Chapter 39 #2
“A son, Ewan? You couldn’t tell me you had a son? You couldn’t tell me your son was in an accident? And he was Colley’s cousin? Is that why you didn’t want us to have sex in the beginning and then changed your mind and said, ‘To hell with it, we’re doing it’ ?”
“He has nothing to do with us,” he says, moving close to me.
I stop him with a gesture.
“Obviously. It’s not like I want to poke into your family affairs, but you’re related to Colley’s mother.”
“She’s Margot’s sister. Margot was my wife.”
“She was your first love.”
“She was my wife.”
“And first love.”
“What’s your point?”
A frown mars his forehead.
“My point is, I no longer know what this is,” I say, disheartened, feeling things for him I didn’t think I’d feel. “We did all those things…” I say, staring at him and trying to make sense.
I sharpen my focus on him.
“Why is he here? I heard you talking to him and questioning him.”
“He broke up with his girl. She’s not exactly his girl,” he quickly corrects himself. “They got into an argument because he was leading her on.”
“Like father, like son.”
Our eyes collide, a muscle throbbing in his jaw.
“That’s not how I planned for this to come down,” he says. “He almost never comes to this house.”
“That’s not the point. He’s here. It’s his right to be here. He’s your son, Ewan, and needs you more than I do.”
His eyes glint cold, and I regret my words instantaneously, but that’s the truth.
We can’t pretend we’re here to have some fun. Fun, we had in Florida.
And fun we had in the motels and that secret sex room in his brother’s house.
We can't continue to behave like there’s no one else in our lives. And particularly in his.
I’m not accountable to anyone. I have no family left and no children from a previous marriage.
Not even the ghost of my first love is there to haunt me.
There’s no one.
That’s not the case with him.
He has a lot of people to be accountable to.
Elisa.
Colley.
Ezra.
Even the girl his son is leading on.
“He’s a man,” he pushes out, his voice heavy, and I beg to differ.
“He’s a man who needs you. He wanted to talk to you tonight because he knew you were back. And you are his father.”
The more I talk, the darker his expression.
“And then there’s Colley and his mother. I’ll need to talk to these people again and pretend I’m this cool teacher and an honorable woman––”
“You are an honorable woman,” he cuts me off.
“What makes you say that? Is it making money as a pole dancer? Fucking in random motel rooms? Sneaking into your house while your son is looking for you?”
“Are you suddenly regretting all that?” he retorts.
I move closer to him, my eyes getting blurry from my unshed tears.
“I don’t regret anything, Ewan. I loved every moment of it.
Every filthy little thing you did to me, but this…
” I gesture in the direction of the dining room.
“This changes everything. And you know that. You knew it from the beginning. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not is a different story. You wanted to do the right thing and made us move slowly. I don’t know what you had hoped, but it didn’t quite work, did it?
And then you realized moving slowly wasn’t the answer.
We couldn’t know much about each other if we were only friends.
You did quite a few things, and many of them were contradictory, and I loved all of them.
Every little thing you did. Except one. I didn’t like that you couldn’t talk to me.
Or you didn’t want to talk to me. Were you afraid that I’d be asking for more?
Were you afraid that I’d be saying no to you? ”
His eyes narrow with anguish.
“I didn’t want to scare you off.”
“Scare me off? How? Why?”
A sarcastic smile tugs at his lips.
“Are you asking me that?” he tosses at me.
I gesture at him in frustration.
“Okay. All right. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I need to think this through.”
My chest hurts as the obvious option, and my only option presents itself.
“What about we do this. I’ll call a cab and go home.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll take you home,” he says.
My index finger goes up.
“You can’t take me home. If you do, I’ll end up crying in your arms,” I say, crushed by the rawness of my words.
I take a long breath and exhale slowly.
Despite my efforts, my heart is still racing like crazy.
Of all the ways this night could’ve ended, this has never crossed my mind.
“Just so you know,” I say, feeling like my heart is breaking with every word I push out.
“I like Ezra. And I love little Colley. And I get along with Elisa, although she can be overbearing at times. I don’t want to lose my job.
And no matter how this story unfolds or comes to an end, I count on you to keep our story a secret.
I can’t ask Ezra to keep his mouth shut, but you can.
I hope you’ll do the right thing by him and me. ”
With that, I look around, suddenly feeling stranded.
“The cake is in the fridge. You make up an explanation for Ezra. I’ll go upstairs, pack my things, and let myself out. It was nice meeting you,” I say, and although I hesitate for a moment, I pull closer to him, push onto my toes, and kiss his cheek.
“Goodbye, Ewan.”