Chapter 43
The warmth of the morning sun beat down on the sidewalk just outside the front door of my apartment. Xander grabbed at the little tray in front of him as I secured the buckle in his stroller. “Park time! Park time!” he squealed and kicked his feet.
“Hold on, bud.” I stood up and quickly locked the door. Adjusting the shade over Xander, I grabbed the handles and pushed the black stroller out from beneath the covered shade.
And froze.
A chill shivered down my spine as exhaustion swept away from amber eyes that stared directly at me. Seated on a bench that faced the entrance to my little apartment and my neighbors, was none other than Asher.
Asher was here. The very man who had plagued my dreams last night and kept me tossing and turning, unable to truly rest, was waiting outside for me. My heart hammered in my chest, unsure whether I should be excited or start building walls.
He slowly rose from the uncomfortable-looking wire seat and stuffed his hands in his pockets. I couldn’t help but smile at the familiar cut-off hoodie and matching black joggers he wore.
My brows pinched together as he cautiously inched closer and closer toward us.
Not because of worry, but confusion. He didn’t seem mad or upset anymore.
For a brief moment, grief swept across his face, tightening a few lines in his forehead as his gaze darted down to Xander, and then relief loosened the stiffness in his shoulders.
He tipped his chin up, and any unease about the danger that might be around me swept away.
On its own, my body transferred any need to keep my senses heightened to protect myself or my son to the man who pulled his hands from his pockets and quickened his pace, rapidly closing the distance between us.
“Asher,” I whispered, and he stopped beside me and the stroller.
A gentle, but cautious smile lifted on his lips. “Hey, Princess,” he quietly said.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I blurted out.
“Yesterday. It wasn’t like that at all. You hadn’t met Xander, and I didn’t want…
” My voice trailed off as my heart raced in my chest, pounding heavily against the brick wall that was cracking.
I hadn’t wanted the fact that he had a son to stop him in pursuing whatever his greatest desires were.
I hadn’t wanted to ruin his life. “I should’ve given you a choice when I found out that Xander was yours, but I didn’t want to hold you back, and I’m so sorry.
” His amber gaze slid to the little boy in the stroller who seemed completely oblivious to the conversation.
Xander grabbed a couple snacks from the tray in his little chubby hands and stuffed them in his mouth with a smile on his face.
Asher’s prominent brows stitched together as he studied the little boy.
My son. Our son. What was normally so easy for me to decipher, his thoughts seemed foreign as not a sound passed between us.
Morning doves cooed in the distance, and the sun rose an inch higher in the sky, beating down upon my skin.
But it wasn’t uncomfortable yet, and the purple compression tank top I wore helped keep any sweat at bay.
“How long have you been out here?” I hesitantly asked, breaking the silence.
He continued to watch the little boy. “I thought you had school this morning, and I wasn’t sure when you were going to be leaving, so I came around six. But I couldn’t bring myself to…” His voice trailed off, and he tipped his head to the side.
“I got a sub for the day. Xander’s daycare is still without power, and with everything that happened yesterday, I needed to take some time to myself.
” I scanned the mostly empty courtyard and found a few familiar figures lurking in the shadows, subtly watching our interaction.
It didn’t come as a surprise that Asher’s security was never too far away.
His chest expanded with a deep inhale, and then he slid his gaze back to me. “I don’t know how to be a dad,” he finally muttered. “And I missed his first two years, almost two and a half years of his life.”
I slowly nodded, swallowing the apprehensive bile rising in my throat. He was going to leave. He didn’t want this new responsibility after all…
“I just needed some time yesterday to—”
“To figure out what you wanted?” I inserted and sucked my bottom lip between my teeth, nervously chewing.
The hesitation in his eyes slipped away, and he shook his head. “No. That didn’t take me long to figure out.”
“Are you still mad at me?” I choked out, barely letting him finish his sentence.
A gentle chuckle rumbled in his chest. “No. I was never mad at you, more so at the fact that I lost out on the first couple years of my son’s life.
Then I was hurt. I needed to come to terms with that fact.
” He paused and took a cautious step closer toward me as I studied every line in his face and the flecks of black in the amber stone of his eyes.
Wait… Was he saying…?
“What…What are you trying to tell me?” I asked as the distance between us disappeared, and his hands brushed the frazzled hair too short to fit back in my ponytail away from my cheeks.
Warmth from his palms danced against my skin as he threaded his fingers around my ears and rested them against the sides of my head. (28)
Dark lashes fluttered down over his eyes for a brief moment, and then he tipped forward, and velvet pressed against my forehead. A silent gasp escaped my chest as he let his lips linger gently against me. His scent washed over me, engulfing me in the safety I’d desperately desired for so long.
I no longer needed him to tell me, and I wasn’t going to fight this.
What happened next would be up to Xander, and the nervous anticipation bubbled up once again in my throat.
Asher was a stranger to him, to us. How would he fit into this little life we’d been building?
Was he willing to join us, because Xander needed stability and a home, not life on the road.
Slowly, I stepped away and looked up, meeting Asher’s confused gaze. “Xander and I can’t do—”
“DUCK!” Xander suddenly shouted, and Asher immediately dropped his hands from my face.
We both glanced to the right and followed Xander’s little finger that tracked a few ducks through the sky.
“We go feed ducks! Feed ducks!” He kicked his feet and rocked back and forth in the stroller, attempting to get it moving.
Asher lifted his chin and strolled away from me. He knelt down beside Xander. “Is that where you and your mama are going this morning?”
“To park to feed ducks!” Xander squealed.
“Could I come with you guys?” Asher asked, his voice tender and sweet.
I stared through the little plastic window in the shade of the stroller, attempting to read Xander’s expression as he stared in Asher’s direction.
Silence followed Asher’s question, and the toddler remained still.
Then Xander’s little fingers flopped onto the tray, and he blindly searched for another Cheerio as he slowly nodded yes.
Asher stood with a smile and glanced back at me. Without another word, we began walking down the sidewalk toward the apartment complex park and small duck pond. The wheels of the stroller bumping over the cracks in the concrete were the only sound filling the empty morning air around us.
“I want us to be a family,” Asher said, breaking the stillness as we rounded a corner and a green plastic slide rose in front of us. A few kids giggled on the brown swings, and feet crunched over the woodchips layered beneath the brown and gray playset.
“I want you.” He glanced my way as I remained quiet and continued to stare straight forward.
“But I don’t think that’s the reason you’re quiet or saying you don’t want to leave here.
I’ve been pretty straightforward with that since finding you.
I fucking love everything about you. That never changed, even when you left.
Even when I found out about Xander. I never stopped loving you. ”
Continuing past the playset, we rounded another corner and slowly began the gradual descent toward a row of trees and bushes that hid away the quiet duck pond.
I remained silent as we followed the path into the shade and Xander squealed in excitement.
A couple ducks leisurely gliding across the glassy water quacked and swam faster away from the shoreline.
Asher took a large stride forward and tipped his head down near Xander. “We’ve got to be a little more quiet, or we’ll scare them away,” he softly said.
Xander simply looked at Asher for a moment but didn’t make a sound in response.
I filled my lungs and slowly exhaled. He was trying.
Asher was trying to break the ice with someone he should’ve known from the day the little guy was born.
Despite having every right to be mad at me, or upset, or frustrated, here he was, already putting in effort to begin having a relationship with his son. And with me.
I grabbed the baggie of seedless, cut grapes from the tray in front of me and walked over to Asher. “Here,” I quietly said and offered the food to him. His brows raised, a smile spread wide on his lips.
Asher grabbed the plastic bag from me, and I quickly slipped around him.
Xander grinned in glee and clapped his hands as I knelt down and unbuckled him.
“Asher here has the nummies for the ducks. Do you think you can show him how we feed the ducks?” I explained as I hoisted the toddler out of the stroller.
Xander’s brown eyes shot sideways at the tall man he’d only met this morning and then looked back at me. “I show him,” he cautiously replied.
“Thank you, buddy.” I smiled at him and tugged down his little black polo short-sleeved shirt to cover up his belly.
Xander’s feet plunked against the grass but he didn’t start waddling down toward the sandy edge of the pond.
Instead, he narrowed his eyes at Asher, who patiently stood without saying anything.