Chapter 2 #2
“Just not yet. The civil suit was based on the indictment, and it looks like the evidence used for the indictment was either falsified or misleading.” I felt my throat constrict with tangled emotion.
“I need access to Genetix’s internal files first, though.
I should be able to get everything I need after the shareholder meeting at the end of the month. ”
“What a relief. So . . .” Diya openly studied me. “What are your thoughts, then? What are you thinking about Andreas? Are you going to forgive him?”
I let out a dry, bitter laugh. “He hasn’t asked for my forgiveness.
Like I said, after the will reading, he showed up at my room, explained that he was the one responsible for freezing Dr. Hauser’s funding.
He’d let me think it was his brother when it happened.
Then he told me he’d arranged an apartment and security for me, gave me money, and that was that. ”
Diya squinted at me, as if examining a particularly mysterious rash. “How did he seem? Was he calm or—?”
“I don’t honestly know,” I cut her off. “I’d calmed down by the time he came to the hotel room that night. Yes, during the will reading, I was shocked that he’d lied to me about why he’d approached me in the first place. But I honestly got over that part pretty fast.”
“You did?” Diya raised an eyebrow, skeptical.
“Of course he’d want his mother’s intellectual property, her music, and would do almost anything to get it.
That’s how I felt about getting the shares of Genetix.
If I didn’t understand his perspective, I would be a huge hypocrite.
Look at how I lied to you all, and you’re my friends.
I was basically a stranger to Andreas when he first made contact. ”
“But he could’ve told you the truth,” she said, voice still soft. “He had weeks to tell you the truth while you two lived together.”
“I know, I know. But I also know myself, so I understand why he didn’t. I’m not a trusting person.”
Diya’s lips quirked up. “Oh really? You don’t say.”
We shared a look, and for the first time since the beginning of the conversation, I huffed a laugh.
“If I were him,” I said, “maybe I wouldn’t have told me the truth either.
How could he trust me not to lose my shit when I was so untrusting of him to begin with.
It took over a month for me to agree to speak with him at first. Not to mention, by the time we were living together, he’d already maneuvered things with Dr. Hauser. ”
“I get the sense that’s the main thing you’re really angry about,” Diya said. “Andreas not being forthright in the beginning makes sense, sure. But him manipulating you by freezing Dr. Hauser’s funding, and then letting you think it was his brother Tobias is, like, next-level villain stuff.”
I nodded. “I was—I was so mad. That moment after he told me, I couldn’t think straight.
I couldn’t even see him, not really. So, I guess I can’t tell you whether he was calm or upset or what he was feeling that night.
My recollection tells me he was cold and distant, but maybe also anxious?
Probably to get the conversation over with. ”
Diya shook her head. “I can’t believe he entered into a physical relationship with you while lying to you the whole time.”
That one hurt. I felt my eyes burn again, but I kept my voice steady. “It was no strings from the beginning. I told him I didn’t want a commitment. I said there would be no feelings.”
“That doesn’t really make it any better, Sam. He used you.”
I sighed. “This is where my brain keeps stumbling. I was the one who said no feelings, but I already had feelings. I was just too much of a coward to admit how I felt out loud. I encouraged him to think of things between us as no commitment even though I’d already fallen for him.
Every time after the first time we were together, he made it all about me.
And whenever I tried to reciprocate, he turned me down. ”
We fell silent, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
What I didn’t tell Diya was that Andreas’s hands-on experience with sex and physical intimacy had been basically nonexistent.
I’d told Kaitlyn, only because I’d needed someone to talk to about it at the time.
But there was no reason to reveal Andreas’s prowess status to Diya now.
Back then, I’d suspected that the sexual side of our relationship was a lot for him. He’d said he wanted to go slow, and I told myself at the time that I was respecting his boundaries. But had I really? How many situationships had I ended because the guy caught feelings?
If Andreas had used me physically, then I’d definitely used him too. At the very least, I’d been extremely dishonest about what I really wanted from him.
After a while, Diya said, “I know you’ve probably talked to your friend Kaitlyn about this. What does she think?”
“I did talk to Kaitlyn, when it all first happened and I was just really angry. We spent a long time cursing him out together. But she’s been sick off and on this last month, so I didn’t want to bother her with my stupid ongoing drama as my feelings have evolved.”
Diya made a short, impatient sounding noise. “What about your therapist then? I know you’ve been in therapy for a while.”
“Yes. I’ve been covering this with my therapist weekly.”
She nodded approvingly, as if my therapy attendance record counted for something. “Good. What about your grandfather?”
I lifted an eyebrow, surprised by her question. How did she know I’d been speaking to my grandpa?
Diya gave me a tight smile. “When you were here last week, I overheard you on the phone with him. I know he was in New York before Christmas and wanted to meet with you. How does he feel about you being adopted?”
I heaved a huge sigh. “I mean, he's not happy. He and my grandmother didn't agree on much, but they did agree that the Kristiansens framed my father for fraud at the company. They also blame the Kristiansens for the death of their daughter, since she became so despondent after my dad died. In retrospect, I think my mom died of a broken heart partially because of my father’s sudden passing, but also because no one believed her. No one would listen to her about the Kristiansens. She sorta just gave up.”
“What did he say when you explained about getting your father’s shares back?”
“It didn’t make much of a difference. He doesn’t care about the company.
But when I explained that, with the shares, I would have access to Genetix’s internal files and might be able to clear my father’s name—and therefore prove that my mom was right all along—that seemed to make him come around.
He liked the idea of his daughter being vindicated. ”
“And you two are still talking?”
I nodded. “Weekly. He got the day and time mixed up last week, that’s why we were on the phone here.”
Diya squinted at me, her gaze assessing. “How’s the sleepwalking? Is that still happening?”
“It is, but only when I sleep in my new apartment. Mostly, I’m still sleeping on Kaitlyn’s couch at night.
” I hadn’t bought any furniture except a mattress for the new apartment, and even that wasn’t being used except as a place to sit.
I didn’t sleep great on Kaitlyn’s couch, but I also didn’t sleepwalk if I slept in her apartment.
I did, however, always sleepwalk when I tried to sleep in my new, big, empty apartment.
“Hmm.” Diya inspected me. “You look really tired. What if—and let me know honestly what you think—what if I moved in until the sleepwalking situation improves? You shouldn’t be alone.”
I felt tears prick at my eyes again. “That would be—that would be so great. Thank you.”
Diya reached over and gave my hand a squeeze. “My schedule is crazy, but if I’m not working at night, I can sleep at the apartment with you.”
Exhaling a fair bit of relief, I nodded.
Gaze growing scrutinizing again, Diya asked, “I hate to repeat the question, but what are you thinking about Andreas now? I only ask because your sleepwalking seemed to start when he reentered your life. Maybe if you can resolve your feelings for him, it might go away. Just a thought.”
I shrugged. “I try not to think about him at all. Obviously, my feelings were all one-sided. Obviously, he never cared about me at all. I was nothing but a pawn in his game against his family.”
“Why ‘obviously’?”
I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Diya.”
Diya held up a hand. “Yes, based on the fact that he hasn’t reached out, I agree with you. But I was there that night before Thanksgiving. I saw how he looked at you. He was a man completely, pathetically besotted. I don’t think he’s that good of an actor. No one is.”
I was already shaking my head before she’d finished speaking.
“If he felt anything for me, wouldn’t he have contacted me before now—and not through his PA, but called me personally?
Wouldn’t he have apologized? At least once?
Wouldn’t he be buying me fruit bouquets and Assam tea and cozy wool blankets?
Wouldn’t he be trying everything in his power to make it up to me? ”
Diya stared at me for a beat, then conceded, “You make good points.”
“No. When I told him no strings, he took me at face value. That’s on me.
I’m hurt, but a lot of this was my own doing.
He lied, he manipulated things so he could secure his mother’s intellectual property, but he never told me he loved me.
He never said he wanted to be with me, or made any commitments.
In that at least, he was honest from the beginning.
It was me who lied about feelings.” I lifted a hand toward the kitchen where my fateful call with Andreas had occurred less than an hour ago.
“The first time we speak in weeks, he wants to talk about his scheming brothers, not about us? He doesn’t give a shit about me.
As far as he’s concerned, there never was an us. ”
We sat quietly for a stretch, just the hum of the heater and the distant, muffled sounds of Nakita in the other room.
Eventually, I said, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the entire truth after the new year. I’m so sorry I lied to you at all. I am so sorry I’m a terrible friend, but I want to make it up to you. I will do anything to make it up to you, I promise. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to lose me.” It was Diya’s turn to sigh and she squeezed my hand again before tugging me forward for another hug.
This time the embrace lasted a lot longer and it felt so good to hold someone, and be held by someone I trusted.
When we broke apart, Diya smiled. “You’re not going to lose me, but you’re going to have to keep wooing me.”
I laughed and then sniffled. “Sounds great.”
Diya patted my shoulder. “I want our relationship to be a two-way street this time. It can’t be me sharing everything and you sharing nothing. I want a real friendship.”
“Me too.”
We let the silence settle again. It wasn’t heavy or awkward anymore, and I felt so grateful for her willingness to hear me out, to forgive me.
After a minute, Diya stood and stretched.
“After hearing the whole story, I guess I agree with your conclusion to keep Nakita in the dark with the details about this. If the guy were literally anyone else, I would say invoking the cone of silence would be enough. But she’s got this .
. . well, she has strange ideas about her chess celebrities, and I don’t quite understand the parasocial relationship thing she has going on with them. ”
I also stood, reaching around her for the tissue box sitting on my old desk, and grabbed a tissue. “Do you think she would post about it if I told her? Even if I explicitly asked her to keep it a secret?”
“My guess is she wouldn’t post, but she’d probably write a fanfic about it.”
We both laughed at that, which felt so much better than crying.
When the laughter faded, Diya picked up the entire tissue box and passed it to me. “So, what’s going on with the lawsuit, then? Do you think Andreas’s brothers will eventually be able to take your father’s shares back?”
“No. I don’t think they will.” I dabbed at my eyes. “But they’ll drag it out for a while. Don’t worry. There’s nothing they can do about the shares in the long run. But in the short term, them contesting the will means I have to nominate a proxy to vote the shares until the case is settled.”
“Ugh. That sucks. I’m sorry.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. After the shareholder meeting, I’ll be able to access Genetix’s internal files. Like I said, once I have evidence that my father was wrongly indicted, I’ll be able to clear his name. Plus, there’s something else weird, not related to the company files.”
Diya’s eyes widened. “Really? What did you find?”
I hesitated, not because I didn’t trust her, but because I needed her help and we’d just made up.
“Or is it something you can’t tell me?” she asked.
If I was going to trust Diya, I might as well go all in. “I actually have a favor to ask. Is that okay?”
“Yes! Ask!” She laughed lightly. “People who like you want to help you. Ask for more favors.”
“Would you mind looking at my father’s death certificate?”
“His death certificate?”
“Yes. There’s . . . well, there’s something odd about it, and I’d like your professional opinion.”