Chapter 7
Although I’d be the first to admit that I’ve been quite happy with the last-minute approach to holidays that Rosie and I have taken over the last couple of years, it doesn’t seem to sit very well with an expensive long-haul trip like this, and I’m feeling distinctly unprepared as I board the train to Gatwick Airport.
I’ve got the niggling sense that I’ve forgotten something, even though I wrote a checklist, got Rosie to look over it to make sure nothing was missing, and even ticked the items off it as I packed.
I think part of the reason is that the expected February lull at work hasn’t materialised, so I’ve been so flat out in the office that I haven’t really had the mental space to get into holiday mode.
As the train pulls out of Victoria station, I run through the list in my head again.
I’ve got bikinis, sunscreen, anti-insect stuff, dresses for the evenings as well as shorts and T-shirts if I can drag myself away from the pool for long enough to do an excursion.
I’ve got my passport, currency for any odds and ends I might want to buy, and all my travel and accommodation vouchers.
If anything is missing, I truly have no idea what it is.
In the end, the travel agent dealt with the change of ticket, which suited me much better as I was able to pay them over the phone with my credit card, rather than firing money off at a complete stranger who I’d convinced myself would promptly deny it had arrived, leaving me seriously out of pocket with nothing to show for it.
Lily has been positively fizzing with excitement ever since I first told her I’d be taking Robert’s place, and seems to have forgotten that this whole idea is basically an elaborate (and expensive) scheme to try to get her pregnant.
I’m relieved by that, actually, as it hopefully means she’ll be able to enjoy herself whether she comes home with a baby on board or not.
I’ve met her husband, Dan, a couple of times at work dos, and he seems like a nice guy.
I’ve also exchanged quite a few messages with Fliss about various things, so I feel like I know her pretty well now.
My only slight concern is about Lily’s best friend Amy, who seems to have adopted the role of holiday organiser-in-chief.
As soon as Lily added me to the ‘JamaicaManiacs’ WhatsApp group, Amy started bombarding me with instructions on pretty much everything, from exactly what time and where to meet in the terminal, through the massages and treatments she’d booked for us, to the mealtimes.
I haven’t said anything to her or Lily, but I’m not at all convinced by Amy’s treatment schedule.
In a competition between sipping cocktails at the pool bar and colonic irrigation, there’s only ever going to be one winner, isn’t there?
Amy has also booked a number of excursions, but I’ll deal with those as they happen.
If there’s one thing I’m not good at, it’s being forced to do things I don’t enjoy when I’m on holiday.
I’m happy to hang around with the group for some of the time, but I’m also looking forward to spending some time alone with a book.
I’ve downloaded a selection to my Kindle, and I’m planning to have finished at least half of them by the time I get back.
The check-in queue is predictably enormous, but at least it’s moving at a reasonable pace, so it’s not that long before I’ve been relieved of my bags and I’m joining the next huge queue to pass through security.
This is my least favourite part of travelling.
Even though I’ve meticulously placed the few liquids I’m carrying with me in a clear plastic bag and done all the other things the brightly coloured signs have ordered, I’m always worried that I’ll have overlooked some forbidden item, which the security staff will then make a big song and dance about.
Just the thought of the other people here either tutting because my ineptitude has slowed them down, or being amused by my lack of knowledge always makes my cheeks redden in anticipation of my impending humiliation, which then makes me look guilty, like I’ve got something to hide.
It’s a vicious circle and, if I worked here, I’d probably arrest me immediately.
Thankfully, the security gods are looking favourably on me today, as I make it through the body scanner thing without having to go into the special cubicle for suspicious people.
The bag before mine comes out of the scanner and is immediately shunted into the ‘naughty’ queue, making my heart quicken, but mine emerges unscathed, so I grab it and head for the departure lounge as quickly as I can, before anyone changes their mind and decides I need a full-body cavity search.
Even though I’m technically early, Lily and Dan are already waiting by the bureau-de-change that Amy specified as our meeting point. When she sees me, Lily gives a little wriggle of excitement before charging over and enveloping me in a hug.
‘I’m so pleased to see you,’ she breathes. ‘I had this horrible dream last night where Dan and I were here and nobody else turned up. It woke me, and I’ve been feeling a bit nervy ever since. You remember Dan, don’t you?’
She releases me as Dan holds out his hand for me to shake. ‘Thank you so much for agreeing to come on this trip, Tori,’ he says. ‘We were beside ourselves when Robert and Fliss pulled out.’
‘No worries, thank you for inviting me,’ I tell him. ‘I’m really looking forward to it.’
Our conversation is interrupted by a high-pitched squeal from somewhere behind me and, just as I’m turning to see what the commotion is about, Lily lets out a remarkably similar sound before setting off at a sprint towards a blonde-haired woman a short distance away.
Dan and I watch as the two women embrace.
‘You haven’t met Amy, have you,’ Dan observes as their hug morphs into a kind of excited shuffle dance.
‘No. She seems like a force of nature, if her WhatsApp messages are anything to go by.’
He smiles. ‘That’s one way of putting it. I like her, which is just as well given that she’s Lily’s best friend, but she’s pretty full-on. Did Lily tell you she’s going out with my brother?’
‘She mentioned it, yes.’
‘I take my hat off to him. Don’t say anything to Lily, but I suspect dating her is exhausting.’
I’d love to find out more from Dan, but further conversation is cut off by Lily and Amy dancing up to us. As soon as she catches sight of him, Amy cries, ‘Dannee!’ loudly enough that I’m aware of several people turning to look at us, before launching herself at him.
‘Hi, Amy,’ Dan says as she wraps him in a huge hug, making exaggerated ‘mwah mwah’ noises as she kisses him on each cheek.
‘Who’s excited?’ she asks in a sing-song voice when she eventually releases a slightly uncomfortable-looking Dan.
‘Amy, this is Tori,’ Dan tells her, turning to me.
‘Of course you are,’ Amy simpers as she pulls me into one of those awkward A-frame hugs that always feel a bit insincere to me.
‘I’m soo pleased to meet you. We’re going to have the best time ever.
’ She grabs Lily’s hand again and, as if she hasn’t put on enough of a show already, decides to burst into song at full volume.
‘Whoah! We’re going to Jamaica,’ she bellows as she swings Lily’s hand back and forth. ‘Whoah! Back to the island. Whoah! We’re gonna get you pregnant. Whoah! In the Caribbean sea!’
‘Wasn’t the original song about Ibiza?’ Dan asks her.
‘Artistic licence,’ Amy tells him smugly. ‘Did you like what I did there?’
‘Hmm. Well, I don’t think anyone in the departure lounge is in any doubt as to the purpose of our trip. Where’s the man?’
‘Distracted by the Duty Free,’ Amy says before lowering her voice, finally, to what she probably thinks is a conspiratorial whisper, but is still audible from several feet away.
‘Entre nous, I suspect he’s buying me a present.
I’ve been dropping heavy hints about the new fragrance from Christian Dior so, if he knows what’s good for him – that’s me, by the way – he’ll be picking up a bottle as we speak. Oh, fuck. What’s he doing here?’
We all turn to see what she’s looking at, and my gaze lands on a tall, dark-haired man striding purposefully towards us.
Unlike most of the people in the departure lounge, who seem to be in good spirits as they look forward to wherever they’re going, his coal-black eyes are blazing and his mouth is set in a thin, pinched line.
‘Morning, all,’ he says tightly when he reaches us.
‘Robert!’ Amy exclaims. ‘What a coincidence. Where are you off to?’
So this is the famous Robert, I think to myself as he looks at Amy with thinly veiled contempt.
‘Jamaica, of course,’ he says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
‘Well, it’s lovely to see you and everything,’ Amy tells him uncertainly. ‘But Fliss will be joining us at any moment so it’s probably best if you, umm, you know, to avoid a scene. Have a lovely holiday. Where are you staying?’
‘Fliss isn’t coming,’ he says, and I’m taken aback by the venom in his voice as he practically spits out her name.
‘What?’
‘I said’ – he slows his speech as if speaking to someone particularly dim – ‘Fliss… isn’t… coming.’
‘But we need her,’ Amy persists. ‘Otherwise we won’t get the group discount.’
‘For fuck’s sake, Amy,’ Robert snarls. ‘I know you’re not sodding Einstein, but I never realised you were this congenitally thick. Fliss isn’t coming, because I am.’
‘But…’ Amy seems to have run out of words and her face crumples as she starts to cry. Lily immediately wraps her arms around her, while shooting daggers at Robert.
‘Bit strong, mate,’ Dan says gently. ‘Do you mind telling us what happened?’
‘Simple,’ Robert growls. ‘Fliss texted me to say she was coming on the holiday after all, and I needed to contact the travel agent so they could arrange for my ticket to be transferred to someone else. Anyway, her tone was all “just do as you’re told, Robert” as per bloody normal lately, so I thought, Fuck you.
Why should you get to enjoy a holiday in the Caribbean after the way you treated me?
So I rang the agent and swapped her ticket instead.
She hit the roof when I told her what I’d done, but I reckon it serves her right. ’
I’m flabbergasted. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so horrible before.
I’m not exactly keen on Amy from what I’ve seen of her so far, but she’s a walk in the park compared to Robert.
As I study him, trying to work out what on earth Fliss saw in him, besides his brooding good looks, the full realisation of what he’s done dawns on me.
‘Umm, Robert,’ I begin. ‘It’s not for me to judge the rights and wrongs of your relationship with Fliss—’
‘Ex-relationship,’ he interjects roughly.
‘Ex-relationship,’ I repeat soothingly. ‘But did Fliss mention her roommate at all?’
‘Oh, yes. She was practically bursting to tell me that she’d be sharing a room.
Couldn’t wait for the dust to settle before hopping on a new guy, could she?
Well, he’s in for a surprise, let me tell you, and I’ll have a few choice words for the bastard when he shows up. Anyway, who the hell are you?’
‘I’m Tori, the roommate,’ I tell him.
I can practically hear the cogs turning in his head as he tries to digest this information and its implications.
‘But you’re a woman,’ he says accusingly after what seems like an age.
‘I am,’ I agree.
‘So, what. Fliss is into girls now, is that it?’
Whatever I expected him to say, it wasn’t that. ‘I have no idea what Fliss is into,’ I tell him coolly after I’ve recovered my composure. ‘But I can assure you the room share was purely platonic. However, I’m sure you can understand that you taking her place like this causes a bit of an issue.’
A normal person would realise the error of their ways, the impossible situation his actions have put us in, and apologise. Robert, however, is evidently not a normal person.
‘It was my room before it was yours,’ he says simply. ‘So it’s up to you. Sleep on the couch or sleep on the beach. I couldn’t give a damn either way.’
I stare at him in horror. He’s absolutely unbelievable and I can’t understand what on earth a lovely woman like Fliss thought she was doing dating him.
There’s absolutely no way I’m sharing a room with this man though.
I mean, sharing a room with a strange man is pretty much top of the ‘things you just don’t do’ list, but I’d rather pluck out my own eyes than share with Robert.
Lily obviously senses my discomfort as she releases a still-snivelling Amy and takes my hand.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she says quietly. ‘I had no idea this had happened. I’m sure we can sort something out when we get to the other end though. If we all need to chip in to get you your own room, we will.’
‘I’m not chipping in for anything,’ Robert states firmly.
‘Of course you aren’t,’ Lily murmurs so quietly that only I can hear her. ‘No wonder he and Fliss didn’t work out.’
‘There you are, baby!’ Amy suddenly exclaims as another man, presumably her boyfriend, approaches.
When I turn my gaze to look at him, I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
Someone on high is having a fucking laugh, because he’s probably the only person in the world I want to spend less time with than the frankly vile Robert.
‘Tori,’ Amy gushes as the newcomer spots me for the first time and his face also drops. ‘I don’t think you’ve met my boyfriend, Stuart. Stuart, this is Tori.’