” he whispered into her hair.
Lena nodded but said nothing. That was okay. Frank knew she loved him but needed time and was angry and confused. For now, this was enough.
Frank left Lena’s room and paused at the top of the stairs.
He planned to talk to Anthony next. But first, he needed to take a moment to gather himself.
This truth telling was exhausting. As he sat on the top step, he felt a jab from the keys in his pocket—he hadn’t even put them down on the counter when he got home, as if he’d known that he wouldn’t be staying.
Frank knocked softly on his parents’ front door. “Ma, Pa, it’s me, Frank. Let me in.”
His father opened the door with a startled look on his face. “Frank, what are you doing here? We didn’t expect you. Come in, come in. Are Teresa and the kids with you?”
“No,” Frank said. “They’re not. In fact, I need to talk to both of you about that... about my family. It’s important.”
His mother came into the kitchen as Enzo led Frank down the front hallway. She read Frank’s face immediately and already knew something was wrong. He could see it in her eyes.
Frank knew they would have a hard time receiving and processing the blow he was going to deal them.
But it had to be done. Frank thought of his parents leaving Italy for a totally unknown new world.
They must have been eager and anxious for their new life in America.
They’d had to start over in a place where they knew hardly anyone and didn’t speak the language.
What a risk. In a strange way, this gave him strength.
If they could start a new life, he could too.
They would be offended if they knew he was comparing coming out as a gay man to their leaving the Old Country to come to the United States. But to him, it wasn’t so different.
“I have something to tell you, and it’s not easy,” Frank said.
“Oh my God, Frank, what’s wrong? Are you sick? What about the kids?” Eva asked nervously.
“No one’s sick, Ma. I promise.”
“Then what?” Eva asked.
“It’s about me. I’m... gay. Fought it for a long time, but I can’t anymore. I’ve been hiding for too long. Teresa knows. Well, she’s known for a while, actually. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I don’t think we can stay together anymore. It’s not fair to either of us or the kids.”
Eva stared at Frank, her mouth hanging open, as if he’d just told her she couldn’t talk. Enzo shifted uncomfortably and leaned against a kitchen chair, like he needed it for support.
“How does this happen? I don’t understand. You’ve always liked girls. You’re married to a woman.” Eva pointed at Frank, scolding him.
“I don’t know, Ma. Some people are just born this way.”
“You weren’t born this way, Frank. I delivered you from my body. You were a normal, healthy boy. Trust me.”
“Yes, I was a normal healthy boy who happens to be gay.”
“Well, you weren’t always that way,” Eva declared.
“Actually, Ma, I think I was. I had a feeling I was different. I didn’t want to be.
It wasn’t... easy.” Frank sighed and looked pointedly at his mother.
“C’mon, Ma. You knew. Don’t pretend you didn’t suspect.
You were onto me. Remember that time with Eddie in high school?
Nothing happened, but I wanted it to, and you knew it. ”
Enzo looked shocked. “I never heard any of this.” He looked from Frank to Eva, a puzzled expression on his face. “Eva, you knew? Why didn’t you ever say anything to me?”
“I thought it was just a phase. That it would pass.” Eva waved her hand dismissively like she could wipe away Frank’s gayness with a swipe.
Frank shook his head vehemently. “Well, it didn’t. And I can’t hide it any longer. I am who I am.”
His father walked over and put his hand on Frank’s shoulder. “So... now... you’re sure?”
Frank looked up at him and nodded solemnly. “I’m positive now. I could never be sure in the past. I was with Teresa and hadn’t really acted on my... interests. But now that I have, I know I’m gay.”
Enzo nodded back and squeezed Frank’s shoulder. He looked deep in thought.
Eva jumped up, flailing her arms in big, sweeping arcs. “Why, Frank, why? Where did I go wrong? How could you do this to me?” She paced back and forth, sobbing like Frank had told her he had a terminal illness.
“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. It just happened. Ma, you think you’re upset about this? Think about Teresa and the kids.”
“I am thinking about them, Frank. A lot. And you. What kind of life are you going to have like this? Certainly not normale.”
“I don’t want normal, Ma. I want to be me!” Frank realized he was yelling and put his fist to his mouth to stop himself.
Enzo turned to Eva. “Basta. Enough, Eva.”
His voice shook with force, which surprised Frank. His father almost never raised his voice to his mother or told her what to do. Eva retreated to the chair in the room’s corner, looking forlorn.
Enzo then turned back to Frank, his hand still on his shoulder.
“I love you. You’re my son. That’s all I care about.
” Enzo took a beat. “Besides, if people are born this way, it sure doesn’t seem like something you can control.
Or that you or anyone else should be blamed for. It shouldn’t tear families apart.”
Enzo looked over at Eva intently, waiting for her to say something. But she just sat there, crumpled in the chair, silently weeping.
Frank reached up and grabbed his father’s hand. He couldn’t bring himself to speak. He accepts me for who I am. For what I am. A flood of relief washed over him. He was in awe of his father, this man who could show him so much empathy and forgiveness. Frank knew he would forever be grateful to him.