Chapter Forty-Eight Balancing Acts
Evie arrived at the restaurant she was supposed to meet Thorn at a few minutes late because of an unexpected traffic accident on the highway, and combed her hair back off her face, fixing a claw clip in place to give herself a minute to collect her thoughts.
She’d almost pulled over to text him to forget about meeting her half a dozen times as she went back and forth between wanting to hear his reasons for completely abandoning her for the last five months, and then growing angry again and deciding she didn’t care; no excuse would make her forgive him.
In the end, it was the realization that, as much as she would have liked to, she couldn’t avoid him forever.
They worked and lived together in the same building, and all her friends were his as well.
Not to mention they were both Colton’s godparents, and the little boy had done nothing to deserve the awkwardness of her and Thorn not talking to one another as he grew up and went through the church milestones they would both be expected to take part in.
She saw his truck parked at the end of the parking lot and mentally cursed.
She’d left the retreat early, wanting to get to the restaurant first so she could go in and already be seated when he got there.
Grabbing her purse, she got out of her car and locked it as she walked into the dining room, lifting her chin slightly to hide her nerves.
Thorn was sitting in the corner, next to a window that faced the parking lot, and she knew he had watched her pull in and get out of her car.
His eyes were now fixed firmly on her, and she could see a hint of relief mixed with sadness in his expression and had to steel herself against forgiving him immediately. She hadn’t realized she’d stopped walking until the hostess approached, asking her how many people would be joining her.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She gave her a quick smile. “I’m actually meeting someone.” She gestured vaguely at Thorn. “I think I just fell asleep on my feet for a second; it was a long drive.”
“Of course. Can I bring you a coffee to get you started?”
“Is it too early to request a screwdriver?” Evie murmured, only half joking. Seeing the surprise on the young girl’s face, she shook her head. “Coffee’s fine. Thank you.”
She walked across the floor to where Thorn was sitting, somehow managing not to wince as he got to his feet, looking like he wasn’t sure if he should attempt to hug her or not.
Not ready for that, Evie smiled politely, then pulled out her chair and sat down, ignoring the brief spark of disappointment in his eyes as he slowly sat back down.
She picked up the menu and looked it over, waiting for him to start the conversation.
If she had to start, she would definitely make a snarky quip about whether Jolene had let him come by himself or if he’d snuck away without telling her where he was going.
“Evie…” His voice was soft and sad, and she saw his hands twitch, like he wanted to reach for hers and thought better of it. “I am so sorry for how I have handled balancing my relationship with Jolene and my relationship with you.”
Evie didn’t look up from the menu, but somehow managed to keep herself from laughing at him. “I think you need to look up the definition of ‘balance.’” She responded dryly. If he thought he was balancing things between her and his girlfriend, then she had some awful news for him.
“Fine.” His hand appeared over the edge of the menu, and he gently pushed it down, forcing her to look at him.
She could see how sad and anxious he was about how much damage he’d done to their relationship, and while she didn’t feel a sense of satisfaction about it, she also didn’t feel a desire to make things better.
“I am sorry for how I handled everything. Will you allow me to explain?”
Evie leaned back in her seat, folding her hands in her lap as the hostess brought her coffee and said the waitress would be by in a moment to take their orders. When she walked away, Evie shrugged. “I’m pretty sure I know what was happening, but go ahead.”
Thorn frowned, clearly not liking her dismissive attitude. “I was doing what I thought was right.”
Evie leaned forward slightly; she could see the waitress approaching the table out of the corner of her eye, but she needed him to think about his answer anyway. “Tell me, did it feel right?”
She put on a bright smile and turned to the waitress quickly, not missing how his frown deepened after her question and the crease of confusion between his eyebrows.
She maintained her cheerful expression and ordered eggs Benedict and orange juice.
She added cream and sugar to her coffee as Thorn ordered the house breakfast with extra sausage and eggs.
When the waitress left, she sipped her coffee and raised her eyebrow at Thorn, waiting for his answer.
If he said yes, she would probably walk out on him, because it meant he was stuck too far up Jolene’s vagina to be helped.
He remained quiet for several minutes before finally shaking his head slowly. “No, not always. Sometimes, yes, like when it made Jolene stop crying, but the feeling never lasted long.”
“She would cry if you wanted to spend time with me?” Evie felt her eyebrows shoot up. Surely Thorn wasn’t that stupid? “And you didn’t think there was something wrong with her?”
His expression darkened slightly, and she could tell he didn’t like the way she spoke about her. “It wasn’t just about you.” He groaned and ran his hand through his hair. “Please just let me explain.”
“When I started dating her, I told her from the start that I could not spend the night in the same bed as her. She was welcome to spend the night at my place, but she needed to sleep in the spare room. I told her I would stay with her until she fell asleep, but that I needed to sleep alone.” He stared down at the table as he spoke.
“She said she was okay with that, and she seemed to be at first, but as time went on, it began bothering her.”
The waitress brought their meals, but Evie found her appetite was gone and just watched him quietly. She knew he had violent nightmares and couldn’t control his movements in his sleep; it was one of the reasons he gave her six years before when he explained why he couldn’t date her.
“Then around the beginning of February, we got lunch together, and she saw us.”
Evie’s eyes narrowed, wondering how Jolene had seen them together.
She was pretty sure she knew what day he was talking about; it was the last time they’d spent any significant amount of time together, and they’d gotten lunch at her favourite bakery, which had a small coffee shop that served fresh sandwiches in it.
There was no way Thorn wouldn’t have seen her if she’d been there.
“She saw how affectionate I am with you, and it made her very insecure, because I am admittedly not that loving with her.” He looked up at Evie, and she could see he was silently pleading for her to understand.
“I told her my relationship with you was different, that I see you as my baby sister, and that I tend to treat you like you’re much younger than you are. ”
“Between refusing to sleep in the same bed as her and my affectionate relationship with you, plus the fact that I am often away for weeks at a time, she began demanding more and more of my time, and if I insisted on spending time with you, she would cry. Not burst into tears with dramatics, just sit quietly sniffling and wiping tears away while I was getting ready to leave. I would feel so guilty, I would cancel my plans with you to make her happy again.”
“So she was manipulating you.” Evie wrinkled her nose, her dislike of his girlfriend growing with each word.
“I do not think she was doing it consciously, at least not at first.” Thorn sighed, looking faintly ashamed of himself. “I did not think you would mind too much. You have Alex, and I figured you would just spend the extra time with him.”
“Then one day I woke up and realized you had stopped reaching out to me. I was angry at first, but then I went through our messages and saw just how often I ignored you or responded hours or days or even weeks later.”
This time, he did reach out, but he didn’t take her hand; he just rested his on the table, palm up and open, a silent invitation that he left for her to decide what to do with.
“I became aware that you were avoiding me at work, leaving the room when I came in, bouncing my tech design requests to Tommy instead of doing them yourself, and I felt a weird mixture of deep sadness and relief.”
Evie felt her breath catch in her throat and reached for her purse, not wanting to hear more, but Thorn was too fast for her and grabbed her hand.
“Let me finish, please.” His hold was gentle, and she knew that if she insisted on leaving, he would let her go without protest. “It is not for the reasons you think.”
Swallowing, she relaxed and nodded jerkily for him to continue.
“I was sad for me, but my relief was for you. I thought you had given up on me completely. That what I was doing was no longer hurting you, because you had moved on from our friendship and replaced me with Cole and Lana. After that, I tried to focus on my relationship with Jolene. It was only when I told Tommy I didn’t think I could make it to your birthday party and he said that it was my decision, but by not going, I was risking losing you forever. ”
“I couldn’t let that happen, so I told Jolene I was going to your party.
” He brushed his thumb over her knuckles and raised her hand to his lips, pressing it against them.
“She was not supposed to come,” he murmured, his voice muffled against her skin.
“She showed up at the Tower as I was leaving, and instead of engaging in a fight, I let her.”