Chapter 5
My phone vibrated on the coffee table. Sydney scrolled through social media on the couch beside me while Katie and Tera giggled in the kitchen across from us.
They may not live with Sydney and me, but they sure spent almost as much time here with us as if they did.
Especially after returning from a concert.
“What are you two giggling about?” I asked as I pulled my phone from the table.
“Some of these pictures are absolute gold. Sydney’s eyes look like they’re about to bug out of her head in the shape of hearts,” Katie replied, and the two girls shuffled our way as I unlocked my phone. Sydney rolled her eyes behind her screen but continued mindlessly swiping.
“Let me see!” I said, and then furrowed my brows, confused by what was on my phone. An unknown number had sent me a text. Who would be texting me from a number I didn’t have saved?
Setting my cell back down, I felt Tera and Katie plop down on either side of me. Tera handed me her phone, and I began swiping through the pictures. Most of them were a little blurry, which was to be expected since she had been a bit tipsy. But others were actually high-quality shots.
I giggled at several of the pictures where Sydney looked absolutely in love.
Her mouth hung open a little as she stared, googly-eyed toward Asher.
But it was when the camera brought him into focus that my heart sank.
He was swoon-worthy, I couldn’t deny that.
And it almost looked like he’d been staring at Sydney.
Almost. I was a mere blur in the background for most of the pictures, but it had been me he was staring at.
Singing too.
Watching with eyes that screamed desire. Me. He’d been watching me. And I was having a hard time not drooling over it. Or feeling guilty about it. My first one-night stand, and I couldn’t talk about it with my best friend, or any of my friends.
“Keep going to the videos!” Tera prompted, and I swiped onto the videos.
Confliction roared hot through my veins as I pressed play. The camera zoomed in on Asher, his gaze constantly shifting toward us. Toward me. I wanted it. Craved it. Was excited that I was that desirable to him.
But it should’ve been toward Sydney. And every one of my friends thought he was watching her.
I didn’t correct them as his sultry voice serenaded us and they squealed.
No, I tried to join in because at least I didn’t have to hide the fact that I enjoyed his music.
Sliding my gaze toward my best friend, her cheeks were bright red and her smile wide as she proudly basked in the attention.
I was such a horrible person.
But at the same time, I couldn’t deny how incredible things had been last night.
Once the videos were done, I slid backward on the couch and leaned against the cushions, watching my three friends.
I hadn’t maliciously gone after him. It had been an honest mistake, only realizing what I’d done after the fact.
Maybe I should talk to her about it regardless.
She looked so excited and hopeful, but I worried that if I did, her dreams would be crushed.
Was there really any harm in letting her think that he’d been looking at her?
My phone buzzed again. Glancing down at it, I found another text from the same unknown number.
What was going on? I quickly slid my phone from the table again and unlocked it.
My finger tapped on the notification only to slam my phone against my chest. My gaze quickly shot to my three friends, praying that no one noticed.
Sighing in relief that they were all still occupied with Tera’s pictures, I took another peek at the message.
Asher. It was a picture from Asher captioned “I think you forgot something.” I only questioned for half a second how he had my number before I remembered the text I’d sent just as he’d arrived at the room.
Now, I was staring at that very handsome face with my thong hanging from his teeth. He’d found it.
And I longed to stare at the picture. Who gave him the right to look like that? Who gave him the right to possess that much power over me?
Since when did I prefer the lanky but muscular guys with tattoos and the ability to woo a girl simply by the sound of his voice?
Groaning, I shook my head and then read his next text.
Picsnap me?
I was twenty-three. Since when do twenty-three-year-olds have Picsnap?
All the time was the correct answer. Social media was huge with everyone my age, but I had my reasons why I was a ghost to all those apps.
To all social media. So no, I wouldn’t snap him.
That would only lead me down a road I didn’t want to travel. I was ignoring him. We were done.
Wait, how old was he? And why was he asking for more contact with me?
Curiosity snatched my control from me, and I sent a quick text in response.
I’m 23 and an English teacher. Do you think I have Picsnap?
Then I stared at my screen, wondering why I was engaging in this conversation. Though that picture was quite delicious. I clicked on the photo and pressed save as his next text came through.
I do. And I’m 25… Mmmmm a teacher?;)
Rolling my eyes, I furiously replied.
And why do you want me to snap you? Isn’t texting good enough?
Three dots appeared for a moment, and then his message came through.
Because I’d like to see what your life is like, not just texts with words.
I shook my head. No, we were done. There would be no more contact because now, if I dragged things out, that wouldn’t be so forgivable.
“Cosi? Who are you texting so intensely?” Katie asked beside me, snapping me out of my conversation, and I quickly locked my phone.
“Oh, uh, no one that matters. It was just an excuse to not finish grading my papers.” Not a total lie.
Although a lie all the same.
Reaching forward, I slid the last few essays from the coffee table and resumed work. But my mind was only half into the task. What was he doing?
It seemed he was actually trying to insert himself into my daily, menial life.
Asher was supposed to forget me. Move on and find a new girl. Not press to be a part of my world. When he’d responded, I’d been shocked that it wasn’t some dirty reference to me sending naked pictures of myself to him. No, he’d very explicatively asked to see what my life was like.
Why me?
Better question—why was I entertaining the thought?
If I did agree to that, it would be just as friends, because otherwise, Sydney would definitely kill me. I was aware enough to recognize that now. One time was a mistake. Two times would make it more deliberate and harder for her to forgive me.
But if I did keep him as a friend, then maybe I could help her be more involved with the band. Right? That would be a valid motive for engaging in further involvement with Asher.
Wait, no. No. No. Not even as friends. That was merely a justification. Besides, after what he did to me, what we did together, friends was not possible.
Pulling out my phone once more, I unlocked it, ready to send him a quick text, but found another one waiting from him.
We’re staying for a few extra days in the city before heading on. Come see me?
Why did he have to make this so hard? I wanted to. Every ounce of my being wanted me to go to him. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t do that to Sydney.
That was a one time thing, I’m sorry. I messaged in response.
Bubbles appeared, and then within a moment, he sent another text.
One time? Why? I thought you said you weren’t that type of girl.
I sighed, feeling defeated. That was not it. Not at all. It pained me to send the next text, but I had to.
Sydney…
Sorry, Asher. I just can’t.
Bubbles appeared again, and then his response came through.
Did you not enjoy it?
That’s not it at all.
Then what is it?
My shoulders sagged. I decided for at least part of this entire ordeal, I could be honest.
It’s because I did enjoy it.
Bubbles quickly appeared, and then he answered.
Why is that a problem?
The truth, Cosi. Be truthful.
Because I broke girl code by coming over. Which is why it’s the one and only time. Technically, I’d never even listened to a song of yours before last night.
Then I waited, my heart pounding in my throat. Guilt weighed heavily as nausea curdled in my stomach. But at least I’d set a clear boundary.
The bubbles appeared, but his typically rapid response didn’t come.
I stared, for what seemed like forever, and eventually they disappeared. But no answer came through. Locking my phone, I shoved it into my pocket and slid forward on the couch. Time to finish grading my papers before doing the dishes.
Yet, I could barely focus. I felt absolutely broken that he didn’t answer. Technically, I hadn’t had to tell him the truth. I could’ve said yes. I could’ve gone to him. But I wasn’t going to ruin my friendship of fifteen years for some boy.
No matter how much I wished I could have both.
I glanced at the clock, still waiting for Asher’s reply. One in the morning? I had to teach tomorrow. I had to be up by six, and here I was acting like some foolish schoolgirl who was chasing a boy who wasn’t worthy of her affection.
But still, all these hours later, there was no response to my earlier text.
I could tell him that I regretted not listening to his music sooner, because that was the truth too.
It was really incredible, and I’d been playing his stuff on repeat since turning in for bed.
But that could come off as obsessive and clingy.
My intention had not been to offend him; I’d been merely trying to respect my best friend.
The ache in my body wasn’t just a physical longing for him. I craved his presence. I wanted his touch. I wanted to hear his voice again. I wanted to smell him again, even if I couldn’t quite describe his cologne.
I didn’t want to come across as the obsessed, crazed fan after one night. However, I needed to make sure that he knew it had nothing to do with him. Earlier, he wanted me to Picsnap with him, so maybe I should humor him a little.
Sighing, I downloaded the app and made an account. Once it was up and running, I returned to the read but unanswered text chain with Asher.
I hope you didn’t think I was saying your music was bad. In fact, I found it quite the opposite. It was incredible. Anyway, that’s all…
I included my new snap information and then sent it. No taking it back now, but I needed to sleep. Locking my phone, I set it on my nightstand and rolled to the opposite wall. Staring at the framed picture collage of Sydney and me.
This was for her. Making sure that I didn’t ruin my relationship with her.
But sending that Picsnap information, that was secretly and horribly selfish of me. I may not see him as this famous musician idol the way she did, but I did see him as someone special. Even if it had only been from one incredible night with him.
And would only be that one single night with him.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I hopelessly begged for sleep to take me away. Send me into a world where none of this confusion existed. Where I wasn’t desperate for things to be different. Where things were simple, and I could pursue flirting with Asher while keeping my best friend.