Chapter Fifty-Two Ashes & Glass #2
“No. It wasn’t.” Evie shook her head. She didn’t think it was selfish at all and didn’t understand why it had been such a big deal. “Getting an IUD… well, her body, her choice, but she shouldn’t have hidden it from you. That was selfish.”
“She got the IUD because the doctor wouldn’t tie her tubes without me signing off.
” Aaron scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and hunching his shoulders in on himself.
“I would never force her to get pregnant. All she had to do was tell me she didn’t want that anymore.
Yes, I would have left, and it would have broken my heart, but I want to be a dad.
It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember, and she took away my ability to choose. ”
Evie felt her heart break for him and stood up, coming around the desk to hug him. “I’m so sorry, Aaron.”
He hugged her back. “Thanks for letting me get it off my chest.” When she let him go, he picked up the folder to finish signing the papers. “Just go ahead with your plans, Evie. I’ll stand wherever you tell me to.”
“There is one thing I haven’t been able to do.” She reached for the folder containing Paula’s end-of-life instructions and opened it to the right page. “She must have missed a question when filling it out, and no one noticed. Did she tell you where she wanted to be buried?”
“She wanted to be cremated.” Aaron handed back the folder with all the signed documents. “Done.”
“Thanks.” She took the folder and set it aside. “But she checked the burial box.” Evie flipped the document around and showed him. He looked at it, frowned, and shook his head.
“That must be a mistake. She hated the idea of being buried. She wanted to be cremated. Some companies mix the ashes with glass and make figurines, and she wanted her ashes made into figurines for her mom and me.”
“Oh. Okay.” Evie paused, considered her options, then made the change on the paperwork. “Can you please initial next to that so I won’t get into trouble?”
Aaron nodded and did as she asked. “So what’s next?”
“I’ll contact the funeral home and have them cremate her.” She tilted her head at him, concerned about his lack of interest in everything. “Are you sure you’re okay with me handling all of this?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, looking around her office as if he hadn’t seen it hundreds of times before. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Did you want to have the memorial before or after I reach out to the glass company?” She sat back down and started looking up companies that made the glass figurines to get a timeline. “Do you know what type of sculpture she wanted?”
“Doesn’t matter. They do different designs. Just pick one.” He shrugged.
“Aaron.” Evie blew her bangs out of her face, frustrated with his lack of interest and the fact that he was leaving all the decisions to her when she barely knew Paula.
She was also worried about how numb he seemed.
“I know you’re angry about what she did, but you’ll regret not having more input later. Believe me.”
She checked her schedule and saw she had nothing on it that couldn’t be pushed to tomorrow. “Do you have plans for today?”
“Was gonna sit down with Tommy and accept my punishment.” He shrugged again, and Evie felt like shaking him but settled for rolling her eyes.
“He’s not going to punish you. Come on.” She stood up and collected her purse and jacket. “HELIX, let Tommy know I’m out taking care of things for Paula’s memorial.”
“Will do, Evie.”
“Where are we going?” Aaron stood up to follow her as she left the room.
“Giving you input.”
**********
Their first stop was the funeral home. Evie handed over the paperwork regarding the cremation, and the funeral director went over everything for the memorial service.
When Aaron haltingly explained that Paula wanted her ashes placed in a glass sculpture, the director recommended a place in Tarrytown that did excellent work and had a quick turnaround time of four weeks.
They set a date for the memorial in mid-September, just to be sure the sculptures would be done, and were assured the funeral home would send the ashes to the glass-blowing studio.
The two businesses had worked together many times and clearly knew each other well.
Evie suspected they had a referral arrangement, but since it made things easier, she didn’t say anything.
Aaron picked out an urn for Paula’s remaining ashes and turned down the funeral director’s gentle offer to view her body one last time, practically bolting from the building the moment they stepped outside.
After a quick stop for coffee, they drove to Tarrytown to pick out the sculptures and let the company know the ashes would be coming so they could prepare the necessary materials.
“We notified her adoptive parents and her birth mom.” Evie glanced at him. He had been quiet since they left the funeral home, and she knew the thought of seeing Paula’s body again had rattled him.
He looked down at his coffee cup. “I never met her adoptive parents. They refused to pay for university, and Paula had to strip to put herself through. She never forgave them. But her birth mother, Cecilia, she’s a... special lady.” His sardonic smile was back as he sipped his coffee.
“Your first day at Sloane was the day before Beau shipped out for his first tour in Iraq. He was supposed to be gone a year, but he got himself injured being the hero and had to come back.” Aaron shook his head, amused. “Almost lost his foot pulling a kitten from a building.”
“Anyway, I’ll tell you that story another time.
I had it in our shared calendar weeks in advance that I’d be out with him that night.
But Paula, being Paula and hating Beau, flew her mom to New York and planned all kinds of outings for that week, then got mad at me for refusing to change my plans.
I slept at the Tower for the rest of that week because she and her mother were mad at me. How did she take it?”
“I wasn’t there. Tommy and Nissa flew up to do it personally and offered to bring her here for the memorial.
” Evie kept her tone neutral, not wanting to repeat Cecilia’s comments.
After hearing about the IUD, though, she had a better understanding of why Cecilia thought Aaron was involved in Paula’s death.
“Why did Paula hate Beau so much?” She changed the subject, not wanting him to question her further.
“Ah.” He leaned back with a small smile. “She hated sharing me. When I said I gave up a lot for her, I meant I gave up almost everything and everyone. She hated me having anyone but her, and I refused to cut Beau out. She wasn’t jealous; I was her everything, and she needed to be my everything.”
“You know that’s not healthy, right?” Evie glanced at him, wondering if Nissa had been right about Paula.
“Yeah. I know. It worked for us because I loved her so much that I was willing to do whatever I could to keep her with me. Would I get into another relationship like that?” He shook his head. “Fuck no.”
“Loved?”
“I just feel anger and resentment toward her.” He looked out the window.
“I think I fell out of love with her the minute I heard her say, ‘They refuse to tie my tubes without Aaron’s signature, so I had them put in a copper IUD.’ It was like my world dropped away, and I walked out of the house and went to Beau’s place. I was going to divorce her.”
“She probably realized not being able to share you meant not being able to share you with your children, too,” Evie said after a few minutes of thought. “She didn’t tell you because she knew you’d leave.”
“Do you want kids?” He looked over at her.
Evie blinked, surprised by the sudden question.
“Um.” She lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug.
“Yes? I think?” Seeing his confusion, she tried to explain.
“I’ve always been of the mindset that if it happens, it happens.
Right now, I’d rather it didn’t, but I think my future has kids in it, at least two.
I don’t know if I’d want more than that. ”
“Why not right now?” He shifted to face her in the passenger seat, sipping his coffee. She could tell he was tired of talking about Paula.
“I’m not sure I’m with the right person to think about having children with,” she admitted. In truth, she knew she wasn’t. Having children with Alex would be an awful experience.
“Trouble in paradise?” Aaron smirked.
“I just don’t think he’d be a good partner to have kids with.” Evie shrugged, not wanting to get into the fight she’d had with Alex that morning, or the fact that it felt like all they did lately was argue.
“So why are you with him?”
“Because I’m not ready to have kids.” She glanced at him, wondering why he was pushing the topic. “What does it matter?”
“I’m just curious.” He shrugged and reached out, poking his finger into her shoulder. “It sounds like you’re still holding on to some resentment from your birthday.”
“No, but that’s one of the reasons I don’t think he’d be a good partner for kids.” She figured that was as good an example as any. “He’s a little self-centred and selfish.”
“And you’re not.” Aaron nodded in understanding. “That makes sense. Why drag it out?”
“Because ninety percent of the time, he’s a great boyfriend. He tells me I’m beautiful and compliments me. He’s very caring and loving and happy when he sees me,” she explained. “It’s one of those ‘when things are good, they’re great’ situations.”
“And the ten percent of the time when things aren’t great?”
“It’s all about him. He tells me I’m beautiful and compliments me because he wants to show me off.
He’s very loving and caring, but it’s because he’s pushed my boundaries and knows I’m upset.
” The words came spilling out before she could stop them, and she silently cursed herself.
She hadn’t meant to tell him about the boundary pushing.
“The reason I was at the office so early this morning was because we were fighting. He stopped talking to me, and instead of doing what I normally do, which is try to fix it, I walked out.” She hoped the story about the fight would be enough for him to forget about the boundaries and was relieved when Aaron tilted his head and frowned at her.
“What was the fight about?” he asked, and Evie felt he was disproportionately interested in her relationship. She wondered why, only to realize it was probably just misery loving company.
“He wants me to go on a hike with him.” She rolled her eyes, remembering how stupid the fights had been over this stupid hike and wishing she’d never agreed to it.
“I’ve been rescheduling or putting it off because I’ve been so busy, and I’m honestly just tired, but he thinks I’m doing it because I hate hiking, which, yes, I do, but I agreed to give it another try, and I intended to keep my promise.
He complained so much that I got permission to tell him there was a death, and I was looking after that on top of my regular stuff.
But he turned it around that I wasn’t communicating with him, then stopped talking. ”
“Why are you still with this guy?” Aaron scoffed and shook his head. “He sounds like a complete twat.”
Evie laughed, privately agreeing with his assessment as she pulled into the glass place’s parking lot and parked in front of the door. “Come on, this is the last thing you need to do, and I’ll take you back to the Tower so you can sit down with Tommy.”
He followed her in, picked out what he thought Paula would like, and requested four.
One for him, one for the memorial wall at the office, one for her adoptive parents, and one for her biological mom.
Evie, who was looking through a pamphlet, showed him some pendants and suggested he have one made for Cecilia to mend the bridge before he closed the road.
He shrugged and said he didn’t care one way or the other, but placed the order anyway.
When they returned to the Tower, they were waiting for the elevator when he suddenly hugged her.
“Thank you for doing this with me, Evie. It means a lot.”