Dom #5
“Well, it worked, but it also pointed out to me that you were right, I do love you. It’s hard to say how much of that love is because of who we are or because of who we were, but it’s love all the same,” I told him softly, laying my head atop his.
“And I plan on trying to figure out which one it is.”
“Stubborn,” he muttered, laying his hand on my lap and sighing. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, I really don’t.”
“I suspect you’re going to bitch and complain about how stubborn I am, then you’re going to argue with me repeatedly, and give in because you want this as much as I do, even though you still think it’s a bad idea.
And then it’s going to keep repeating itself until we either die or you finally give up.
And when you do give up, you won’t announce it, because then you’d have to admit you gave up, and Lord knows that’s not allowed to happen.
So you’ll keep it to yourself, and if I’m ever stupid enough to bring it up, you’ll bring the argument back just to make it seem like you never gave up in the first place. ”
“Wow,” he said, turning his head so one eye was peering up at me. “That was an exhaustive...and exhausting summary of events. I’m not sure how to feel about that.”
“Probably irritated that I called you out, but you’re willing to let it go because it’s me.”
“Your credit line is beginning to run dry.”
“I doubt it.”
“Yes, I suppose you’re right.”
I smirked and then softened. “I’m...sorry, I was ready to freak out over killing those guys. You were right, they were going to kill us, or worse. And what you did was exactly...well, I don’t blame you.”
“You were going to say it needed to be done, but then you realized I killed one man without hesitation, and executed another with an equal lack of hesitation,” he said.
I could hear in his voice that he was sorry, but I suspected he was sorry I’d seen it, not that he’d done it.
“You were horrified by what you saw of me.”
It was true, and I wasn’t going to insult him by pretending he wasn’t smart enough to have figured that out.
I had witnessed the killer that lived inside him, the one he’d needed to find at some point.
Maybe the killer had shown itself when he had first killed the bastard responsible for his mother’s death, or maybe it had come later, when it was necessary to find it to live.
..or maybe when he had needed it to get ahead.
There were a bunch of reasons he might have become the sort of person willing to kill, and I wouldn’t know which one it was.
And perhaps it was better if I never really found out the truth.
“We’re stuck,” he said in a low voice. “Both of us. Stuck together. Even though I tried so hard to keep us separate, we’re stuck, aren’t we?”
“Not sure if ‘stuck’ is the word I’d use,” I said with a snort. “But...yeah, I guess we kind of are.”
“I’m not a believer in fate, just so you know before you start getting ideas.”
I laughed softly. “I don’t either. But I think there might be some weight to the idea that sometimes two people.
..have a hard time quitting. I mean, there was no really good reason for Augustine to keep coming around when you were a kid, but he did, didn’t he?
Maybe for his own reasons. And even though you left Cresson Point and tried to end the bond we had, then tried to avoid me and push me away while you were here, it still didn’t work the way you planned. ”
“Both are easily explained by the fact that Augustine is a manipulative, ambitious bastard who has been trying to find someone to take his place when the inevitable happens. And you are so ridiculously stubborn, someone should lock you up and study it for science,” he said with a snort.
“There’s nothing in any of that which can’t be explained by the people involved.
We’ve all contributed to the way our lives have turned out and made the choices that have brought us to this point.
I cannot say I believe there is anything else at play. Just...people.”
I snorted, holding him closer and not caring that it was pulling painfully on my wound.
After the day we’d had, it was nice to have him there with me.
The feel of his body pressed against mine was comforting in a way that went beyond words, though I was sure that if I asked him to put it into words, Levi would have found a way.
Right now, though, he was quiet, thoughtful, but not the kind of thoughtful I should be worried about.
Deep down, I knew we were always going to run into the wall of how much danger I was in by being in his life, and he was always going to have to deal with the fact that I was stubbornly going to keep insisting on sticking around.
Maybe one day, one of us would win that war, but today’s battle had ended in a stalemate.
For now, I could enjoy the moment. The sunset filled the room with a light as warm and comforting as the warmth from Levi’s body as he held onto me.
It wasn’t a hard grip, but there was a level of desperation and relief that I couldn’t help but hold him back.
There was still a great deal of strength to him, but I had always thought that, even when he had been a twig in human form.
I hadn’t doubted him back then, and I found that was true now, even with the horrifying reality made obvious today.
He was as decisive, intelligent, and strong as I’d always believed.
..and dangerous, which I suppose I’d always known was a possibility, even all those years ago.
His fingers flexed against my leg, and I chuckled. “What are you doing?”
“Enjoying myself,” he said softly, and I grinned.
“Feels more like you’re groping me.”
“Same thing in the end.”
“It’s a little harder to do things when I’m like this.”
“Hard is not impossible...and hard is what you’re becoming from what I can feel.”
It was true, his closeness had primed my body for something more physical.
It wasn’t just because he was close and warm but because of everything that had happened.
It wasn’t even the teasing I’d definitely been doing on purpose at the store, but honestly?
The near-death experience was keeping doors open that felt wrong, considering the circumstances, and yet felt right.
I also remembered hearing that when things got really bad, like a disaster, there was always a spike of births nine months later.
In the bad times, people who survived turned to one another for comfort.
Even, and maybe especially, sexual comfort.
“You stay there,” he said suddenly, getting up and walking into the bedroom. I was tempted to follow, but I stayed where I was, waiting until he returned with the familiar bottle of lube that he set on the small table beside the couch. “There.”
“Wow, you’re going to take advantage of me when I’m basically an invalid?” I asked, my eyes wide.
He rolled his eyes. “Please, you’re injured, not broken.”
“Good to know,” I said with a chuckle as he carefully knelt on each side of me before taking hold of my face and kissing me gently.
“I’m sorry about today,” he said in a soft voice that tugged at something hard and taut in my chest. “I’ll never be able to make my life safe for either of us, I know that, and I hate it. And I know you’re trying to understand it, and you’re dealing with your own stuff, but...I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I told him, running my hands down his sides and holding tight to his hips as he ground into my groin, making me groan softly.
“I told you, and I’m going to keep telling you, I know what I’m doing.
Okay, maybe I don’t get it all, not in the way you do, and not even after today, but I’m not walking blind, alright? ”
“I know, but I’m still sorry,” he said softly, stroking down my neck to my chest, but stopping before he reached the wound. “I’m going to be sorry for a long time. And if something happens again, I’m going to be sorry again.”
“Maybe...it’s time to start considering an out...if you’re that unhappy,” I said, putting into words something I had only let myself think.
Now it was out there, the idea lit me up inside, and I felt it take root, refusing to leave.
Now I’d put it into words, it made it more real.
After all, why couldn’t he...walk away? I knew it wasn’t that simple; he was so deeply enmeshed with The Family that the chance of just walking away was next to zero.
But there had to be something he could do, right?
Not that I expected him to have any influence over Augustine, not enough to make the man grow a heart or unblacken his soul enough to remember what it was like to be a human, if he ever was human in the first place.
Still, there had to be some avenue for people who didn’t want to stay in The Family that didn’t require killing or prison.
Hell, Levi should be able to come up with something.
He was the smartest person I knew, and he must know enough about Augustine and The Family to be a bargaining chip.
And even if it meant calling in all the favors he was owed, wouldn’t a life free of the fear of death and betrayal be worth it?
“Shh,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning in closer. “Worry about the future some other time. Just stay here, with me.”
Even though I desperately wanted to talk about it, his lips were pressed against mine, and his hands were touching me again.
I’d seen time and time again how helpless he was when I was turning him on, drawing him back into the present, and it seemed that it went both ways.
The almost feverish beginning of my thoughts was fading as I felt his hands gently pass over my stomach wound and down to my waist, where he found the button to my pants.
He flicked them open, easing some of the pressure around my midsection as his tongue slid over mine, and I groaned when I felt his fingers below my waistband.