Dom #4
“Fun? What are we? Sixteen?” he asked with a snort, but he let me step between his legs so I could hold his hips and pull him closer to kiss him.
There might be a constant battle inside him that wasn’t sure if he wanted to let loose or reassert his sense of control, but damned if I didn’t love the way he had been letting me manhandle him.
There was a lot of trust, which allowed me to do something like that without complaint or being told to stop.
I didn’t know what was more erotic, that trust, or that if he really wanted, he could have anyone killed if they got on his nerves enough, but would never do that to me.
“No, last night was a lot better than anything we did at that age,” I told him, nuzzling his neck, finding where his neck met his shoulder, and biting, sucking gently so he could feel it but wouldn’t leave a mark. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re not,” he said with a faint groan, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, his ankles hooked around the back of my thighs. “I mean, it has been a while for both of us, so I imagine it was inevitable that we lose our heads a little.”
A little, like he hadn’t been a squirming, whining, desperate mess of pleasure and sweat beneath me while I had been carefully riding him to his orgasm.
“You were the most insanely erotic, sexy thing I have seen in my life last night, do you know that? You weren’t worried about your schedule, your job, Augustine, what you had to do the next day, Los Muertos, or having those thoughts that made you doubt whether me being around you was a good idea.
All you could think about was me inside you, and the biggest decision you had to make last night was whether you were going to let me get you off or if you were going to do it yourself. ”
“A choice you took from me, I might add,” he said, tilting his head as I nibbled his neck. He had always been a fan of teeth on his skin, and it was nice to see that it hadn’t changed in the slightest.
“And you loved it.”
“And hated it.”
“And you’d want me to do it again.”
“Mmm...yes.”
I chuckled. “How hard was it to admit that, Mr. Must Have Control at All Times?”
He sighed, shoving his face into my neck and taking a deep breath like he was trying to memorize my scent. “Insanely difficult. But if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have been able to admit it. Then again, if it were anyone else, last night wouldn’t have happened the way it did.”
I leaned back to look at him, curious. “You...you’ve been sleeping with people, and you haven’t been...I don’t know, letting loose?”
“No,” he said without hesitation. “I’m sure you can figure out why it’s not a good idea for someone like me to be put in a vulnerable position like that.”
“Okay, so does that mean you’ve been doing the fucking all these years because, uh...I can’t imagine you’ve been doing the whole receiving thing if that’s the case.”
“Yes, I’ve been bottoming,” he said with a chuckle, pulling back from my neck and shaking his head. “But there are other precautions one can take that make sure you’re not completely vulnerable at moments like that.”
“Do I want to know? Is this like...gun under the pillow sort of thing?”
“On occasion.”
“Jesus.”
He shrugged. “And it’s also been choosing my partners carefully and making sure I’m never somewhere I would be trapped, or that there weren’t some of my people around in case of an emergency. Especially after a certain...incident.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What incident?”
“No need to get all protective. It was someone sent by someone else to kill me. Sadly, both the assassin and the contractor failed. The assassin was shot dead, and I made sure the person who tried to have me killed met their end.”
“How?”
“I hired someone better than they did,” he said, as if he had chosen a better deal on overnight shipping than his neighbor.
“I have tried repeatedly to point out that this life isn’t gentle or kind,” he said with a sigh. “Did you think I was just being dramatic?”
“No, but there’s a difference between knowing that in your head and hearing stories about what it really is like,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“I was on a small break before being assigned to wrangle everything in this part of the country,” he explained. “The whole, being careful and downright paranoid at times, was starting to wear thin, and making...well, it was taking the fun out of getting laid if I’m honest.”
“I can imagine.”
“Which, speaking of,” he said, tilting his head. “You mentioned it had been a while since you last had sex. Why is that?”
I frowned. “Really?”
“What? It’s a fair question. Unless there’s some horrible experience that prompted it, and explaining would require a few drinks and hugs afterward.”
“Jackass,” I said with a laugh. I pushed away from the counter and left him to sit on it as I leaned against the stove. “No, there’s no horrible experience, I just...I mean...I don’t really know what caused it.”
Levi slid off the counter with fluid grace, barely wincing when he probably twinged his shoulder. “You just didn’t want to have sex?”
“I did, and before that, I was never going without.”
“Ah, man whore.”
“Yes,” I said with a glare. “I was, thank you for that. I wasn’t a playboy or player or whatever else you might be thinking.”
“No, I’m sure you were a perfect gentleman,” he said, sounding like he meant it.
“Oh,” I said, deflating a little. “Well, I tried. I wasn’t always at my best, that’s for sure, but I did try.
But there was just this point where it all stopped being.
..interesting. I mean, sex was still interesting, and I liked having sex, but it was like the sex I was having wasn’t. ..interesting.”
“So sex was interesting, but it wasn’t,” he repeated.
“I know it doesn’t make sense.”
“No, it does. I literally just described how I was giving up on sex for a while. I never said I didn’t want to have sex; it just became too much effort, and each time I did have it, it just..
.stopped having as much of an impact. I decided it was more trouble than it was worth and stopped. ..until last night, that is.”
“Something like that, except for the whole threat of death and pain part,” I said with a snort.
“But it all just stopped...meaning as much to me. I thought maybe I was getting bored with the sort of people I was sleeping with. So I tried to go to different places, meet different types of people, hell, I threw in some different types of sex.”
“I’m imagining less handcuffs and feathers and a few more leather harnesses and paddles,” he said with a laugh.
“Maybe,” I said, shaking my head and flipping him the bird.
“And then I was like, well, hell, maybe it’s because it’s been nothing but women forever now, maybe I should give guys a try again, even though it had been a while since the last time I’d been remotely interested in doing anything with another guy. ”
“And I’m guessing that idea was a bust.”
“You’d be right,” I said with a shrug. “Sure, it was fun, but again it was like something was just...missing, I guess. I’m not like you, where I could figure out what was wrong, though.”
“It was pretty obvious with me,” he said. “But for you, it sounds like you were missing something that had...substance.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s the best way to put it,” I agreed. “I mean, that sounds like the right thing now, after last night, but...not before that.”
“What do you mean? What about last night?”
I scoffed. “Last night was a hell of a lot more fun and pleasurable than anything I’ve done in...I don’t even know how long.”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I’m so glad I was able to bring the fulfillment to your sex life that you were lacking.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious.”
“Hmm, and I’m being serious.”
“You didn’t sound serious.”
“I suppose you’re not the only one who’s rather bad at expressing themselves,” he said with a shrug. “Neither of us has been all that good at it if I’m honest.”
That was true. I had always fallen back on expressing myself through anger, and when anger didn’t feel appropriate, it was jokes or ways to avoid getting to the heart of what was actually bothering me.
In comparison, Levi had always used his brains and quieter nature to keep from showing his feelings properly.
Not that it had ever been a problem for either of us when it came to each other.
“This is the strangest conversation I’ve had in the longest time,” Levi said with a laugh and then reached up toward the ceiling with a groan.
I knew he was probably in pain from pulling his wound, but I found my eyes jumping to the flash of his stomach when his shirt pulled up.
Such a small thing, and yet I was instantly back to the conversation about blowjobs, moaning, and far better sex than we’d had in a long time.
“Ow. But at the same time, it’s only strange because it’s a completely normal conversation. ”
“I’m sorry, I was distracted by you showing skin,” I told him.
He gave me a funny look. “You know, I remember when we were younger, you weren’t all that into me, like...my body. It was always the idea of doing things with me that did it for you, not like...seeing my ass or my stomach or something.”
“No, I definitely...did feel things about...those,” I said. There had to be a better way to say that, but eh, it was what it was.
“I just remember it didn’t really matter what I looked like, but if I talked about sex with you, that’s when you got interested,” he said with a wry chuckle.
“I never knew if I should feel good about that or not. On the one hand, it meant you were interested in me; on the other, it meant you weren’t interested in my body.
So I was left feeling a little used, like it was just the sex that you wanted, but it was also me you wanted to do sexual things with. Very confusing.”